Monday, July 13, 2020

Parent Hires Private Investigator To Check Out Nanny


This parent asked the people of Reddit whether or not they were in the wrong for hiring a private investigator to look into their nanny. Some folks are suggesting that this was a gross violation of the nanny's privacy, while other folks offer nothing but understanding for wanting to know the background of the person looking after your kids. 

1.

Text - AITA for hiring a private investigator to check into our nanny? We have a nanny (late 20s) who comes to watch our 3 year old and 1 year old when our work schedules overlap or we have to go out together for whatever reason. She's watching the kids between 10-20 hours a week. Recently I came back and it was time to pay her, but she was in the middle of bathing the kids so said "Can you just put it in my purse?" I said no problem. I went downstairs and found her purse but it was a little clu

2.

Text - When I opened her wallet to put it inside, I couldn't help but see her ID in the transparent front pocket, and it had her photo but her name was completely different from the one she had given us and we'd background checked when we had hired her. She's been great, so I didn't want to just fire her, but this meant she was either using a fake name with us or carrying a fake ID, so we had to see if she was trying to hide something relevant. She's someone who spends prolonged time alone with

3.

Text - The Pl discovered she had the ID to circumvent a bureaucratic rule about student living arrangements for the graduate school at her university (something like she wanted to stay on the undergraduate campus when she became a graduate student so used an undergrad friend's name on her ID to register for housing.) Not a big deal. Then, unfortunately, unbeknownst to us our 3yo overheard us talking about it and said something that tipped her off to the whole thing. We explained that we had beco

4.

Text - She was very upset, said it was none of our business why she would have two IDs, and it was a violation of her privacy to look into her life instead of just asking her. Now she's even considering quitting. We feel awful, but are also weighing that with how awful we'd feel if we didn't do due diligence and there was something serious to it. We're conflicted now, because she has always been wonderful. AITA for hiring the private investigator? Edit: The ID was (what appeared to be) a state i

5.

Text - Dszquphsbnt • 14h • Craptain [199] NAH. She watches your kids, you have the right to know what her deal is. Also, someone's gotta employ the private investigators, amrite? But, on the other hand, she has every right to be upset and feel like you invaded her privacy, because..you literally did. You literally hired someone to invade her privacy. Try giving her a raise to get her to stay, maybe? Or let her go and hire a Pl for the next nanny from the jump. Reply 2.5k ...

6.

Text - voltechs • 12h Hmmm. Why did you open the wallet to put it in the purse? Feels like you built up a lot to try and justify this not-so-innocent invasion of privacy. Then you try to justify some of this with the fact that your kids can't really talk, and then later blame your 3yo for blowing your cover by... talking? That also feels inconsistent. To your specific question, are you the asshole for hiring the private investigator? No. NTA. For everything leading up to it, including failing to

7.

Text - GrowingApathetic1 • 13h • Partassipant [1] YTA. In what universe is "put this in my purse" an excuse to dig through someone's wallet? If someone asks you to put something in their room do you start looking through their underwear drawer too? I understand you just trying to protect your kids by making sure she wasn't doing anything terrible but I don't like how people aren't addressing the fact that you went through her wallet like some kind of freak instead of just stuffing the money in a

8.

Text - bebri2611 • 14h Definitely the asshole. Besides the fact you went through her purse, if you asked her and didnt trust her answer than you can easily let her go. Total invasion of privacy and I wouldn't blame her for quitting. I understand your childs safety is a concern, but you have the option of not letting her be around your children...and honestly if you were so concerned, all the time spent investigating, did you leave her with your children? Reply 254 ...

9.

Text - ivi15 • 13h • Partassipant [3] YTA - what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that she never lied about herself or her name to you. She only had a friend's ID for housing purposes. That really was a violation of her privacy and you should have just asked her about the ID when you saw it. Reply 107 ...

10.

Text - Goober684 • 13h • Certified Proctologist [22] NTA In the end, the security of your family has to come first. It is great that it is nothing and that she likely would have told you the truth. But the reality is that is might not have been nothing. Hopefully she can understand that protection of your children needs to literally be your top priority as parents. If anything untoward was happening, it would have been better to be on top of it. Reply 36 ...

11.

Text - orbitalchild • 10h YTA did you tell her you were background checking her originally? Regardless the adult thing to do would have just been to sit her down and ask her about it give her the opportunity to explain. If you didn't trust your answer then you so let her go because you obviously wouldn't be able to get past that. But you majorly violated her Trust. Now she can't trust that if y'all have a problem you will come to her and talk to her about it. She's going to think that y'all will

12.

Text - alpha_rat_fight_ • 14h • Asshole Enthusiast [6] NTA. You left your kids with her. All bets are off. I'm a part-time nanny and my last family had cameras that they did not alert me to (in addition to a background check I completed when I was hired). I only knew of their existence because the grandma accidentally let something slip that clued me in. I felt very weird knowing l'd done stuff like adjust my bra and pick a wedgie on camera, but hey. I still get it and don't fault them. Reply ..

13.

Text - KuroPandaaa • 9h• Partassipant [1] YTA, basically repeating everything the other yta comments are saying. But.. why? I'm absolute confused as to why you hired a private investigator instead of just fire her and hire a new nanny if you didn't want to straight up ask her. You sure have enough money to go around. Reply ...

14.

Text - Steampunk_Batman • 5h YTA; you could have easily asked her about it when you "accidentally" saw it, but immediately jumped to hiring someone to stalk her (which, let's face it, is all a Pl is). If you wanna keep her, give her a raise and a deep, heartfelt apology for not trusting her. Reply

15.

Text - arisomething • 9h I think YTA. Mostly because i can think of several reasons why someone may go by a different name on some documents or carry a fake ID. Protesters carry them. Some people have changed names for their own protection. Some people have a lot of names and just choose to go by different ones in different spaces. Some people use them for retail stores that insist on looking at ID'S. You had no business opening her wallet, anyway. On top of that, you had already done a backgrou

16.

Text - Haunted_bee • 6h YTA. On top of what everyone here has said about you invading her privacy and snooping through her personal belongings, you also assumed the worst right away. Many people use a different name for safety reasons or personal reasons than what is on their government ID. She could have given you a preferred name. Many people I know go by their middle names, and know people who will give their Mom's maiden name as their last name opposed to their Father's surname. People do no

17.

Text - amsayyy • 11h YTA for going into her wallet when she said put it in my purse. Anyone with a brain knows that means: put it in my purse, not rifle through my things and start looking at my shit. If you were so concerned about whose around your children, you would have investigated her prior to leaving your children with he Reply ...

18.

Text - Phoebeish- • 11h YTA, what you did crossed a lot of lines. I understand you want to be sure about your children's safety and you were rightfully concerned, but what you did is not okay Reply 2 ...

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