Thursday, April 30, 2020

Totally Random Tumblr Nuggets That Hit The Spot


Tumblr is the place that just keeps on giving. We have a deep appreciation for the minds of Tumblr, and the ways that the various fandoms deconstruct all kinds of stuff (movies, shows, characters, plot holes, etc.). 

If this list of random, hilarious, and generally bizarre Tumblr gems left you wanting more, we recommend checking out a recent Tumblr thread on how Captain America saw through Nick Fury's clever genius. Or if that isn't your speed, maybe the time that Tumblr went full mythological scientist on dragon evolution.

1.

Text - If you hear weird noises In the night, simply make weirder noises to assert dominance. Meirl what-if-dolphins-had-legs The monster in my closet: raswwwwhggggraaww Me: GRAWWWWHHSGAGHJOOIHOOOOWWWWG GOOOLLLYUUUUUUSSAAGHJJIIOO the monster: okay Jesus I'm sorry stan-by-me I taught my 5 yr old this and he now makes the weirdest noises when he walks through an unlit part of the house, then giggles <3 midnight-spectrum-again Excellent advice

2.

Text - * haaskarotta haaskarotta arctic seafloor: [minding its own icy, dark, frosty business] humans: [drilling a hole in the ice, dropping in a whole-ass human with oxygen tanks and shit attached to it] a solitary clam: Uh, hello there. What are you planning? human: Oh, nothing special, just looking. clam: Looking for something special? human: Nah, just looking. Wanted to see what's in here. clam: Ain't nothing here but us clams, and a few sea stars over there. Some algae and plankton, the occ

3.

Food - SUPER MASH POTATES TM panic-at-the-bilbo I thought this was hilarious when I was drunk

4.

Text - bubblybulbasaur A Statistics teacher in Gotham makes a graph comparing times when Bruce Wayne goes on long vacations with times Batman gets beaten up really badly by villains to illustrate to his class how correlation does not equal causation. A kira-sucks-lawlipops Imagine Dick Greyson as a uni student in that lecture, loosing his goddamn mind. back-alley-hero The students come to the conclusion that Bruce Wayne goes on vacation specifically to beat Batman up. aenramsden Actually, if I w

5.

Fashion accessory - thatsthat24 communistbakery speedwag: subsolar: Super awesome opal cubes!! i want to put these in my mouth really bad but i know theyre rocks so im getting pissed off Sourçe: subsolar 233.930 votes

6.

Text - skyrim-hates-her the fact that daedra had to stop opening gates in black marsh because the argonians kept reverse-invading them is so funny to me it was just like daedra: we're invading argonians: no, we're invading crystallineknight Daedra: invades Argonians: gifs.com skyrim-hates-her argonians: WHO'S THE DAEDRA NOW, ASSWAGON silver-tongues-blog Daedra: WE COME FROM A REALM OF FLAME AND DEATH TO CONQUER YOU Argonians:

7.

Text - nasfera2 I wish Americans fucked with more foreign music. You don't have to know the language to appreciate a good record. Folks in other countries listen to our music and don't speak a lick of english. Music needs no translator liltimmys yall wont trick me into listening to kpop

8.

Text - darthvcder "kids these days are so cringey w their fortnite dances-" are none of yall going to acknowledge the shit we did. are we not going to acknowledge gangnam style. what does the fox say. if we go older hamster dance. crazy frog. the fucking duck song. the llama song. charlie the unicorn. let he who is without sin throw the first stone Source: darthvcder

9.

Text - magnet @arcadeseals me: i'm terrified of random letters therapist: you are? me: [screams] therapist: oh i see me: [screaming intensifies] abbelbabbel this is such a solid joke omg

10.

Text - johnnyjoestarrelatable i keep having dreams i can't breathe because my cat cocoa can't comprehend that he's a ragdoll cat the size of a 2 year old human and Too Fucking Lorge to sleep on my chest while i'm sleeping johnnyjoestarrelatable cat: MOTHER IS COLD, I WILL WARM HER me in dream: man i sure do drown a lot lately

11.

Text - animedads they call me... 7 Knives. because that's how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it 632,219 notes

12.

Text - shadysquid I fucked up a job interview so bad today they asked me why I wanted to work at this fast food restaurant and I blanked and said that when I was little I liked their fries and wanted to be the French fry queen shadysquid I got the job

13.

Technology - Ausfahrt Aust alaja Auatahrt Ausfahrt artseke npcscan okay so I've been playing euro truck simulator 2 and I've been seeing these signs that say 'ausfahrt' and every time I saw a sign that said it l'd take a screenshot because I always thought to myself "wow why is this place everywhere? there can't be a place called ausfahrt everywhere across europe" and then I later learned that ausfahrt is not in fact a place and is actually the german word for "exit" I just thought we were suppo

14.

Text - O cactus-spirit Me: "I need some serotonin." Husband: Stands up. Husband: Sits back down. Hisband: "I didn't remember what serotonin was until after I stood up so I was deadass about to go get you some." feenyxblue Hes a little confused, but hes got the spirit Source: cactus-spirit

15.

Text - fihli this morning my starbucks is all women, so when i ordered it was all “i love your glasses!" "that drink is soo0o good" “have a great day babe!" which is amazing showstopping incredible BUT yesterday the same starbucks was staffed by all guys and my interaction went kind of like this: first guy, unprompted: we're trying to help john name his scorpion his coworker, leaning around him: here's a list of names you should vote or write your own me: ..what john: AGGRESSIVELY SHOWS ME PICTU

16.

Text - itchycoil Whenever you're feeling sudden calm its because I took your voodoo doll out for a picnic on a grassy hill roachpatrol thank you

17.

Text - positive-memes DiegoDeAlvarado · 1h As a kid I spent hours breeding Lapras and releasing them because the pokedex said they were almost extinct 22 Reply iamnotarob0t · 1h That's actually adorable. 13 Minds of kids are beautiful! moonrosetheapplecoreeater I would like to bring up the fact that as of Sun and Moon, Lapras are no longer endangered skrypt-my-death This kid singlehandedly saved the Lapras species lappyisgaming

18.

Text - r/TooAfraidToAsk u/blackjackttr •13h Is it normal to go on a walk in my neighborhood? Like l'm jeans and a sweatshirt are people gonna think l'm weird? Edit: Got high and super paranoid, sorry folks. 1.9k 115 Share rich-eater69 This guy got so high he astral projected into April 2020

19.

Text - happybunnykat A new version of Phinias and Ferb is being released. It is on a streaming service, and will be rated MA. Everyone wonders what this mature version of their beloved kids show will be. The first season is released, and you start watching it. It is just the same as the first season of the old show. Is this some elaborate joke? Finally at the end of the first episode, it happens. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is defeated, as he usually is. This time, however, as Perry is making his exit, yo

20.

Text - ofdreamcatchersandangels: painfullysane: do your eyes ever randomly go out of focus and then you are too lazy to focus them back in and just stare at nothing for a while In barvarian (Germany) that's called: "goaßgschau" which translates to "stare of a goat “ I love that there's a word for this

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