FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 06/21/20

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Pizza Delivery Driver's Strangest Customers

Pizza delivery drivers are on the frontlines of dealing with bizarre and shady customers. All kinds of folks love to have their pies delivered, and in that window of time when the pizza delivery driver shows up, very unexpected interactions can occur. Like, for instance, someone might try and tip you in pistachios. Don't see that every day.

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Text - cthulhu-with-a-fez p igotethulhu D An Incomplete List of Noteable People l've Delivered Pizzas To shinxy-in-wonderland: tybaar. It's coming up on a year now since I got my current job as a pizza delivery girl, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the little ever- expanding "WTFPIZZA" note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh - interesting deliveries. So without further ado and in no particular order, here's some pizza customers who left a lasting i

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Text - -A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash. -A woman who slipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoo removal clinic, explaining "In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be." - At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice. - An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pearl-handled .32 snub nosed rev

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Text - -A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was "obstructing the mail system" and demanded my social security number so he could "report me to the proper authorities". -A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them. -A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dres

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Text - - Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh) -A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the "spitting image" of his deceased daughter. -A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote "get a real car' in the tip portion of my credit receipt. -A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in every shot. -

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Text - - A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he works so hard". He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn't do anything. -A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks + sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail. -A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I'm female. She proceeded to snatch my driver's

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Text - -A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt. - An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza. -A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote "0.00" in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents a

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Text - - An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked temified, sat down on the floor and muttered 1.. I don't know.." - Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis -A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately tumed to vomit into her mailbox. -A surty Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a full-grown woman.

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Text - -A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves - everywhere. -A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add. -A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was

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Tagged: customer service , wtf , tumblr , pizza , pizza delivery , cringe , ridiculous , funny tumblr

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Stunningly Unprofessional "Not My Job" Moments

We're always impressed by the work of the lazy and negligent. It gives us impressively unprofessional "not my job" moments, ranging from telephone poles in the middle of roads to roadkill-shaped gaps traffic lines. Blessed be the sweet hot laziness that leads to these wonderfully unprofessional "not my job" moments.

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Label - Linked image not found ExceIMark Linked image not found

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Hair - What he wanted What he got Barber Shaves Triangle Into Man's Hair After He Pauses Video Of A Model He Wanted To Look Like

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Movie - BECAME ONE MANDODILAJDIV NEW MOVIE $4,95 EW MOV PATRICK STEWART Me ORY PECK AND GREGORY PECK AS EATHERMAPP

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Community - MNA METRO.co uk METRO,CO.UK Hitman hires hitman who hires hitman who hires hitman who hires hitman

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Advertising - JCDecaux Help us make your pubic spaces safe THE its 2metres Keep your distance from other people Itsu Keep your hands clean wash them often, and use hand gel in public spaces Avoid touching your face Please follow social distancing guidance while queuing www.gov.uk/coronavitus

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Tagged: FAIL , job , lazy , work , you had one job , plumbing , construction , one job , lol , not my job , funny

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Twitter Thread: Man's Experience With Girl Roommates Is Enlightening

A house filled with laughter, loyalty, love, and lots of hair. Sounds like a wild ride indeed. All in all, by the way this lad describes his experience with his female roommate and her best friend, it sounds like it was a whole lot of fun. You've just got to be able to roll with the drama, but come on, everyone is stirring up drama regardless of how they identify themselves.

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 30K 63K @craigshapes · Mar 28 Last year, I moved in with my girlfriend and her best mate. They're both girls. Some of the shit l've seen is EYE OPENING mate (a thread)

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.6K 12K @craigshapes · Mar 28 1. They show each other ALL of the messages that they receive from everybody. Nobody is safe. Girls don't need screenshots mate, they have photographic screenshot memories

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.0K 7.9K @craigshapes · Mar 28 2. Contrary to popular belief, girls do poo. And they ain't scared to talk about it mate. "I NEED A POO" is probably the most used phrase in this house.

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 523 5.7K @craigshapes · Mar 28 3. HAIR CLIPS. Oh my days the hair clips. Stand on them, sit on them, wake up with them attached to your skin, mate I could have a fucking bath in the ones I find on a weekly basis

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.6K 10K @craigshapes Mar 28 4. The process for getting ready for a night out is not just "wash, get dressed, go out". Nah. There's meetings, catwalk shows, endless compliments and it's sometimes an actual 2 man job cos some dresses have back zips that would literally be impossible for one girl to reach mate

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 773 6.9K @craigshapes · Mar 28 5. Candles. We have SO MANY CANDLES. Candles that smell like really weird things, like "rhubarb and custard". I don't even know what rhubarb and custard actually smells like?!?

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 483 6.4K @craigshapes · Mar 28 6. Kardashians. Ibiza Weekender. Ru Paul. Ex On The Beach. Love Island. Geordie Shore. Mate, I know everything about all of these people l'll never meet. There are SO MANY EPISODES OF THEM ALL! And the worst thing is, I actually gave in and really got in to Love Island

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 811 6.6K @craigshapes · Mar 28 7. If my eyebrows aren't “fleeky", they literally don't talk to me until I agree to let one of the girls pluck them. It's mad. Girls love plucking someone else's eyebrows. No idea why!!

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 4.0K 17K @craigshapes · Mar 28 8. Girls go on and on about dieting and "bikini bodies" etc, but trust me when I say that "cheat day" is pretty much whenever they feel sad about anything. Bad day? Glass of wine. Is it Monday? Chocolate. Did your boyfriend tell you we can't have a dog? Dominos.

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 3.6K 17K @craigshapes · Mar 28 9. I know that the saying goes “girls find out everything", but if that's true it's only because they are NEXT LEVEL instagram stalkers. Seriously I mention a first name, after 5 mins on insta they know the persons dogs name, their shoe size and their national insurance number

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 803 6.8K @craigshapes · Mar 28 10. Dressing gowns. If you haven't got a dressing gown then you are missing out mate. Some days when we're hungover, we literally don't get out of dressing gowns all day. The girls go Tesco in dressing gowns and nobody even cares bruv

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 764 6.8K @craigshapes · Mar 28 11. Sometimes I sit on the sofa and just watch those two, sometimes they just look and break out in to dance or something. I literally have no idea what's going on, doesn't even have to be any music playing there

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 1.8K 10K @craigshapes · Mar 28 12. Everything is a massive drama. Having to wash your hair = drama. It being cold outside when you expected warm and you have to change your outfit = drama. Not being able to find an item of clothing = absolutely fucking massive drama.

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 660 6.2K @craigshapes · Mar 28 13. If visitors come round, we have to know 8-10 working days beforehand so the girls can make sure that the house is clean, they've washed and dried their hair and they have makeup on

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 558 4.4K @craigshapes · Mar 28 14. Girls share all of the clothes. They might as well have a shared wardrobe. It's actually gone past the point of them knowing who's top is who's lol

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Text - Craig Shapes 27 650 5.5K @craigshapes · Mar 28 15. There is so much hair everywhere mate, it's mad. Especially around the shower, just little clumps of hair. Am used to it now tho

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Tagged: housing , twitter , social media , ridiculous , roommates , funny

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