Friday, September 11, 2020

Clever and Stupid Jokes That Aren't Wrong


Since we're interesting beings capable of holding a few ideas in our head at once, it's sometimes fair to agree that something might not exactly be totally correct, but it may just as well be technically accurate. By no means are these observations actually intelligent, but they at least sort of feel that way. 

1.

Text - Josh @iwearaonesie wife: We just ate, why are you making pancakes? me: They're for the dogs wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs? me: They don't know how 7:05 PM · 9/14/19 - Twitter for iPhone

2.

Text - My wife keeps getting mad at me for referring to her as my "ex-girlfriend" as if that isn't 100% factually accurate.

3.

Property - Your house is burning down! You can only save one thing, what do you save? 187 Snoop Dogg @SnoopDogg My house

4.

Text - Grinding men's Strippers bones to make their bread Giants

5.

Organism - in class me: *smiles* teacher: why u smiling me: nothing me (in my mind):

6.

Text - jen merritt!!! @jennifermerr not to sound politically unaware but did you guys know Fox News has absolutely no news about foxes

7.

Text - These Flower Shells are shotgun shells loaded with flower seeds instead of birdshot/buckshot.These Shells can be shot into the ground to plant flowers. The idea is that instead of taking life from the world, you'll be giving life back. FLOWER Flower SH Michael Lynn Smith Police: we received a noise complaint. What's going on? Me: *Shotgun in hand* Gardening

8.

Facial expression - Her: I bet he's thinking about other women.. Him: If you replace the 'W' with 'T' in When, Where, and What, you get the answer for each question

9.

Text - H COURIER WITH HOBO @hobo_group hobo I'M NOT A BURGER MER FOR L @lethabotshabs you're more than a burger! you're steak, you're a stew...a versatile queen is what you are

10.

Job - You're not scared of being alonÄ™ in the dark You're scared of not being alone in the dark

11.

Technology - 2:08 ll i Mom I've just found socks covered in seamen in your room... mom i am so sorry can we never speak of this again? You're 23, i just wish you'd wear more mature things i'm moving out.

12.

Text - Loulou_yghbt @yghbt Since the doomguy is killing demons and purging hell from them, Doom basicaly is the most christian and catholic game ever Traduire le Tweet 3:12 · 07 sept. 20 · Twitter for Android

13.

Text - gaygothur At this point, every round mammal is a hamster to me. cantanopeshitthatwastaken coconut gaygothur I think we both have different definitions of what mammal is but I can't say I disagree with you. oregonnukesailor has hair. give milk

14.

Text - There are more trees on earth than stars in the solar system

15.

Text - knifenymph change does not come from a place of comfort aquareaper3 I find pennies and nickels in my couch all the time, so I don't know what you are talking about

16.

Text - Hey, don't wait for me. I'm at the hospital. 6:36 pm Is everything ok? 6:36 pm I'm ok. It's just my cousin. He can't speak or walk. 6:36 pm OMG! WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED? 6:36 pm Nothing serious. He was just born 2 hours ago. 6:37 pm Type a message

17.

Fish - Fish Diagram Fish

18.

Fortune cookie - Bleached Wheat Flour AiydrogenatedS You are not illiterate. e.rs WONT Brooklyn, New York 1120 For a second fr www.seeor 5& #6. cial Cocoal ura

19.

Police officer - Cop: seen anything unusual? Me: a dolphin with a hat once Cop: I mean around here Me: nah they live in water

20.

Text - 37 O Finance Executive o University of A Lives in 8 Straight O 3 km away I have a corner office with a view of the entire city, i drive a 500k vehicle and I am paid to travel. For some reason my tinder dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver. II

21.

Text - brooke miller @buhrooke This is the first year I'm not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor. 2:21 PM 26 Jun 20 · Twitter for iPhone 101K Retweets 645K Likes

22.

Poster - BOB ROSS TAUGHT 100% VIRTUAL TOO

23.

Cheezburger Image 9548268032

24.

Text - cardi @cardikordeii what is on your mind? zander @finah it's fucking weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping

25.

Text - Jeff Kasanoff @JeffKasanoff Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts 1:16 AM · 19 Feb 20 Twitter for iPhone 3,978 Retweets 37.8K Likes

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