See, the thing about fixing computers is that you need to know just the right angle and speed to hit them. Only after a good number of sustained hits will a computer realize that it best shape up or there'll be another one coming, and they tend to realize that pretty fast. That's what's known as machine learning. After that, you can just keep a bat or sharp stick by your desk, and your computer will connect to the internet on the power of fear alone. No need to plug it into anything. Fear may be the oldest emotion, and computers may be very new, but most of them still have anxiety software installed.
In the rare case that you can't make your computer work with an iron fist and constant threats of violence, it may be time to call IT. Those folks really know what's going on in those electro-guts, and word has it they know even better threats and more hurtful words to call computers. And those slurs for machines? That's what's known as programming language.
Here are some tech memes for the computer fiends.
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