FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 05/11/20

Monday, May 11, 2020

Vegan And Meat Eater Square Off In Debate

Man, it'd be wild if all debates went like this.

Submitted by: (via Earthling Ed)

Tagged: debate , interesting , carnivore , vegan

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Man Investigated By FBI For Doing His Job

Sounds like a truly nightmarish day on the job. Poor guy was just trying to do the work that he was tasked doing, and ends up walking right into a full on mess. Get the dude a raise or something for the hassle.

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Text - r/tifu + JOIN u/nothintooseahear • 4d TIFU by being investigated by the FBI for doing my job This happened about a decade ago, and l'm finally comfortable sharing this anonymously to the public.

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Text - TL;DR I was tasked with researching a subject for my government job, and asked some questions online that led to me being investigated and eventually interrogated as a potential terrorist by the FBI and NCIS. After I graduated from college, I used to work for the Navy as an engineer and direct federal employee. During my time there I mostly worked on small budget experimental and prototype projects. At one point, our team discussed placing our prototype on an RC airplane for testing purpo

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Text - on my team had much experience with RC planes, but I had a little experience with multirotors from a college senior project. I gladly volunteered to research the subject as it sounded interesting. Initially, I used google to find some RC planes what would meet our requirements. Unfortunately, most RC planes at the time were sold as a frame, and required you to choose an engine, propeller, batteries and other components that affect the capabilities of the airplane. The best place to find i

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Text - these planes was on online forums. Each model of airplane often had its own thread with hobbyist discussing the various configurations and performance characteristics of the plane. I found a particular RC airplane that I thought would meet my team's needs. I hopped on the forum and innocently asked how much weight the plane could carrying and how fast it could go. At first, I received some genuine responses until someone said, "Wait a minute, why are you asking?!" I panicked. I baked up s

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Text - messaged two of the most vocal users who were certain I was a terrorist to let them know I worked for the Navy, and wasn't a terrorist. One user believed me; one called me a liar. I ultimately decided it was time to cut my losses and deleted my account from the forum. We ended up not using RC planes at the time and I thought that was that. I put it out of my mind. About 4 months later, I received a call at 4:30pm from someone I will refer to as Special Agent Smith with NCIS. On the phone,

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Text - Smith asked if I could come visit him at his office right then. My job, at the time, was legally required to be a 9-5. My pregnant wife was expecting me home at about 5:15pm. Sol asked Special Agent Smith how long it would be and what the nature of the visit was. He responded with, "Only about half an hour" and "I'll tell you when you get here." I sent my wife a quick text that l'd be a little late getting home, and headed over to the NCIS office. I left my cell phone at the front desk an

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Text - clicked away at his keyboard filling in a bunch of information into some form. The questions started simple, like, "What are your hobbies?" and "How are you liking your job?" The conversation continued casually with general get to know you questions for the next half an hour to hour. I remember the exact moment when the interview changed to an interrogation. After a short pause, Special Agent Smith changed his tone and asked me why I hadn't mentioned RC planes as a hobby and simultaneousl

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Text - university server. I was also shown printed out conversations from the RC forum where the conversations had occurred about the RC airplanes. The questions quickly changed to, "How do I feel about the president?" "How do I feel about the war?" The tone was no longer casual, and the questions became very pointed. The pointed questions continued for another 30 minutes. Special Agent Smith encouraged me to be completely honest because it would be better for me if I just told him everything. A

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Text - talked to your bosses, so I knew you weren't a terrorist. But, I had to go through the process anyway." I was also informed that from the original forum post about the airplane, someone had reported my username as a potential terrorist to the FBI. The FBI had tracked me down and discovered that I worked for the Navy and then turned the investigation over to NCIS. During the interrogation, I admitted to DMing two strangers and telling them I worked for the Navy. Because I had done this, Sp

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Text - clearance. At that particular location at the time, about the only way to get fired was to lose your security clearance. My wife and I had just discovered we were pregnant with our second child. Our first child left my wife extremely ill, and we had initially suspected she was pregnant because she was beginning to get sick again. Special Agent Smith told me that if I wasn't going to lose my security clearance, I wouldn't hear from him again. However, if there were any issues with my clear

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Text - By the time I left the NCIS office, my wife was panicking. I had disappeared off the face of the planet for a couple of hours and was not answering my cell phone. I returned home, and broke down in tears while I tried to explain to my poor, panicked wife what had happened. My wife and I anxiously waited for news about my clearance, trying not to tell anybody about what was happening out of fear of facing some sort of additional punishment. My wife's health continued to deteriorate with th

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Text - almost ended her life. Even after 4 months had passed, we still felt it hovering over us for quite some time. Through all of this, my bosses found the incident quite humorous. One of them laughingly told a group shortly after the questioning, "They asked me if I would be surprised if nothintooseahear flew a plane into a building tomorrow? I told them nothintooseahear was as American as apple pie!" While he told the group of his experience, I just cringed, fearing retribution from NCIS and

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Tagged: FBI , surprising , government , FAIL , tifu , Reddit , intense

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Steak Cooked on a Computer Processor

It's a pretty known thing that CPUs generate a lot of heat, but sometimes people people like to kick it up a notch. So why not put that "so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk" mentality to the test and cook some beef using your computer.

Submitted by: (via たれみみChannel)

Tagged: steak , hot , computer , Beef , funny , Video

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Will Arnett Can't Keep A Straight Face When Talking CGI

Rich Fulcher's delivery for these questions is on point. This is just great.

Submitted by: (via Regal)

Tagged: actor , will arnett , ridiculous , cgi , funny , Video

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Godzilla Of Karens Experiences Self-Created Defeat

All that negative energy caught up with this Karen in the end. One can only imagine what that fiery rage looked like as it swept across her face, after dropping the cake. You just love to see the employee who had to navigate a testy Karen, ultimately walk away with the satisfaction that she created her own hilarious predicament.

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Text - r/entitledparents + JOIN u/Top_Gorilla17 • ly 2 9 3 14 Let them eat cake. Long ago, way back in the before-time, I worked for one of those bulk warehouse club stores. My trade was simple: I was a wrangler of the silver buffalo, and dutifully retrieve the ol' ghetto strollers I did.

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Text - The job in-and-of itself wasn't the worst l'd ever had; I got plenty of exercise, got to be outside and generally didn't have to interact with the 'members' (calling them customers was taboo) for the most part. For the most part. The thing about this job is that the company I worked for had a- reputation- for being cheap. Thusly, more often than not, I was on my own out in the parking lot. "Big whoop," you might say. "You gathered carts? You should see how hard MY job is!" Yeah, well... S

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Text - bulky, hard-to-control flatbeds. On top of that, whenever someone needed help loading their haul into their minivans, I was the guy they called. You know, because the greeters, cashiers, and managers were all busy. As you might expect, one man cannot be in multiple places at once, and as a result, on some of our busier days it became incredibly difficult to keep enough carts in the vestibule. Our story begins on one of these days...

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Text - So there I was, chugging along like a good worker drone, struggling to keep up with the sheer volume of people coming in to buy cheap bulk goods. Sure enough, I get a call on the radio: Manager - "[sktchh] Top_Gorilla17.? We need you to help some members load their purchases. [sktchh]" Me -"Uh, l'd love to, but l'm barely able to keep up out here as is..." Manager - "[sktchh] Just do it, Top_Gorilla17. You can afford to stop gathering carts for two minutes. [sktchh]"

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Text - Ron Howard - "He couldn't." I didn't want to push my luck, so I complied. After spending 20 minutes loading people's purchases because when one person needs it, suddenly they ALL need it, I came back to find my vestibule a near-ghost town, save for a single line of carts that was half-gone, and... The Karen. I won't waste time describing this specimen. She was the prototype. You know what she looked like.

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Text - There she stood, menacing, tapping her foot with such speed that could make any metal drummer green with envy... You could collect the contempt in her gaze in a jar. Karen - "Where are the big flat ones?" I blanked for a moment. Me - "I'm sorry?" Karen - "Ugh. Mexicans..." For the record, I'm very much white. Karen - "WHERE. ARE. THE. FLAT ONES."

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Text - Me - "Oh, you mean the flatbeds. I'm sorry, I was just helping some other members load their merchanise and haven't had a chance to-" Karen - "OH MY GOD, I don't care about your excuses, you have ONE JOB, and a TRAINED. MONKEY. Could do it!" I just want this lady out of my face, so I don't fight it. Me - "Sorry ma'am. I'll grab one from the parking lot for you..." Karen - "You'd better..."

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Text - So I go back out to the lot and find a whole line of flatbeds sticking out of a corral blocking several parking spaces. I push them all into the vestibule where she waits, huffing about how I'm wasting her valuable time. I separate one from the rest and bring it to her. Me - "I'm terribly sorry about the wait, ma'am." She leers at me with utter malice. Karen - "Hmmph. Unbelievable..."

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Text - And with that, she dismisses herself into the store, where she will be someone else's problem.I shake my head and return to doing what I'm paid to do. About fifteen minutes later, I'm returning a line of carts when I see her pushing her flatbed to her Miata and jawwing about 'stupid people' (most certainly referring to me) on her cell phone. You know what she had bought? What she had insisted on having a flatbed for? A cake. This wasn't even like, a big cake. It was one of those little ci

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Cake decorating supply - APPY BIRTHDAY SOPHIE

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Text - Anyways, I witness as she continues to yammer on about how I nearly ruined- RUINED I TELL YOU- her precious baby's birthday party, when the most glorious thing happened: Still clutching her phone with those jai-alai scoop claws of hers, she attempts to pick up the cake with one hand, the plastic topper pops off, and she spills the cake all over her undoubtedly expensive designer outfit. Seething with white-hot rage, she locks eyes with me.

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Text - Karen - "YOU! GET ME ANOTHER CAKE! NOW!" Me - "Terribly sorry ma'am. I've got one job, and these carts won't gather themselves." I walked away, shit-eating grin plastered on my face as her shrieks faded into the distance behind me. I've had my share of nasty customer interactions before, but this one... (•_•) (• •)>-I- Really took the cake. >>

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Tagged: customer service , satisfying , ridiculous , Reddit , funny , karen

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Victoria's Secret Model Claps Back Against Toxic Comments

She is proficient in Rekt++. Yep, this Victoria's Secret model was getting some toxic comments, and decided to respond with just the right amount of spice and knowledge. The online world will always have the next dude trying to garner some attention by putting other folks down, but sometimes people step up and shut it down. Love to see it.

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Text - taban tebu Anyone? I don't think so 2d Reply aezam2 Only print "Hello World!" e 3d 1 like Reply anonymous-progranimer_ Yeah she can write Hello World 3d 1 like Reply Sta persian What a waste Зd Reply

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Text - Sra persian What a waste 3d Reply lyndsey360 I have 27481 points on StackOverflow; I'm on the iOS tutorial team for RayWendelich.com; I'm the Lead iOS software engineer for @RallyBound, the 841st fastest growing company in the US according to @incmagazine, I have a Bachelor's degree from Amherst where I double majored in computer science and theater, and I'm able to live my life doing everything I love. Looking at these comments I wonder why 41% of women in technical careers drop out beca

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Tagged: satisfying , victorias secret , instagram , awesome , social media , win

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Company Overhears Employee Roleplaying with Lunch

Usually embarrassing unmuted moments like this come from when someone is badmouthing the CEO, but this person was just being weird while eating food. Hopefully things end up okay. Sometimes we get ourselves into some embarrassing ad stupid situations, like this guy who thought a date was a job interview.

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Text - O r/tifu - Posted by u/I_Ate_That_Food 4 days ago 2 3 F2 S TIFU by forgetting I wasn't muted during a Zoom meeting when I ate my lunch, causing irreversible harm to my reputation. (I talk to my food when I eat it.) м I have been working from home recently (obviously), and I am pretty fortunate because basically there is no function of my job I need to be in the office for. But I have let some bad habits seep in.

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Text - I'm sure anyone in an office knows that like 80% of the meetings you attend could probably just be an email. But since we are meeting via Zoom, and since a lot of people don't even enable video, if I am in a meeting I know isn't important and where I probably won't even have to speak, I just mute myself and go sit on the sofa and play a video game on mute or browse the internet or whatever. Or eat lunch.

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Text - I have an odd quirk that I do when I eat by myself. I talk to my food and to myself. On the day in question my lunch I had a sandwich and some pita chips with hummus. So, for example, I said something like "Mmmmm, there's hummus among us!" Or when I had a chip I would say things like "That's what I call a chip!" or "Welcome to my Mouth, Mr. Pita!" And the sandwich, I pretended it insulted me, so I was like "Did you just call me a bitch? Hooo boy, you just buttered the wrong biscuit. NOM N

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Text - I wasn't really listening to what was happening in the meeting, but finally I heard my name a few times. To my horror, I had not muted my mic. They heard it all. My Manager was saying rather curtly, "Can you please mute yourself?" Some people were laughing. I mumbled an apology and muted myself. I got a stern message from him later saying I should wait for lunch until after a meeting, and if i had to eat during a meeting, mute myself.

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Text - In our Slack channels people are making fun of for talking to my food. But it is clear, they think I am insane. In the eyes of my Manager I have lost all stature, and in the eyes of my co-workers I am a lunatic. This could have negative effects on my career. I am actually thinking of quitting tomorrow. TL;DR - I didn't mute myself during a Zoom meeting and my boss and co-workers heard me talking to my food.

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Tagged: boss , FAIL , embarrassing , work , silly , story , food , mistake , stupid

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Strange Images to Fill the Day with Weird

The internet acts as a wonderful receptacle for all sorts of strange, uncomfortable and WTF images like cursed food from the underworld's kitchen. After enough digging through all the weird moments people have created and found, you may find yourself saying "that's enough internet for today."