Tuesday, March 31, 2020

D&D Greentext Gems Mined From The Dungeons


These funny, absurd, and sometimes dark-humored tales from the world of D&D are a nice break from reality. In this fantasy world, people are pulling off all kinds of ridiculous stunts on one another. Do you really know someone until you play a game of D&D with them? Maybe not. If these left you wanting more delicious D&D content, check out these D&D memes.

1.

Green - >trying to teach a girl how D&D works >makes half-orc rogue >l'm loving the concept >first fight starts >Okay, DM. I spray the enemy with water! >What? You can't do that. >Why not? Aren't I half orca?

2.

Text - >evil campaign >girl joins the group with a warlock Isorcerer 62 KB PNG >has the beast speech invocation >oh cute she's going to being talking to all the animals >proceeds to exploit low beast ingelligence again and again >promises impossible payoffs and awful punishments in exchange for a near infinite army of familiars and spies >walking through a city >she casts delayed blast fireball on a piece of rations >DM describes how a bead of orange light forms around the piece >proceeds to mus

3.

Text - : Anonymous 03/23/20(Mon)06:10:10 No.71591141 As a GM, and a pretty damned fine one, I've banned martial classes from my table (5e) because they're so boring and useless. Level 1 wizard >l can move stuff with my mind! 88 KB JPG Level 1 fighter >hurrdurr I can hit with sword Level 20 wizard >can summon interplanar creatures and cause handfuls of dice of damage Level 20 fighter >hurr I hit it 3 times with my sword See the problem here? Players are not to bring martial classes to my table.

4.

Text - Anonymous 03/23/20(Mon)15:38:26 No.71598243 >>71591141 (OP) # >I am a Barbarian >I have the highest hit die in the game (2x that of the Wizard) >i have a natural armor that allows me to tank damage without wearing anything >i have the rage ability which not only gives me resistance to the most common damage types in the game (Slashing, Piercing, and Bludgeoning) but also gives me proficiency on every melee attack. (This increases as i get more powerful) > by level 2, i can sense traps and

5.

Text - : Anonymous 01/25/20(Sat)00:51:53 No.70645281 Got one. DM last night was a real dick. Had a puzzle where we had to guess a word. Clues were: -All of the letters of 2 colors of the rainbow plus 2 other letters. -Contains 4 of 5 vowels. -Number of letters equal to a prime number+1 and 2x a prime number. Word was conglomerative. >>70646229 # >>70646494 # >>70646498 # >>70650961 # >>70654029 # Anonymous 01/25/20(Sat)15:02:27 No.70654029 >>70645281 # If you need to write an algorithm to find a

6.

Text - Text - : Anonymous 01/25/20(Sat)06:33:27 No.70647918 >>70646625 # >Apparently the GM expected us to code a script to answer the riddle as a sort of "real life hacking" Nani the fuck? 2.54 MB GIF >>70647985 # Anonymous 01/25/20(Sat)06:40:55 No.70647985 >>70647918 # Hah I once had a DM set us a puzzle based on a bible passage. It was a locked room with no way out except the three teleporter doors. There were parts of a passage above each one of 3 doors. The clue was over the door we came in

7.

Text - Tell me about the time you outsmarted your DM. 35 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/08/20(Sat)15:54:18 No.70895390 I'll bite. >Be me, playing a Rogue in PF. >We are infiltrating the local Thieves Guild which is disguised as the Baker's Guild in our city. >Sneak and bluff our way to the head boss. >He tries to cut a deal with us, saying that he will make us rich if we poison his arch-rival in the city. >Arch-rival is our boss who sent us on this mission to begin with. >Evil boss man gives us a glass t

8.

Text - Text - : Anonymous 01/27/20(Mon)00:18:29 No.70678935 My DM has the biggest case of "Better off writing a novel/VN" because seriously, we have a single combat encounter roughly every 5 sessions, we're in session 48 and This Cannot. Ce have had less than 10 combat encounters total, only like 4 of which had any real stakes and the rest were just to appease us because we were complaining that we've had so little 205 KB PNG combat. My questions is HOW CAN WE IMPROVE THIS. What can I even say t

9.

Text - Text - >tfw your players actually engage with your story content >they say it was one of the most fun sessions so far I wish all DMs had players like mine. I try so hard to make things interesting and it seems like they actually enjoy it. Most of it has been combat so far, and I finally threw them into some heavy 17 KB JPG roleplay, and they ate it up. Player appreciation thread? : Anonymous 02/03/20(Mon)02:14:03 No.70802791 >>70802613 (OP) # >months long hiatus from the campaign cuz of b

10.

Text - I showed up late to the session so this is when my character comes in. >Be me again In my cart full of fruit gummies, beer, and elves skull 85 KB PNG >See three retards on the verge of dying >Apparently our barbarian got caught running into the giant web >I show up and try to use Speak with Animals and my 20 Charisma to convince the Giant Spiders to fuck off >Spiders don't seem to want to travel 2 miles to go eat an elf village that doesn't exist >Proceed to snipe spiders with my bow >mfw

11.

Text - Tale as old as time >Introducing four brand new players to the world of D&D. >Simple level one tasks. >Inkeeper asks if the party can help him with a huge rat problem in his basement. >Party spends a couple minutes gathering necessary supplies the trap all the rats >Into basement cellar >Not dozens of regular rats. >One huge rat big enough to eat a player character. I do this same joke to every poor bastard that plays their first game with me. Every time.

12.

Text - How many hints does the DM of your group give out? : Anonymous 01/20/20(Mon)12:29:27 No.70565743 >>70565695 (OP) # He has to give out tons, all the players are brainlets and have problems with the most simple of logic puzzles, there is nothing more frustrating then having people TALK about doing something for HALF A FUCKING HOUR without trying anything. And they spend this time convincing themselves of shit that they have no evidence for! ITS INCREDIBLE I am the DM btw. >>70565788 # >>705

13.

Text - Text - : Anonymous 02/28/20(Fri)08:52:25 No.71211840 >Your party is forced into eating at a vegan lunch What do? 30 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/28/20(Fri)14:10:14 No.71215804 >>71211840 (OP) # > my Dragonborn fighter looks at his plate with disdaine > he decides to pick it up and throw it on the ground > he yells at the host, "DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING IGUANA TO YOU!?!" > host falls speechless > my party begins to glare at me > the bard pipes up with "i mean, kinda"

14.

Text - : Anonymous 09/12/19(Thu)15:10:31 No.68314920 One sunny day as your party strolls towards the next village, you are stopped suddenly by the Salamancer. Arms wide to appear more intimidating (or perhaps to just be noticed), he catches your attention and offers you a great fortune of one copper piece to journey through the Ever-Ending Bog seal away his nemesis, the Newtromancer. 243 KB PNG Do you accept?

15.

Text - : Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)10:50:05 No.6946514 >Enemy uses some charm thing on me >Inform DM that as a devotion paladin I'm immune to charm >"oh uh this one ignores your immunity, make a wis save" >Roll a 23 >"You failed" Fun times >>69465210 # >>69465223 # >>69465258 # : Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)10:52:46 No.6946519 >>69465228 # >>69465274 # : Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)10:54:05 No.6946521 >>69465146 # Your DM is an asshole.

16.

Text - : Anonymous 05/14/19(Tue)09:13:02 No.66220184 >>66220122 # >end up being the "leader" because I'm usually the one who remembers what we should be doing next >to the point where people start complaining 16 KB JPG >decide to pull back and start asking other people at random what we should do next >"Why are you asking me?" >>66220261 # Anonymous05/14/19(Tue)09:22:24 No.66220261 9 No.66220207 >>66220184 # Every single time. everyone

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