Sunday, November 15, 2020

Twitter Users' Worst Dates Ever


Sometimes dates end up being completely disastrous. We're talking situations that feel like literal waking nightmares. The kinds of gnarly life moments that you'd just as much forget ever happened. These particular dates absolutely fit the bill for that. 

1.

Text - Conor Horgan @ConorHorgan Replying to @mrnickharvey The very first thing she did on sitting down was take out a small glass bottle and started spooning a syrupy liquid into her mouth. "Homeopathy?" lasked, heart sinking. "No, a powerful sedative-hypnotic drug" she replied, "If I don't take it l'd be hysterical right now."

2.

Text - Deb Harvey @DebLuckyHarvey Replying to @mrnickharvey He arrived 30 mins late, wearing a 'Hello Kitty' bandana English man abroad stylie. Talked about himself all night, didn't ask me a single question, rubbished my food choices. Demanded to see me again... Reader, I didn't marry him.

3.

Text - Richard @enquivontles Replying to @mrnickharvey Years ago, a man said he would take me for dinner, which turned out to be fish and chips. I didn't fancy him, but he was annoyed that I didn't shag him after. If I was going to prostitute myself, it would be for more than a greasy bag of chips.

4.

Text - Marküs @phykuss Replying to @mrnickharvey Half way through my date went to the toilet...& never came back. As I left after finishing my supper (macaroni cheese!) she was sat outside smoking. Told me her ex turned up & her leaving had saved me getting a 'proper battering'. There wasn't a second date. >

5.

Text - Kathleen Foster @kaff1972 Replying to @mrnickharvey I arived early, put songs on the jukebox, he arrived late, complained about the 'noisy' music, asked me to a Daniel O'Donnel gig O asked if I could cook and sew, said he liked missionary sex once a week in the dark, none of that kinky stuff! I 'fainted' then got a taxi home Y

6.

Text - Tool. @The_Tool_ Replying to @mrnickharvey I once took someone to a restaurant, bread rolls come out, they put the butter on top of the roll. They looked at me like I was some sort of animal when I cut mine open and put it inside of it.

7.

Text - InsomniTweeter @LaurenMustill Replying to @mrnickharvey A tinder date was obsessed that I lived with a gay man. Wherever the convo went, he would bring it back. "Do you hear him have sex?" "Do you listen?". Er, no. Then asked me to pay - he didnt have cash. And told me there was no chemistry so didnt want to see me again. Thank fuck.

8.

Text - Ted Morris @ted_morris Replying to @mrnickharvey This must have been '93. l'd met this very closeted, inexperienced at relationships lawyer. Nice guy though. For our second date, I took him to see the film Philadelphia. Which on balance wasn't the brightest idea. Never heard from him after that.

9.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @ohFFSAI Replying to @ohFFSAI and @mrnickharvey It also meant I couldn't drink. I'd booked a restaurant and picked her up at the agreed time. She looked great. We went to the restaurant and she ordered a bottle of wine. I thought I could have one glass. She'd finished the first bottle before the starters arrived..

10.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @OHFFSAI Replying to @OHFFSAI and @mrnickharvey She then ordered a second bottle of wine and necked that before the mains turned up. Was clearly pissed now and ordered a third. She than started crying and told me and everyone in earshot that she was still in love with her Ex. I got the bill and said l'd drop her off home.....

11.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @OHFFSAI Replying to @OHFFSAI and @mrnickharvey When we got back to hers, she realised she didn't have Alger keys and burst into tears again. I said l'd call a locksmith. Now we're getting snot bubbles. She didn't have any money. I said l'd pay. 30 minutes of her apologising and I paid £200 for the emergency locksmith.. >

12.

Text - PIRATE LIFE @OHFFSAI Replying to @OHFFSAI and @mrnickharvey She was in and I said goodnight. On my way home and 20 minutes into the journey phone starts ringing. It's not my phone. I answered her phone and said l'd turn around. As I pulled up at her house, she ran out and the FUCKING DOOR SLAMMED BEHIND HER!!!! Called the locksmith back..

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