Thursday, April 23, 2020

Radically Random And Funny Tumblr Gems


It's just too enjoyable to explore the various rabbit holes of Tumblr. People are apt to come up with all kinds of strange fan theories, and make other bizarre and hilarious observations about the world as experience it, with enough time on their hands. Tumblr seems to be the home of many of these entertaining thoughts. We're still not over that recent thread about how Dwarves have intelligent super beards.

1.

Text - Wowest THROAT @flexii_finesse People who sleep with their phone on silent or dnd really don't give AF about nobody's life 11:48 AM · 8/28/19 · Twitter for iPhone mjalti look if you decide to have a problem after midnight, that's between you & God tbh trustmeimageographer I spent two minutes staring at this wondering how I could set my phone to Dungeons and Dragons

2.

Text - JP O @jpbrammer · 1h you can rid twitter of one forever: gentle reminder that *whispers* UNFRIENDLY REMINDER THAT louder for the people in- 6,018 votes · 22 hours 34 minutes left they are literally 3 years behind lastvalyrian My working theory is that all the people who said “tumblr is so annoying l'm moving to twitter" three years ago were actually the people who made tumblr so annoying and that's why twitter is like this now

3.

Text - charlesoberonn Horror literature is better than horror movies and games because authors can't use jump scares and are forced to actually unnerve you with their writing instead of relying on people's anxiety and expectations to be startled. charlesoberonn i-g-u catch me putting blank pages with "boo" written in invisible ink into my books

4.

Text - Secret cinema found beneath Paris. In September 2004, French police discovered a hidden chamber in the catacombs under Paris. It contained a full-sized movie screen, projection equipment, a bar, a pressure cooker for making couscous, a professionally installed electricity system, and at least three phone lines. Movies ranged from 1950s noir classics to recent thrillers. When the police returned three days later, the phone and power lines had been cut and there was a note on the floor: "Do

5.

Water - havocs physically im here but mentally im still thinking about that ceramic battle axe... havocs kronostherevanent Ceramic Battleaxe: Extremely powerful, but heavy and very fragile. Only good for one instant-kill hit, make it count.

6.

Product - sixpenceee Still fancy that cup of soup, now? keetongu yes because im fully aware that liquids start to solidify when you reduce their temperature you buffoon stephen I'm so confused as to what I'm supposed to find upsetting about this. Like I get it looks very industrial, but why is that bad? Did this person think that cans of soup were portals to artisan kitchens where teams of chefs hand prepare alphabet noodles? Is the fact that we live in a society which can deliver fully prepared

7.

Text - angrynerdyblogger: Once in high school my friend kicked her leg up and her shoe flew off and smashed into the ceiling with this huge BANG and the teacher whirled around and yelled “WHO DID THAT?" and my friend just stared at her as the ceiling tile fell and shattered on the floor between them and the shoe thumped down on top of it and my friend just went “that's not my shoe" while standing there with one shoe on

8.

Text - fandomsandfeminism Seriously. Let's say you have a badass job. A great job. You make $100 AN HOUR. You work 10 hours a day ($1000 A DAY), 5 days a week ($5000 a week!!!), every week ($20,000 A MONTH), thats $240,000 Every Year. It would take you 4,167 years to make a billion dollars. zeppelynne God dammit

9.

Text - pteapotdactyl The radio channel I listen to has a guy who does the traffic report every morning and he got so fed up of saying basically "theres no traffic because everyone is at home" that he started getting listeners to message him with the traffic that's in their home. like "in Steve's house in Surrey today theres a massive delay between the bedroom and the dining room table that is where Steve is working because the dog is lying in the doorway. the current recommended diversion is via

10.

Text - androidboy a few days ago i was walkin past a basketball court and a ball Flew at me and i 1) didn't flinch 2) caught the ball 3) threw it back at the guy 4) responded to his "thanks bro" with a nod it was like the ghost of some guy named chad took over me so i didn't like embarrass myself androidboy a bro talked to me today and it caught me v off guard but instead of my voice rising an octave it dropped an octave and i suddenly was effortlessly speaking Bro TM back to him. this resulted

11.

Text - screamingcrawfish my dad is drunk watching bob ross & nodding every few seconds going "interesting" and "that's a good way of thinking about it bob" screamingcrawfish update: my dad just sat up a little straighter and said "all RIGHT, some TREES"

12.

Text - 00000 T-Mobile 2:55 PM 43% aroacetechnology Follow thehobbutts i used to think green apple was a flavor invented by the candy industry like blue raspberry bc i had never seen a green apple before I just thought all apples were red and long story short when i realized i was red green colorblind it really fucked me up audreyjensensgirl there's also yellow apples thehobbutts now yall are just fuckin lying to me thehobbutts Anonymous said: red apples and green apples have p different flavours

13.

Text - A argumate there's a ton of shit you can get in life if you're willing to submit yourself to the mortifying horror of asking for it. physticuffs me: can i take this exam...a different time? prof: sure me, crying on the inside from the effort of asking: thanks!

14.

Text - REI tilthat TIL famous playwright Henrik Ibsen, after overhearing his nurse assure a visitor he was doing better, spluttered his last words, “On the contrary!" via reddit.com docincredible You ever die just to flex on a medical professional? #i'm laughing

15.

Text - napcaster-mage you ever just suddenly remember that linguini and remy can't communicate. linguini does not have some special ability to understand rats. he just fuckin. accepts that this weird rat wants to cook and can control him with his hair. he's just okay with that hatingongodot that's just what the french are like

16.

Text - Kellen @captainkalvis mcdonalds employee: please sir, get off the table me: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fries out on the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES aleshakills I know this is supposed to be a joke but I can't even laugh cause that's just how customers are

17.

Text - lesbianshepard Just heard a customer two aisles over go "Hey, I think this is that special glass that doesn't shatter when you drop it" followed by the sound of shattering glass. I hate retail. Source: lesbianshepard 50,164 notes

18.

Text - Cethan Leahy @CethanLeahy Me: oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires! Spooky shopkeeper: yes, I will warn you... every item comes with a price. Me: yes, I know how shops work kittydesade Spooky Shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay. Me: Yes, I know how US taxes work, too. del3141 Shopkeeper, increasingly exasperated: I'm trying to tell you that I'm evil and offering these wares with no regard for the harm they will do! Me, also increasingly exasperated:I know

19.

Text - pizzaotter: jodyrobots: if i were a nun I would wear heelies and glide everywhere just to fuck with people NO DONT DO THAT

20.

Text - corpish when i was a freshman our RA's name was Hunter but he was vegan so we ended up nicknaming him Gatherer and i still haven't gotten over that Imao thisiswhereipoststuffs During high school, some of us German students went on this exchange trip to Europe. One of the kids in our group was named Myles, and so we decided to call him Kilometers while we were staying in Europe

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