Thursday, July 30, 2020

Bad Life Pro Tips With Zero Shame


Ah, yes, some wonderful, intentionally terrible life pro tips. Just the kind of life hacks that could end up getting you in some very hot water. Or, the kind of hacks that nobody with a half decent conscience could actually use. That being said, they are ridiculous and it does make one wonder, if there is some shameless scoundrel out there getting a leg up on life by using the shortcuts that nobody with a moral compass would dare use. 

1.

Text - hawk @hawktherapper if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points 4/20/14, 4:59 PM

2.

Text - Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe Tinder is for rookies. Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

3.

Text - 27 You Retweeted Health Badvice @BadHealthAdvice Remember: taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger decreases the amount of calories consumed

4.

Text - 17 Floyd Retweeted TM @Twisted_Mettle If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

5.

Text - Lord Sugar @Lord_Sugar I have been asked by a lot of people how I made my fortune Well , I bought car aerials for £1, sold them for £1.20. Went on and bought more sold them and bought even more and sold them and so on.. .Then my uncle died and left me £500m 1:56 am · 24 Nov 18 2,109 Retweets 16K Likes Tweet your reply

6.

Text - name ur daughter lizard then give her the nickname Liz and people will b like oh that's short for Elizabeth? and she'l| be like no my name is lizard

7.

Text - BLING BLING BOY @chomikkkk got my own house at 17 ll T-Mobile ? 11:38 PM 8% M Mom iMessage Today 8:21 PM hey mom im going to live by myself Great Today 11:38 PM your bags are on the driveway Delivered

8.

Text - Tweet Peché Africa and 2 others liked KE SHARP @danielmarven Tomorrow Just wake up, wear your formal clothes, go to any company and start working. If they call the police, go to the police station and start working there too. We're tired of sending CVs

9.

Text - jef @gothJudyHopps oh that's your girl?? Imaooo then why did she just give me her number and insurance information after i hit her car in the parking lot of applebee's

10.

Text - ARISTHOTLE @venusianbabie Y'all are so dumb cooking ur food at 350° for 40 min when u could just do the math and cook it at 14,000° for one minute. 3:43 AM · 17 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone

11.

Text - bad boy @badboychadhoy my credit score is low but it's because l want to protect myself from identity theft. no one can take out a mortgage in my name if I can't even take out a mortgage in my name.

12.

Text - joshmosh @diss_guy_ My dad told my sisters new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out when she dumped him. I'm still cracking up. <>

13.

Text - Gret¢hen @wokkax3 Don't ever be sad on a Saturday. Wait till Monday. You fucking cry on the clock. Don't let capitalism win.

14.

Text - Life hack: have packages delivered to your work so they don't get stolen off your porch KTICLE NC READIT CUATITE &POS LE 15S 让 購 REALROCK SHOTS ARTICLE NO: READ17 REALISTIC COCK 9-WITH SCROTUM COLOR: BLK/SKN

15.

Mason jar - Take an item that is about to expire and place it into another container without an expiration date to make it last forever! 3484

16.

Text - Health Badvice @BadHealthAdvice Protein is a necessity. Know what has protein? Double bacon cheeseburgers. Know what doesn't have protein? Stupid fucking apples.

17.

Text - Roxi Horror @roxiqt I don't know if anyone else gets anxious about phone calls but a little tip l've learned is: if there is a phone call that I don't want to make, before I start dialing the number, I carefully hold the phone in my hand & toss it gently into a lake. I hope this advice helps others. 7:41 PM · 6/25/20 · TweetDeck

18.

Text - Dr Badvice @BadHealthAdvice Pro tip: Wash your hands many times in a row so you won't have to later 1:54 PM · 4/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

19.

Text - B'casso @_lifeonthemoon 1. Copy the WHOLE job description. Paste it at the end of your resume. 2. Change the letters to white so they blend w/ the page 3. Save as pdf so they can't go in and see what you did Now your name is lighting up on the recruiter's list cuz your resume got all the key words pauly! pauli! paulé! @Thmpsn Y'all got any tips on applying for jobs?

20.

Product - "My wife's calculator wasn't working due to a lack of light so I told her to use her phone. This was not what I was expecting."

21.

Text - Bread Savage @papasuncle Spice up any Facebook comment with random quotation marks. "Congrats" on your baby. Congrats on "your" baby. Congrats on your "baby".

22.

Text - Earl Dibbles Jr @EarlDibblesJr Life's short. Buy the truck, miss this months rent, lose your job, get evicted, lose your friends, ruin your life. Treat yourself.

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