Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Tumblr Thread: Becoming an Ant God


It stands to reason that if you saw a circle of ants chanting your name, you wouldn't just ignore it. Well, you shouldn't ignore ants in general; that's how you get ants. But still, if they formed a tiny circle and started praising you, it would be hard to let go. This tumblr thread takes the premise to its logical conclusion of roommate disputes being fought through the lens of ant holy war. Here's another good one about tumblr imagining aliens being fought off by wildlife.

1.

Text - cerothenull S quinnred probablybadrpgideas If Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can't humans be summoned by ants? The answer is they should be. 20thcenturyvole Well if a bunch of ants formed a circle in my house l'd certainly notice, try to figure out where they'd all come from, and possibly wreak destruction there.

2.

Text - weasowl That's why knowing and correctly pronouncing the true name is so important to the ritual. Imagine how impossible it would be to not go take a look if the circle of ants started chanting your name. And they're like, you can't leave because we drew a line made of tiny crystals - now you have to do us a favor. And you're like, let's just see where this goes "yup, you got me.. what's the favor?" and usually the favor is like, "kill this one ant for us" or "give me a pile of sugar" and

3.

Text - And SOMEtimes you get asked for things you can't really do, one of them, she's like, "I love this ant but she won't pay any attention to me, make me important to her" and you're like.. um? how? So you just kill every ant in the colony except the two of them, ta-da! problem solved! and the first ant is like *horrified whisper* "what have I done" weasowl for some reason my brain won't let go of this one, so...

4.

Text - Meanwhile another colony of ants invades your house, and evidently that last ant has gotten some of them to join her in a circle and taught them the ritual because you're coming out of the bathroom one day and you hear the ants singing your name. Sure enough it's that ant, but she's dark and fucked up noW, and she's like, “kill the queen. I will rule this colony" and you're like, sure, I guess I kinda owe her, and you do it. And she manages to become queen, and they worship you. Which is

5.

Text - ants; you teach them some extra words and when hear them you go see what's up. Usually. Also just to your name, if you're bored. And, sometimes some of the ants are like, tell us more human names, and you're kind of jealous of the idea of some other human diluting your private godhood, so you refuse. Your roommate Greg is like, yo, that's fucking awesome, I want ant worshipers! But whenever he approaches any, they run away, because it turns out that the illusion of control from the named

6.

Text - So you show up at the colony, and you're like, "yo, witch queen, did you think there would be no price for all these things? Your colony must do something for me, go to the Room of the Housemate, I will meet you there." And you go sit on the couch and play Overwatch for a while. You're like, right there, you can clearly see the ants all marching along the wall to Greg's room, but to them you're not even there, you're so far away they can't see you. It takes them, like, an ant week to make

7.

Text - over and by the time they've chanted your name once, you're there. "right, hold on" and you look around and you see a twelve-pack of Greg's precious fucking soda, that he keeps in his room and refuses to ever share, even though it's a communal food household and you share your hot chocolate with him all the time. So you gather the ants unto you, and you poke a little hole in each of the sodas and you leave the room to the sound of the ants rejoic- ing. Greg will suspect of course, but he'

8.

Text - But later, while you're at work, Greg destroys most of the colony in a rage, and you come home to find the witch queen gasping her last "the Dew of the Mountain, which you had us steal, was cursed - and so I lay my curse on you" and then she dies. Well first of all, you don't really believe in curses, but last month you didn't believe ants could know your name, so that's unsettling. And second of all, you feel kind of bad. You know, not SUPER bad, cause she's like, an ant. But still. And

9.

Text - But Greg has done more than kill a bunch of the colony. As you wait for eggs and pupae to replenish the ant population, you discover he has found some ants that didn't go on the Mountain Dew raid, and he's spared them, told them his name, and made himself a good sized cult in YOUR fucking ant queendom. Greg has started locking his door. So now you NEED the ants. Once again you direct the ants loyal to you to journey to Greg's room. You meet them at the door. A locked door means nothing to

10.

Text - sition. But you need them to get inside. You're going to put itching powder in his underwear drawer and leave a raw fish under his bed. So you instruct the leading party of ants how to go into the Cave of Keyhole, and position the Magic Megaliths inside just right to enable the opening of the Great Door and allow you to pass into the Realm of Housemate. Crouched by the door, you can hear when your ants are met by a party of Greg Cultists, who insist that if the Great Door is opened, the c

11.

Text - To find Greg! In his room all along! It's a trap! His cultists attack you! I mean, they can't do much real harm, but it kind of hurts and it's super annoying. You order your ants to attack him, and they do, but he storms over and pours bleach down the colony entrance. Now you and Greg are at war, and you both understand the unspoken rules to your fight. You can't do things directly to each other, why, that would be assault. But anything you can get your ants to do is fine, because "she to

12.

Text - Later, nursing your anger, you confer with your few remaining ants and stare moodily at your new prize, the ant farm that came in the mail. Bullet ants don't usually get along with sugar ants, but you're betting they will if a god tells them to. Meanwhile, you've got a laptop schematic to go over with your high priestess. It's finals week, and if you time it right, he'll lose everything... weasowl Feel free to add your own stories paralleling human/otherworldly with insect/human interacti

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Text - I'm going to have this repost a few times because I want to see which of my mutuals are into this kind of thing because l'm preparing to test drive a fiction share and writing prompt project raposinhachan The Idea of the old gods obeying us not because of supernatural reason, but because they think it's funny to watch the tiny animals fight IS the answer to everything

14.

Text - titleknown @zuzu-and-friends, @bogleech, @tyrantisterror tyrantisterror "Human baffled at a bunch of ants inexplicably calling it by name" is a better characterization for an eldritch abomination than 99% of eldritch abominations in fiction. Source: probablybadrpgideas

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Tagged: god , tumblr , gods , cthulu , ants , lol , story , roommates , funny , weird
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