Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Woman Gives Synopsis of Jesus Time Travel Assassination Movie


Apparently Assassin 33 AD just came out and it has a few people confused. Honestly, it's extremely hard to tell from the reviews and trailers if this is some low budget goofball satire, weird fundamentalist propaganda or an ill-fated sci-fi christian fever dream. Laura Robinson gives an interesting account on the film.

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Text - 8:36 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h A doubting Christian just shot Jesus in the head with an automatic pistol. The doubting Christian acknowledged that when Jesus died, he was speaking English. 70 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I would bet that the science research involved in this movie came from watching LOST. 03 73 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h The love interest was just shot in the abdomen. Our hero took off all his clothes but his tighty-whities and sneakers to make a bandage.

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Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h That said, the black guy is confessing to Jesus right now that he doesn't like the movie Passion of the Christ and it's pretty funny but also looks like a South Park scene. 91 ♡ 77 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I am so uncomfortable. 01 O 61 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn Jesus and the black guy are now casually referring to Passion of the Christ as "my movie/your movie." Jesus knows about the movie Passion of the Christ and he really likes it. 6:52 PM

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Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h Replying to @LauraRbnsn There's another hour left of this movie so there's plenty of time for me to find a divorce lawyer. O 95 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h A time traveller just had his watch stolen by a Roman. O 2 O 62 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I'm actually eliminating some key plot surprises from this twitter thread because I want you guys to experience the insane surprises for yourselves. 59 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I cannot ove

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Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h My jaw is on the floor. Whatever you're imagining right now, it's so much crazier than you think. 58 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn - 13h Also the black guy just said "mucho gracias" to Mary Magdalene because she said "Rabboni." Q2 63 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h A man holds his dying friend in his arms. "God has a place for you in heaven! It's a frat house! *sob* With lots of beer!" 3 ♡ 49 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h This movie is painfully, wor

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Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h Turns out you can forgive someone in one timeline and stab them to death for killing your girlfriend in another and Jesus still counts it. 44 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h "Use your Bible app!" - An action movie. ♡ 42 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 12h I am gobsmacked. That movie truly has to be seen to be believed. Jim Carroll, I expect a cut from the proceeds of people who will rent that on my "recommendation," as it were. That was a wild and (unfo

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Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 1h Oh, one more thing: despite the thoroughgoing Islamophobia, there's an interesting detail where a character says that Muslims wouldn't kill Jesus because of his prophetic status, and someone corrects her that the villains "aren't Muslims, they're extremists." 01 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 1h I don't know if that was a cynical line thrown in to say "Look, we aren't Islamophobic" or expresses the genuine conviction of the filmmakers, but either way it

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