Thursday, September 24, 2020

Man Transforms Rusty Nail Into Mini Sword


Now, for a moment, just imagine if someone 100 years later were to discover the beautiful mini sword, and proceed to turn it into a rusty nail. 

Submitted by: (via Bobby Duke Arts)

Obnoxious Biker Gets Offended By Strong Handshake


It's a wonder how anyone has this kind of reaction, and then uploads the video of their unnecessary hostility because they somehow genuinely think that they're not in the wrong. It was just a handshake, bro. 

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Soul Harvesting Halloween Decoration is Pretty Cool


It's about time when all those permanently gutted chunks of strip malls get their yearly residency from Spirit Halloween. We haven't seen anything quite like this before. And sure it's extremely frivolous and unnecessary, but hey man it's pretty cool that someone thought of this thing. And no, Spirit didn't pay us or anything, we just thought this was badass.

Man Misunderstands Common Phrase, Girlfriend's Dad Suffers A Shock As Result


It's hilarious how one simple and completely innocent misunderstanding can go on to inspire quite the hilarious chain of events. In this particular scenario, this guy misunderstood his girlfriend's dad when they were having a conversation, and basically ended up asking the poor guy if he could have his blessing to cheat on his daughter. At least they were all able to have a good laugh about it after the fact. 

1.

Text - r/tifu + Join u/ChainedEagle • 22h TIFU by telling my Girlfriend's Dad that our relationship was in decline and I would be asking his permission to have an affair. M This happened last month during a staycation in the U.K. with my (25M) girlfriend's (25F) family. My GF, her mum and her sister decided to go shopping for the day. Her dad, sister's boyfriend and I headed for the pub. We were about 3 pints in when the FU began.. GFs Dad: "OP, how long have you and my daughter been together no

2.

Text - Here is where it started to unravel. I couldn't recall the exact meaning of the phrase "7 year itch" but i thought it was meant to be a tongue in cheek question, basically asking if my GF was getting impatient about when I was to propose and when we would get married. Except, It doesn't mean that at all. Me: "Yes, in fact, I have been thinking about it more and more recently and I expect it to be on the cards soon. Of course, when the time comes, I will ask for your blessing." My GFs dad

3.

Text - After dinner that night, I asked my GF if her Dad was okay as he seemed off with me. I briefed her on the conversation in the pub. She stopped me halfway through, with a huge grin on her face, struggling to contain her laughter. She went on to explain that the phrase "7 year itch" is in fact a saying or popular belief that after 7 years, a relationship or marriage declines and often results in one of both parties having an affair.

4.

Text - So in essence, I told my girlfriend's father that I had been thinking about the decline of our relationship and when the time came, I would be asking his blessing to sleep with other women. Thankfully, my future in- laws are good people. Once I explained my FU and apologised, they laughed it off and we forgot about it :) TL;DR I misunderstood a common phrase and effectively told my girlfriend's father that our relationship was in peril and I would be asking his blessing to have an affair.

5.

Text - 1. There are a few people calling me out and calling me an arsehole for wanting to ask permission to marry my girlfriend. First of all, I would like to say this is a common and traditional practise in the U.K. one which I don't particularly agree with. That said, my girlfriends family are very traditional people and would likely be offended if I didn't ask. I am going to respect their traditions, even if I don't agree with them. My girlfriend is fully aware of this and agrees it is the ri

6.

Text - 2. Many people have questioned why the hell my girlfriends dad would ask that and they are trying to somehow psychoanalyse the situation. I have known my girlfriends dad for many years, we are good friends and often go to the pub, watch football etc. He didn't ask the question seriously and was joking. I think it was meant rhetorically and my response took him by surprise (probably the stupidity of it) and was trying to make sense of it before the girls turned up shortly and we had to lea

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Tumblr Thread: People's Brains Turn Off Around Pets


Seeing an adorable puppy or kitten is much like seeing an adorable baby; you're pretty much rendered senseless and devolve into some kind of nonsensical, muttering mess who is helplessly overwhelmed by adoration. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it's a condition that seems to affect us all at one point or another. 

1.

Text - systlin S ilurvmymarmotte Follow ... veinitas me when i see a cat: CAT! cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat lurknomoar Fun fact: when I see cute animals, I forget English and automatically revert to my native Hungarian. I don't know what bystanders make of me, reciting guttural gibberish to rabbits.

2.

Text - quizzicalqueek But the real question is, what are you SAYING to the rabbits? Is it RABBIT! rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit bunny bunny bunny awww cute bunnyyyyy'? lurknomoar Well, I usually say the Hungarian equivalent of 'bun bun bun lil bun look at your tiny spoon-shaped ears awww bun brave little lawnmower bun', but sometimes I say 'hey rabbits, my sister's gonna go to med school because I think everyone should know.

3.

Text - littlegaywitch I live in Japan, and I always revert to English to talk to small animals, and I was cooing at this tiny little fluff machine of a puppy in baby english like “hello you're so cute such a cute hello hello yess you're good" and the 70 year old Japanese lady that was walking him started to *translate the baby talk english into Japanese* for her pup. She wanted to be sure he understood it too.

4.

Text - sindri42 INTELLIGENCE INANITY OF STATEMENTS FAR HUMAN PROXIMITY TO CAT NEAR YOU'RE A KITTY! https://xkcd.com/231/ wind-voice ACCURATE.

5.

Text - eileenthedeafdog I was at a pet store with Eileen. A woman walked up to us and asked if she could pet her. Eileen's collar has 'Deaf Dog' embroidered on it. The lady asked about it, I confirmed, yes, she's deaf. The lady immediately switched to American Sign Language and asked her how was her day, was she being a good girl, she's so pretty. Eileen is wagging her tail excitedly, knowing that someone is talking to her. Source: veinitas

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Tumblr Thread: People's Brains Turn Off Around Pets


Seeing an adorable puppy or kitten is much like seeing an adorable baby; you're pretty much rendered senseless and devolve into some kind of nonsensical, muttering mess who is helplessly overwhelmed by adoration. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it's a condition that seems to affect us all at one point or another. 

1.

Text - systlin S ilurvmymarmotte Follow ... veinitas me when i see a cat: CAT! cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat lurknomoar Fun fact: when I see cute animals, I forget English and automatically revert to my native Hungarian. I don't know what bystanders make of me, reciting guttural gibberish to rabbits.

2.

Text - quizzicalqueek But the real question is, what are you SAYING to the rabbits? Is it RABBIT! rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit bunny bunny bunny awww cute bunnyyyyy'? lurknomoar Well, I usually say the Hungarian equivalent of 'bun bun bun lil bun look at your tiny spoon-shaped ears awww bun brave little lawnmower bun', but sometimes I say 'hey rabbits, my sister's gonna go to med school because I think everyone should know.

3.

Text - littlegaywitch I live in Japan, and I always revert to English to talk to small animals, and I was cooing at this tiny little fluff machine of a puppy in baby english like “hello you're so cute such a cute hello hello yess you're good" and the 70 year old Japanese lady that was walking him started to *translate the baby talk english into Japanese* for her pup. She wanted to be sure he understood it too.

4.

Text - sindri42 INTELLIGENCE INANITY OF STATEMENTS FAR HUMAN PROXIMITY TO CAT NEAR YOU'RE A KITTY! https://xkcd.com/231/ wind-voice ACCURATE.

5.

Text - eileenthedeafdog I was at a pet store with Eileen. A woman walked up to us and asked if she could pet her. Eileen's collar has 'Deaf Dog' embroidered on it. The lady asked about it, I confirmed, yes, she's deaf. The lady immediately switched to American Sign Language and asked her how was her day, was she being a good girl, she's so pretty. Eileen is wagging her tail excitedly, knowing that someone is talking to her. Source: veinitas

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Old Man Gets Carded, Has Boss Response


Some people like being carded because it makes them feel young. Other people hate it because it's a hassle. This person decided to ID a guy who likely didn't need to be ID'd, and the response was one you wouldn't expect. For a distinctly different ID checking story, here's a Karen who wanted her ID checked, but it turned out to be expired.

1.

Text - O r/TalesFromRetail - Posted by u/Definitely_a_Lizard 5 days ago Some can't take a joke, some own it. Short This is a story from a few years ago, but I just found this subreddit and it reminded me. I was a cashier at a local supermarket, and we have a law that if alcohol is being bought and the cashier estimates someone to be under 25, they have to ask for ID. While it offends some people, it is a pretty good way to get to check an ID and see if someone is over 18, the legal age to buy al

2.

Text - I decided to have sone fun with it, and whenever I estimated someone to be over 70, I would also ask them for an ID. Usually this got a laugh, sometimes got people offended (once a lady even called for a manager, who had to come to clarify to her that it was a joke. You know the type). it However, one man ruled the joke. He was just buying a few beers, and I asked him for his ID because he looked way into his 90s. He laughed, grabbed his wallet, and handed me a card in a plastic casing.

3.

Text - Still with a huge smile on his face, he asked me, "Do you know what that is?" It looked sort of like an ID, but I had never seen anything like that one. What I could tell was that it was old and something from the military. He said, "What you are holding now is my military ID from the second world war. Is that a valid ID here? Because I no longer have my drivers licence." It was at that point that I was at a loss for words. This man took my joke, handed it back and won. EDIT: wow! My very

4.

Text - wolfie379 403 points · 5 days ago Ever pull that on someone, and do a double-take that their ID looked like they were seriously underage - until you saw the birth century?

5.

Text - JSaltsea dog groomer 34 points · 5 days ago This poor girl was all set to sign adoption paper for a shelter cat when it came down that she was 16, not mid-30s. That makeup and hair was a bad choice... we were super embarassed to admit she looked ALOT older than she was, i wouldnt have carded her for booze in a million years.

6.

Text - techieguyjames 20 points · 5 days ago Did the ID even have an expiration date? Definitely_a_Lizard 2 23 points - 5 days ago None that I remember seeing, so valid it is!

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Delusional Buyer Wants to Test Drive Car at 170 MPH


With the dubious promise of 23 thousand in cash, this guy tried talking his way into taking the test drive of a lifetime. Different people have different attitudes, but many of us might seem uncomfortable with a total stranger ripping down the highway in your car, literally as fast as it can possibly go. You don't have to look around long to see people being dumb dumbs in cars. For another person who isn't sure what they're getting into, here's adelusional buyer in need of a cheap car who rejected a 3K civic.

1.

Text - 2002 Porsche 911 Carrera. $22,900 ... Owosso, MI Mark as Sold Mark as Paid Darrell I'll bring the cash with me and I want to hit the Express way and if it dose over 170 you got a deal..sounds good? Darrell This Saturday works for me anytime Darrell I like the car I want to make sure it will do over 170 l'm a street racer.

2.

Text - Sounds good? Yeah that's not going to work for me, sorry man Darrell Ya I figured you were B.S. ing on the top speed? But why? I'm not BSing on the top speed lol, I looked that up and you can confirm it if you want. I'm not going to let someone take a vehicle I own 100mph over the speed limit.

3.

Text - Darrell Why if I have the cash in hand? If it will do it we got a deal... What's the problem? Darrell If she dose it then it's my car I'm not going to let some person I don't know endanger myself and my vehicle trying to prove a top speed, that's insane Darrell I'm giving you your price not jurking you around. You can count it before we take her for a spin

4.

Text - Not going to happen, sorry If you're looking for top speed, this really isn't the right car for you anyways Darrell Well then good luck what I see is your afraid and the car maybe will do 140 top speed I just looked it up.. Your loss out of 23k Good luck in someone giving you your asking price.. You may get 20 to 21k that's about it...

5.

Text - Sorry your so afraid but the fact of the matter your car wont do it, I've never seen a V6 do over 120 ish without a supercharger or turbos.. Darrell Your absolutely right cuz you lied about the speed.. And your a chicken shit!! Good day liar Looser

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Tagged: buying , buy , cars , deal , wtf , demanding , lol , ridiculous

Comedy Gold From Twitter King, Ryan Reynolds


Ryan Reynolds and his notorious inventory of witty one-liners and clever comebacks are perfect for Twitter. If anything, observational tweets like Reynolds' tweet about parenting can serve to remind the rest of us that parenting is hard for everyone. Even if you're Deadpool himself, raising a baby is no small feat. 

1.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.

2.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I love Words With Friends. Because once you start playing, the next time you look up, another Olympics has come and gone.

3.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Curiously, the best thing about a #Deadpool photoshoot, is singing Dolly Parton songs full blast while heavily, HEAVILY armed. Unexpected.

4.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow When I think out loud, it sounds nothing like Morgan Freeman.

5.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Ever notice halfway through a shower, that you're not in the shower at all? Just crying super hard? #HappyCanadaDay

6.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow When a driver's engulfed in road rage, saying they're going to shank you with a broken bottle of schnapps, just get out of my mom's way.

7.

Text - A Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".

8.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Call me old fashioned, but sending a dick pic is disgusting and lazy. Real love means sending a nice bouquet of penises.

9.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow My neighbors' safe-word is, Hufflepuff. I only know this because I happened to jog past their bedroom window for an hour.

10.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Crime sprees would be so much funnier if your get- a-way vehicle was Hodor from Game of Thrones.

11.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O Follow @VancityReynolds Love it when mom tells an anecdote about last night's dinner, but starts with her own birth and works her way forward in real time.

12.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.

13.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O Follow @VancityReynolds Next time you're grocery shopping, imagine David Attenborough narrating. It really next-levels the whole thing.

14.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Tough call. Continue watching election coverage - or tickle fight with a starving adult lion.

15.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.

16.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I'm making an oil painting of my sister, Sarah. And it's more difficult than I thought because I don't have a sister.

17.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I sometimes confuse watching political coverage with swan-diving into a swimming pool filled with liquid rabies.

18.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.

19.

Text - Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.

20.

Text - A Ryan Reynolds O @VancityReynolds Follow I'm teaching my daughter that the sun goes down each night because it's mad at her. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point.

21.

Text - Ryan Reynolds Follow @VancityReynolds Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.

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