What's more twisted and inappropriate for a school setting (as a teacher) than a good 'ol fashioned game of 'f**k, marry, kill,' where you proceed to decide on a human being's worth with elements like likability, marriageability, and fuckability.
Submitted by: (via PiperTiny)
And that's how a dwarf planet's made, kiddos. Seriously though, solid little tale that din't fail to make me think, maybe romance isn't dead after all. If these two didn't take their run-in to be a sign of some sorts, then their loss.
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I don't even know what to say anymore. If you love a good crunchwrap supreme and that weird sandwich taco thing best expresses the love you have for your "soulmate," I guess today's your lucky day. Now you can have a wedding at Taco Bell, and, Jesus, what are we even doing anymore?
According to Taco Bell's Chief Marketing Officer Marisa Thalberg, you can now "order a wedding off of our menu." This is only available at Taco Bell's new Las Vegas Strip flagship location, which will forever be known as the center of love and romance in the universe because we are all trash.
This $600 package starts in summer 2017 and includes:
• A ceremony in the chapel inside the restaurant with an ordained officiant within as little as four hours
• Private area for a reception inside the restaurant with up to 15 of your closest family and friends
• Custom merchandise, including a sauce packet garter and bow tie, “Just Married” T-shirts for the bride and groom, Taco Bell branded champagne flutes and, of course, a Taco 12 Pack filled with tacos and a Cinnabon Delights cake for dessert
• A Sauce Packet bouquet is also available for the bride to use during the ceremony
via Taco Bell
You hear that? Not only do you get a t-shirt,but you get a 12 pack of tacos and a "sauce packet bouquet," the perfect start to a diarehetic wedding night, which, if I'm not mistaken, was the subject of one of Shakespeare's sonnets. God, humanity is garbage.
Do you want to one of these people:
"Take your wedding pictures somewhere you know and love" @tacobell was the obvious choice for these two. #TBellForLife http://pic.twitter.com/y8SUZz4pdZ
— Rachel (@rachpom) October 12, 2016
Live Mas.I had both my woman and my drink on the big day thanks to @tacobell! http://pic.twitter.com/nub2d5cZIP
— Nick (@nickchuckwalter) October 28, 2015
Submitted by: (via TacoBell)
You know what's better than, like, 90% of these Marvel movies? These short videos of Thor dealing with his new roommate and explaining why he's not in Captain America: Civil War.
God, I love these. Thor dealing with everyday problems reminds me of me dealing with everyday problems, from what to do with all my gold to how to wear a shirt when you have many, many shirt-ripping muscles.
Here's part one, if you haven't seen it:
Submitted by: (via Marvel Entertainment)
She definitely gets into it: you can really see the hurt behind her eyes, the pained expression, and yes, of course the sheer virtual reality-ridden ignorance of our racer gamer of the hour. I mean hey, it's hard out here for a dude to hit those checkpoints on the road to topping high score, am I right?
Hopefully he didn't fail his mission, because he's clearly one 'game over' from taking up residence in the doghouse.
Submitted by: (via communitychannel)
Well well, this didn't fail to capture the endearing awkwardness of a couple of life's milestones. What better time to rehash on the cringe-inducing times of old than Valentine's Day or (Happy Alone Day)?
Submitted by: (via WatchCut Video)
With enough of that sweet booze in the system a man can make do with just about anything as his bed -- the nearest, least-clogged street gutter, the hood of a car, a barstool, the lap of the stranger barstool prophet located nearest, etc. Shame and self-awareness up and vanished sometime around the halfway mark when you decided to become best friends with a Mr. Jack Daniels. What we have here are the implications of said friendship.
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It's as if Evans is battling it out with the 'Red Skull' himself. A word to the wise, a Twitter Pro Tip if you will: maybe don't go after Captain America himself, unless you're ready for a solid ass-whooping.
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Sure, they lost a Super Bowl bet against Roger Williams Park Zoo in Providence, Rhode Island, and these are some truly trying circumstances; but at least anyone who actively rooted (continues to root) against the Patriots can consider themselves the real winners in this situation. If we get really lucky in this situation, maybe Brady will step up with a retort. Or he's still too busy out there hunting down his stolen Super Bowl game jersey.
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Well, that seals the deal: we're all getting lucky in one way or another tonight, am I right? The results themselves here are about on par with what you'd expect for the notorious, romantically-inclined, ever-commercialized holiday. People near and far definitely have the hard hearts on for the knee-buckling kind of orgasm that's artificially love-induced.
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Here's your daily dose of a random assortment of (mostly) fresh memes.
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Was this dude's intention to turn in for a solid night of couchsurfing, take up residency in the tender loving care-deprived confines of the proverbial dog house? If so, my condolences bro, cause you secured a solid spot on a plush leathery pillow of lonesomeness. We can all fairly suggest you didn't fail to accomplish that much. I sympathize with the fact that it must've been tough living up to the expectations of the unicorn and carriage ride through a snow-packed, mid-February Central Park ride she so longingly desired. BUT, this was not the next best step.
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Dudes, how many times have you had to put down the Xbox control and pick up your girlfriend's phone and take a picture of her? Have you ever had to turn your Yankees cap around to get better shot? What about all those times you got crud on your favorite Wolverine-print bowling shirt to get that low angle? Bros, aren't you sick of not getting the recognition you deserve?
Finally, someone has answered the call. The Instagram takes a peek behind the curtain to see boyfriends taking pictures of their girlfriends.
So take a bow, boys, you're the real heroes.
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Sometimes you can do something special by doing nothing. If you successfully avoid these cards, you are doing that special someone and yourself a service. No one wants a bad Valentine, so do him or her a favor and just get some chocolates.
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These painful, cringe-inducing, vaguely sadistic experiences have yet to fail in the way of keeping things absolutely ridiculous. Our morally-grounded man of the hour stayed strong in the face of relentless, thirsty desperation. Seriously, this whole situation was too aggressive. Poor guy had to all but run away there.
Submitted by: (via To Catch a Cheater)
What would become of love without the adrenaline of being caught, right? Well, what we have here are the dire implications of an unfaithful love affair --- no materialistic possession is safe, dude.
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Easily the best thing I've seen all day. Feeling thankful and #blessed for the incredible vision that went into this grossly overpriced, dick-shaped 'bag charm'. $115 bucks? You've got to be shitting me, truly. But hey some twisted individuals might propose, it's not the size of the bag charm that matters...it's what you do with it, and hold up, that's actually the professional slogan.
This is the best kind of ridiculous. Selfishly, I wish we had the comedic gold Amazon reviews to back this up; but hey, a dude can dream right? Maybe one day.
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Valentine's Day is hard for everyone, mostly because love isn't real and it was just created by the greeting card company anyway, and it's totally normal to spend Valentine's Day watching Pretty Woman, wondering why no one loves me like Richard Gere loves Julia Roberts. Anyway, here are 16 images that agree with me.
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Get to the chopper because Arnold's talking about the ancient art of gerrymandering.
To raise awareness about the political practice of redistricting communities to favor one party, Arnold decided to take a dig at Canada's most infamous punching bag, Nickelback, and people love it. Me for one, loves it. Arnold, like a fine wine, is getting better with age.
Here's the video, if you're into learning about becoming a better citizen, or scroll past to see Arnold get showered with praise and others defending Nickelback for some reason.
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What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever seen someone else done?
Well, my friend Daryl isn't great at handshakes. I guess he's just not assertive enough. But I've seen him, on three separate occasions, extend his hand for a handshake and get nothing in response. Either the other person doesn't see his hand or doesn't want it. Then, and I shit you not, as he was waiting for the handshake, his pants fell down. It's crazy.
But what about you? What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever seen. Reddit users reveal.
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Apparently Wikipedia's still relevant and serves a much higher purpose than taking up space in a works cited page starved for more sources cause Sparks Notes and Cliff Notes only took you so far. Yes. A trickster-destined purpose like getting a devious little fanboy into a concert by allowing him to go into the band's info and change it so that he's the newest member of the family. Job well done, bro. Hope the V-Neck outfitted, Fedora-capped, Axe body spray-suffocated VIP pit of pick-up line peddling goonery is worth it. But hey, lest we forget he's guaranteed to bump into some hot chicks that showed up with every intention to Insta-Snapchat the shit out of each other, cause the lighting is on fleek.
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It's a great measure of assurance to read through these botched attempts, full-fledged romantic fails, and know that there's gotta be someone out there having a worse time of that crazy little thing called love (on Valentine's Day, no less) than your sorry ass. If there's one Pro Tip that stuck out from the pack here, it's that you probably shouldn't opt for gifting the box of fire ants, bro. My best bet is that's the kind of gift that'll never fail to end up biting you in the ass.
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There's nothing like going out for dinner with your family. Little Sally, Billy, and wife and/or husband all putting on their Sunday's best, loading up the family caravan, and dreaming of the array of affordably-priced menu items on the way to the restaurant.
But imagine, if you can bear it, having those dreams dashed. When you open the door to your local Sizzler, Red Lobster, or Ruby Tuesdays to a massive, 100-person bar fight.
According to The Sun, this humongous brew-ha-ha was started by a mistaken identity, at a bar in Trowbridge, England. But it makes you wonder, maybe we should've just gone to Chili's. We could be eating a plate of sizzlin' fajitas right now.
Submitted by: (via Tommy Arkle)
Int. High School Reunion — Night
Hey, remember, Dom?
Yeah, that dude who wouldn't stop talking Rush and Dream Theater.
Well, this is his him now.
Holds up cellphone
What is with nerds and Rush? They remind you of how talented Neil Pert is and that their songs are, like, "ridiculously technical," but almost always forget to tell you that their music is still dorky as shit. This video is no different. It's cool. It's impressive. It's very, very nerdy.
Let's just throw this out in the universe: There's nothing wrong with liking Rush as long as you're cool with sounding like a nerd.
Anyway, this is pretty cool and impressive, but still, yes, nerdy as hell. You know this guy thinks he looks like this:
When you actually look like this:
So, I'll say this for the last time: Playing Rush won't get you laid.
Submitted by: (via Dominic Fragman)
Is that a sword in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
This 80-year-old woman probably wouldn't be able to answer becuase she accidentally tried to carry a sword onto an airplane. She didn't realize that her innocent looking cane was actually a secret sword sheath. What's the point of even having a cane sword if you're not gonna use it.
Imagine having the coolest kind of sword (one that looks like a cane) and not even knowing it. What a waste. But apparently, this is a pretty common thing, according to TSA.
“She had no clue it was in there,” said Mark Howell, TSA regional spokesman. "“It happens a lot, actually. People pick them up at a thrift store and the sword isn’t found until we X-ray it.”
"You call that a knife? THIS is a knife...ohhh, down I go." http://pic.twitter.com/me1upHC3gR
— SimpsonsQOTD (@SimpsonsQOTD) February 12, 2017
Submitted by: (via Audrey Hudson)
Not much to this video. If you're a fan of watching people scaring their girlfriend, this is for you. If you're a fan of girlfriends not being scared of that bullshit, this is for you. If you're a fan of nerds hitting their chin on a chair, this is for you.
Watch and enjoy.
Submitted by: (via ViralHog)
Apparently slinging grimy, sauce-crusted dishes while dealing with predictably testy patrons at her local restaurant just wasn't getting it done. The only logical next step was 'vaguely' whoreing herself out as a sugar baby, which is quite the lucrative career. I quote our Sugar Baby of the hour, “I did buy a bra that was $500”. Yo, that's well outside the min wage/tip jar budget, so if that's what gets her off in this crazy little thing called life...well, then have at it.
I'm feeling for the poor boyfriend in this situation that's just one more bedazzled, $500 bra away from full-fledged cuckolding.
Submitted by: (via Barcroft TV)
