FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 10/26/20

Monday, October 26, 2020

NFL Wide Receiver Pulls Off Play Of Pure Guts

Some human beings have that level of athleticism that is just supernatural. We're seeing that in this video.

Submitted by: (via SANFRANFANAD)

Tagged: sports , nfl , awesome , ridiculous , football , Video , win

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Cat Does Snowboard Tricks, It's Awesome

This should be illegal. How does this cat pull this off? If anything we'd suggest that cats know a whole lot more than we give them credit for.

Submitted by: (via Smagical)

Tagged: aww , wholesome , adorable , awesome , Cats , animals

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Son Demands Dad Stops Playing Video Games

Wow, talk about the tables taking their turn. This is just beautiful. Good for you, my dude.

Submitted by: (via Limmy)

Tagged: parenting , ridiculous , video games , video game logic , funny , Video

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Tumblr Thread: Dwarves Beards Are Too Smart

This is why we cherish Tumblr. We have phenomenal human beings that take things to the furthest extent: like why dwarves have the most, undeniable, impressive beards that any world has ever seen. If you enjoyed this Tumblr thread check out another one about how humans are especially weird when it comes to animation.

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Text - deluxeloy Theory: So you know how dwarves have that thing with beards? What if that's not just a cultural standard or mere coincidence? What if there's a reason? See, dwarves like to dig a lot. They build underground homes, and there's nothing more rewarding to them than digging up some gems or valuable metals. But chipping away at all that rock and disturbing all that earth kicks up a lot of dust and dirt. If you do that every day without proper breathing protection (which Ancient Dwarve

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Text - phenomenon we see with real miners too; eventually, they develop a host of respiratory-related problems and even lung cancer. Now, if only dwarves had some sort of natural protection against all that fine dust. If only they had some sort of filter in front of their mouth an nose... My theory states that, through natural selection, dwarves developed more and more dense facial hair as a defense mechanism. mysral It should be noted that this interpretation also

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Text - supports the "female dwarves have beards too" line of thought. It makes very little sense for half the population not to have that intrinsic protection, after all.. aegipan-omnicorn This world-building has me legit grinning. I like this one. athelind This suggests that the micro-structures of dwarf beard hair are a lot more complex than ordinary hair, possibly including skin oils or other compounds with antimicrobial properties.

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Text - It also suggests that some of the dwarven durability reflected in their tabletop game Constitution bonuses are because they have built-in HEPA filters. And that in turn suggests that shaving a dwarf's beard or causing magical hair loss would have negative health impacts for the individual in question, suddenly breathing unfiltered air for the first time. Asthma, allergies, bronchitis, even pneumonia. aegipan-omnicorn Now that you mention it, I'm imagining each dwarven hair having micro-ba

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Text - Also, that their beards may be a microscopic ecosystem with unique species of lice, etc. living within their beards that would feed on the spores and microbes caught within it. Thus, making their beards 'self cleaning' - unlike a man-made HEPA filter, the beards don't get clogged over time. cipheramnesia And dwarves love and care and decorate their beards so much because like... it's not just accessory, it's a whole face terrarium. Just like anyone else with a plant or a fish, some people

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Text - extra pretty or minimalist or whatever style. Plus of course you may have exotic variations based on environment, because the air and rocks could be different. Touching a dwarf beard or heavens forbid tugging it is like running up to a fish tank in a stranger's house and tapping the glass - you don't do that. Dwarven beard care is like gardening and owning a pet rolled into one. dungeonmalcontent This is the only truth I will accept about dwarven beards now.

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Tagged: tumblr , dwarves , ridiculous , funny , funny tumblr

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A Construction Revenge 10 Years In The Making

It's really all in the buildup here. Like, what do you even do with that? Well, when it all gets down to it this is easily one of the most impressive pro revenges that we've come across. Enjoy!

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Text - Construction revenge ten years in making and why I will never have another business partner. Hello O r/ProRevenge! l'm back with another long one. This one has been going on for a decade, and I am personally, very proud of how it turned out. TL:DR at bottom A little over ten years ago, when I was a young carpenter, I met a guy who l'll call "chad" because fuck chad.

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Text - Chad was a new hire by the company I was working for, and became my helper. We got along famously even though he was 10 years older than me, he didn't mind working under a 23 year old carpenter as an apprentice. Chad and I had worked together for 6 months when he brought up the idea of starting a business together, he figured between the two of us, we could easily run a crew and build houses. After talking it over with my pregnant girlfriend (now wife) we decided that it would be better f

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Text - My duties were simple. Staff and run the crew, and keep on budget, something that came easy to me. I was to be paid an hourly wage, as well as 50% of profit after all business expenses. I never took my profit draw, as I rolled it back into growing the company. Things were great for about six months, the crew was working well together, we had a few houses under our belts, and a contract for a 10,000 square foot custom house with multiple out-buildings. Things were great. So chad has never

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Text - I finished the foundation, and picked up the cheque from the builder. The builder said that we over billed him by 25% but he was happy with the work we (1) done, but not to over bill again, as he doesn't like over paying, as there may not be any money left at the end of the build. I apologized, and asked him to cancel the cheque, and issue one for the work actually completed, he agreed too and said " l'm so happy to have honest people working for me" I usually don't pick up the cheques, n

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Text - I go into work Monday to find the locks on our tool bin had been changed, my name removed from all accounts, and a letter taped to the tool bin stating I was "dismissed from my duties" for an undisclosed reason. I was fucking furious. I was not aware that as a business partner I could be fired. I found another job quite quickly, and tried my best to put it behind me. That's when I found out where the money was going, and that chad had been slandering my name around town, blaming me for th

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Text - This is the revenge part. I took the "evidence" to my fathers lawyer (RIP) friend, who started a fraud/embezzlement investigation through the CRA (Canadian revenue agency, Canada's IRS) and called the insurance provider to make sure they were being paid. (They had never received anything) I called the builder whom we were building for and explained what was happening. He told me that chad had essentially stolen around $30,000 for payment of work not completed, and had broken into their of

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Text - Police said they couldn't help me and said it was a civil case. And the builder said he wasn't going to sue, as chad had no money, and it wasn't worth the headache. So I called his auto insurance company. Sent them all the pictures of his sunk vehicles, texts about them, and a short video he sent of him lighting the jeep on fire. Insurance company filed charges against chad, and won, chad is on the hook for around $130,000. I've spent the last 9.5 years telling anyone who'll listen about

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Text - doesn't end here. Years have passed, and I am still pissed off. I receive a call from a guy offering me a job. It was the builder that chad screwed over, not remembering that we know each other, after I explained who I was, and this bridge is burnt due to chad, he still offers me the job. Medical dental, company van, gas card, corporate credit card. I accept his offer. First order of business, finds another way to fuck with chad. Through the grapevine I find where chad is living and worki

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Text - I get in touch with chads landlord, explain how he operates, and chad is evicted for unpaid rent. He was apparently a couple months behind. I also managed to get his girlfriends phone number call her and explain what this guy does to people, and his extensive criminal history, including, but no limited to fraud, identity theft, insurance fraud, his many assaults, and his wanted picture published in the paper. Turns out she is owner of his truck, primary operator, but he pays the insurance

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Text - I call the insurance provider, explain what is going on, for them to tell me he doesn't even have a license anymore. They void the insurance on his (girlfriends) truck after speaking to her, and set up a sting with the police. I personally get to be involved as I knew what was going on. So I sit and wait for the day it goes down. I roll up behind the unmarked police cruiser, and quickly explain who I am and what my plans are.

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Text - The police are thinking that they are just waiting to pull him over for driving without a license, and no insurance, I said l'm going to cal him immediately as soon as I see him. So he comes cruising out, and I make the calI, he actually picked up the phone to call me a bunch of names, and the "n" word. (I am as white as the fresh fallen snow) and promptly gets pulled over. Police issue a ticket for; Reckless driving No seat belt No license Using a handheld device.

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Text - During this the girlfriend pulls up, and proceeds to give consent to search her truck. In the truck they find multiple id's, stolen credit cards, a couple ATM skimmer machines, and a fake police badge. He was arrested on the spot. Revenge over, right? Nope. Police then ask to search the residence he was living at, he moved into the girlfriends house after I had him evicted from his own place.

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Text - In the garage they find a vast collection of stolen tools, a lot of which belonged to the builder I was working for, from when he broke into their office, and they were all stupidly still labeled with the company's inventory control stickers. This brought on more charges, and he was remanded to police custody until his trial date. Well justice is sometimes slow here in Canada, and his trial date was at the time, 17 months into the future.

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Text - Well yesterday was his trial date, so my boss (who chad ripped off) chads ex-girlfriend and I attend the hearing. Just to see the man squirm. His judgement was 8 years in jail (after being granted time and a half for time served) a $100,000 dollar fine, 1000 hours community services after release, and no possibility of parole. I got to watch him be taken away in chains twice. Never underestimate the fury of a quiet man. And fuck chad.

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Text - TL:DR. Roasted red peppers. Set oven to 350 4 quartered red peppers Cover in olive oil Bake until soft/slight browning on skin Soak in Italian salad dressing until cool Return to oven with feta cheese on top( skin down) Remove when cheese starts to brown. A nice heathy addition to any barbecued meal. Edit: writing is hard mmmmkay.

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Tagged: satisfying , revenge , awesome , Reddit , win

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Tumblr Thread: Roombas Are Beautiful Beings

It's weird. Humans have this ingrained proclivity to attach themselves to the most unexpected objects. Like, for instance, a Roomba. You never know. You find that Roomba cleaning up your perfect mess and suddenly you're infatuated with this beautiful piece of technology. If you enjoyed this Tumblr thread check out some more Tumblr gold with this thread about the Chilean Cat Foreman.

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Text - voidspacer My roomba is scared of thunderstorms I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off-no power surges or anything, just thunder-and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap systlin Humans will pack bond with anything. Source: voidspacer

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Text - A you-only-liberate-once my host mom in Japan referred to her Roomba as "Roomba-san" and when it would get stuck she would just look over it and softly say “ganbatte, Roomba- san.ganbatte" as it made distressed beeping noises at her whoopsrobots "Ganbatte: Cheer up, Be courageous, Do your best" Source: you-only-liberate-once 151,556 notes

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Text - plsdonttakemyadvice Man human imprinting is crazy. My friend's roomba zoomed by me and I got this intense urge to reach down and pat it. Like it's just a machine? But it's a good boy? It spends all day cleaning and sleeping and exploring the house and never complains and it's just so good little robot? Pet robot?? Pet the robot????? Why am I like this??? polysymphonic When I bought my roomba the lady at the store told me that if it breaks within warranty and I send it back to the manufact

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Text - sepulchritude on the topic of humans being the intergalactic “hold my beer" species: imagine an alien stepping onto a human starship and seeing a space roomba with a knife duct taped onto it, just wandering around the ship it doesn't have any special intelligence. it's just a normal space roomba. there are other space roombas on the ship and they don't have knives. it's just this one. knife space roomba has full clearance to every room in the ship. occasionally crew members will be talkin

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Text - "it doesn't stab very hard, it gets us more than it gets our enemies, and no, but that sounds cool – someone write that down." "but then what is its purpose?" "I don't know," the captain says, leaning down to give the space roomba an affectionate pat. "it just seemed cool" aethersea this is the dumbest idea l've ever heard but I thought about it for five seconds and realized that if I were, say, a random communications officer onboard this ship and someone taped a knife to a roomba it wou

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Text - or a truly terrible knock-knock joke every time he managed to nick someone. somethingninga Omg so the ting I typed up might actually happen this is gold petralemaitre I am suddenly astonished that Stabby isn't Farscape canon. 1812 was weird enough. A dearthoughthenightisgone Tre (with Stabby's little charging dock would start accruing cuddly toys and commemorative holo-vids of Stabby's greatest stabs. Its insignia would start off at a fairly low rank, but soon, without anyone every discus

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Text - jumpingjacktrash why am i proud of stabby this is irrational roachpatrol like if you're proud of stabby reblog to tape another knife on him

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Text - "Yup. Don't leave your humans unsupervised." "I'l uh, take that under advisement." "Seriously. Get a supply of safe animals for the humans to bond with or they will make their own. I mean, they will try to befriend anything they come across anyway, but without any permanent pets they can get... creative. Don't even get me started on the time one of them taped a knife to one of our auto-cleaners and named it Stabby. Three weeks in and when we finally caught the wretched thing, half the hum

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Tagged: roomba , tumblr , technology , ridiculous , funny , funny tumblr

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Strange Cat Loves Being In The Fridge

This will always be the most wholesome result that you see when it comes to seeing a cat in the fridge. We respect it, and we absolutely love it. If you enjoyed this fun ride from Tumblr we recommend checking out this Tumbr thread about the Chilean Cat Foreman. It does not disappoint.

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Tagged: adorable , tumblr , awesome , Cats , funny tumblr

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Influencer Demands Free Wedding Documentary, Gets Shut Down

There's nothing quite like an entitled influencer getting a big fat "no" after asking for some service in exchange for the dubious promise of exposure. These entitled individuals with their nonstop demands never seem to learn that just about no one wants to deal with their tiring behavior.

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Text - ull EE ? 09:53 @ 1 68% Wedding 10th April 2021 inbox On 09:48 M to me Good morning, My client is a well known social media influencer who is planning to be married at the 2021. In the lead up to her wedding, beginning this summer, she would like a documentary style video (an hour long) and photos taken at bridal fittings which can be shared with her followers. On the day of the wedding, she would like a video documenting the whole day (must be 1 hour+ in length) and a package that include

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Text - ll EE 4G 16:53 @ 1 62% ... Hi Melissa, Thanks for your email, and we really appreciate the offer. We don't usually offer our services for anything other than our regular going rate, however we would consider making an exception in this case. Firstly, we would just like to check if there might have been a typo in your original email, specifically relating to a missing zero on the amount of combined followers your client has across all their platforms? As I'm sure you probably know, 55000 i

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Text - ull EE 4G 16:53 @ 1 62% Thanks also for your thoughtful suggestion of a 25% cut in our fee for any followers that book through your client's promotional posts. Previously when we have received recommendations and promotions from high-value clients, we have been able to actually raise our prices in reflection of their strong reputations. So in that vein, it's helpful to know in advance that being linked with your client will automatically knock 25% off the perceived value of the product we

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Text - ll EE 4G 16:54 @ 1 61% ... MellHngon to me Good afternoon, Frankly my client and I find that kind of unprofessional email appalling and we will no longer be considering you as contenders to shoot what would have been a very lucrative wedding for you. It would of been a great opportunity for you to network with other social media influencers and some celebrities who will be making TV appearances later in the year. On top of that we have had other businesses reply to us with additional offe

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Text - ... Hi Melissa, Frankie from Betrothed & Co. here First of all, I would like to offer you a few apologies. I know we did encourage you to get back to us as quick as possible, and whilst we do really appreciate your swift reply, we would have been equally happy for you to take a couple of deep breaths before hitting "Reply." Believe me, no-one hates grammar pedants more than I do, but giving your email a little once over might have been prudent given that you supposedly work in the communi

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Text - Putting any ill feeling aside, I would like to offer heartfelt solidarity about your client's mother's cancer. I lost my own mother to this horrible disease 15 years ago, so I can imagine what your client is going through. That being said, it's slightly strange that you use that as a tool to guilt-trip us with when absolutely zero mention of this was offered in the original email. Speaking personally, it would have been the first thing I would have mentioned if I was seeking a freebie fro

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Tagged: wtf , demanding , influencer , response , wedding , lol , entitled , choosing beggar

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