Friday, January 8, 2021

Cameraman Low Key Saves Man's Life While Skydiving


No biggie, just wielding the camera like an absolute boss while saving a guy's life. All in a day's work. 

Submitted by: (via VKeeps ItLowkey)

Singer Tries To Outwit Professional Comedian, Fails Spectacularly


You never try to outwit a comedian. If you ever find yourself feeling emboldened and like you're up for the challenge, just don't. This is a prime example of the fallout that can ensue if you try to go to bat against a comedian. 

Submitted by: (via Never Mind the Buzzcocks)

Man Attempts To Steal Package, Gets Car Stuck In Snow


Talk about the work of a criminally dumb criminal. This fool attempted to steal someone's package (package thieves suck), and then proceeded to get his car stuck in the snow. Kind of comical on the one hand, but also still infuriating because porch pirates are the absolute worst. For more juicy package thief content, check out this video of porch pirates getting blindsided by a glitter bomb

Submitted by: (via Warren Phillips)

Belligerent Choosing Beggar Threatens To Snitch On Desk Seller


Apparently three weeks instead of two weeks was the dealbreaker and ultimate cause for being an inconsiderate and aggressively rude choosing beggar. They could've just approached this whole situation with a calm and collected matter, but instead they erred comfortably on the side of being a wildly disagreeable human being. 

1.

Green - +61 Today Hi there, I was wondering what the turn around time for a custom desk is. I need the height to be 700mm. Width enough to fit triple 24" monitors side by side. I'd like a keyboard sized area at the front slanted forward for ease of typing/gaming 17:25 Hiya, I have a template for that exact design. Around 2 weeks before we can start it currently 17:30

2.

Blue - Oh, can you do it sooner by any chance? I was referred by M 17:32 I'm sorry 2 weeks from now is the best I can do at the moment. We're quite busy as M stopped importing and rely on us now 17:35

3.

Text - Thankyou. I'll inform s that you weren't helpful at all and they'll pull the contract. How long now? 17:36 Still 2 weeks 17:39 / I will seriously notify Mark and I will advise him to not use you anymore if you can't do better than 2 weeks. 17:47 ?? 17:49

4.

Text - ..dos weeks 17:50 I'm not joking 17:51 ?? 17:53 Hold a second, I'm on the phone with Mark 17:54 You are not 17:55 He said 2 weeks 17:55 / ?? 17:57 He's calling you now 17:58 / hello? 18:00 / I can't believe you actually snitched to him. You don't even know my name? 18:03

5.

Green - I said "some dude with (your number) is saying he wants to discuss pulling our mutually beneficial contract Mark. Would you like to chat with him?" 18:05 ok look, l'll do you a favour since you're so nice 18:06 so how long already? 18:10 I just re-checked my schedule 18:15

6.

Green - and??? 18:17 well???? 18:18 Hang on just crunching some numbers 18:27 If you say 2 weeks i swear 18:28 ???? 18:30

7.

Green - I better not say anything then, I wouldn't want you to swear 18:36 just say it!! what the hell is wrong with you? 18:37 oh my god! How long does it take? 18:40 Never mind. screw you 18:43 ....3 weeks 18:58 / Fuck you 19:00 Type a message

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Facepalm Moments from Humanity's Beacons Of Stupid


As human beings, we're all very familiar with dumb moments of failure and stupidity. People do and say stupid things as if it's their job. Whether it's arguing with Buzz Aldrin about the moon landing or getting keys stuck in an armored car, the bar lowers every day for facepalm moments from humanity's best and brightest.

1.

Motor vehicle - ateria DE. TER These guys locked their keys in an armoured truck paS

2.

Blue - Iván Brandon @lvanBrandon do people even hear themselves BUSINESS INSIDER YOUR MONEY How one 31-year-old paid off $220,000 in student loans in 3 years Emmie Martin O Mar. 8, 2017, 12:40 PM A 105,941 Back home in Joliet, Ilinois, Horton took a job as an operations manager at the nonprofit her mother runs, The salary was comparable to what she made in DC, but the cost of living was drastically less. She inereased her student-loan payments, setting the lofty goal of paying them off entirely

3.

Text - why tf is there a birthday candle for 0 nobody turns zero years old lol 2.48 1.00 1.00 1.00 Condles 012 0234 678 100 1.00 1.00 1.00 1.00 1.00

4.

Text - cdmblogs @cdmblogs Conspiracy theorists claim this "5G chip" circuit will be in vaccine – but it's a BOSS guitar pedal cdm.link/2021/01/ conspi. ATTENZIONE - VACCINO -.. https://telegra.ph/ATTENZIONE-V. December 27, 2020 CHECK LIZE MUOLE INPUTE + OUTPUT Metal Zone MT-2 COVID-19 SG CHIP DIAGRAM DADA.DADA ML TRELE BAS UBOSS FRED

5.

Ingredient - Cypress Perez 17h •O I grabbed this bullshit ass chorizo made of soy I thought it was saying "I am chorizo" in spanish!!! Since 1973 Cacique. SOT CEIE SOY CHORIZO Veget-rien A EXTRA LARGE

6.

Text - Somebody born in 2020 will see the year 3000 when they're 80. That's wild.

7.

Text - ***** Verified Purchase False advertisement Reviewed in the United States on June 12, 2020 Style: TV Only Size: 50-Inch Purchased the Samsung 8 series TU8000 50". After un-packing I found that the 50" I purchased was actual 44". How's that! The box is only 49" there no way with the foam protection the TV could be 50". See pictures and video. This is a scam. I need my money or a 50" Samsung TV 966 people found this helpful Helpful Report

8.

Text - Tweet Buzz Aldrin O @TheRealBuzz · 2d I feel we need to remind the world about the Apollo missions and that we can still do what seems to be the impossible. #apollo11 #theskyisnotthelimit #5decadesofapollo #roadtoapollo50th O 141 27652 3,009 2d AENS ES There's a lot of sketchy stuff involving the moon landings. We do need to go back, there's zero reason it should take 50 years to make it happen again.. makes us "conspiracy" think something was up there.. 95 AENS E Replying to @TheRealBuzz

9.

Text - Me: I fixed your WiFi Dumb ass lady : no you didn't Me: yes I did Dumb ass lady : Well how come my home WiFi isn't showing ? Me: because you're not at home. Stupid ass people I deal with bruh

10.

Goggles - you can't spell cat without a 22/05/2018, 19:22 6 6m without a what 4m without a uS 1m without a what

11.

Musical instrument - V. Violin

12.

Text - TeamYouTube replied 1h Hey @YouTube , maybe don't put ads before first aid vids? I don't have time to watch a Red Lobster ad when my grandma is choking on a fish bone. 3 27 5 32 TeamYouTube O @TeamYouTube · 31m Sorry to hear about the trouble – YouTube Premium offers an ad-free experience when you watch videos. Learn more here: yt.be/help/KF50. Hope this helps. 16 17 4 8

13.

Arch - goodbye america! HELLO new york! Tweet your reply 6- 28m Replying to New York is still in America js 1 22m have you never taken a geology class?? i think i would know, stupid girl.

14.

Text - Let's put disinfectant in schools' sprinklers EDITOR: All schools have water sprinklers to protect against fires. The same sprinklers could be used to sprinkle a disinfectant liquid to help prevent Covid-19. The same sprinklers and pipes could be converted to spray a disin- fectant for a short period of time at night, or between classes when kids are not in class, or are on recess out- side. When not used to disinfect, the sprinklers could be converted back. to water sprinklers to fight f

15.

Night - 2022

16.

Brass - WNEP-TV WNEP 10h O The Grammys 2021 ceremony is postponed because of worries over COVID-19. WNEP.COM Grammys 2021 ceremony postponed because of worries over COVID-19 O123 87 Comments 6 Shares O Like Comment A Share Good, there hasn't been any good movies; let alone actors. 4 Haha Reply 8h

17.

Text - 00 MTN - NG ? 12:50 AM Tweet I think the scariest part about having triplets is having to be pregnant for 27 months. 6/27/15, 11:12 PM

18.

Organism - Brute Of Tsushima @BrokenGa... 4h v Birthday Dinner 37 149 Anime @AnimeEraser Replying to @BrokenGamezHDR_ Seafood is food for women but happy birthday

19.

Party supply - Erin

20.

Flowerpot - CLASSIC AZELN These are café syrups NOT Hand Sanitizer Thank You

21.

Sleeve - FOX FOX 5 DC 5 @fox5dc School district says no pajamas for online classes School district says no pajamas for online classes satin angel @yikeseth_ Lmfaoooooo what yal gon do? Send em home? >

22.

Adaptation - Saudi Arabia accidentally printed thousands of textbooks containing this image of Yoda sitting next to King Faisal while he signed the 1945 UN charter. SAUDI

23.

Text - Binary and non-binary are both half-assed, I don't even know why I waste my time doing that shit people struggle with it so it's not "half-assed" as your transphobic post is trying to imply this post was about programming

24.

Text - Here's a pic of my thermometer from the last time I was sick in case anyone needs an excuse to get out of work. Can't come in. I'm sick Did you mean to send the whole meme or just the picture? Fuck.

25.

Brown - All I have ever wanted from a yogurt is to know who the cows are. Dec 19 000 BERIE The Cows: COWN YOGU Myrtle Letty Root Irma Fanny Julia Veronica Padma certifiede by Baystar Cy european style, s light tasting ENJON Lucy 1.7K t7 68.1K 584.3K Tok, Roza 000 Replying to @_Jen_Silverman Notice how they named all the cows traditionally girl names. There is a deep connection between misogyny and consuming animals.

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Man Insists He Knows IT Better Than IT, Learns Otherwise


Anyone who has ever worked tech support knows that the job is brimming with testy customers that seem to have a relentless vendetta toward taking out all their angst about this wild life, on the very people that are just trying to help them figure out how to use their technology. This results in some seriously unfortunate interactions. People just need to play nice with one another. Check out another tech support "glory story" with this person who changed their phone password, couldn't charge their phone, and then assumed that their phone was dead

1.

Text - r/talesfromtechsupport u/airzonesama · 3y •I Am Not Good With Comp. I know IT better than IT Epic r/ALL So a few years back, I was working in a manufacturing company as IT manager. Like many industries, we had a number of machines with embedded computer systems. For the sake of convenience, we called these "production machines", because they produce stuff. By and large, these PC's are just normal desktop PC's that have a bunch of data acquisition cards in them connected to a PLC, or a sec

2.

Text - I've been in manufacturing environments before, and this concept is not new to me. Thanks to a number of poignant lessons in the past, I make it my business to understand these PC's inside and out. I like to keep them on a tight refresh cycle, or when it's not practical (in the case of archaic hardware or software), keep as many spares as possible. Also, regular backups are important - you just have to understand that unlike a normal PC, it can be difficult to do and plan it well in advan

3.

Text - Airzone: Me, the new IT manager. TooExpensive: The site's facilities manager. He's in charge of the maintenance of the site, including all of these production machines. He's super paranoid about people trying to take his job, so he guards all his responsibilities jealously and doesn't communicate anything lest they get the drop on his efforts. Oh, and he has a fixation about not spending company money - even to the point of shafting the lawn-mowing guy out of a few hours pay - hence the n

4.

Text - I'm new, but in my first few weeks l've already had a number of run-ins with TooExpensive. I'm a fairly relaxed guy, but I have no qualms about letting someone dig their own grave and fall into it - and in the case of TooExpensive, l'd be happy to lend him my shovel. My pet hate was when organising new network drops, I will always run a double when we needed a single. We're paying working-at-heights money already, and a double drop is material cost only. i.e. Adding $50 - $100 material on

5.

Text - So you could see that we didn't exactly gel together well. Which brings us to these production machines, and the PC's nested within. Every attempt for me to try and document, or even understand them was shut down by TooExpensive. Me: Hardware and software specifications? TooExpensive: That's my job, get lost. Me: Startup and shutdown procedures? TooExpensive: That's my job, get lost. Me: Backup? TooExpensive: That's my job, get lost. Me: Emergency contacts? TooExpensive: That's my job, ge

6.

Text - Move forward a few months and I'm helping one of the factory workers on their area's shared PC. It's located right next to one of these production machines. It's old. The machine itself was nearly an antique, but the controls system had been "recently" upgraded. It had co-ax network of 2 PC's - one NT4 primary domain controller, and a NT4 workstation, and a network PLC (also on co-ax). The machines were pentiums running the minimum specs for NT4 to run, with a control application whose ap

7.

Text - It was test&tag day and TooExpensive was running around a sparkie to do the testing. My earlier instruction to the sparkie was to not disconnect any computer equipment if it was not powered off. And so it came time to test this production machine's PC. The sparkie wasn't going to touch it while it was on. Luckily TooExpensive came prepared with his thoroughly documented shutdown procedure: yank the power cords. The test passed, new labels were applied to the power cord, he plugged it back

8.

Text - 10 minutes later, the operator looks at me and asks for help. I call TooExpensive's mobile, and it's off. I called VPO's mobile and suggest that he comes over immediately. 10 minutes later, the operator, VPO, and I are looking at this machine. It's fucked. There's the better part of a million dollars worth of product to be processed by this machine, and the nearest alternate machine is in Singapore, belonging to a different company. And if the processing isn't done within soon, the produc

9.

Text - So as I have said, I have used this software before and have a basic understanding. I know enough that the configuration is everything, and configuration is matched to the machine. But I also knew a guy who did some of the implementations. A call to him gave me a lead, and I followed the leads until about 4 calls later, I had the guy who implemented this particular machine. OldBoy had retired 10 years earlier, but VPO had persuaded him to come out of retirement for an eyewatering sum of m

10.

Text - To cut long story short, we had to rebuild the database. But not from scratch. OldBoy's MO was when setting up a machine, when he was done, he'd create and store a backup database on the machine. The only issue was that 20 years of machine updates needed to be worked out. It also just so happens that through sheer effort, I am able to compare a corrupted database file to a good one, and fool with it enough to get it to load in the configuration editor. It's still mangled, but we are able

11.

Text - After OldBoy and I started working on the problem, he showed up again. He ignored any advice about a backup (because obviously there wasn't any), and instead demanded regular status updates for him to report to VPO. The little shit had screwed up the machine, run off to hide, and now a solution was in progress, was trying to claim the credit. When it was all running again, OldBoy debriefed VPO on the solution. I then had my turn with VPO. VPO: So Airzone. Thanks for your help. Your effort

12.

Text - VPO: He claims he was busy contacting his emergency contacts. Me: I see. VPO: I don't believe a word of that shit. Unfortunately it's your word vs his. If I had the evidence, l'd fire him. Me: (opening the email TooExpensive had sent me about meddling on my phone) You mean this evidence? Half an hour later, I got the call to lock TooExpensive's account and disabled his access card. Edit: Wow, this story seems to have resonated with so many people here.. And thanks for the gold, kind stran

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