Saturday, September 5, 2020

Totally Terrific, Funny, And Random Tumblr Gems


We'll never grow tired of the random and strange gems from the brilliant minds of the Tumblr world. Tumblr users are always hatching up new facts, fan theories, and other fun observations that make passing the time thoroughly enjoyable. Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this thread about how Darth Vader is the queen of drama.

1.

Text - maximum-overboner Follow in primary school we had a creative writing assignment where we had to 'write about a character in a new, strange situation!' and i wrote about a squid that was somehow teleported from the ocean to the forest floor and slowly choked to death for two pages and i'll never quite forget my teacher's face because it turns out she wanted 'this new school is scary, i hope i make friends!' and not a graphic description of a squid dying bunjywunjy Follow well that's just t

2.

Text - TIL our walking speed is affected by whom we're with: men's pace slows down by an average of 7% when walking w/ female partners they're interested in; women walking together move the slowest; & men walking w/ male friends moved at speeds faster than either man's preferred walking speed. via reddit.com nextvisibledelicious just zoomin around with the lads ed-longshanks scientifically proven hoes just slow u down

3.

Roof - thestuffedalligator It's not autumn until you bring out the family trebuchet. thestuffedalligator I regret to announce that the family trebuchet has been retired following an incident wherein the trebuchet lobbed a pumpkin backwards, taking out a truck window, before self dest the counterweight swung into one of the support legs, shattering it instantly ting when thestuffedalligator I am delighted to announce that my dad has begun work on a new trebuchet Source: thestuffedalligator

4.

Text - ainaraoftime bus drivers who re-open their doors when they see someone running towards the stop are neutral good. any other kind of bus driver is automatically lawful evil soaringsparrows chaotic evil: the bus driver who saw me running to the stop and waited until i was at the door to close it and drive away

5.

Text - 43501 Time to bring back my husband's legendary bus story: Taking public transport for the first time in over two months, I made my way to the stop five minutes early. On my way there, I spotted my bus which also happened to be early (the chances ikr) and frantically waved for it to wait for me. which it did, up until I tried to board. I took a bit of time crossing the road because of some confused traffic and when I finally made it, the driver slammed the doors shut in my face and took o

6.

Text - Determined to catch the bus which rused me, seemingly on purpose, I took chase, but it quickly became evident that I could not outrun something that wasn't made of flesh and bone. Defeated, I crawled back to the bus stop and sat down, resigned to my fate of waiting another 45 minutes. Then, not one, but two cars (with people inside) pulled up and told me about how they'd seen my valiant effort and offered to chase that bus down for me. The first I politely declined, but the second man fel

7.

Text - alexiorsay ppl are always like "no game is perfect you can't please EVERYbody" but when was the last time you heard a motherfucker complain about portal z-nogyrop should have contained more portals. i was disappointed by the number of portals nonbinarist zi hate to break this to you but you as the player are always in direct control of the amount of portals

8.

Text - koobaxion here's a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people. dunkstein Counterpoint: monkey instinct says uncovering secret bounty from colorful shell good as fuck

9.

Text - RE tilthat TIL Frogs can be hypnotized by laying them on their back and stroking their stomach. Snails can sleep up to 3 years and 3% of Ice in Antarctic glaciers is just Penguin urine. via reddit.com sirobvious This guy is hogging all the facts eliteknightcats no. it's all connected

10.

Technology - laughingsquid The HUMMbucker Electric Kazoo, A Screeching Kazoo That Plugs Into an Amplifier moonlandingwasfaked this is proof God exists and loves us

11.

Text - bugboychampion Follow im gonna remove my nervous system so i wont be nervous anymore.cant believe what a good idea this is why did no one else do this #cmon and slam and welcome to the space queque 64,341 notes >

12.

Text - robotsatthedisco: awolfbeneath: themathmusician: just-shower-thoughts: When Americans talk about the day they declared independence from Great Britain, the don't say the actual date the American way (July 4th), they say it the British way (4th of July) WHAT THE I can't tell you how many times laughed at this, but it's a lot

13.

Text - dogpetter420 How tf California in a dtougbt There's water to the left of y'all Like Go get it. It's always been there. handsssalloverr you know how hard it is to take saltwater and make it drinkable? Not that simple dogpetter420 Why ont you start with removing the salt from ya attitude Source: dogpetter420 279,014 notes

14.

Food - Things I know my dad can cook 1. Macaroni 2. A surprisingly kickass omelette chefpyro Apparently my dad has lied to me about what an omelette is for fucking years. intjint You dad may not know words, but he sure can cook a mean egg pizza

15.

Text - voldemortandco: zubat: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family. are you canadian

16.

Text - sodiumforsaltytimes Idk why but this hit me really hard and I've been staring at it for a couple minutes. ethuil meanwhileinfillory "You say 'amateur' as if it was a dirty word. 'Amateur' comes from the Latin word 'amare', which means to love. To do things for the love of it." Mozart in the Jungle

17.

Text - heartshapedbasil Follow your man doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions maplebungus Follow your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions hozey-nevergoingtochurch Follow Who's fucking carmelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist? fuckdamn Follow do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions Source: heartshapedbasil

18.

Text - * Ingenium people shouldn't have to pimp themselves off to the military to afford college wtf dishwasher-in-a-suit They don't...lol autistic-dave-strider actually almost every teacher i've ever had has suggested joining the military because they'll pay for college and almost half of my class is either doing it or considering it but i hope that rock you live under has air conditioning

19.

Text - stunningpicture: Failed panoramic. define failed dude the dream is collapsing

20.

Text - owlmylove: bedabug: making a new password like me: beefstew computer: sorry password not stroganoff oh my god *slowclap*

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