Monday, November 9, 2020

Sick Tweets from the Twitter-verse


Scrolling through Twitter can feel a lot like whipping through the chaotic, disorganized thoughts of a raving madman. That said, quite a few of those thoughts are kind of awesome. Sometimes it's time to say "so long" to focus and embrace the chaos of funny tweets to give your day a boost.

1.

Text - Dr. Songo AKESOH-O @songo_doc SS That's me in the corner, That's me in the spotlight, CHOOSING THE RIGHT PIGEON 1:43 p.m. · 02 Nov. 20 · Twitter Web App >

2.

Text - alina @loversinfilm you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, stuck in quarantine

3.

Text - *Hack Mamba* Nick OhlessA @NickOHlessA Kenny Rogers dippin in the middle of the apocalypse is the most "know when to fold'em" thing ever. 9:10 a.m. · 21 Mar. 20 · Twitter for iPhone

4.

Text - SAFETYC US Consumer Product S... Good morning. It's Friday. You can't punch a virus (science) · 03 Apr. v PRODUCT NITED STATED 14 27 250 1,378 New Jersey @NJGOV Replying to @USCPSC hold my bagel 6:58 a.m. · 03 Apr. 20 · Twitter for iPhone 343 Retweets 3,234 Likes A @eddiethe. · 03 Apr. v Replying to @NJGOV and @USCPSC Is...is New Jersey going to try to fistfight Edwardo the virus? L7 25 401 New Jersey O @NJGOV · 03 Apr. who's asking O 13 27 88 1,595 RealMissMorgue This. This is exactly wh

5.

Text - GlitterBombShell @justmiche74 "I'm so glad I stopped killing spiders after re-reading Charlottes Web", I say out loud to my delicious bacon 9:36 a.m. · 16 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone

6.

Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal Last night my son asked if l'd ever heard of a pillow fight. I said I had not, so he explained the premise & asked if I would play. I awkwardly held a pillow as he gave me pointers through a smile that lit up the room. My first swing took him off his feet. He never saw it coming.

7.

Text - jOnnl @pimecorp you're not depressed. you just need to drink more water, eat healthier, get 8 hours of sleep, exercise regularly, land your dream job, find a romantic partner that respects you for you, buy a vacation home in a tropical paradise, transcend your corporeal form and achieve godhood 1:26 p.m. · 09 Dec. 18 · Twitter for iPhone

8.

Text - abby! @abbyomalley_ babies will not eat vegetables but they will eat airplanes. whats up with that 1:26 p.m. · 29 Oct. 20 · Twitter for iPhone

9.

Text - sarah slothanova @slothanova At least during the 1918 pandemic they had cocaine in their soda 5:06 p.m. · 30 Jul. 20 · Twitter for iPhone 125K Retweets and comments 796K Likes

10.

Text - Ray Classic @SirEviscerate I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed. 7:06 p.m. · 02 May 15 · Twitter for Android 6,459 Retweets and comments 14K Likes

11.

Text - Un Poco Loco @Bexyful AmI the most attractive woman out there ? Of course not. But do l have a good personality ? Well, no. But do I wake up every day and try to be the best person that I can be ? Also no.

12.

Text - Вoog S @BoogTweets Me: *carefully going around the victims body with chalk* Detective: We don't usually outline the balls Me: oh l'm not a cop lol 9:05 a.m. · 16 Oct. 18 · Twitter for iPhone >

13.

Text - andrew @AndrewChamings accidentally opened my eyes during prayer at church and saw jesus doing the worm 5:54 p.m. · 01 May 19 · Twitter for iPhone

14.

Text - the apocalypse, but fashion @ElleArmageddon Has anyone made the demand that that couple who started a wildfire by throwing a gender reveal party name their child Trogdor? - strong name - gender neutral - burninates the countryside 10:11 a.m. · 24 Sep. 20 · Twitter for iPhone <>

15.

Text - Rich Neville @RichNeville Found something new to say when I leave a room. Stay Fresh Cheese Bags Bag Size: 20x30cms (Approx.) 4:41 p.m. · 31 Jan. 19 · Tweetbot for iOS

16.

Text - Daniel Kibblesmith @kibblesmith Willy Wonka: Welcome to my chocolate factory! Kid: I love chocolate! Willy Wonka: It's death for you. | also make gum! Next kid: I love gum! Willy Wonka: Death. Anyone else here love anything? Next kid: ... I like TV? Willy Wonka: . . Death. .... 11:32 p.m. · 29 Nov. 19 · Twitter Web App >

17.

Text - tatum @50FirstTates asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life 2:07 p.m. · 08 Oct. 20 · Twitter for iPhone

18.

Organism - Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface Me, January 1st: this is gonna be the best year of my life! 2020: 12:42 p.m. · 11 Sep. 20 · Twitter for iPhone

19.

Room - @dumbricardo HE CHARGING UP FOR HIS SPECIAL ATTÁC

20.

Classical sculpture - linc @lincnotfound et tu, bootay? 4:22 p.m. · 10 Oct. 20 · Twitter Web App >

21.

Text - YAEL @elle91 When the moon hits your dish And you mispronounce fish Albacore 7:49 a.m. · 18 Oct. 20 · Twitter for Android

22.

Text - Abbie @AbbieEvansXO me: I don't need to write it down, l'll remember me 5 seconds later: oh no 1:24 p.m. · 19 Oct. 20 · Twitter Web App >

23.

Text - Piece @Piecezilla Alcohol effects people differently. When I drink, I become happy joyful and free. The life of the party. Meanwhile, those around me become bitter and angry. Jealous that I know everything, have the ability to dance to any song, and most of all become both sexy and fireproof. 10:51 p.m. · 21 Oct. 20 · Twitter for Android >

24.

Text - trick-corr-treat @okiecorri i personally think cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn't recognize her without makeup 11:14 a.m. · 20 Jul. 20 · Twitter for iPhone <>

25.

Text - geeky steven @geekysteven Not to get all political, but I think Steve Urkel knew he did that. He knew the entire time. 7:35 a.m. · 27 Oct. 16 · Twitter for Android >

26.

Text - Natty Lumpo @nattylumpo88 If duct-taping a matchbox trans am to one's ear and pretending it's a bluetooth device is wrong, then maybe - hang on. I've got to take this. 1:30 p.m. · 30 Oct. 20 · Twitter for Android >

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