Friday, April 17, 2020

Tumblr User Wants Curtain Of Squirmles, Arts And Crafts Expert Delivers


Not only is "Squirmles" a wonderfully silly "word." It also represents those amazing, cute, strange little worm toys that some folks might remember from the olden days. In this case, a Tumblr user requests a curtain of Squirmles, and the resident arts and crafts expert that was around, more than delivers. Beautiful work, really. 

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Organism - iwillcutmyhairshort concept a beaded curtain, but instead of beads they're worms on strings iwillcutmyhairshort you know... these guys

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Room - fanotastic Hi op I hope this satisfies your needs.

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Room

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Text - puncrastination · Follow birb-ghost Needs more worms I wanna make one of these that is like a literal curtain of worms No clear strings available to get caught and tangle, I want them nose to ass like some kind of horrible human centipede of worms, covering my doorway lonevarg @fanotastic more worms fanotastic Aw fuck. Nothing makes you assholes happy. fanotastic Fuck you guys.

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Writing implement

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Text - fanotastic Why can I still see through it? More worms nearlynear reblogged wyrmythedragon moreworm badspooky reblogged wizardshark *bumping fists on desk* MORE WORMS MORE WORMS MORE WORMS toomuchdickfort reblogged dictator-woodle-dee-doodle More worms? Reach the ground perhaps? theonetrueyeet reblogged welcometonightvale-posts more worms goldteethandacurseforthistown reblogged dictator-woodle-dee-doodle WHERE do you BUY those WORMS geraldmariaivo reblogged timestruehero more worms

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Hair - dictator-woodle-dee-doodle WHERE do you BUY those WORMS geraldmariaivo reblogged timestruehero more worms awkward-ark reblogged mapleshmaple More worms!!! mango-the-jango reblogged bunnyhalo More, many more, morE

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Curtain - My fellow fuckers, I present you- 384 FAT

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Whale Explosion Thread is a Lesson in Listening to Experts


The Doncaster Council narrated a thread on the infamous Oregon whale explosion of 1970, and how it's a good example on why it's a good idea to listen to experts, especially in times like these. For some more weird history, here's a tumblr thread that makes history fun.

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Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster In November 1970, officials in Oregon, USA decided to blow up a rotting whale carcass. The whole thing went horribly wrong. Why do we bring this up? Well, this story can teach us 3 things about #coronavirus

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Grass

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Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster The story begins when a 45-foot sperm whale washed up on the beach in Florence, Oregon on 9 November 1970. Here it is:

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Text - Fish - Fiorent OreBDA

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster There was some debate amongst locals about what to do with it. 1 Although unpleasant, they could leave it to decompose. 2 They could try and chop it up and bury it (again, not pleasant) 3 They could blow it up with dynamite and hope that seagulls ate all the small chunks.

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Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster It was decided that leaving the whale to decompose would be too unpleasant in the short term. No one wants the smell of rotting sperm whale when they're eating their Christmas dinner.

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster Fortunately, at least for the purposes of this history lesson, they chose option 3. They would blow up the whale.

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Text - Font - EXPLOSIVES SIZE 14X8 STUMPING 50 lbs. GRADE

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster George Thornton, who sensibly seems to be wearing a hard hat, was the engineer in charge of the explosion. By his own admission, he wasn't sure how much dynamite would be needed to completely obliterate one of the world's largest mammals, so he opted for half a tonne.

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Text - People - GLORGE (0RN State H fiw

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster An ex-member of the military advised George and the other officials that this was waaaay too much, and just a few sticks of dynamite would be enough. They ignored his advice.

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Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster On 12 November, in front of a crowd of excited spectators (yes, really)...they exploded the whale.

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster Very quickly, the short-sightedness of the plan became evident. The huge amount of dynamite sent massive chunks of blubber flying through the chilly air, and it rained down around the terrified onlookers.

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster The overwhelming smell sent people running for their homes as rotting whale plopped down around them. The situation was dangerous - a car was even crushed by a huge lump of blubber a quarter of a mile away.

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster To cap everything off, the main bit of the whale stayed exactly where it had been. The problem hadn't gone away, only now there were thousands of bits of problem spread for miles around.

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster So why do we tell you this story? Well, as far as we can see, there are three #coronavirus lessons here:

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster 1 DON'T IGNORE THE ADVICE THAT EXPERTS GIVE YOU. They know what they're talking about.

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster 2 Sometimes, it's better to just sit at home and do nothing than go outside and do something ridiculous. Let nature take its course.

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Text - Text - Doncaster Council O Doncaster Council @MyDoncaster 3 When you ignore expert advice and act like an idiot, you Cover everyone else with decaying whale blubber. #StayHome and stop being selfish.

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Plane Casually Lands On Highway


Actually looks like a very smooth landing. Pilot's got some mad skills. Looks like nobody was harmed on the landing. 

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Simon Pegg Roasts Benedict Cumberbatch To Oblivion


Simon breaks out that razor sharp wit, and nails it. 

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Twitter Users Share Ways To Ruin Relationships


Things like eating all of your partner's snacks, or going hot and cold on the mood, or watching your guys' beloved show without them being around, are surefire ways to put the relationship in hot water. If you're in a relationship, maybe steer clear of these, and enjoy the benefits of more prolonged peace while dating. 

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Text - Luke, Deft @LukeWheeler01 BUT these are my fancy Crocs #HowToRuinARelationship

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Text - Cool Chris @CoolChris_1 #HowToRuinARelationship Go on a reality TV show

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Text - Mukund A @Mukund_the2nd pretend you have amnesia and dont remember who she is #HowToRuinARelationship

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Text - GD Podcasts GD Podcasts @GDPodcasts #HowToRuinARelationship Tell them you put powdered sugar on your pizza

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Woman Feels Entitled To Free Ice Cream, Gets Petty Spite Instead


This woman felt entitled to some free ice cream after seeing a young girl get free ice cream. Clearly, the level of entitlement at play was in need of a reality check. So, a reality check featuring petty spite was served up on the fly. 

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