Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Funny Tweets From Husbands About Marriage


This collection of funny tweets from husbands about navigating the emotional rollercoaster that is a marriage, will either encourage or strongly discourage you to ever pursue marriage. I mean, what's there to be afraid of? It's only for life. 

1.

Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland The look in my wife's eyes when she left for Target makes me think she is going to try and save the economy in one trip.

2.

Food - Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969 my wife was feeling pretty confident walking into divorce court but she didn't know i had pictures 706 Jir.

3.

Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal Welcome to marriage. Here's the new way you fold towels.

4.

Text - Batty @BattyMclain My wife asked me if she had any 'annoying' habits and then got all offended during the power point presentation.

5.

Text - slick @dlicj today my wife said "guess who i saw in costco today?" then made me guess for like 10 min and when i didnt guess it was like "remember that super tan lady we saw walking down the street last week.." thats who she thought i might guess. a lady we dont even know that we saw one time

6.

Text - Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking My wife said I walk like an elephant and she can hear me coming a mile away. So I did the mature thing and snuck up on her 60 seconds later and scared the shit out of her. She has now filed for divorce.

7.

Text - Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969 girl at bar: i'd let you do that thing in bed that your wife won't me: [visibly excited] eat cookies?

8.

Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn [road trip] Me: Want me to drive for a while? Wife: Sure. Me: Oh. That wasn't a real offer. >

9.

Text - Karma Police @KarmaPolice238 Anytime my wife has scissors in her hand I dial 9-1 on my phone and wait.

10.

Text - WTFDAD @daddydoubts my wife says l'm acting like a toddler but maybe she shouldn't have put my food on the wrong plate

11.

Text - Average Dad @Average_Dad1 Just a heads up, if you exchange the gift your wife got you, even if it's her idea and she's quote "totally fine with it", this act will be used against you in a future argument at some point in the next ten years

12.

Text - mark @TheCatWhisprer · May 22 ME: *walks by to put anything away* WIFE: [not even looking up from her phone] that doesn't go there 9. 27 71 395

13.

Text - The Dad THE DAD @thedad There are 2 types of people in a marriage: the person who thinks their way of loading the dishwasher is best and the person who thinks their way of loading the dishwasher is best

14.

Text - mark @TheCatWhisprer Marriage is about finding that one special person to play "who's going to empty the bathroom trashcan" chicken with for the rest of your lives.

15.

Text - Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 My wife can slice cheese without eating a slice herself and I am starting to wonder if she is even human.

16.

Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland I forgot today was our anniversary but my wife forgot too and that's really the best gift she has ever given me.

17.

Text - mark @TheCatWhisprer I don't always pick out the wrong item when my wife sends me to the store but when I do I buy it in the mega- pack.

18.

Text - Robert Knop @FatherWithTwins "I don't want popcorn" - My wife, who's about to eat half my popcorn during this movie >

19.

Text - Josh @iwearaonesie Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge

20.

Text - Troy Johnson @_troyjohnson Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.

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