Big Bold Failures of the English Language

English is a tough language. To the point that not many native English speakers are masters of the language they are supposedly fluent in. It's kind of freaky how often you'll see a sign on a door that says "we are closed today, sorry for the incontinence." At least we can have fun with it and imagine they can't get to the door because they're pooping so much that at this very moment they're trying to slam their toilet lid closed like a frustrated vacationer jumping up and down on their overstuffed suitcase.

Anyway, even though English is one of the most widely used languages on the planet, almost no one is that good at it. And all we can say about that is "fantastic. Show me every time someone screwed this up and made a funny."

For some more times people didn't do this right, here are some blunderous foibles of the English language.

25 Times Old People Tried Their Best With Technology

Texting and social media aren't very intuitive for people who grew up in a time when it was considered safe to breath in leaded gas fumes. But they're trying their best to use the internet to follow their interests and keep up with their families. And we should definitely give them credit for trying. We should also point and laugh when they mistake their personal Facebook profile for a search bar and end up posting the phrase "naked beautiful women" over and over again to their wall. That's simply poetry.

Laugh now, but when Gertrude Wilkerson is 40 years dead and now you're struggling to figure out how to use your brain chip to sign onto the mega-net without posting memories of your own genitals, maybe you'll remember this. You probably won't, but at least this block of text will be here having said "I told you so."

Here are some more times old people struggled to master social media.

People Discuss Wild High School Rumors That Actually Turned Out True

High schools are a breeding ground for rumors, and that's not really surprising. Think about it: by the time high school students reach their senior year, plenty of them have been going to school together for 12 years. That's plenty of time for people to learn about each other, develop rivalries, resentments, ever-changing social scenes, and create a weird little ecosystem that — like it or not — follows them for the rest of their lives. You sure remember weird rumors from your high school days, but did you find out later on that any of them turned out to be true?

Redditor u/Sam_21000 took to the popular community r/AskReddit to ask that people share stories of the wildest rumors they heard back in high school that turned out to be true stories. From students getting pregnant multiple times way too young to gym teachers who allegedly broke a pool diving board every year (it was one time), these stories will likely remind you a little bit of your high school years. Hopefully not too much, though: some of these are pretty messed up. Best years of our lives… pshhh.

For more from r/AskReddit, check out people's worst stories of conflict with their neighbors.

Tips For Escaping Your Workplace... Brought to You By the Internet

Want to sell the appearance that you're walking to the conference room for an important meeting and definitely not slipping out the backdoor to go home at 2 pm? Well, keep reading, because this thread is for you. 

This self-report from a worker on how they manage to slip in and out of the office with ease has been circulating the internet and, of course, others have shared their own tips, tricks, and accounts in the comments.

The original poster reported that they used to bring a backpack into the office but found that this made it too easy for people to recognize when they arrived and left work. This resulted in unnecessary judgments being made that didn't necessarily have any bearing on their actual performance. They solved this issue by only bringing their laptop to and from the office. That way, if they got up to leave their station it was impossible to tell if they were going to a meeting or leaving the building altogether.

The original post made its way around Twitter before being eventually crossposted to Reddit's r/antiwork subreddit. There others shared their similar stories, which shows just how surprisingly pervasive techniques like this are amongst workers. 

 

 

'Heather' Wears a Wedding Dress to Half-Sister's Engagement Party, Changes Theme to Suit

There are certain people out there who just have to hog all of the attention. No matter what the situation is they need to be in the spotlight and have all eyes turned on them. These 'Heathers' of the world are the sort of person who will try to upstage you at your own wedding by getting engaged at your reception. They'll somehow make your birthday party about themselves and before the candles are blown out on the cake they'll be starting some sort of drama to make sure people are paying attention to them instead. 

It's important to make sure that you put 'Heather' back in her place and let her know that this behavior is not acceptable, otherwise, it will continue at every single event. 

Well, that's exactly what u/obsnotmain decided to do when they learned that their 'Heather' was plotting to wear a wedding dress to their engagement part. They changed the theme of the party to be a costume party, ensuring that Heather's dress would be drowned out in a sea of ridiculous costumes. 

Company Decides Cheap Airport is in Walking Distance, Taxis to Expensive Airport Instead

This worker liked to catch their flights from a smaller satellite airport because it was closer to their office building and this allowed them to reduce their travel time and still squeeze in more work on days they had to travel. An added bonus for the company, or so they thought, was that the flights were cheaper too.

The bean counters didn't see these reasons as enough to justify the exorbitant cost of the $12 Uber ride that the worker took to the airport. They determined that the airport was too close to Uber and refused to accept any justification for the cost of Ubering there. 

The worker was left with two options: Walk or take flights from another airport instead.

In typical malicious compliance fashion, this ridiculous decision would cost the company far more than a $12 Uber. Before they reversed their decision, this would cost them thousands of dollars.