Friday, November 20, 2020

Random Gems From Tumblr's Wandering Minds


We can always count on the minds of Tumblr to keep things interesting, and break out the strange, hilarious observations that we otherwise never saw coming. It seems like every day we're encountering a new Tumblr Thread that's way too funny for its own good. Or you've got the groundbreaking threads, like the one about how Magenta isn't actually a real color after all.

1.

Text - luimnigh S'abonner Look, if Hollywood is gonna make movies set during quarantine over the next few years, I demand they make a movie about the fact the Cannonball Run record, the speed record for driving from New York to California, was broken three times during quarantine. Because a bunch of different people realized "Oh shit, we don't have to deal with traffic", and took the opportunity. C'mon, it'd be a sports movie and a crime movie at the same time! 20 920 notes

2.

Text - post--grad i am absolutely dragging myself through grading my last 6 papers, it is 9:30pm, and one of my favorite students has just used the phrase "Satan and his Gucci gang" in his milton essay e post--grad In Paradise Lost, Hell is inhabited by Satan and his possy. This includes Satan himself, Mammon, Beelzebub, Belial, and Moloc, the Mean Girls of the afterlife. They all appear as these immoral beasts under Milton's dense reading, but Hector you are KILLING me the-eleventh-lady Give He

3.

Text - mechsuit Follow Anonymous asked: arent u white? mechsuit answered: im turkish so i cant answer this without at least 3 historians and an anthropologist present

4.

Text - shadesofmauve Follow I was playing fiddle at a ren faire, and two little girls were really enjoying our set. After quite some time one of them walked up to me and shyly offered me her star tinsel tiara, because she "didn't have any money. And this protects you from trolls!" I said "Thanks, that's really sweet - but what about you? Don't you need protection from trolls?" At which point this six-ish-year-old girl whips out her certificate from the axe throwing booth and says “Nah, I'm fine.

5.

Text - KREI tilthat TIL that a captive beluga whale learned how to speak rudimentary English after 7 years in captivity; it was only known after a diver visiting his tank at night heard voices telling him to "get out" when no one else was in sight, it was actually the beluga whale. via reddit.com daco-broman Imao I would shit myself on sight you big white bastard don't speak up at me fieldbears Imagine a species learning to speak just so it can tell you to fuck off

6.

Text - My Black Friday experience: venomsnake420: fluent-in-lesbianism: • Seeing a woman get her arm broken by a man because she grabbed the last 3 blue towels in the box • Standing in line for a PS4 with a preacher who showed me how to use my keys to stab people if they try to steal things outta my hands • Watching a man who hit an employee over the head with a Doc McStuffins purse get tackled and carried away by two policemen wearing Rudolph antlers • Stampede at Khols over pillows • Getting i

7.

Text - uhlfric i enter the web design class h1 { font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: "50px"; font-color: "magenta"; } sasshunter I am forcibly removed from the web design class. Source: uhlfric 190,560 notes

8.

Text - gothlolita: im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley.come back when youve legally changed your names

9.

Text - astercrash Follow Watching human technological developments has to be really stressful for aliens because every time we look like we're going to invent something even remotely cool we immediately use it to hurt another human. astercrash Follow Human: *gets a stick* Alien: yes Human: *grabs a rock* Alien: YES Human: *invents the hammer* Alien: YESYESYESYES Human: *murders his neighbour Thagbar* Alien: god FUCKING dammit 7,684 notes

10.

Text - tilthat S'abonner TILA pink pigment exists that is so pink its true color cannot be captured by most cameras or displayed on a computer monitor via ift.tt slytherpuffsquirrel By reblogging this you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not reblogging this on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. Source : tilthat #:D 21445 notes

11.

Text - Y whitepeopletwitter Follow John-Luke Roberts @jlukeroberts PITCH: "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" but the contestants are billionaires so it's more of a threat. 9:50 AM - 21 Aug 20 - Twitter Web App injuries-in-dust Follow Every question they get wrong they lose more money, from their current savings, to one million. The questions are all things ordinary people should know. "Whats the cost of a loaf of bread?"

12.

Text - YOU yoU' WI LL LIVE TO SEE MAN MADE HORRORS BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION -Tesla- A quote made by Nikola Tesla shortly before his death in 1943. turnipfritters 38 years later the McRib was introduced

13.

Text - the-radical-buzzard-of-discourse I used to cringe so hard at my "I'm not like other girls" phase until I realized that most girls have this phase and what we actually mean is, "I'm not a thoughtless one-dimensional caricature of makeup and boobs, which is all l've been taught to believe girls are." How can women be viewed so poorly that little girls everywhere all think they're unique just for having independent thoughts and interests?

14.

Text - bumblebeebats Yesterday at work these two 12yo boys came through my line and i'm instantly like. oh Boy. Because solo children at a grocery store are always forces of chaos, good or bad But thankfully these ones were totally pleasant, and when i asked if they wanted a receipt one of them pulled out a random fuckin receipt from his bag and asked "Do YOU???" and y'all, i lost my shit... What a power move. When will i ever be this funny

15.

Property - evilbuildingsblog 1111 This German Kindergarten godisa5000foottalljellybean every building built mainly for children should be fucking weird like this i cant even imagine how much happier my memories of early childhood would be if i could look back on having gone to kindergarten in a big ol cat Source: evilbuildingsblog

16.

Text - aivosumu My counselor, talking about psychology: “Our frontal lobe is what separates us from monkeys." Me: “You mean the part that doesn't work properly in my brain?" My counselor: “Right." Me: “Right." marshals-to-dictators Follow So what you're saying is, basically hauntedstairs Follow im monky

17.

Text - swan2swan Follow Every episode of the Mandalorian further confirms that Yoda's species is actually a race of ravenous nightmare gremlins and being a kind, empathetic, noble pacifist was 1000% a choice. mylordshesacactus Follow #some human criminal: “I don't know about you 'Master Jedi’ but some of us just have urges that we can't fight!"#yoda: “know what I think everytime I see a child do you? hm? 'food'. Yes. ʻEasy prey. 'Helpless and unprotected it is.#'Eat the child do I? No. Feel the

18.

Text - steadfast First "Pilot" appearance Last "Finale" appearance My wish for all my favorite characters morleybobs A needed addition STATUS Alive

19.

Text - hexglyphs oh theres a witch in these woods??? is she single??? hexglyphs brb going to ask the forest witch out on a date hexglyphs my firstborn child has been stolen pinkwitchpunk your wife taking care of your child is not "stealing"

20.

Text - chefpyro dinosaurs probably wouldnt be half as popular if they still existed cause they'd just be animals and wouldn't be as mysterious like. rhinos are right there. they're super cool in concept but they're right there and nobody cares rikmach I care about Rhinos. chefpyro

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