Sunday, April 19, 2020

Weird Flexes Parents Have Seen From Their Kids


Parents are describing those "weird flex, but okay" moments they've had from their kids. Kids do all kinds of strange, dumb, and generally unexplainable stuff. The silliness is real. 

1.

Text - THSSFC • 251d 3 1 Award When my kids was potty training, he was in a phase where he loved temporary tattoos. We used tattoos as a reward for a successful potty trip. He got so he was covered on both arms, back and chest. We didn't think much of it, living in Seattle, until one summer day we took him to the wading pool. For one of the first times in public, we took his shirt off, and he strode out into the pool with his toddler abs, and Thomas the tank train shorts, looking like he had jus

2.

Text - dark_star • 251d While leaving a family gathering, my cousin asked my little boy for a fist bump. My child refused, cousin said 'come on, why no fist bump?' My kid, 5 at the time, looks him straight in the eye and says 'I don't want to break every bone in your arm'.

3.

Text - Gatorphan • 251d My 7 y/o daughter didn't want our houseguests to go in her room because that might see her awards (good grades, tae kwon doe belts). She worried they would think she was famous.

4.

Text - NobodyBallad • 251d My oldest told me she used to control me from the inside when she was in my tummy.

5.

Text - zapv01 • 251d My son was at a well child check up and when asked about his eating habits he told her "I think i eat too many vegetables "

6.

Text - andante528• 251d "There are lots of members of our family tree, and I'm probably the prettiest one, don't you think?" - my daughter (to me), age 7 She is an identical twin, so kind of a weird flex.

7.

Text - kimberac43 • 251d My 8 year old son's doctor was trying to make him comfortable during an EKG by telling him he had to leave his ear with the doctor. They went back and forth for a while and finally the doctor said he would trade him the ear for a lollipop. My son said he would not give up his ear but wanted the lollipop. The doctor said, "What! That is not a fair trade. What will you give me for the lollipop?" My son answered dead serious, "I get the lollipop and you get my respect."

8.

Text - mikhela • 251d Not a parent, but I teach swimming lessons. This one 5 year old first day of lessons was like, "I'm not very good at kicking." So I said, "That's okay. Nobody is perfect at everything." Dead serious he just goes, "No, I'm perfect at everything."

9.

Text - frankiesaypanic • 251d 3 1 Award Tonight my 3-year-old stopped midway up the stairs and turned slowly to me and said, "Mom. Earlier. While you were out. I. Put. On. My. Pants. All. By. My. Self. ". I have no idea why he emphasized every word, but then he smirked and turned and kept climbing the stairs. Big day. The kid is really going places.

10.

Text - elquesogrande • 251d 2 Awards My son let out a high-pitched screech while playing a video game. Told him "Dude. Knock it off." A few seconds later I heard him whisper "...it's my battle cry."

11.

Text - sparksparksparkle • 251d 3 5 Awards My 5 year-old son woke up with his voice hoarse from a cold. Me: oh, you've got a cold. Him, solemnly: no, I think i'm a man now. 15.0k

12.

Text - xJeffmanx • 251d 3 1 Award Not my kid - but a friend of mine was trying to teach his daughter to pick up her toys when she was younger. When she didn't do it one time, he told her he was going to throw away everything that was still on the floor. She picked them up and put them in the trash can for him.

13.

Text - bthompson04 • 251d I was playing cops and robbers with my son and my niece (both about three at the time). They put me in the jail (the sofa) and proceeded to walk out of the room. As she's exiting, my niece turns to me with a deadpan face and goes: Watch your back. Then just leaves.

14.

Text - hhaylstormm • 251d I ran around telling everyone I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I even told my mom's friend that Shirley Temple was ALMOST as cute as me. Used up all| my confidence at 3.

15.

Text - ThEhls08730•251d 3 1 Award I was throwing my nieces in the pool and the 4 year old grabbed a pool noodle and looked right at me to say "Today, you're gonna get hurt"

16.

Text - Hefty_Detective • 251d 3 1 Award My 6 year old son recently put his foot down letting me know it was not OK for me to tell him what he could wear or not because he is allowed to have "his own fashion". Ok, fine. Shorts, sandals and one black sock it is.

17.

Text - ThePrevailer • 251d "Kati, you have to eat 3 more green beans before you're excused." "No! No more" "3 more." "I'm gonna eat 4 more!!" Oh no you got me good.

18.

Text - yxe1982 • 251d 3 5 Awards My son was in the tub and asked exactly how old he was. Me: "Ummmmm...about 4 years, 10 months, and 4 days." After a few moments of deep thought, I heard him say quietly and reverently to himself: "...and I haven't been bit by a single wild animal." Oh man. Still kills me.

19.

Text - Horrorgoreandlove • 251d My 3.5 year old outside the other day...he was stabbing the ground with a stick, I asked,"Whatcha up to, buddy?" "I'm digging holes for the ants to climb into, that's so sweet of me, mom". He's a nut.

20.

Text - rolllIII • 251d My nephew is 4 and thinks he's cooler than everyone else because he can tuck in his shirt by himself.

21.

Text - Uolymme637 • 251d My 3 year old said to me the other day "Mom, I feel, and I don't feel"... Like some profound genius

22.

Text - PraiseCthulu• 251d While babysitting my cousin, she got really close to me and smelled like rotten eggs, so I asked her if she farted and she immediately replied "no, that's my breaf." At least she's self aware.

23.

Text - MamieJoJackson • 251d My son was watching me cut down a very small tree (like, 6 inches across - very small), and the following occurred: Son: "Wow, I've never seen someone cut down a tree that big before!" Me: "Well, I mean, you've only seen one person cut down a tree so far, but you've only been alive for 5 years, so give it time." Son: "Excuse me? l've been alive much longer than that." Me: "Oh yeah? How long have you been alive then?" Son: "10,000 years." Me: "... You know, I actually

24.

Text - ClownfishSoup • 251d When my daughter was I think 8, we were in the pool throwing a beach ball around. I tossed it to her. She catches it then says to me "Is that all you've got, old man?" LOL!

25.

Text - thisdragonis • 251d My kid (5) is obsessed with cars. Lives and breaths Motorsport. He's driving his go kart in the driveway and our neighbors yell over, "wow You're amazing, kiddo!" And kid yells back dead serious, "I know- I'm a better driver than most of the grownups I know." He's honestly not wrong.

26.

Text - Action1988 • 251d 3 1 Award When my sister was younger she told her teacher that my dad was a clown. He actually owns an autobody shop but I guess she thought he was a pretty funny. Apparently the parent / teacher conference was hilarious. "Your daughter tells us you're a clown? What an...interesting career."

27.

Text - VincenzoSS • 251d 3 1 Award Sassy Niece after 1st day in school: "I learned how to count to eleventy today, I bet you can't!" Weird flex but... wait. I indeed cannot count to eleventy.

28.

Text - Wrathful_Man • 251d My daughter told me she is made out of love (which I have told her before) and that means she is invincible and so I can't hold her hand whilst she walks on the wall (which I have not told her)...

29.

Text - amiker7709 • 251d 3 2 Awards My son is a freerunner in his spare time, so I often find him in weird places. He's 16 now, but even as a baby, l'd find him on top of the piano, at the top of the closet, etc. He could climb anywhere. Recently, I found him standing in the branches of a tree down the street, staring off into space. I asked what he was doing, and he said, "I'm just hanging out." OK, man... Whatever works for you.

30.

Text - zelda_taco • 251d 1 Award So, my 7 year old has always been...eccentric. I started keeping a log of some things she says in passing on my phone when she was 3 and there are some good ones I feel apply to this thread: "Something smells like chocolate and it's coming from the inside of my mouth." "Yah well I can read blank spaces" "Chickens have chicken in their bodies" Most of these are responses to her older sister bragging about something she did to excel in school.

31.

Text - ultimatelabrat • 251d Not a parent, but as a kid, I apparently drank vinegar straight

32.

Text - CounterStreet • 251d While singing to myself, my 2 year old told me: "Daddy, stop! No singing! You sing wrong. Listen me!"

33.

Text - [deleted] • 251d 3 3 Awards My toddler just threw her dinner on the floor, started clapping, yelled "HOO0000ORRRRRRRAAAAAYYYYY!" as loudly as her little lungs could possibly allow, then looked right at me holding up her palm for a high five.

34.

Text - jitsrotu • 251d 3 2 Awards My son, who was 4 or 5 at the time, walked into the kitchen and said to my wife, "give me my usual, but put it in a real glass." She's like, "what, your milk?" It was then we realized we had to reign in the iPad and Curse of Monkey Island.

Submitted by:

Posted by at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)