Monday, August 3, 2020

Best Comebacks To Insults People Have Heard


Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the most clever comebacks to insults that people have ever heard. There's nothing as deeply satisfying as clapping back against that spicy insult with just the kind of razor sharp wit that leaves the recipient utterly speechless. Sometimes you just nail it with the clever comeback .

1.

Text - ItsTime4you2go • 2d A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine, that people are talking behind his back. In fact, that wasn't the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: „Well you know what the say about you? Nothing, nobody fucking cares." Reply 4.7k ...

2.

Text - Mike-Drop • 1d It's gotta be the Aliens locker room scene for me. Hudson: "Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?" Vasquez: "No, have you?"

3.

Text - wabixx • 2d 1 Award I asked my mother why she always wears makeup despite being in her 40s. She told me she wears makeup so she doesn't look like me

4.

Text - intrepidsteve • 2d 2 Awards I used to work with this like 70 year old woman, she was our supervisor, and one day one of the ladies who worked with us told this old lady to "kiss my ass" and the old lady replied "where do I start, you're so fat your crack goes all the way up your back" Reply 36.3k ...

5.

Text - emzirek • 2d Overheard by me, the school bus driver, one fifth grade student was belittling a first grader. When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, "Congratulations!" The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus. Reply 1 5.5k

6.

Text - sourdoh3631 • 2d 1 Award Someone yelled out in a Walmart , "I'm not ashamed of who I am". Another voice echoed back, "that's your parents job" Reply 41.6k ...

7.

Text - bugfish03 • 1d 1 Award Context: John Oliver from HBO interviews Stephen Hawking (may he rest in peace) JO: And there may be a universe where I am more intelligent than you? SH: There may even be a universe where you are funny. Reply 14.2k ...

8.

Text - lamstillnotyourmate • 2d 5 Awards 18th Century British radical politician John Wilkes was told in parliament by a political opponent "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox". Wilkes shot back with "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress." Reply 66.5k ...

9.

Text - BiffDebris • 2d 5 Awards Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa Joe: "I guess your long hair makes you a woman." FZ: "I guess your wooden leg makes you a table." Reply ↑ 83.0k

10.

Text - BanterBear • 2d 1 Award A friend of mine was getting bitched at by these 2 identical twin girls in a class I had once, he replied with a troubling look on his face and said "if you two are identical, how come only 1 of you are hot?" That dude played the long game as those two girls looked rather perplexed for the rest of the session. *fixed Reply 17.2k ...

11.

Text - seahawk2020• 2d Many, many years ago, when we were about 18, a friend of mine was arguing with another person we knew. This person was trying to be a badass and intimidate my buddy. He says"my feet are registered". Without missing a beat my friend replies"Where? Health & Sanitation?". Forty years later I sill crack up at this when it comes to mind. Reply 1 5.1k ...

12.

Text - Back2Bach • 2d 3 3 Awards "Easy, now ... don't let your brains go to your head!" Reply 12.6k

13.

Text - adnanoid • 2d David Letterman: I'm not as dumb as I look. Tina Fey: How could you be? Reply 10.1k ...

14.

Text - TheXMan4321 • 2d The classic: "You're adopted" "At least my parents chose to have me" Reply 13.0k ...

15.

Text - wuesteworld • 2d I have a bunch but one of the more memorable ones was back in 8th grade. For context I didn't make the basketball team 7th grade, but I made the team in 8th grade. This kid that was on the team the previous year but didn't make it currently was really upset and telling me how bad I am and blah blah blah. I told him that if he is better than me then why didn't he make the team, and he replied with "it's just cause of my grades bro". So I replied with "oh so you're just fuc

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