Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Man Tries To Control Girlfriend's Money


Sounds like there could be quite a bit of selfish entitlement at play in this relationship, as it has been described. The guy offered to fund his girlfriend's living requirements, so that she could work on paying off her debt as soon as possible. However, she decided to take this and basically use those privileges to continue living in whatever way suited her fancy. 

And most importantly, not in the way that she agreed upon with her partner. Money is a tricky thing, and it looks like there's one person who is potentially leeching off the other person, through being strategically deceptive. Maybe this relationship isn't meant to be. Who knows? 

1.

Text - r/AmltheAsshole + JOIN u/SuccessfulQuail1 • 11h AITA for "trying to control" my gf's money? I, 29, hate debt. It's nothing but a weight around your ankles to keep you from moving ahead with your life. I was lucky enough to get scholarships for most of college, and paid off the loans I did have to get ASAP. I did go ahead and buy a new car for the increased safety features, but only have a few thousand left on that loan, because again, aggressive paying it off. I just bought a house becaus

2.

Text - My gf, 29, on the other hand, has a ton of debt, and doesn't really care. She has student loans, her car, and her credit card, and is making the bare minimum payments so she has extra money to play with each month. Because I do love her, and could theoretically see myself spending my life with her, I made her a deal - she could live in my house, rent, grocery, and utility free, until her debts were all paid off. With her salary, it would take her about 1.5 years to pay it all off if put t

3.

Text - dressed, since it's been a few months and she should have been able to pay off at least the smallest loan in full, and it turns out she just stopped paying everything! Let everything go into default, since "You'll just pay it when we're married." I then made it very clear that we werent getting married anytime soon, not until her debt was gone, and she knows my stance on keeping long term debt. This upset her, she started yelling at me, and I made it very clear she had three options - fol

4.

Text - The last few hours, however, her entire family's called, our mutual friends have called, everyone's called to put in their two cents on how I was being too controlling with her money. I see it as her being a freeloader, especially since she knows my anxieties around being in large amounts of debt (parents lost everything in '08, we were homeless for a year, I refuse to do that again). AITA here? Edit: Thanks for the silver, whoever you are! And damn, this blew up. I posted right before I

5.

Text - Grizzledumps • 10h Better deal with this shit now. I am getting a DIVORCE for similar reasons. Luckily she is taking all her debt with her bit that might not be the case for you when this inevitably blows up in your face. NTA

6.

Text - lemonhead2345 • 11h • Asshole Enthusiast [9] I was fully prepared to say you were TA based on the title, but NTA. You gave her an option, and she accepted the deal. If she can't handle that arrangement then she should have turned it down. You are not the asshole for upholding the stipulations of arrangement. Cannot believe she just let them go into default. She is definitely TA.

7.

Text - vomitousleech • 11h • Asshole Enthusiast [7] NTA and Yike. I'd reconsider that whole marriage thing.

8.

Text - FocusAndrew • 9h From someone who just got divorced from a woman who used me as a meal ticket and free ride... quit while you are ahead. My ex used to run up debt, over time, she be came more secretive, she had store cards, credit cards, you name it. It used to cause her massive anxiety and arguments between us and when challenged she accused me of being controlling. I could never understand why no matter how much I earn there never seemed enough to fund the household. Turns out she was c

9.

Text - bigboobieschileummm • 11h NTA. this is crazy, i forgot gold digging was real. major red flag.

10.

Text - Hufflestitchnplay • 10h • Asshole Enthusiast [6] That isn't controlling. That is maturely coming up with a decent plan, pay off debts, be financially secure. She had a sweet deal. I got down to the "pay it for me" but and in my head I screamed RUUUUUNNNN. You gave her options, she could have said "no thanks" and been honest. She wasn't. I hate debt too. My husband and I have 0 credit cards, only loans for house, car and motorbike (motorbike is now paid off, car should be soon too). We alw

11.

Text - raghanmae • 11h NTA. You're offering her a hell of a deal and not just in the structure of the agreement, but in the financial responsibility you have in your head to offer yourself and her. You're securing a strong future by being aggressive and responsible with money and paying back debts, and she's just along for the ride. Even if you were being controlling with "her money," she's still super wrong for how she approached the situation by assuming you'll just pay everything off for her

12.

Text - invomitous-rex • 11h • Partassipant [1] NTA! Damn when I read the title I was all geared up to slap the asshole label right on ya but no way are you in the wrong here. Please don't even think about marrying this woman...

13.

Text - CannibalsGetMoreHead • 11h NTA. She agreed to a plan to get out of debt and chucked it out the window with the expectation you'll pay it all off after a wedding that isn't happening any time soon. Many people would be thanking their lucky stars to be able to pay off debt under the circumstances you've stated. And she took advantage of it. Id reassess moving forward with the relationship, not just because you two have such different ideas on finances. But also because she seems to think th

14.

Text - impetuousmoon • 11h NTA. It seems as if you both have a very different approach to money management, which would only cause issues again and again in the future. I'm sorry that you love her and it's not working out.

15.

Text - GrizzlyMommaMT • 11h • Asshole Aficionado [11] NTA. You had an agreement she broke it. End of story.

16.

Text - travellingdink • 11h • Asshole Enthusiast [8] NTA. As if she thinks that you'll pay for her current expenses AND her past debt. So she can just live it up while you take care of all the financial responsibilities? She lucky you even gave her a choice. I would have kicked her out and ended it right there. This is your future. You both obviously have very different expectations around who will be responsible for what. Values around money are usually deeply ingrained and she's planning a lif

17.

Text - goallIIIllourg • 11h • Partassipant [1] NTA you had an agreement you didn't force her into it and she went behind your back and broke it if she didn't want to pay off the debt and continued to live how she was she should have said from the beginning. It seems like she just heard free place to live and didn't give the rest much thought.

18.

Text - nctm96 • 9h Are you freaking kidding me. As someone with a boatload of student debt, this is the dream deal. Not only would I accept this deal with the most amount of gratitude possible, I would be doing all the cooking and cleaning and everything else for the duration of time l'm living in YOUR house BILL FREE as a THANK YOU because you DESERVE IT. omg I'm so mad rn. Please please please kick her out and don't look back. She's shown herself to be selfish, reckless, and irresponsible, and

19.

Text - hacarroll • 11h • Partassipant [2] NTA - you didnt force her to make the agreement and your not there to fund her lifestyle or pay her debt. She lied to you and took your support under false pretences. The whole thing is a red flag. Get out now before its to late.

20.

Text - thelastgarlicbread • 11h NTA She agreed to the deal and then lied about it so she could be a freeloader and then just ASSUMED you'd be ok with it and also pay her debts afterward. Yea hell no. Honestly you gave her pretty good deal and she fucked up. It's pretty convenient that she thinks you controlling right after you stop funding her. Yea NTA.

21.

Text - Ollie_V9977 • 10h NTA thats an amazing deal you offered her to fast track her way to a debt free life, I would be over the moon to have a way to do that. I dont know why in the world she thinks you would pay off her debt, absolutely ridiculous.

22.

Text - howaboutnope • 10h NTA I'd be so thrilled to have a partner willing to help me figure out my finances, let alone let me live with them for free while I paid off my debt! All my money would have been thrown at that debt to get it down asap. I have a mortgage, a personal loan, and 2 credit cards by myself. I'm trying so hard to pay them all down. It's too easy to get into more debt rather than pay off the debt I've already got. But I refuse. I'm currently ahead on all payments, and making s

23.

Text - Pretenditsaseed • 9h NTA, I do not understand the entitlement she must feel to think she doesn't have to pay her own debt because you will just pay it. You are not telling her what she can and can't buy or spend. You are literally trying to help her in a very generous way. You should really consider suggesting that before living together, much less marrying her, that you should both see a financial advisor maybe also a therapist. My ex husband was bad with money, all 10 years we were toge

24.

Text - dont-stare-case • 9h NTA. 50% of marriages end in divorce and being misaligned on $$ values is a top cause of splits. Consider yourself lucky that the CLEAR before you went and had a kid, consigned a mortgage, etc. together. were CRYSTAL You're young, life is long and full of possibilities. Good ones for those who keep their eyes open.

25.

Text - fauxpasguy1234 • 6h NTA You're not the asshole at all but you are naive to think a marriage between you 2 would stand a snowball in hell's chance of succeeding. You have fundamentally different outlooks on finances. You choose to be an adult while she apparently takes her inspiration from a small entitled child. She's almost 30 dude... Do the smart thing and cut your losses now because doubt she is going to change anytime soon.

26.

Text - ceridwen04 •6h NTA. "You'll just pay it when we're married." Why are you still together? She knows how you feel about it, she agreed on your terms, and then she just does this. How can you trust her to have consideration for you, to be truthful to you? You are trying to control your gf money? She decided to stop paying because you will. Who's the controlling one? You were being honest and upfront with it and helpful. She just expected it

27.

Text - justlookingrn • 9h NTA. Please run faaaaar away. You deserve better.

28.

Text - sailor_bat_90 • 5h NTA She sees you as an ATM. Run. Or block at this point. Damn what a deal you gave her. I wish I could get a deal like that, just work a lot for a year or 2 straight and all my debts would have been paid off with some extra money left over.

29.

Text - Talkative0782•4h NTA...I first want to say that I am sorry because you seem like you really love her. You gave her the opportunity to change her bad habits but unfortunately she decided that shopping and pissing her money away is more important to her than your relationship. As someone who loves shopping and is married to someone who is frugal this will never change unless she drastically changes her habits. Money is the biggest thing people fight over. If she can't get her shit together

30.

Text - meatball77 • 4h • Partassipant [1] NTA She lied to you about something you find important with the intent of taking advantage of you. It's not any different than if she's cheated on you.

31.

Text - LittleCurie • 4h NTA at all. Your offer is so damn generous. You had totally understandable and realistic expectations of her. She decided to be a leech instead. Speaking in simple biology terms: parasites never do you any good. She's draining you and doesn't even feel ashamed. That's disgusting behaviour, get rid of her now, before you invest more info someone who sees you as her personal bank and financial safety net.

32.

Text - BlackRose2297 • 3h NTA, I see it more as you trying to help her with her finances, heck u even told her to live with you rent and utilities free. Her and her whole family sounds entitled. Also seems like she sees you more like someone who will pay her debts rather than a partner.

33.

Text - Miles_Playz_on_YT • 9h NTA You aren't a bank, she showed her true colors and when you confronted her about not only basic common sense, but part of the deal you agreed on and she said "You'll pay it when we're married" bruh RUN change your number lock your door. Also kudos to you being basically debt free

34.

Text - _always_sunny_ • 9h • Partassipant [1] 100% NTA. Most people are never given any support to get out of debt, let alone completely rent free without any expenses for groceries and bills. As someone who works full time while doing a postgraduate, the sheer entitlement and selfishness of the OP's girlfriend hits hard. The majority of my wage goes to rent and university fees. If I even had a month rent free to put a bit more aside into my student payments, I think I would cry. Your girlfriend

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