Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Ridiculous Things Explained To Adults


Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the ridiculous things that people had to explain to adults. It's remarkable just how clueless some people are, and how they've made it as far as they have. Some folks really need an instruction manual for adulting. 

1.

Text - tiredwriter633• 14h I used to work at hospital. One of the most frequent things I had to tell people was why it was a bad idea to smoke near their relatives or friends who had oxygen tanks. Reply 3.1k ...

2.

Text - Its-my-dick-in-a-box • 16h That Jurassic Park wasn't a real place. I wish i was joking. Reply 6.1k ...

3.

Text - GirraffesRamazing246 • 17h That Portugal isn't next to Brazil and than Spain isn't "just south of the border" Reply 2.4k ...

4.

Text - Boba_frett33 • 14h That you cannot take your home's WiFi with you to a different location.

5.

Text - nokatydidnt92• 16h That getting paid every 2 weeks doesn't mean you pay more in taxes than getting paid every week Reply 3.6k ...

6.

Text - splashingseal • 15h My boss once asked me what you're supposed to do with trash if you don't have a garbage disposal in your sink. Confused, I said : You mean, like put it in a trash can? He said : Is that what it is? Never seen someone that disconnected from reality. Reply 1.7k ...

7.

Text - DarkstarArmy • 16h Coworker of mine laughed when a customer told me he was English and said "that's the language we speak, he means he's American." Reply 3.5k ...

8.

Text - bhoss06 • 13h That thunder is not the result of clouds running into each other

9.

Text - orei_noodles • 14h That Ireland is a real country and not just a made up place for leprechauns and four leaf clovers Reply 1.2k ...

10.

Text - The_First_Viking • 16h Back when I was active duty Air Force, I had to explain to a woman I worked with why she should not mail fireworks to her husband. See, he was going to miss Independence Day. Because he was deployed in Iraq. Reply 1 5.5k ...

11.

Text - Fishinluvwfeathers • 14h There is no such thing as a legal requirement to register your hands/feet/any body part as a lethal weapon in the US - even if you are king of the badasses or your Navy buddy carried a really shiny card indicating otherwise. Reply 695 ...

12.

Text - id1982 • 15h My wife's friend was visiting last winter and tagged along for a quick ski trip to our local mountain in the PNW. Was one of those perfect winter wonderland days with great snow cover and a light snow. While we were riding the lift up the friend turns to me and asks "How did they get the snow to look so perfect on the trees?". She's 33 and she wasn't joking. Reply 1.1k ...

13.

Text - NoritheYogi • 14h That someone can't give you AIDS by touching a door handle. And to not call the cops on this person because they have AIDS and touched a door handle. Reply 3.5k ...

14.

Text - Orange_Kid • 15h Seeing-eye dogs are not also blind. Reply 3.5k ...

15.

Text - bluehammer • 14h That it is not okay to eat a piece of the birthday cake before the surprise party. Reply 925 ...

16.

Text - disneyprincess04 • 14h That your 2 year old needs an appointment for check ups. It's not a walk in situation. They had been deciding when they wanted to go and just showing up then complaining because they weren't seen in a reasonable amount of time. She was 24. Reply 1.6k ...

17.

Text - erinwrestles • 15h That the engines on the plane we were flying in could not be turned off during the flight just because she thought they were too loud. Reply 3.5k ...

18.

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19.

Text - Hybridturtles2012 • 17h That there's no such thing as the "good mercury" your body needs from eating fish. Reply 989 ...

20.

Text - VOtNOw • 16h That you shouldn't try and get your toast out of the toaster with a conductive metal fork if your toast is stuck.... And that when the fuses trip, you just got a visual indication of how close you came to death by electric shock.... And that after explaining it once already, resetting the fuse box and watching the lights turn off 2 minutes later, I know you've done it again.... UNPLUG THE TOASTER BEFORE YOU JAM METALLIC OBJECTS INIT YOU MORON Reply 1.4k ...

21.

Text - Frantastic79 • 14h That the plural of shelf is not shelf's. That Sasquatch is not a type of fruit. That a bidet is not your sex drive. That a blank CD is not a CD writer. This was all the same guy. Reply 591

22.

Text - 54298416 • 16h Used to work in HR. Had to sit staff down in a mental health facility and explain to them they can not flash their titties around with the patients. I wish I was joking. Fuck, I hated my HR career. Everyone's a dumb fuck. Reply 1 1.3k ...

23.

Text - Wherestheshoe • 14h A physician I worked with had to explain to a young couple that they had to have sex in order for her to get pregnant, then he had to explain sex to the husband while one of my colleagues explained it to the wife. They refused to believe it and left the clinic after threatening to report us for being 'filthy' Reply 169 ...

24.

Text - StuftRug • 14h Refrigerators already exist. She thought she was a genius for coming up with the idea of putting food into a cold space to reduce bacteria growth. Reply 336 ...

25.

Text - TroyHutz • 15h Once met a girl who thought there was a sun for every state. Reply 2.3k ...

26.

Text - missmore66 • 15h That if you get married in Vegas it's legally binding everywhere Reply 2.7k ...

27.

Text - MuffinParking5189 • 14h I had to explain to my 32 year old sister that dogs have a normal vision and not vision based on movement like a t-rex in Jurassic park Reply 1.6k ...

28.

Text - themcmlxxxvii • 16h That you had to add dish washing detergent to the dishwasher to actually wash the dishes. He thought detergent was to dis-infect them. I guess that's 1/2 right? This is a 40-year-old man who is a practicing lawyer. Reply 574 ...

29.

Text - automaticarsenic • 13h Essential oils are not miracle medicines that "the doctors" are hiding from the public. Reply 544 ...

30.

Text - maximumovarize • 15h It's amazing how many people think chicken is not meat. Reply 639 ...

31.

White - moranoran 16h Eggs are not dairy. Reply 582 ...

32.

Text - HorrorThis • 13h I had to explain to my adult coworker, who is 5 years older than I am, who has two children, that when she goes outside and looks up at the sky she is in fact looking up into our atmosphere, and beyond that, space. Yes actual "space". She thought we lived inside the Earth's crust or something. She said she was never really too sure on the subject. Wtf. And she definitely gets paid more than I do. FML. Reply 126 ...

33.

Text - -EDGAR- • 16h Alcohol has calories. I had to be the one to tell my friend when she was in her mid-20s that the vodka she loved had calories. She was so shocked and said, "What!?! I thought since it was clear like water it didn't have any calories." Reply 1.2k ...

34.

Text - RosieGoldxoxo • 14h I had to explain to someone (they grew up in a big city) that the tanker looking trucks you see on the highways that say "Milk" (in Canada) actually contain milk. They were floored that milk gets picked up from a farm in said trucks, taken to a factory, processed and packaged. It became a hilarious anecdote for my small town friends, but not so much for others that grew up in cities. After one telling I had a PhD candidate argue that milk is "bottled" on the farm, but

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