Monday, March 20, 2017
John Oliver Explains How the Federal Budget Is Tippy-Toppy Trump
The federal budget, as many will tell you, is mostly political theater. Budgets, in their entirety, never actually pass, but they are an exact document of what the president wants. It's a window into what the government would look like if the president didn't have to deal with any check and balances.
What would America look like if Trump had that? Well, as John Oliver explains, it would be mostly be about defending a worthless pile of rubble. Check it out.
Submitted by: (via Last Week Tonight with John Oliver)
Tagged: donald trump , john oliver
Here's Why You Should Always Bring Your iPhone to the Genius Bar
A lot of people don't know this, but iPhone batteries can kind of explode. You know who didn't know this, this dude who was working at one of those We Can Fix Your iPhone stores. He was playing around with a dinged up phone, and POOF, black smoke everywhere.
In the description for the video, the guy breaks down what happened:
"A customer came into the store with screen damaged iPhone 6+ for repair. The customer wanted repair of broken screen and complained of Apple genuine battery not holding charge. We removed the customer's Otterbox and prepared to book the phone in. Then, the customer picked up phone and applied a regular amount of pressure to the screen, the same as any normal person would do everyday during regular use. The battery failed and exploded. Initial force of the explosion caused the screen to come off the phone. Our staff extinguished the phone with a fire extinguisher. We had to evacuate the store due to fumes and could not open for the rest of the day. Draw your own conclusions, but imagine if this happened five minutes earlier when the guy was driving to the shop and not in the shop."
Yeah, imagine if that guy had taken it out of the case and poked around the battery while driving. Let this be a lesson, just bring it to Genius Bar or don't drop your phone.
Submitted by: (via ViralHog)
Tagged: iphone
Finally, Someone Put Real "Real People" In That Dumbass Chevy Ad and Took a Wicked Piss On It
Like you, I am fed up with "real people" in commercials. So I was so excited to see this sketch where someone put an actual real person in that dumbass Chevy ad. They, unlike these fake-o's, are not impressed by big doors or some porn star named "J.D. Power.
Check it out.
Submitted by: (via Zebra Corner)
Tagged: commercial , cars
Epicly Petty Art Gallery Documents Items Left All Over Apartment
Alright, this person is not someone I'd want to live with. People like this are often soaked in their own hypocrisy, and although they are obsessed with your mistakes they are totally blind to their own. Basically, after looking at two pictures on Twitter I can tell you that this person is probably an absolute nightmare irl.
But, that aside, the sheer pettiness of this passive aggressive approach to dealing with messes in the apartment is hilarious. Like the amount of effort involved in writing these cards dwarfs what it would take to just pick the goddamn knife up.
Submitted by:
Someone Finally Asked a Bunch of Couples How Long Their Sex Lasts — Nice
Nobody wants to be a two-pump chump, so science has a new way of calculating how long sex lasts to make men feel better: Include foreplay.
Lovehoney, the sex toy retailer, decided to find out how long sex lasts for the average couple. After surveying 4,400 customers, they found that for a majority of heterosexual couples sex lasts and average for 19 minutes, if you include 10 minutes of foreplay. So the equation is: 10 minutes of foreplay + nine minutes of penetrative intercourse =
In fact, 52 percent of couples were happy with that number — even though men got greedy, with 23 percent of men said they wanted longer sessions. That's on you dudes because only 19 percent of women said that that wasn't enough.
However, I should say that you're doing a good job. According to Vice, people are lasting longer.
" A 2008 study, for example, found that sex considered "adequate" – objectively the worst adjective to describe sex ever – lasts anything from three to seven minutes, while seven to 13 minutes was considered a "desirable" duration.
"In 2016, Dr Brendan Zietsch from the University of Queensland surveyed 500 heterosexual couples having sex over a four-week period, asking them to manually time how long their intercourse lasted with a stopwatch. The results were pretty varied: 44 minutes was the longest, 33 seconds the shortest. But on average couples clocked in at 5.4 minutes. That's not including foreplay, but it's still considerably shorter than the duration enjoyed by respondents in the Lovehoney survey."
Good work, team!
Submitted by: (via Pexels)
Twitter Is Dragging Donald Trump Jr Over This Dumb As Shit Picture of Him Sitting on a Stump
The only thing weirder than that reality-TV gameshow host who meets with world leaders becuase he's president for some reason are his kids. For instance, why are two of them day-walking vampires? I don't know.
Even weirder, what the hell is Donald Trump, Jr doing in this picture?
It's @DonaldJTrumpJr trying to look like an outdoorsy, every man. Then you look at those brand new boots that have never been worn before 😂 http://pic.twitter.com/QTYi2nIA32
— Love Belfast ❤️ (@love_belfast) March 18, 2017
Did the photohrapher ask him to sit as he imagines humans sit or something?
Twitter dragged our boy DJ for this one because, Jesus, why is he so weird? Check it out:
Submitted by:
St. Patrick's Day Never Ends With This Photoshop Battle of Robert Downey Jr in a Shamrock Suit Petting a Couple of Pigs
Hopefully everyone survived S. Patrick's Day. It was getting pretty hairy there for a moment, what with all the boozing and the screaming and the fighting.
Luckily, Robert Downey, Jr made it through in one piece. If he didn't, how else would he take this picture with these pigs:
I've very happy that exists because if it didn't, we wouldn't have this delightful Photoshop Battle.
Here are some of the best of these. I love those pigs.
Submitted by:
Apparently Mapmakers Keep Forgetting That New Zealand is a Country
How many Lord of the Rings movies do they have to make before people, specifically mapmakers recognize that New Zealand is a country.
Six wasn't enough, I guess, because people keep making maps without New Zealand. Twitter isn't too happy about this and has started tagging maps without New Zealand so that people know.
Submitted by:
We Can Stop Doing Science Now Because They're Running Cheese Through a 3D Printer
The seemingly endless pursuit of studying the natural world in hopes of understanding the world in a more meaningful way has come to an end. Irish researches have poured cheese into a 3D printer to make cool shapes, and, well, what's really the point anymore.
At the University College, Cork in Ireland, scientists have poured processed cheese into a 3D printer, so they could make cool designs with it or something. Honestly, I have no idea what the purpose of this experiment was or whether it was successful, but there are now gifs like this:
The first 3D printed cheese was as bizarre as you'd expect. https://t.co/CGZ34uaOzv http://pic.twitter.com/wrDDqVSMm7
— Gizmodo (@Gizmodo) March 17, 2017
Why does this exist? I'm not sure, and people on Twitter don't really get it either.
Submitted by:
Horrifying MLB Glitch Ends Up Creating Nightmare Fuel, Leaves People Traumatized
Since when did horrific demons flood the fields of MLB video games? Whatever it takes to keep baseball interesting, I guess. I'll be the first to say that we should keep the game glitches within the humorous spectrum. Could do without the nightmare juice here.
Submitted by:
Guy Goes Around Asking College Girls About Sex on First Date and What'll Ruin Your Chances
Our stupid cupid YouTuber is back at it again asking unsuspecting college chicks highly cringe-inducing questions. Brace yourself.
Submitted by: (via StupidCupid)
Master Chef Creates Jake's Perfect Sandwich From Adventure Time, Proving Dreams Do Come True
This guy continues to outdo himself. I didn't think it could get any better than that whole Bob's Burgers business, or the It's Always Sunny RUM HAM. But no. Foolish assumptions on my part to say the least. Our hero is here to show us that Jake the Dog did in fact crack the code when it comes to assembling the perfect sandwich.
Submitted by: (via Andrew Rea)
Need Some Vacation Advice? Try Watching Patrick Stewart Reading 1-Star Review of Famous Monuments
You know what mostly sucks? Humanity's greatest man-made structures. From the Eiffel Tower to the Hoover Dam, pretty much every statue, memorial, or feat of architecture has been a complete waste of time.
How do I know? I read it on Yelp, duh.
Patrick Stewart isn't doing them any favors. Watch as he puts a little English on one-star reviews of famous monuments. These people really hated their vacations.
Submitted by: (via GQ)
Tagged: monuments , patrick stewart
Watch Desus and Mero Breakdown Justin Trudeau and Ivanka Trump's Broadway Date/DM Slide
Everyone remembers how envious we were that Justin Trudeau found someone who looks at him the way Ivanka Trump looks at Justin Trudeau. But now things are getting even grosser.
The daughter of that reality-TV gameshow host who won the presidency so he could plug her brands on Twitter went to Broadway production of the Canadian play Come From Away at the behest of Candian Prime Minister Trudeau. Of course, everyone in the world saw more to this because of how much they hit it off a month ago.
Thankfully, Deesus and Mero are here to put this in perspective: This is basically the real-life version of sliding into someone's DMs. Check it out.
Submitted by: (via Desus & Mero)
Craving Rum Ham or Milk Steak This Weekend? This Guy's Cooking Up the Food from It's Always Sunny
If there's one thing that people love about It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it's the food.
Whether it's Riot Juice, Rum Ham, Fight Milk, or a Grilled Charlie, the food of these garbage people is as iconic as their musicals. Obviously, the show has been making us hungry for more than a decade. YouTube chef Andrew Rea, known for mkaing the food of Bob's Burgers and Parks & Rec, is serving up the food of Paddy's Pub and actually making it edible.
Submitted by: (via Andrew Rea)
Tagged: its always sunny in philadelphia , food
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)