Thursday, January 28, 2021

Tumblr Story: Wholesome Frat Boys Unite To Find Lost Keys


Some straight up frat house gothic right here. Frat boys are full of surprises. You never know if you're just going to get some of the stereotypical uproarious behavior from some dudes that have been getting lost in the sauce, or if you'll encounter some genuinely helpful bros that are completely down to help you find your misplaced keys. Check out some more gold from Tumblr with this thread about a girl who got cheated on, and then her buddies assembled to help her resolve the issue at hand. 

1.

Font - snarling-through-our-smiles I once lost my keys at a frat house. My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully- disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch. Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out. I do not remember this part. The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house. I stood there, right in front of the front door. This was a novel experience for me. l'd never been at a frat house

2.

Font - A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. "I lost my keys in here last night," I called back. "I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?" He opened the door and gestured for me to come in. "Go wherever you want."

3.

Font - I'd never seen a frat house post-party before. Wandering up the stairs and through the halls, I was surrounded by hungover and still-drunk frat boys stumbling around in their socks and sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light. A few of them threw puzzled glances my way. I'm sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination. I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller- esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his

4.

Font - "Do you like dog movies?" he asked, voice all mumbly from grogginess and also from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket. I told him I did. He mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking for my keys. "Sorry, I haven't seen any keys around here." I didn't doubt him.

5.

Font - Twenty minutes had passed. I'd searched just about every bedroom and nuclear- waste-dump-site of a bathroom in that house. I'd given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates' forgiveness and get a new set copied. As I stood there in the hallway, silently bewailing my predicament, a particularly- burly frat boy approached me. "You need help with something?" "I lost my keys here last night and I can't find them, I've looked everywhere."

6.

Font - "What do they look like? l'll put it into the group chat." He was already pulling out his phone. No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell. It was worth a shot. "Um, it's just a ring of keys. The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big. Like bright pink, you can't miss it." He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat. "Alright, I sent the message out. Good luck."

7.

Font - And with that, he turned and left. A few moments later, I heard a distant thundering. It was coming from upstairs, and it was getting louder and louder. One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde of large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me. "Someone tell the girl!" One of them shouted, faceless in the mob. "Girl! Hey, GIRL!! We found your keys, girl!!"

8.

Font - They circled around me. I hadn't felt that small since I was maybe eleven years old. One of them split himself off from the crowd. "Are these -" he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, "your keys?" And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring.

9.

Font - "Yes," I whispered. "Oh my god, yes." "EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYY!!!" The cheer went up. Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs. I thanked them again profusely. There was a scattered round of "no problems" and then, just as suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night.

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