“Keeping food on the table… That’s the reason I can’t quit. Keeping Wifi and cable. Otherwise no one would babysit.”
So, uhh, like when does the album drop dudes? Whoever has these legends as dads should consider themselves infinitely blessed.
Submitted by: (via Dad Lifer)
Following a horrific attack at UK Parliament on Wednesday morning, March 22nd; a monumentally oblivious and insensitive douchecanoe was photographed trying to get his selfie action in at the chaotic scene of the crime. The attack which has since been labeled a terrorist attack by officials, left 20 injured as well. If this idiot's goal was to skyrocket to the top of Internet's Most Loathed Narcissists List...then mission accomplished, broheme.
Submitted by:
Double standards, the world is rife with them. Most of the double standards we experience in a day probably don't even bother us or even make us raise an eyebrow anymore.
You probably make it though your day ignoring all these minor injustices and whatnot just fine, but without fail there's always going to be at least one thng that drives you insane.
In a recent /r/askreddit thread people spilled the beans.
Submitted by:
Yet another dating-themed trending Twitter hashtag has surfaced; and this one centers on people unforgivingly sharing the intimate faults, quirks, and otherwise helpless personality traits of their exes, in a fine display of not leaving the past in the past. Can't help but give a shoutout to the scathing tweet that draws a savage parallel between bacon and someone else's ex.
Submitted by:
God help these clueless cringe-instigators.
Submitted by:
Jared Kushner, Trump's son-in-law, and the man who's apparently in charge of solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, is building a brand-new tower at... 666 Fifth Ave. 666? And it, uhhh, looks like this:
Breaking news. Check out rendering of Kushner's 666 Fifth Ave. plan.https://t.co/yCb70QHKbr http://pic.twitter.com/PsDVrBnkxe
— Peter Grant (@PeterGrantwsj) March 21, 2017
Ew, boy. Someone should tell him that it looks a lot like this:
Submitted by:
Word to the wise: When you're looking to make a drug deal, always use FaceTime. That way you can verify who you're talking to. Verification is key to a successful drug deal. It's also helpful to do your drugs after talking to your dealer. You want to make sure that you're in the right frame of mind to make a business transaction. You don't want to end up like this dude.
According to the NY Post, this Pennsylvanian genius accidentally texted an assistant DA that he wanted to trade some weed for heroin. Whoopsie-doodles.
The Post reports:
Authorities say a man mistakenly sent a text message to a Pennsylvania prosecutor indicating that he wanted to trade marijuana for heroin.
Luzerne County prosecutors say Assistant District Attorney Jill Matthews received a text Nov. 2 using drug lingo that they called an “obvious text for a drug deal.” They say she later received a photo of a plastic bag containing a green substance on a scale.
Ain't that some shit?
Dude, check your numbers. How do you accidentally text a prosecutor this? Do they have the same names in your contacts? Is that name "Good Deals?"
Submitted by: (via Buzzfeed)
#GOPDnD recently popped up as a new trending Twitter hashtag that entertains the idea of how Republicans would go about handling a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Spoiler Alert: the hashtag does nothing if not make it seem like they'd be terrible to play with. And queue up the inevitable rage-riddled, politically-fueled shitstorm...
Submitted by:
Wednesday is probably the worst day of the week. You're the same distance to the work week ending as you are to the work week beginning. Friday never felt so far.
Thankfully, there are memes. Glorious memes. Surely, they'll help me get through the work week without issue, right? RIGHT?
Let's hope. Enjoy the memes!
Submitted by:
If there's one thing the denizens of Twitter, the Internet, the world really, are good for; it's banding together and taking up arms to stage a rage-fueled protest against anything remotely or absolutely evident of the proverbial 'whitewashing'. George Takei led the charge somewhat recently on that whole Doctor Strange business. Netflix went and kicked the hornet's nest with their new trailer for Death Note.
Submitted by:
The court rules in favor of love. Now, you two kiss.
Yesterday was Neil Gorush's Supreme Court nomination hearing, and boy, was it exciting. It's not every day you see a Supreme Court nominee vying for a stolen seat.
But aside from the insane-o politics of the Supreme Court right now, Ted Cruz was looking like he was having a good time yesterday. Who wouldn't be having a good time when your boss once said that your dad might've been involved with the Kennedy assassination.
All of those feelings bubbled to the surface when Cruz took one look at Merrick Garland, the man who would make corporations can be treated as people in the eyes of the court, especially if a company has a religious belief and a company wants to go to heaven one day.
Tell you about who was in heaven already: Ted Cruz. Look at this guy:
Is this a confirmation hearing or a date? Ted Cruz is looking at Neil Gorsuch like he hung the moon and the stars. http://pic.twitter.com/VGo8Ztq65i
— Kris (@kris298) March 21, 2017
Submitted by:
There's nothing like asking a big question as you stare up at the stars. Truth is, the only thing better than that is when you can ask a big question with an even bigger star.
If you agree, then has Stephen Colbert have a segment for you. It's called "Big Questions with Even Bigger Stars."
On this installment, Stephen sits down with Deadpool himself and discusses Green Lantern, Avatar, and peeing in a public urinal.
Submitted by: (via The Late Show With Stephen Colbert)
Some fools just have all the luck, man.
Submitted by:
Maybe this dude's only familiar with the Cinemax porn parody, "A Streetcar: Naked Desire."
Last night on Wheel of Fortune, a man was blessed with probably the easiest puzzle in decades and totally blew it.
OMG this just Happened. 🤣🤣🤣 http://pic.twitter.com/Q0CYxM8jJB
— ⛄Mike☃️ (@MBragiel) March 21, 2017
What? How? This is me right now:
Submitted by:
Apparently, Oreos wasn't a good enough chocolate sandwich for this shop in Cardiff, Wales.
For whatever reason they're serving these sandwiches that are just filled with chocolate — no butter, though.
Submitted by:
We've figured out why Donald Trump wants to tank PBS so badly
Everyone knows that that reality-TV gameshow host who is currently under investigation by the FBI for links with Russia knows how to hold a grudge. So it makes sense that he'd want to take on the station responsible for the most politically subversive road in America: Sesame Street.
Over the years, Sesame Street has fired shots at Trump, making him out to be some sort of cartoonish villain for some reason. In 2005, they did an Apprentice parody with an orange-haired muppet named Ronald Grump, the trash-wealthiest grouch in the world, who puts his name on every piece of trash in town.
That wasn't the first time Grump tried to move onto Sesame Street. In 1988, a real estate tycoon who promised multi-floord can-diminums for grouches set up shup in and built Grump Tower.
But apparently, Sesame Street wasn't content with the metaphorical distance of a felt puppet, and later recast Gump with none other than Joe Pesci.
Here is backstage getting into character for 1994's Sesame Street 25th Anniversary special:
And here he is playing the villian of the 25th anniversary special:
A man synonmous wiht villiany on Sesame Street is the president.
Submitted by: (via Sesame Maniac)
Wine, it gets you drunk, but some aficionados seem to think it's got the antidote in there too.
Why is that?
In this video from Vox, they uncork why people think expensive wine is better than the cheap stuff, despite the fact that in blind taste tests, no one really thinks one is much better than the other. As it turns out, wine prices are driven by perception as buyers are influenced by things like price and label. However, as the video also points out, expensive wines sometimes taste really, really unpleasant.
Submitted by: (via Vox)
