Sunday, June 21, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Pizza Delivery Driver's Strangest Customers


Pizza delivery drivers are on the frontlines of dealing with bizarre and shady customers. All kinds of folks love to have their pies delivered, and in that window of time when the pizza delivery driver shows up, very unexpected interactions can occur. Like, for instance, someone might try and tip you in pistachios. Don't see that every day. 

1.

Text - cthulhu-with-a-fez p igotethulhu D An Incomplete List of Noteable People l've Delivered Pizzas To shinxy-in-wonderland: tybaar. It's coming up on a year now since I got my current job as a pizza delivery girl, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the little ever- expanding "WTFPIZZA" note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh - interesting deliveries. So without further ado and in no particular order, here's some pizza customers who left a lasting i

2.

Text - -A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash. -A woman who slipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoo removal clinic, explaining "In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be." - At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice. - An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pearl-handled .32 snub nosed rev

3.

Text - -A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was "obstructing the mail system" and demanded my social security number so he could "report me to the proper authorities". -A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them. -A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dres

4.

Text - - Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh) -A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the "spitting image" of his deceased daughter. -A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote "get a real car' in the tip portion of my credit receipt. -A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in every shot. -

5.

Text - - A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he works so hard". He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn't do anything. -A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks + sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail. -A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I'm female. She proceeded to snatch my driver's

6.

Text - -A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt. - An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza. -A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote "0.00" in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents a

7.

Text - - An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked temified, sat down on the floor and muttered 1.. I don't know.." - Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis -A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately tumed to vomit into her mailbox. -A surty Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a full-grown woman.

8.

Text - -A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves - everywhere. -A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add. -A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was

Submitted by:

Posted by at
Labels:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)