Saturday, January 30, 2021

Totally Random, Strange, And On Point Tumblr Gems


We can always count on the multitude of rabbit holes prevalent throughout the wild world of Tumblr to keep us entertained as we muddle through this strange existence. You never quite know what you're going to get from Tumblr. Sometimes, it's a thread on what it's like to become a literal ant god. Other times, you get the thread on the intergalactic adventures of a weaponized Roomba. These particular Tumblr gems are certainly worth the time. 

1.

Text - glumshoe what does it mean when someone says they're pescatarian and vegan teaboot Land animals are innocent of crime but The Fish have Sinned

2.

Text - Text - vampireapologist college professor just said “you're probably too young to even remember this" and brought up something that happened in 2011 light-em-up-benzedrine Better than my professer that said we'd “probably recognize this from Saturday morning cartoons" then showed us a cartoon from 1935... aluminumapples New immortal vs. old immortal

3.

Text - Text - NOT FLAT CAECKEL They were handing these out to people touring NASA and I have been staring at it for the last 20 minutes trying to decide if it's funny or just plain sad. olofahere "NOT FLAT" is a little sad. "WE CHECKED" is hilarious.

4.

Text - Text - unfollower peekaboo is essentially just making fun of babies for not understanding object permanence hamfootsia #i've made fun of babies for less 403,395 notes

5.

Text - Text - RE tilthat TIL plants make caffeine to defend themselves against pests. Caffeine is toxic to birds, dogs, cats, and it has a pronounced adverse effect on mollusks, various insects, and spiders. via reddit.com icedsilver Coffee plant: *evolves caffeine* Safe at last Humans: () xekstrin Why are we like this.... one-for-all-plus-ultra the fact that we can't drink sea water even tho its the most common type of water just bc its 3% salt yet we can safely consume multiple forms of litera

6.

Text - Text - Professor X ask a girl, "so, what's your mutant power"? Girl: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!" Professor X: "oh really?" Girl [points up]: “ 2 pulls" Professor X: [stands up and pulls twice] “not bad kid, but not a power". Girl: "Im kidding, i can heal paraplegics" Professor x: [still standing] "HOLY SHIT" 7,008 notes ...

7.

Text - themiscyra1983 Peppers: Now that I have capsaicin, no mammal will eat me! ONLY BIRDS. THE BIRDS WILL SPREAD MY SEEDS. Humans: oh my god this burns so good Peppers: wut jumpingjacktrash poppies: at last, i have evolved my sap to the point where anything that eats me will sleep... FOREVER humans who are about to invent painkillers: hey guess what

8.

Text - Text - İLovePizza Just tried watermelon on pizza. Honestly? It was pretty good. 9 Reply from MithcellStone: That's him, officer, that's the guy right there, take the shot before he gets away. Shout out to Spider-Man PS4 for having one of the best fake social media feeds ranty9000 Follow More accurate portrayal of how this generation acts than the entirety of "life is strange" thadeeliv Follow i thought this was a real post for a minute

9.

Text - Text - cacklebarnacle tobacco: finally i can grow in peace, no more insects munching on my leaves. humans holding matches: my, my, what do we have here? doctornanitesreblogs Mint: Stay off me bugs or l'll poison you! Humans: Yeah l'm gonna need to put this poison in my dessert and mix it with chocolate. theindependentconservative Aliens Studying the Planet: nervous laughter* What the fuck?

10.

Text - Text - americanairliines-deactivated20 Just a simple PSA Cannon = thing that goes boom Canon = an event that occurs within a published story kankripeixes Follow they both destroy ships tho parenyzia Follow Did you just corsaircourser Follow BOOM

11.

Text - Text - rslashrats i think some of you need to eat a slice of cheesecake and listen to ambient rain noises ten hours unholystigmatas Follow I want you to know I did this exact thing yesterday and it was so surreal seeing this post I thought | wrote it in my sleep rslashrats you are one of my sims 14,182 notes

12.

Text - Text - Asked my uber driver how long he's been uber driving and he said "I never started" and then I laughed and then he didn't laugh & then we rode in silence for 10 minutes and then I sneezed & he said "what was that sound you just made" and I said "a sneeze" & he said "okay". 5 stars 5/20/18, 12:14 AM littlemonarch 5 stars bc it's clearly his first day on earth

13.

Text - Text - weavemama me: *on my laptop* windows: *having a nervous meltdown* ARE YOU GONNA UPDATE YOUR COMPUTER???? WHEN ARE YOU GONNA UPDATE????? TODAY AT 7:00 PM????? TOMORROW AT 5:50 AM??????? CAN YOU DO IT NOW????? MAKE A DECISION IMMEDIATELY OR GOD SO HELP ME gaysaladbar windows is the duolingo owl in disguise

14.

Text - Text - writing-prompt-s You run a tattoo parlor. Every couple of weeks, the same customer comes in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. th4nkyoub3n "what are you counting" "how many tattoos i've gotten" "i'm no longer serving you"

15.

Text - Text - spacefroggity Follow I think it'd be pretty funny if the next time an adult tells me l'm being Rude And DisrespectfulTM I just went "ya it's because I don't respect you" and watch the gates of hell open before me spacefroggity Follow Telling a boomer they're not automatically entitled to my respect just to feel something

16.

Text - Text - paperandpencilsandskips grant proposal to fuck around and find out paperandpencilsandskips Give me 100 million dollars I have theories spyglassrealms "fuck around and find out" is literally the scientific method, provided you record how you fucked around and what you found out paperandpencilsandskips i will not

17.

Text - thats-slightly-raven: feistie: thats-slightly-raven: I JUST BURNT MY HAND ON MY LAMP TRYING TO TURN IT OFF LAMPS SHOULD NOT BE HOT ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU THIRD DEGREE BURNS THIS IS BULLSHIT. maybe if you'd go outside and used natural sunlight instead of running your lamp for 13 hours straight, this wouldn't happen :) OH I'M SORRY IT'S 3:38AM LET ME JUST WAKE UP THE SUN SO I CAN SIT OUTSIDE WITH MY SKINLESS BURNT HAND AND BASK IN THE GLORY OF NATURAL DAYLIGHT. a thats-slightly-raven

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