Friday, April 3, 2020

American Explains Why Americans Still Complain About America


Many Americans still feel like they're trapped in a system that they have no control over, even though they're told they live in the greatest, most free nation in the history of ever. It may come as a surprise to some that the United States isn't the only country where its citizens are told that they live in the greatest country on the planet. For some outside perspective, here are some American problems people are too European to understand.

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Text - Why do all you Americans whine and bitch so much about being American? Seriously, you need to start being proud of yourselves and your country. Many people would kill to be an American and enjoy the things you moan about Why do we complain so much? I'll tell you why: Living in the united states is supremely fucked up cause we're one of the richest, most powerful juggernauts on the planet, but your average citizen has relatively infinitesimal access to that wealth and power, and very littl

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Text - Being poor in the US still makes you rich by some global standards, but often times The American Experience is like... you're a passenger locked in the baggage hold of a very long train that's going very fast. And the people driving the train are running it off the rails and shouting CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKERS CHOO CHOOO000000 as they thoughtlessly bulldoze this train through everything in its path. You want very badly to get off the train or bludgeon the conductors with a crowbar, because y

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Text - And UNDERSTANDABLY the rest of the world is like "What the FUCK is wrong with that train??? It must be stopped! There are so many people on the train why is nobody breaking into the conductor's booth and stopping it??!" But most of us are just squirming for basic survival in the last few cars while billionaires sit on top of the train sniping anyone brave enough to crawl up from the cargo hold, all while shouting that you're lucky to be on such a luxurious, successful train at all.

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Cameraman Saves Buddy's Life While Skydiving


What a thrilling ride this video made for. That cameraman was in the right place at the right time. 

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Steve-O Makes Omelette, Then Takes Hot Sauce To The Eyeball


Steve-O always knows how to take an otherwise operational, smoothly flowing environment, and transform it into utter chaos. In this case, Steve-O makes an omelette with Gordon Ramsay. You can see some sort of giddy anticipation building in Steve-O's eyes as they wrap up the cooking process. And then boom. He's leaving the roast master Gordon Ramsay at a loss for words as he takes a shot of hot sauce to the eyeball. 

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Weirdly Satisfying Images of Graceful Perfection


If you're like most people, you get this quizzical sense of satisfaction out of stuff being well balanced, perfectly crafted, or lined up really well. It's also satisfying to see things that fit perfectly. For the dark side of this, the deliberately flawed stuff, here are slightly uncomfortable pictures that spit on perfectionism.

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Flower

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Snack - tic tác Intense mint

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Food

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Leaf

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Cup - MULTIPACA HEINZ SPashett

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Collection - DIME DOLS TER SIWOOT 53 3295LBCC3 LOOMIS JEWAA756 JE74572347A CURUNITED STATES OFAMPIIO 129150

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Rectangle

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Fruit

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Dish - NE SOO r(t

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Wall

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Sky

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Text - EINOUT

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Snow

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Tree

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Furniture

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Tree

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Bread

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Supermarket - 149 49 Tampico Fruit Punch BUKS ORMA SAVE '1 EACH 149 49 JA 09 21 21 14 a. 2

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Glass

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Floor

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Wall

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Floor

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Tree

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Stairs

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Finger

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Dad Schools Kid On Memes


Dad's enjoying the perks of having a kid that doesn't fully understand the meme game. He uses Know Your Meme to try and educate his kid about the proper use of memes. Maybe one day the kid will get it. Until then, dad wins. 

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Cheezburger Image 9465799936

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Cheezburger Image 9465800192

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Cheezburger Image 9465800448

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Cheezburger Image 9465800704

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Cheezburger Image 9465800960

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Cheezburger Image 9465801216

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Woman Purchases Freshwater Shrimp, Spontaneous Love Ensues


@TheBugChicks shared a story about her experience with a couple chill, adventuresome freshwater shrimp named, Marty and Sal. In a moment of panic this woman experienced the stirring experience of love for a couple freshwater shrimp, that she didn't anticipate feeling, in the first place. It sounds like Marty and Sal are well on their way to getting set up with a stellar new crib. Right on. 

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Story time. An adrenaline pumping tale of indifference, near-tragedy and redemption. This is the story of how I knew I was capable of great love with a pair of freshwater shrimp. A thread. - K

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Before anyone gets snickety- yes they are in a Pyrex bowl. It is temporary housing until luxury digs come on the market. I'm working on it.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Background-I teach abt arthropods (animals with exoskeletons & jointed legs.) During #StayHomeSaveLives time I have been doing online workshops with my arthropod zoo. I was buying crickets at my local pet store & someone mentioned freshwater shrimp. I was all l'll take two.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks They are Amano shrimp. Very popular and hardy algae eaters for freshwater aquariums. I thought-I can teach with them! They were impulse shrimp.

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Chin - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks I'm not really a "whatever" kind of person. But with the shrimp for the last two days I was like SUPER MEH GIF

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks This morning I went to clean their water. I used a small ladle to scoop them into a new bowl so I could clean their other one. The initial transfer went perfectly. I am exceedingly good at this I thought. 12/10

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks The transfer back went...sideways. Sal was an angel, honestly. He ladled like a champ and then looked up at me with those stalked eyes like - I'm here. I'm ok.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks But Marty. He was in the ladle. He was there. I swear. He's translucent but he was secure. When I brought the ladle between the two bowls. He shrimp-flopped. This is a science word. Onto my kitchen counter. This is a manky vanilla pudding colored tile. We rent.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Something you should know about Amano shrimp. They are translucent. This was the moment. The moment I realized I love these shrimp.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks I scream- MARTY!!! My heart is racing. I find him inches from the bowl on his side on the tile. Near some spilled coffee. No I scream. Marty! I choke on a sob. I'l get you!!

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks At this point, my manpanion @PeterCBlanchard is yelling from his office. What'sWrongAreYouHurtWholsMarty???? I touch Marty's little shrimp body with the edge of the ladle to try to scoop him up. My hands are shaking. Help me I squeak. I only JUST realized I LOVE HIM.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Peter is a steady dude. Peter is looking at me like- you're the person l've chosen?

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Marty has shrimp-flopped again, off of my fingertips and dangerously close to the edge of the counter. I. Am. A. Mess.

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Dog breed - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks If Marty splats on the floor my dog will maybe eat him. He is ready. He is always ready.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Time is of the essence. Peter grabs a metal spatula and I tightly say- he has translucent legs and two pairs of antennae! He is a crustacean!!!! Teaching is not something you do. It's who you are.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Together, with my fingers on Marty's cold carapace and Peters expert spatula-ing. We scrape my freshwater shrimp off of the counter and into the bowl.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks I throw my arms around Peter squealing. Quarantine has done things to my emotions that take...adjustment. I am almost in tears, thanking him and saying over and over- I didn't know. I didn't know.

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Text - The Bug Chicks @TheBugChicks Love is curious. It can sneak up on you. It can fill you up with unexpected joy if you're open to it. Marty & Sal are gonna get the sweetest aquarium.

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