Thursday, January 28, 2021

Man Gets Flatscreen TV Appraised On Antiques Roadshow


This dude masterfully blurred that line between taking something completely seriously and satire. The fact that he had the nerve to go through with this is its own kind of crowning achievement. 

Submitted by: (via Antiques Roadshow PBS)

Real Firefighter Green Screens Himself Into Badly Written Show


Bit of a genius idea right here. This ended up working out very well. It becomes glaringly evident in this video that the show itself was written by someone who has never been anywhere close to a first responders scene. 

Submitted by: (via Fire Department Chronicles)

An Anxiety-Inducing, Informative Thread About Oarfish


Honestly, we're just relieved that he got out of the ocean. These oarfish look like they'd fit right into some kind of Pokémon game. They can end up being absolutely massive. Just imagine if you were out swimming around, enjoying some tropical waters, and ended up coming across one of these bad boys at their full size. Yikes. Yikes, indeed. 

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Water - 2 mischief7manager digitalrabbit asked: Hey I heard you're giving out anxiety, can I have 1 anxiety please? biggest-gaudiest-patronuses answered: yes, here is a baby oarfish

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Water - imaramennoodle that's a BABY? biggest-gaudiest-patronuses boy howdy are you in for a treat! introducing, the Oarfish!

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Water - MA! THERE'S A WEIRD FUCKING FISH! Not much is known about Oarfish. Their maximum length is debatable, though there are reports of specimen up to 56 ft long. They live at great depths, and are rarely observed alive. Here's a relatively small one: Slightly larger one:

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Water - aaaaand, little bigger:

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Water

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Font - Yeah. these children get long. hold on a mo', i might have a better photo yeah. there we go. a few hundred Ibs of Oarfish. like i said, length-variable. that one's only about 28 feet though. so like, imagine that but double.

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Photograph - look how excited everyone is. well, everyone but the fish. oh, fun fact! they can self-amputate up to 3/4th of their body. lizard style.

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Fish - Historically, Oarfish have been described as sea serpents, and are probably responsible for a fair portion of myths. In Japanese folklore, their appearance portends earthquakes. Though rarely seen, Oarfish live in every ocean. All around the world. Everywhere. No matter what coastline you're on, they're always there. Just a few thousand feet below water. Waiting.

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Font - Watching. fireball-me JESUS THAT WAS MORE THAN 1 ANXIETY biggest-gaudiest-patronuses I AM A WHOLESALE PROVIDER Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses 45,596 notes

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Tumblr Gems and Funny Tweets to Haughtily Guffaw At


Twitter and Tumblr are dripping with observations both creepily insightful and brain-chillingly stupid. Anything goes when you plug your brain into the internet and let the words fall wherever they land. It leads to some funny tweets and tumblr gems to quote later in a conversation with your "peers."

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Sleeve - kimbra nicole @simqlykimbra12 My 6 y/o bro fell asleep in the shopping cart at Walmart.my stepmom didn't wanna bother him so she kept stacking groceries Reese OPED

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Font - coffeeandklonopin carpe diem - seize the day carpe noctem - seize the night carpe natem - seize the ass coffeeandklonopin Seriously, if you guys don't stop reblogging this I am going to carpe someone's neck and break it. mama-bird carpe collum - seize the neck Quelle: caffeineandcartridges 647,661 Anmerku..

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Aerostat - slytherinlynx A Relatable Autism FeelTM which piece of my meal do I eat last. Which Flavour will be the Chosen One that will Erase all others and Prevail. W authenticautistic Oh my god I thought I was the only one Source: queerlynx 16,764 notes

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Font - Organism - Patrick Nathan @patricknathan me at 19: maybeI should be a writer me at 36: maybe I should never leave this bathtub and become a broth 6:26 PM · 2020-12-06 · Twitter for iPhone 1,070 Retweets 79 Quote Tweets 11K Likes

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Font - Rhyming Mama @sarabellab123 My daughter made handmade Christmas cards for friends and family. She decided to abbreviate some of the words to make the work go faster. Instead of writing “I made this for you" her cards read "I made this f you". I'd correct her but it seems like the perfect 2020 sentiment. 5:10 AM · 12/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Font - EE ? 08:15 19% O augustales Follow told my parents i miss archaeology and my mom was, very sympathetically, like: "do you want to dig holes in the garden?" and i was like. yes. i want to dig holes in the garden. ruffboijuliaburnsides Follow my wife, after reading this to me aloud: It's your people! ...do you want me to break a clay pot for you to put back together? me, burying my face in my hands: Maybe...? mycroftrh Follow These are both moods, but unfortunately I am primarily a bioarcha

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Font - World - jon drake @DrakeGatsby My brain is an internet browser with 108 tabs open and every time i try to close them it asks me "are you sure?" And I'm not sure. Im not sure about about anything 11:57 PM · 2020-12-05 · Twitter for iPhone 2,448 Retweets 95 Quote Tweets 15.8K Likes

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Organism - everything bad happening is zuck... @GraceSpelman me: gender is a social construct me to my cat: Mr. Sir! You are just a little boy who is a man. Mr. Sir Boy! 11:21 AM · 2020-12-13 · Twitter for iPhone 2,803 Retweets 187 Quote Tweets 25.1K Likes

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Font - Font - 00 + 1 @stuckinaportal my daughter is making a convincing argument that egg should be spelled "eg" and that the second "g" should only be used to describe really big eggs 11:10 AM · 2020-11-22 · Twitter for iPhone 3,606 Retweets 261 Quote Tweets 68.4K Likes

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Font - Font - Bella Lara Blondeau ... @vivarockbella "infant so tender and mild" suggests the existence of a spicy baby

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Font - Font - Pre K @stayfrea_ work ever kick your ass so bad you drive the speed limit home w/ no music playing?

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Font - Font - YAEL ... @elle91 Thate when my friends turn out to be fake. This one girl I thought was really cool ended up being three raccoons in a trench coat. 8:26 PM · 2014-09-30 · Twitter for Android 3,201 Retweets 33 Quote Tweets 6,527 Likes

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Font - Font - teamrocketing Follow thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said "if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?" like i'm so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn't destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence weaselle Follow th

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Font - Water - Annelite Jueryansen 2615 nebester.deviantart.com/art/Old-Friends-351706262 startrekrenegades: boxlunches: trojanphoenix: heatherbat: aquaticallyinclined: "When they were little girls, they decided that they would be best friends forever. A whale never forgets a promise." -Anneliese Juergensen i have now died. of joy. I don't think I've seen art of an old mermaid (mermatron? mergranny?) before. I love it! Oh look it's the most amazing thing l've ever seen This is really amazing but

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Font - Organism - tatum @50FirstTates geometry test: prove this is a rectangle me: dude wat do u mean fucking look at it 2:15 PM · 2020-12-14 · Twitter for iPhone 217 Retweets 16 Quote Tweets 1,814 Likes

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Font - Organism - Patches @mostly_cheese HER: what's your sign? ME: i'm an asparagus HER: you mean aquarius ME: omg whatever, you're such a caprisun 9:41 AM · 2020-04-08 · Twitter for iPhone 448 Retweets 18 Quote Tweets 1,890 Likes

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Font - Joint - catchymemes Sodium, an explosive metal Chlorine, a deadly gas Table salt captain-snark Follow Do you think this type of content brings physical pain to antivaxxers? lunacornfan2k20 Follow As a chemist this is instant serotonin

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Font - Rectangle - dbweasel saintdeanthomas The only acceptable icing is buttercream. Whipped icing is a cowards choice and fondant people are demons and gotta meet me in the street for their poor life choices that led them to accept Play-Doh as acceptable cake decoration igot2ne1problems turn on ya location and we can talk saintdeanthomas Hope you understand sign language then cause all you're gonna be seeing is hands wolfprincess1229 Damn shits gettin real in the cake decorating fandom

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Font - Organism - jame @video_jame i hate toasters so much why can't u just raise the finished toast in a more calm manner 10:02 AM · 2020-12-15 · Twitter for iPhone 234 Retweets 23 Quote Tweets 2,487 Likes

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Font - Rectangle - utopians Follow Throwback to 2016 when I told my sister "they're making another planet earth" and she just like. raised an eyebrow and said in this absolutely deadpan condescending tone "and where are they getting the dirt for it?" and I had to specify I meant planet earth the nature documentary not the celestial body

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Font - Hair - meladoodle: i got this photo with gus from breaking bad and the conversation went like this me: "hey can you pretend this banana I found outside is a gun?" him: "it is a gun" me; "shit you're a good actor"

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Font - Font - carlisle-the-daddy-cullen Follow They need to redo twilight by just having the actors go back to the filming locations and try to recreate it from memory homofied Anna Kendrick couldn't even remember being in the movie. This is an amazing idea Anna Kendrick O @Annakendrick47 Holy shit. I just remembered I was in Twilight. 3:37 am · 27/11/18 · Twitter for iPhone 177K Retweets 1.2M Likes

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Font - Vertebrate - reallymadscientist I work in a government-funded spider research lab at a top university and we have this in our lab:

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Product - didyoumissme-221b: feline-ranger: causenotsymptom: malformalady: Glass headstones Imagine a graveyard full of these on a sunny day. It would be so beautiful. I would position mine so that every day when the sun was in the right position it would set fire to the roof of someone I hated, thus achieving revenge from beyond the grave every single day. There are two kinds of people

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Rectangle - patrexes fun fact my cat & i are both blind so we accidentally run into each other sometimes, but bc im much louder than he is, when we get close to each other he chirps to warn me he's there BUNO PERSON IN AE actuallyblind Thank u for sharing this is beautiful solidarity

Submitted by:

Dumbest Things People Have Ever Heard


You just never really know when someone's going to spew out some mindless jargon that leaves you standing there at a complete loss over where they came up with their nonsense in the first place. Sometimes people say such dumb things that it almost ends up being impressive in its own right. This fine collection of the dumbest things that people have ever heard is its own kind of achievement. 

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Font - tocanofd · 9h S 1 Award I sat next to a girl in bio who got 40% on our first test. She seemed quite pleased and said that now she only needed to get 40% again to have an average of 80%. O Reply 1 222 ...

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Font - gokexeyujw · 9h We were on in a summercamp, and when i opened a flashlight during a storm (it was also night) he started yelling at me to shut it off because, apparently, light attracts lightning... Reply 166 3 ...

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Font - Danny_Soler · 10h I am from Spain and I once met a girl who came from USA for a school travel project. She asked me "Why are people here so white? I mean, we are in South America." I told her we are in Europe and she didn't believe me. Reply 1 311 ...

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Smile - LukeStekette · 9h A girl in my geology class once said that the oceans were so polluted because the dirty animals wash themselves in it, that was in 8th grade + Q Reply 4 120 5 ...

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Font - Inp0004 · 9h Watching a sunset on the ocean one day when a late teens person asked me why the ocean doesn't put the sun's fire out. Reply 144 ...

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Font - bread-sandwhich · 8h A kid from when I was in grade 5 tried to insult me saying , that I was "full of bones" Reply 78 ...

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Font - Kiefer-Koyote7 · 9h A friend of mine once said;"Modern solutions require modern problems" i just thought: shit thats deep. 51 3 Q Reply 4 ...

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Rectangle - ThatOneChaoticMess · 8h This one dude thought that people with glasses were blind without them. Like actually blind, seeing almost nothing. Reply 1 45 ... +

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Rectangle - metabolt4e · 9h We were talking about the UN in school and a girl said "That's aliens, right?". She meant UFO. Reply 1 35 ...

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Font - nevertheweirder • 5h That bumble bees cannot fly, but that they don't know it yet. But once they find out that they can't fly, then they won't be able to fly anymore. She was dead serious while telling me this, whilst bumble bees were buzzing and flying all around us. She denied my logic when I tried to explain to that what she said was not true. Reply 19 ...

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Font - MargrettSpann · 9h Are the Greeks from Ireland? Reply 仓 71 3 ...

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Font - HerbenDaDon • 10h My boy told me he puts a ruler under his pillow to measure how long he sleeps Reply 70 3 ...

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Font - HensieBurara · 9h That birds are mammals because they have meat. Q Reply 1 77 ...

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Rectangle - WeakAssPotatoes · 6h As a waitress I have many, one of my favourites was 'I'm allergic to tomatoes, don't put any tomatoes on the breakfast or l'II DIE!!' Proceeds to cover entire breakfast with Ketchup. # QReply 19 3 ...

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