Saturday, May 30, 2020

Twitter Thread: Quarantine Personalities as Star Trek Characters


Dr. Tanya Harrison laid out how a lot of us are dealing with self-isolation but in terms of Star Trek: The Next Generation characters. Sadly, more than a few of us are Geordis. For some other Star Trek stuff, here's a discussion of why no one on the Enterprise has pockets, and here are Tumblr's questions about gay Klingons.

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Screenshot - Dr. Tanya Harrison o @tanyaofmars 9m Your quarantine coping mechanisms as #StarTrek characters: A thread Picard: rWearing work clothes despite working from home Thrilled to not have children around rReading Shakespeare for the epic quotes t7 14 50

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Photo caption - Dr. Tanya Harrison @tanyaofmars Data: *Fully unfazed by the situation * Attempting to learn everything via YouTube *Loving the full-time Cat Dad LifeTM

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Music - Dr. Tanya Harrison @tanyaofmars Riker: Chronic Tinder flirting Annoying neighbours with your musical "talent" *Looking better with your quarantine beard 5:57 PM - May 18, 2020 - Twitter Web App

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Photo caption - Dr. Tanya Harrison @tanyaofmars Worf: *Working out to GLOW UP * Incapable of relaxing *Prone to screaming into the sky at random 6:02 PM - May 18, 2020 - Twitter Web App >

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Text - Dr. Tanya Harrison @tanyaofmars Troi: Eating chocolate ice cream 24/7 Always in pajamas Avoiding calls from your mother STAR TREK 5:58 PM - May 18, 2020 - Twitter Web App

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Hair - Dr. Tanya Harrison O @tanyaofmars Crusher: * Appalled by rampant pseudoscience *With no other people around, now falling in love with ghosts * Thinks we're in the wrong timeline 6:03 PM - May 18, 2020 - Twitter Web App

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Website - Dr. Tanya Harrison @tanyaofmars Geordi: Having just as much dating success now as pre- quarantine. 6:04 PM · May 18, 2020 · Twitter Web App

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A German Shepherd Realizing He's Going to The Vet


That's the desperate face of a dog that knows what happened the last time he visited a healthcare professional. First you think he's being overly dramatic for wanting to avoid the vet, then you realize, "what, when was the last time I went to the doctor?"

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Awkward Brain Errors that Embarrassed People


Maybe you didn't get enough sleep or maybe you were just on autopilot. There are a lot of reasons to make extremely simple, stupid mistakes that make you look like a complete idiot to strangers. It can even happen when you literally forget what you are holding in each hand and end up throwing a cup of hot coffee on your bed.

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Text - xine @xineliza dude at pacsun asked for my number while i was cashing out and i was like oh sorry i'm not really interested hahah and this man looks at me and goes "i meant for the rewards program.."why am i the dumbest human being alive <>

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Text - Arson Carson @CBMSt1 I emailed my professor and meant to say "I am worried I don't understand some material on our next test" BUT I ACCIDENTALLY SENT THIS HELPME BAYLOR. ve to Categories ENT 3315 Test enda Shofner, Carson SC Today, 7:50 PM 50 PM jebaylor.edu * Professor Allen, 49 PM I am worried

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Text - Kristina Novakovic @XtinaNovakovic SCREAMING, just hugged my dentist thinking he was going in for one but really he was just taking off my dental bib. Don't thinkI can ever recover from this

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Text - Sooz @CruisinSoozan While I was out walking the dog, I noticed a neighbour waving at me through their living room window. How nice! Sol waved back rather enthusiastically. She was washing her window.

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Text - Lucas @OFLaCar Meant to say "hold on for a second" and "give me a minute" to a customer and it came out as "hold me for a second" what a monday

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Text - gym leader khy @KlondikeBrat So this lady came in this morning and walked up the front desk to greet us before gasping loudly and saying "I forgot my dog" She forgot to bring her dog with her To the VET

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Text - * pip d. @tuftyfrog one time i went to hand someone a bowl of hot soup and my brain tried to say "careful it's hot" and "here's your soup" so instead i blurted out "careful, it's soup"

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Font - My teacher gave me back some papers and I thought it said "Salsa" and I asked the person next to me why my teacher wrote salsa on my paper and then the person next to me was like "Uhm that says 59/59 not salsa" IM SO FUCKING DUMB SASA Titizenshi Athens and F /hich Was the Be

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Text - megan @meganlewis74 3 years ago, a cute guy I worked with wanted to give me a fist bump... thought he was pretending to hold an invisible microphone so l leaned forward and said hello Austin @Austin_James74 What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

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Text - Kayne not Kanye @kaynecaraway I blanked whenI got to the counter at Starbucks and said "vodka soda" and she said "huh" and I said "huh" and then we stared at each other until I remembered I was there for coffee.

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Text - dr. echo @2earsandaheart Replying to @TheBloggess In college I went to a therapist for the first time & he asked me to tell him about my childhood. I got to "and then my parents got a divorce" & he nodded, writing in his notebook, & echoed "your parents got you a horse." He felt so bad but I couldn't stop laughing for 10 minutes

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Text - O Anna Davis O @radscientist_ Ijust walked into my room holding the remote and a glass of chocolate milk and I meant to toss the remote into my bed but instead I tossed the glass of chocolate milk onto my bed

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Text - Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly

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Text - Jesse Iordered one large pizza and when it came idk if it was a joke but literally nothing on it just the crust no sauce cheese toppings nothing. 41 minutes ago Like. Reply Pizza Hut O Jesse, we would like to hear more about this order. Please contact us at www.pizzahut.com/phcares with the details. "SB 21 minures ago Like Jesse My bad fam I was high ass fuck and opened the pizza upside down Edited Like

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Text - TechnicallyRon O @TechnicallyRon Went to get a haircut today. Barber: What do you do for a living? Me: I'm a writer, what about you? Barber: . . 'm a barber We didn't speak for the rest of the haircut. I am happy to announce that I shall never be interacting with another human being again.

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Text - sav @s_rumer18 at Dick's, it is a habit of mine to ask customers if they want their items in a bag after they check out. today, a woman came up to the register with 2 kayaks to buy. after ringing them up, i looked her dead in the eye and said "would you like these in a bag?"

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Text - YAEL @elle91 I thought the CVS guy was going to ask me to join the rewards program but he said "enjoy your night" so I said "not today, thanks" and left.

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Text - Brian 1 hour ago - t Accidentally tripped an old lady, meant to say "I'm so f cking sorry" and "are you ok?". What came out was "ARE YOU F CKING SORRY!?"

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Text - was at the airport and the TSA agent told me to scan my license face down, but I just heard "Scan your face down" so l put my face on the scanner and waited. I wish this was a joke but no, it happened and the TSA guy could not stop laughing and now I have to go into witsec.

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Text - st Looking to purchase a kitten under 10$. Must be in mint condition I Like Comment 2 people like this. I have a black baby 1 hour ago Like Looking for a kitten but thanks 1 hour ago Unlike 5 Lol it is a kitten

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Text - @jiwoeunn this cannot be real wait whats it called when the baby debuts 1:32 am - 14/1/20 - Twitter for iPhone 1 Like om nom nom mochi seulgi @prsvel. 55s v Replying to birth? 47s OH YEAH

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Text - Jacob Denhollander @JJ_Denhollander I was behind a grandmother who was apparently visiting Starbucks for the first time. The barista said, "CanI get a name for your drink?" She looked very confused and said, slowly, "I guess just call it Bob?"

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Text - @RyanLangdon_ The elevator doors opened up and a guy walked in the elevator. It was just me and him in there and he said "I love you." And l'm not rude so I said "I love you too". He gave me a weird look and pointed at his Bluetooth.

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Nasty Coworkers Try To Get Employee Fired, Employee Takes Revenge


Man, this just sounds like an overall terrible place to work. The employee is honestly better off. 

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Text - r/pettyrevenge + Join u/[deleted] • 199d 1 A couple of coworkers got me fired while I was going through a breakup. It was my time to shine. This happened last Thursday. I was working on a job that we had been on for about 2 months now. I'm a plumbing apprentice, so typically you aren't supposed to be on your phone on the job. However, I was going through a pretty nasty breakup, and I was upset about it. I wasn't on my phone too much though, I only responded a few times when I had a minute

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Text - I thought nothing of this, because my coworkers were on their phones throughout the day too. They always more or less moved at their own pace and did as they pleased so as long as the boss or his son wasn't around. The difference between us is, they felt like they were untouchable because they were all also "close friends" with the bosses son (but you wouldn't know it, given the amount of time they spent making fun of the guy, both in texts and in person). Also on this particular breakup

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Text - So I left the job site in a separate truck as two of the other guys that I worked with, a few minutes behind them because I was talking to the general contractor for a minute before I left. So when I got back to the shop, I see the two other guys walking away to their cars, and I parked and went to clock out. Before I could do so, the bosses son pulled me aside and said the two guys that had just left said I hadn't done anything all day (not true, was running water lines by myself, and I'

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Text - I could've left it at that, but I was out for blood at this point. I sent both the boss and his son a detailed message telling them how their employees on this job have been fucking off the entire time. I told him about the hour plus-long lunches, the phone use on their end, the fact that they would often just stand around on the job site and talk to each other, and the general day to day bullshitting they would do when the boss wasn't there, which was a lot. To top it off, I told the bos

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Text - When I went to the shop the next day, I found my check on the desk, next to screenshots of my texts that had been printed out with several copies for the guys to read. My face lit up with the most evil grin imaginable. I called my only friend I had at this job. He told me the guys that had been on the job with me looked like ghosts when the bosses son handed them those texts. I also found out one of the guys was apparently already on thin ice (had no clue), and he got fired as well. I gue

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Entitled Lady Wants Lamb For Free


Wow, apparently the other free food being offered was not enough. Nope, this entitled lady needed to have that lamb for free. Just reading through this exchange, one can pick up a feeling of hopelessness when it comes to reasoning with these kinds of people. 

It's as if they've unconsciously devoted their time toward looking for a problem, wherever they can create one in the world. And when they're met with acts of genuine helpfulness, they skim right over it, to make noise where no noise need be made. Oh well. 

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Text - 08:42 l 90% Vo) LTE2 1 uman.c... 08:00 to me Sent from ProtonMail mobile Hello s l've just got to know that you're the general secretary of Newwave STS NGO. I've put up a request last week about changing the free food menu. No ine likes to eat fish everyday. Also please buy a new blueberry extract sanatizer. The lon sanitizer is just pathetic. My husband doesn't like the smell. ...

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Text - A teth Really sorry for the problem you're facing. Please understand that these are tough times and fish provides almost all sorts of necessary nutrients. If you don't like fish there's a vegetarian option of potato and ladyfinger. Sorry we won't be able to change the menu if our free food menu. Show quoted text

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Text - 08:04 to me There has to be a limit of lying. Just yesterday I saw that a volunteer of your NGO was delivering packed chickens and vegetables to plot no. 19. It's just beside my apartment. Sent from ProtonMail mobile II

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Text - 3 all 2 l 90% | Vo)) 08:42 2 06 A Sorry. They were just delivering goods the old man living in plot 19 ordered. They paid for it. We're just volunteering so that the old and vulnerable don't have to come out and buy stuff. Show quoted text ...

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Text - 08:08 T to me v Oh! Then why can't you deliver something other than fish to me? Sent from ProtonMail mobile Original Message - Show quoted text

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Text - A Ma'am. The pack of fish and rice comes from the NG0 fund. We've limited means. We can't change our menu for one single person. But we're happy to help if you want to get something delivered. Just tell us what do you need and our volunteers will buy it for you. You can pay via Gpay. We'll also santize the product cover. II

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Text - all 2 ll 90% O Vo) 08:43 3 T Why do I need to pay if you're a NGO? My son and husband has been craving for some nice lamb. If you don't deliver lamb by tomorrow morning l'll have to register a complaint against your NGO. You can't charge money and then call it a NGO. Spend some more from the NGO fund. Sent from ProtonMail mobile ... ...

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Text - Jo.17 A Ma'am delivering goods for free is just a special service we're providing during the lockdown. We'll be happy to deliver the lamb for you but you'll have to pay for that. But the free food menu will not change. It will remain the same. Fish, rice, salad and curd. We're really sorry but we can't do better than this with the limited funds we've. Show quoted text

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Text - 08:18 T to Your NGO will be closed by tomorrow and get ready so spend the rest of your life in judicial custody. Sent from ProtonMail mobile II

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Office Food Thief Defeated By Nanny Cam


It's simple, just don't steal other people's food! Unfortunately, that bit of common sense and decency is lost on some particularly entitled people. In this case though, we get to see a pro revenge unfold, and ultimately an office food thief defeated by the trusted nanny cam. 

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/[deleted] • 104d 1 2 3 1 I had an office food thief. So I bought a nanny cam. A couple things about me that made it really suck to have a food thief: -I have a lot of food allergies, so I can't just get lunch at the cafeteria or at a nearby restaurant

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Text - -I have a new baby, who I'm breastfeeding, and who I pump for when I'm at work. You know how hungry pregnant people are? Yeah, the caloric requirement for breastfeeding is 100-200 calories higher. I am always hungry. -Because I have a new baby, half the time I don't manage to show up at work with a lunch. I either run out of time to pack one, or if I did remember, I leave it on the counter. My solution to all of this was to leave lots of nonperishable snacks in my office. (And also a lot

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Text - So, because I'm not getting a lot of sleep right now, when I first came back from maternity leave, assembled my snack hoard, and started having things go missing, I genuinely thought I was just losing my mind. Boxes of candy were running out faster than I thought I was eating them. I'd come in in the morning and things wouldn't be where l'd left them. At one point I brought a bag of chips to work, folded the rim of the bag down so I wasn't plunging my arm elbow-deep into a grease pit, and

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Text - And then. And then! Then I got the flu. I got the flu, and I was out for a whole week. Left behind at the office was an almost-full box of Enjoy Life cookies, which are not enjoyable but are free of all major allergens, and are also $5 a box for, like, 12 sad little sand pies with some cinnamon on top. I ate one row of these cookies. And then I was out of the office for a week. For one week, I was not eating any of my snack hoard. But someone else was. Because I came back to work, opened

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Text - The combination of these two things- the sheer freaking audacity it takes to open a new box so you can continue stealing from someone, on top of the consumption of almost a whole box of specialty cookies that aren't even GOOD- enraged me enough that, after going to my boss and getting some vague promises about checking if the security cameras in my wing of the building are functional or not (what??) I went straight to Amazon and ordered myself a nanny cam. Not for my baby. For my snack ho

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Text - The next morning, I came in to some very obvious snack carnage. My thief had slowly been getting more brazen (again, who OPENS a new box of something?? And opens it DIFFERENTLY than the person they are stealing from??) but this was just on another level. Individually wrapped things had been dumped out of their boxes. Bits of packaging had been thrown away. And, yup; they'd eaten some of the Valentine candy. For shame, office thief! Don't you know that's from someone who loves me?? I playe

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Text - I started taking screenshots. I got him shoveling candy into his mouth with full palm-to-lips intensity. Pouring things out onto the desk to pick his favorite flavors. Not even bothering to put them back where he found them. And yes. Eating my goddamn Valentine's candy. Screenshots went directly to my boss in an email. / went directly to my boss's door to hover and grin and ask if he'd read my email. And I got assurances of a strongly worded email to the cleaning company and the barring o

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Text - I thought this was over, until the girl who works the concession stand dropped by to thank me. Apparently the food thief would start his shift just as she was closing down for the night, and would try to get free coffee in that "creepy guy" way. And then one of the reception staff came by with the same sentiments. I'd never met the guy face to face, but apparently, as a woman, it was not a fun experience to have. I'd shown my screenshots to a few coworkers ("who's eating u/ 5RabbitsInALon

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