Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Dumbest Things People Have Overheard


Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the stupidest things that people have ever overheard in public. You never know what kind of mindless jargon you might overhear while out and about. We're pretty sure that context wouldn't even be enough for making sense of some of these. 

1.

Text - Ezzinie • 1y A customer at a restaurant, after asking for a vegan menu and staring at it for 10 minutes asking; 'Why dont you have any chicken dishes on the menu?" Followed up with 'What animal is a ham?' 3.6k

2.

Text - kingofthelostboys • 1y My mom has brought this up to me a few times over the years. Me. 4 years old. At the grocery store. Asked the man in front of us why he was black. He laughed and asked me why I was white. I said I don't know and he said he didn't either. And that. Is why racism is dumb. I also asked an old man why he had so much earwax ( it was a hearing aid ) 450 ...

3.

Text - mycatsnameisrosie • 1y I grew up on a cattle farm. A woman about 15 years older than me (I was 16) asked me "after you cut off the meat from the cow, how long until it grows back so you can cut more?" | wish so badly that she was fucking with me. She was not. 4.5k ...

4.

Text - quickpeek81 • 1y During my stint in hospitality: is that the ocean? I wanted ocean view - it looks like a lake. (Nope that is the Pacific Ocean but hey take a big drink if your not sure) • guest called down at midnight annoyed as hell - demanded we turn off the fog horn. While she found it nice for ambiance during dinner now at 2 am it's annoying. (Sure we can. Just don't mind the giant tanker that may or may not crash into your room) can you hold the sunset tonight? I need good pictures

5.

Text - TurtleBucketList • 1y Teenager 1: "We have an exchange student in our class from Brazil!" Teenager 2: "Where's Brazil?" Teenager 1: "I don't know, I think it's a small country in Africa somewhere. She speaks Portuguese." Teenager 2: "Why?" Teenager 1: "I don't know, I think they just like it." 1.7k ...

6.

Text - littlewolf3 • 1y 3 1 Award Him: "I'm vegan but I still eat chicken and turkey. So can I get the Cuban (a sandwich with pulled pork and ham) made with turkey instead of the ham?" Me: Sure, so do you want me to take the pulled pork off? Or make it with double turkey? Him: No leave that on. Me: visible confusion okay?.. He comes back later with his lady all mad saying he wants a new sandwich because he didn't know pulled pork was from pig and he doesn't eat pig because he's vegan. I also for

7.

Text - nursep94 • 1y I am an ER nurse, so I ask a lot about medical history and current meds. Me: What medical problems do you have? Patient: None. Ме: Do you take any prescription or over the counter meds on a daily basis? Patient: Yes, my blood pressure pill and lasix. Me: ...So you have high blood pressure and heart failure? Patient: No I don't. Me: So what are the medications for? Patient: My blood pressure and heart failure, duh. 1.7k ...

8.

Text - coturnixxx • 1y Was leaving the theater after having watched Fellowship of the Ring, overheard a guy tell his friend "I don't get it, how come it ended just like that?" and the friend replied "Tolkien wrote the 3rd already but he's still working on the second." 3.1k ...

9.

Text - themage1028 • 1y S 1 Award During a power cut, I lost faith in my entire family: My 8 year old: Dad, can I watch TV? Me: The power's out. My wife: But you could use the laptop to watch Netflix until the battery goes. Me: Darling, the power's out. Wife: That's why he has to use the laptop. Me: But we have no internet while the power is out. Wife: Internet comes over cable, not the power lines. Me: The modem that brings us internet is plugged into the wall outlet... The powerless wall outle

10.

Text - SumKallMeTIM • 1y Saw Avatar in the theater and as everyone was walking out, a random lady we passed said, out loud, and very seriously, "I wish real life was in 3D". Never have I laughed so hard inside 1 4.1k ...

11.

Text - brtrobs • 1y 3 2 Awards "Chickens are not animals, they shit eggs" Said a friend who was trying to explain how she can eat poultry AND be vegan at the same time. Edit for the people who want to give her the benefit of the doubt: this woman is 24 years old today and I've known her for 10 years(we went to high school together). I once had to convince this woman that she is in fact 22, not 21. She thought she was 21 and it took me and a team of 4 other people and her ID to prove to her mathe

12.

Text - DragoneerFA • 1y S 2 Awards "Pigs dont have blood." My coworker trying to explain his belief that pigs dont have a heart, blood, or veins which is why they're "white meat". 46.5k ...

13.

Text - jfrawley28 • 1y 1 Award Her: Ivory comes from elephants, ebony comes from rhinoceroses. Me: Ebony is a type of wood. Her: God, you're a dumbass. Me: Edit: Just so there is no confusion, NOT my s/o. 12.4k ...

14.

Text - Avbitten • 1y 1 Award "Where are your extra medium dog sweaters?" 10.4k ...

15.

Text - valerianthegreat • 1y Two grandma's talking in France. Well, there is definitely more wind eversince the fall of the Berlin wall. They were dead serious... I heard that as a kid and I still laugh at it. 8.7k ...

16.

Text - soaklord • 1y Shortly after 9/11 my wife and I were in the UK. On the way home, the customs officer at the airport was dead serious. Officer: are you a US citizen? Wife: Yes. Officer: it says here you were born in New Mexico. So when did you become a US Citizen? Wife: At birth. New Mexico is in the US. Officer: no it isn't. It's in Mexico. That's why it has Mexico in the name. Umm... 12.6k ...

17.

Text - Vrathal • 1y 3 1 Award "Phones don't run on electricity, they run on batteries." -said in that condescending "Ugh, this is so obvious" voice 46.0k ...

18.

Text - oh-my • 1y S 1 Award There is a starlet in my country who's famous - I don't know - for being famous I guess. Here are some of best-ofs (translated): "I would bulldoze down church of St. Donat (built in 9th century) and build an older one" "Greetings to my parents, especially mom and dad!" "I'd love to have more self-confidence in other people" • "I'm always included in mobbing. I have five mobile phones!" She never ceases to amaze.

19.

Text - SirThunderfalcon • 1y 3 1 Award Travelling back from Berlin to the UK, I was sat next to a couple whose conversation had me wondering if I was being secretly recorded... Woman to her husband, " I wish we had managed to get to the beach and the seaside in Berlin, it looks so lovely from up here..." .. "Do you think we'll go over the channel on the way home. I'd prefer to go around and travel over land all the way..." ... " Is this Snowdon we're going over now?" (We're descending into Manch

20.

Text - ron4040 • 1y Went on a date and was trying get to know this girl. Me: what kind of food is your favorite? Girl: uhm.. I really like Australian food. Me: haha yeah like throw another shrimp on the barby haha.. Girl: no like real Australian food like they have at the Outback. Girl genuinely thought the restaurant the Outback Steakhouse was Australian food. 976 ...

21.

Text - Uckster • 1y 3 1 Award Maybe haven't heard but the first time I purchased a coffee at a Starbucks the Barista asked me if I wanted it HOT or COLD. I said, Whats the Difference. She looked and me and just said, HOT... Or Cold...

22.

Text - Lord-AG • 1y 3 1 Award I heard two girls talking about baking when one said she wanted to try baking a bread at home but she didn't know how to make the crust of the bread. She also said she was thinking about baking the crust only because she liked it more than the rest of the bread. She truly thought that the crust was made separately. 24.9k ...

23.

Text - Busteray • 1y "I got 400 days absence in a year but still passed" Highschool friend dropped this when we were measuring dicks on how we got away with things Edit: We were in the metro and some white collars around us woke up from their autopilot mode and noticably laughed.

24.

Text - FultonHomes • 1y I've probably heard worse at some point but I remember sitting in a Starbucks on campus and this girl was telling this guy about her trip to Italy and at one point the guy goes "So where do you want to go next?" and she says "I've never been to Europe before so hopefully that." lol 39.5k ...

25.

Text - fearlessfoo49• 1y Girl: "Do fish sleep?" Me: "Of course they do" Her: "I yeah, they sleep in Finding Nemo, so they must do" Me: "That's a cartoon...." Her (Defensively): "Yeah but it's based on a true story!" 3.5k ...

26.

Text - FilthyCasual_AF • 1y S 1 Award Question: "a recent poll shows that 1/5 of Americans can't locate the U.S on a world map, why do you think this is?" Answer: "I personally believe that U.S Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here and the U.S should help the U.S and should help South Africa a

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