Funny Tweets From The Wide World Of Twitter

By the same logic of "hell is other people," Twitter can be anything that you make of it. At the tend of the day, it's just people's most errant thoughts committed to electronic scribblings. And depending on what kind of virtual world you choose to live in, that can be many things. It can be a pleasant and fun experience full of silly cats and humorous ramblings. It can be multi-tweet dissertations on the history and significance of flaming hot Cheetos. But if you're like most of us, it's just people with horrible takes who you've decided to hate-follow because the only thing that makes you feel alive is arguing with insufferable strangers who you'd never meet in real life anyway.

So naturally, it's nice to just get the humorous ramblings for a while. Let the horrible takes and misguided treatises fall away so we can get down to what makes Twitter a fun place; the dumbest foibles and most inconsequential feelings someone might be having at any given time.

Here are some more funny tweets to counteract the drudgery of life.

Entitled Guy Tries Bullying Woman Out Of Disabled Parking Spot, She Shows Him The Stump

It's amazing to see how people change under conditions of resource scarcity. Just go to a buffet and watch what happens when they set out a fresh tray of crab legs. We switch off our humanity and become the worst versions of ourselves, and that's just for crab legs.

Parking a vehicle is a similar story. When we see a parking spot we want get scooped up by a faster individual, there is a brief moment when we're so blinded with rage that we can't even see our own hands. Most of us are able to let these moments pass and continue patiently making circles around the parking lot. But some of us act on our worse instincts in these tenuous moments, completely stop thinking, and make ourselves look like real douchebags.

Just such a thing happened when this woman found herself defending her own parking job to a guy who erroneously assumed that he needed it more. She showed him how he was in the wrong using a strikingly effective method.

For some more wild parking drama, here's the entitled dad who tried to usurp his neighbor's driveway and got towed.

Creepy Unexplained Things People Witnessed In Broad Daylight

We've all been sufficiently creeped out at some point in our lives.

It's almost a right of passage. You and your friends are walking around the woods, just being idiots when suddenly you come across something that shouldn't be there. The air grows still as you look down at whatever it is you've found. Maybe it's a garbage bag full of mannequin heads. It could be a pile of animal bones that aren't native to that area. Maybe it's a sign that says something like "Don't look up."

After that it's usually a pretty quick and easy deliberative process. Between silent gusts of dead leaves, you and your friends decide that maybe it would be a better idea to go home and play video games. You'll never know exactly what you saw that day, or how it got there. But you will think about it some nights when you can't get to sleep. And all of it happened at 1 pm in broad daylight.

Sure, nighttime makes things creepy, but at least things are supposed to be creepy at night.

For some more mysterious tales, here are creepy things people witnessed home alone.

Boss Insists on Precise Lunch Breaks, Employee Forced to Be Less Efficient to Comply

An employee who had been going out of their way to take care of an inefficient task during their lunch break was reprimanded for going over their lunch hour. When they informed their boss what they had been doing, they were met with a stone wall of stupidity and indifference. This left them with no option but to do the task in the usual inefficient manner, thus extending the overall time away from their desk.

Redditor u/The-Golden-Ranger shared this story to the r/MaliciousCompliance subreddit. You might have already figured this out… but it's a subreddit where people share stories in which they maliciously comply with an authority figure's directions. 

In this story, u/The-Golden-Ranger explains how they used to take care dropping off the companies bank deposit on the way to their lunch break. They walk past the bank anyway, so it's simply a small matter to stop in on the way to grabbing their food. 

This worked well until their boss pulled them up for taking longer than an hour for their lunch one day. When u/The-Golden-Ranger explained what they had been doing to their boss they were met with a blank stare and realized that they might as well "have said nothing because I was once again reminded that I have 1 hour for lunch."

Now, u/The-Golden-Ranger happily spends even longer away from their desk when they leave the office again after their lunch break to take the company vehicle to the bank to make the deposit. 

Sounds like a win to us.

Modern Day Shakespeare Writes Incredible Sonnet, Internet Amazed

This tinder virtuoso exceeded the talents of the bard himself when he undertook the task of fulfilling his match's request. 

Redditor and dedicated lover, u/drewhead118, asked his tinder match what it was that she wanted him to write for her. When she replied, "A Sonnet about a first love." he went above and beyond to deliver for her.

After spending almost all of the ensuing hour, u/drewhead118 delivered a masterpiece onto this fair maiden. While the sonnet itself is a masterful piece of work… The true talent lies in the messages that are hidden within. 

His match was wowed by the brilliance of his poetic skill but it wasn't until he delivered his secret instructions to "read the first letter of each line" that she saw the mastery of his work. 

That wasn't all there was to this trick, oh no. Once she had solved the riddle offered by the first instructions he revealed the second layer of mystery that lay hidden within.

Did he get her number in the end? You better believe it.

Terrifying Signs That Make Us Want To Turn Around

Alright, so you're walking through the woods at night. The trail is starting to close in with brush on either side, and you can feel the cold thin limbs starting to poke against your sides as the trail narrows down, only passable by single file. Outside of the field of your headlamp, it's just blackness. You might as well be at the bottom of the ocean. The darkness keeps pushing in, and you know your light is starting to fade.

And then the sign appears. One single steel pole perpendicular to the dirt. A blue sign on on the top in unmistakably clear font.

"Animal Carcasses"

It dawns on you that the sign didn't help your waning nerves, but at the same time, maybe it was good to have seen the sign before tripping over the physical contents of its message.

These signs may be horribly creepy, but it the adage of "what you don't know can't hurt you" becomes increasingly false when you read a sign that says "50 foot pit up ahead." Thanks, signs.

Here are some more creepy signs that made their message clear.