25 Rare Insults That Brutalized People In The Most Specific of Ways

Of all the things that make an insult effective, the most salient quality would probably be blazing accuracy. Anyone can say that they screwed your mom, but not everyone can articulate exactly how you look like a sock puppet that just found out it has a hand inside it.

And, this being the internet, every little thing has a the potential to be critiqued, commented on, revisited, taken out of context, and ridiculed. And that's kind of beautiful. It's terrifying if you ever want to actually put your face anywhere, or express your opinion. But all in all it's pretty likely that you have bad opinions and a worse face.

Here are times random people on the internet decided to be veritable astronauts of criticism and make great leaps into the territory of previously unheard, new, and rare insults. And for more utterly specific insults, here are rare insults that left people uniquely destroyed.

Wild Junk People Overheard After Someone Thought They'd Hung Up

Not sure what it says about us as people, but we all spend an inordinate amount of time and energy making sure other people don't know how we actually feel about them. Does this make us good people or bad people? Because we're trying to keep people from feeling bad, but at the same time, we ourselves are the potential cause of that badness. Maybe the word isn't exactly "good" or "bad" but "polite." We try to be "polite" to each other by keeping our frequently insulting thoughts to ourselves.

Don't let technology be the stopgap between your horrible thoughts about a person, and that person themselves. Because human error is a thing, and we're all bound to screw up sometime. And that's how you end up accidentally calling your grandma a "feckless, dried up old hag with the mind of roadkill" on a zoom call. It's not a great look.

Teacher Tells First Graders to Stick Magnets to Things, Says One Killed Their Phone

This teacher gave their first-grade class a bunch of magnets and told them to run around sticking them to things. Being first graders, they were more than happy to oblige such a request. But, when you invite chaos with young children around, something is bound to get broken. 

Now the teacher claims that their phone broke when one of the first graders stuck a magnet to it, and they want the parents to pay. The thing is… They might have made this whole thing up. If strangers on the internet are to believe that is.

This thread was posted to Reddit's r/AITA (Am I the A-Hole) subreddit by the concerned parent, u/Conscious_Koala_7009, who is wondering if they are in the wrong for refusing to reimburse the teacher for their "damaged" phone. 

This thread is interesting for several reasons. First, it proves an exception to the "take accountability when you damage other people's things" rule of social etiquette, often an important decision-maker on AITA. Because this Teacher invited literal children to do what they did and then proved incapable of protecting their personal belongings from the said thing they told the children to do. 

Second, according to commenters, a magnet can't damage a modern smartphone. Now, I'm of little-to-no help here; I've kept magnets away from my electronics like the plague since the mid-'90s. But, I have done the quick Google search (can magnets damage smartphones?) that the commenters have, and the answer appears to be resoundingly unanimous. No, a magnet can't damage anything on a modern smartphone, except for maybe its compass. 

Third… (Ok, I know several isn't three, but we're tagging an extra one on here anyways.) As commenters have also mentioned… Don't schools have rules about this kind of thing?

Scroll on for screenshots of u/Conscious_Koala_7009's thread and the reactions below. 

Tech-geeks… Any informed advice here?

 

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Video Rental Worker Exploits Genius Sales Loophole, For Charity

This story takes you way back to the days of the video rental store. Filled to the ceiling with hundreds of VCR tapes, those places always had the musky scent of frequently-handled greasy plastic cases, dust, and old cigarette smoke, embedded in the bright-patterned carpet since the 80s. 

Before mail-in subscription services like Netflix killed them off, they were a haven. What kid didn't love a trip to the video store? It was such a buzz to run around looking at the endless number of fascinating cases of movies you would never watch. When the 2000s rolled around, we used to look at the cases for console video games too. Even though we didn't own any of the consoles, it was just a way to know what was out there and going on.

This thread was posted to the r/MaliciousCompliance subreddit and was shared by Redditor u/Lifeaccordingtome83 who recounted this tale of their malicious compliance from times past. 

Scroll on for some screenshots of their story and Redditor's reactions below. 

25 Technically Correct Memes For Literal People

The world is far too figurative. People always ask us stuff like "how's it going" but they never actually want to know how it's going. And if you give them the truth, "actually things aren't too great, my doctor told me I have a month to live, because he is trying to hunt down and kill me" it just freaks people out. So in our lives, we have to settle for an assumed set of meanings rather than making them ourselves. And that's dumb. 

We'd much rather live in a world of terrifying ambiguity when it comes to social conventions. Someone coming in for a high five? Grab that bad boy and give it a shake. Don't like the soup you ordered? Pour that hot soup into a water balloon and throw it back into the kitchen like a grenade. Now we're really living our best lives. And all it takes is a baked-in misinterpretation of the facts.

Here are some more highly literal moments of technical accuracy.

Mother Steals Daughter's Inheritance, Uses it to Buy a Sweet New House, Gets Called Out

This daughter was confused when her mother and step-father were suddenly able to purchase a new house. They had been barely able to get by previously and now were suddenly living quite well. When questioned about it, her mother revealed that they had used some of the money that the daughter's father, who had tragically passed away, had left for her. This inheritance was left under explicit instruction that it went to his daughter when she turned eighteen. So have these parents effectively stolen from their child?

This thread was posted to r/AITA (Am I the Asshole) by the daughter, u/reddit_randouser, who is wondering if they were in the wrong for calling their mother and stepfather out in front of the stepfather's family. Her parent and stepparent are furious with her and think she's an insubordinate teen who needs to apologize.

 We think it's pretty simple: They're just mad that they got called out.

Commenters have agreed wholeheartedly and have condemned the actions of the mother and stepfather. 

Read on for images of u/reddit_randouser's post below

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