Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Twitter Thread: Man's McDonald's Trip Reads Like A Fever Dream


This man's Twitter thread about a trip to the McDonald's drive thru makes for a true emotional rollercoaster. It's full of twists and turns and genuinely reads like something out of a fever dream. 

1.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby It's 1AM and I decided I wanted a milkshake. So there's a McDonald's near my house. I'm greeted at the drive thru by the following sentence:

2.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby "Hey holy shit hello, you are at McDonald's, and I am begging your patience." 9h 17 244 356

3.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby 9h There are no other cars here, by the way. I'm caught off guard so I mumble "Um, ok you can have it." The voice comes back: "Praise you." 母189 279 Samantha Rae @ASamanthaRae 9h @JoshRaby what is your life omg 17 Josh Raby @JoshRaby So I sit for a minute, then he finally returns and says "please tell me your 9h order" So I say "milkshake" I don't know why that's all I said

4.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby "I'l need a minute", he replies. I realize I did not describe my desired milkshake in any way so I yell "I need to tell you what kind." 9h 구 174 222 Josh Raby @JoshRaby He is gone for several minutes. When he returns he says flatly "we aren't going to be able to do the milkshake. I do have many apple pies." 9h 184 229 Josh Raby @JoshRaby Do not ask me why I did this but the next words out of my mouth were 9h "Are you ok" 구 196 257

5.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby "I am not ok. Would you please tell me your order so I can try to punch it in? I will be very slow, but I will get it." 8h Reply to Josh Raby Home Notifications Moments Messages Me

6.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby I tell him not to worry, I am not upset, and at this point for some reason I order 8h a chicken sandwich 17 151 181 Josh Raby @JoshRaby My chicken sandwich order confuses him. Several minutes are spent repeating what I want on it, watching the screen as he tries over and over 8h L7 178 212 Josh Raby @JoshRaby At one point I guess he gave up because the screen just went black for a while. 8h | I hear a deep exhale. "Dude I lost my wife". 母208 248

7.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby 8h "I'm sorry, man, I-" "Please describe your chicken sandwich to me again so I can succeed at one thing." 母 204 257 Josh Raby @JoshRaby Anyway he finally gets it and then says "I really do feel bad about the milkshake situation. Can I sell you an apple pie?" 8h 17 175 207 Josh Raby @JoshRaby "Fine. I will buy an apple pie." 8h "Apple pies are cheaper than milkshakes anyway." "Ok, thanks" 17 175 219

8.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby Then there is a weird series of beeps and 8h when his voice comes back in he is fucking SCREAMING into his headset: "I FOUND HER! THANK GOD!" 17 186 235 Josh Raby @JoshRaby "What? Who did you find?" 8h "MY WIFE. SHE WAS WATCHING ME FROM BEHIND THE BOXES!" 구 191 275 Josh Raby @JoshRaby At this point I have ordered a chicken sandwich I do not want and an apple pie I do not want and no milkshake and I've 8h been here 22 minutes 구 206 351

9.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby "Can you give me my total" I say because honestly I don't know if I want to understand his marriage or if I even could and I just want to go 8h 乜183 240 Amanda Timpson @amandarin 8h @JoshRaby ..you're trapped in a surrealist French film, aren't you? 17 2 78

10.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby So he says "your total is 8 HOLD ON my wife is here and she wants me to tell you she will sell you 2 apple pies at a 8h discount" 구 179 204 Josh Raby @JoshRaby 8h "What is the discount?" "2 apple pies for only 2 dollars. You should take it."

11.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby 8h "What is the discount?" "2 apple pies for only 2 dollars. You should take it." (Note: One apple pie is $1.19) 母187 221 Josh Raby @JoshRaby "Give me the extra pie" 8h "She says thank you" "Tell her I said no problem" Why am I talking to his wife like this why 13 167 253

12.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby I pull around and they are fucking making 8h out in the window and he has his thumb out like he is aware I will be driving up to this 47 181 236

13.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby Both of these people are in their 8h mid-40s 구 176 249 Samantha Rae @ASamanthaRae 8h @JoshRaby WHAT IS HAPPENING?! 17 38 Josh Raby @JoshRaby They unstick themselves from one another and I hand him my card "sorry about this. I haven't worked at McDonald's in 16 years" he says 8h

14.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby I say "it's fine" to which he says "FINE just stands for FUCKED UP, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, and ERROR-PRONE" 8h 17 200 328 Josh Raby @JoshRaby 8h His wife cackles and says "I knew that when I was 13, get with it, man!" I have been here 37 minutes. L7 169 262

15.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby I am then treated to a story about how they met at a McDonald's that is very short and is really only "we met at McDonald's in 1993" 8h 구 175 243 Josh Raby @JoshRaby So listen I get my card and drive ahead to the next window and THERE IS A 8h WHOLE SEPARATE FUCKING HUMAN AT THAT WINDOW

16.

Text - Tweet 母175 243 Josh Raby @JoshRaby So listen I get my card and drive ahead to the next window and THERE IS A 8h WHOLE SEPARATE FUCKING HUMAN AT THAT WINDOW 母176 263

17.

Text - Josh Raby @JoshRaby He hands me my bag, leans out the window and says "you get to drive away" then promptly shuts the window and sits on a stool, head in hands 8h 구 227 890 thriving brat @shanevader @JoshRaby abahbhahaha 8h 1 Josh Raby @JoshRaby My chicken sandwich was wrong, by the 8h way

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