FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 05/05/20

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Guy's Tinder Game Is A Modern Marvel

This Tinder gem involves a dude writing a sonnet about a first love, for his new match. These heights might very well never be reached again. The fact that the dude composed a sonnet, and infused it with that raunchy hidden message is nothing short of a modern marvel.

1.

Text - Emilia 12:27 AM A sonnet about a first love 1:18 AM What a nice, nonironic ask. Subject matter's adorable, so here: She places hand to chest with heart a-blaze, Each halting thump a dance of heat and joy. No other one could brighten up her days, Delightful nights' embrace with caring boy. No earthly sight as great as she to him, Undressing nude in morning bedside light.

2.

Text - Declaring unbound feeling on a whim, Engagement? marriage? Wedding dresses white? Soon bride and groom, they loved with all their heart, Expecting everything to stay the same. Mirages ripple, warp, and tear apart; Idealized people's pictures do the same. Love lost is better than a love not shared, In some pursuits, the rich are those who dared. Liked by Emilia Aaaand there go. A sonnet thingy Oh my god Made my whole night, that was beautiful

3.

Text - Just wait until you read the first letter of each line LMAO Okay night officially made That was great l'm still laughing Then you don't even wanna know about what happens if you read the first letter of each word in my first response

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Product - Oh my god Do you do this to every girl? Lmfao000 because that's actually a talent If only it ended there, Emilia Read the first letter of the second word of every line In what message?

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Text - In the poem, the first letter of the second word in each line Honestly, you deserve it after all that Is that the end of the hidden messages so i can give it to you haha What if I told you to read the first letter of each of your own messages Lmao nah you've reached the end

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Tagged: tinder , romance , apps , relationships , ridiculous , love , dating

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Alligator in Sewer is Freaky as The Dickens

This guy happened to find an alligator in the sewer in front of his house. You know, just kinda chillin'. Waiting in the darkness. With its piercing yellow eyes.

Submitted by: (via Tony Mack)

Tagged: scary , alligator , wtf , sewer , creepy , animals , drain

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Tony Hawk Pro Skater Review Is Pure Gold

The game was just way ahead of its time. This review might actually make you want to figure out a way to fire up Tony Hawk Pro Skater again.

Submitted by: (via videogamedunkey)

Tagged: skateboarding , tony hawk , Video Game Coverage , video games , Video , skating

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Weirdest Things H.R. Employees Have Seen

This wild AskReddit thread has human resources employees describing the weirdest stuff they've ever seen, on the job. People are full of surprises. One certainly wouldn't want to find themselves sharing a space with any of these folks. We're talking about some serious curveballs.

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Text - thedarlingbuttsofmay • 2h I once had a temp job in HR. I was scanning lots of old personnel files, and the one perk of the job was reading old complaints against people. The best one I came across was a mediation caused by one member of staff accusing another of witchcraft.

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Text - StaceysDad • 2h The maintenance guy had been living up above the ceiling of the building. He had built a little cubby living area with electricity and a small fridge and everything. Edit: For years.

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Text - TenDollarTicket • 2h F 2 Awards Years ago I worked HR for a retail store. A manager would always clock out on time however the alarm wouldn't be set until about 30-45 min after he clocked out. Since we had a lot of trouble with internal theft we assumed he was stealing. Loss prevention approved the installation of cameras across all stores but we were told not to talk about it to see if we could catch any internal theft. The way the ceiling was set up,the cameras weren't too obvious but i

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Text - Blueiguana1976•4h O 1 Award I was a recruiter, and you would be shocked to see what some people actually have as their personal email. Most people have come around to using just their name, but then every once in a while you'll have to verify that "brownglitter69" is in fact how they would like to be contacted.

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Text - smokefrog2 · 3h I work HR for a call center. Entire company has around 500 employees, maybe 250 of them are in the call center. Entry level work, tiny bit more than minimum wage. A girl started her first week doing really well and then week two got really weird. She walked into the CEO's office (on another floor in the building) WHILE HE WAS MEETING WITH SOMEONE, to demand that he buy her a dog because she thought having a companion would improve her work performance. That was the entiret

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Text - McNugget_Princess • 3h The new receptionist was coming in every morning and opening up programs/documents to make it look like they were busy, and they'd sit with one hand on their mouse and one hand on their keyboard and stare blankly at their screen for 8 hours a day and not do anything. They'd also consistently pick up the phone and hang it up without saying anything so that it would stop ringing. I sat in on their termination, and the employee started screaming at the manager about ho

8.

Text - T469 • 2h I work at my family's business in the industrial sector, and HR is one of the hats I wear. 2018 was insanely busy for us, so we had to hire a staffing agency to get some General Labor guys in. It's a simple wax-on, wax-off kind of job. The most memorable part of that hectic summer was one temp that the agency sent over for 3rd shift (Midnight-8AM). We will call him Bobby for this story. Bobby shows up wearing nothing but a pair of cargo shorts, so we had to provide pants, shirt,

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Text - Canuckleball • 1h Guy came in to the interview in sweatpants and a hoodie, and said he didn't need the job because of how much money he was making illegally, but he wanted to have a job so the IRS didn't get suspicious. Weirdest part is I don't live in America, I very much doubt the IRS cares about Canadian tax returns.

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Text - Savgrod96 • 2h Hi. I'm not in HR but my mom has been for quite a while. A few years ago when my mom worked at an automotive plant, my mom had an issue with an employee who would clock in on time and then dissapear. She asked another of the floor employees if they had seen him and was told "he's in the parking lot." So, my mom and one of her co-workers went out to the parking lot and found the employee asleep in his car. Apparently, he'd been clocking in and immediately going out to his ca

11.

Text - testreddit01LP • 2h I don't work at HR but remember one time, a girl HR started working on a software company, she got her pc hacked (I think he remote her desktop and typed in a notepad) by an IT member with a "wanna date me?" message. weird.

12.

Text - Championpyro • 2h Younger guy brought a toddler and baby in a stroller to his interview. He expected me (front desk) to watch them while he interviewed. I mean thanks for making the effort to come in and interview, but l'm not responsible for your kids.

13.

Text - Poeticlandmermaid2 • 1h Someone put their social security number on their resume.

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Tagged: employee , job , work , cringe , askreddit , ridiculous , weird

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Choosing Beggar Wants Free Art, Artist Delivers Free Art, They Complain

Ah, yes, another sweet case of the choosing beggar waving their entitlement around, and in this case, getting their comeuppance. It's nice when someone involved in a negotiation with a choosing beggar tacks on the responsibility of serving the choosing beggar up a nice reality check. It seems like this particular reality check still might've soared right over their heads. Oh well.

1.

Text - Hi l'm a huge fan of your work it very good. I need you to draw my OC because you good artist and I like your arts a lot. I don't have money but it would mean a lot to me for you to draw my OC for free if you ignore this then your a mean artist and I wont be fan anymore. oh no!!!!!!!! so you won't be a fan of me anymore if i don't draw your OC for free??

2.

Text - That's right but I still will be fan when you draw my OC because your a nice artist and didnt ignore me like other artists oh ok!!!! then i'll be a nice artist and draw your OC for free

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Text - Good here's a reference of my OC their reference which i've crossed out for their protection done

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Cartoon - No I want full colored drawing of not a sketch oh my bad here

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Text - NO I WANT AN ACTUAL DRAWING AS GOOD LIKE THAT BUNNY GIRL YOU DREW. you asked for free art so i give you what's worth free art :V Your a mean artist that don't even want to draw for their fans

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Text - I'm really poor and have nothing but you don't even have kindness in your heart to make me good drawing of my OC for free yup nice iPhoneX selfie in your pfp btw O Message...

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Tagged: satisfying , art , artist , ridiculous , texting , choosing beggar

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Vegans Called Fake Because They Feed Their Cat Meat

This one seems pretty cut and dried. Their friends seem a bit extreme and have a hard time understanding what cats eat. The decision to eat meat is one that causes bacon drama between fathers and daughters, and poor dietary information can lead to some really awkward situations like this woman who learned mayonnaise wasn't vegan.

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Text - r/AmItheAsshole - Posted by u/edenflicka 16 hours ago 3 AITA for calling ourselves vegan? So we're both vegan and have been for years. Last year we got a beautiful cat who is the grand baby neither of our parents will ever have. She's obviously an obligate carnivore and we've been feeding her kibble and wet food. Unfortunately, where she came from wasn't a very good situation and she had horrible teeth when we rescued her. It's not come to a point where if she's painful she doesn't want t

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Text - We went on a website for rawfeeding animals and bought her some chicken necks and chicken hearts. According to the vet, this should encourage her to use her teeth as it smell "more appetising" than space nuggets. We've obviously been quite uncomfortable with this as it's raw meat in our otherwise vegan home but we'd do anything for our little gremlin so it's worth it. We've since had some friends over who were horrified when we got raw meat out and asked us if we weren't vegan and we said

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Text - They're now saying we're fake vegans and that we don't care about animal welfare if we're feeding her raw meat. We don't see the issue, as these are part of a chicken that humans wouldn't eat and we are following what our vet told us to keep our baby at optimal health. In our minds, these parts of already slaughtered animals would otherwise just be thrown away. This has created quite a bit of drama in our friend group as some people are now accusing us of being hypocrites while the other

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Text - Femalamalamaloid 17.4k points · 19 hours ago NTA NTA NTA! Cats are obligate carnivores as you rightly stated. Good for you, don't listen to your vegan friends, you are doing the best for your kitty

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Text - roseprincessbri Partassipant [1] 5.3k points 19 hours ago NTA And your "friends" are the type of people that make me hate most vegans. That's what she'd eat in the wild. Or mice or rabbits. You're amazing pet owners. BaddestPatsy Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1.7k points · 14 hours ago ISYK, this issue comes up in vegan communities from time to time and the vast majority of vegans support feeding cats meat. We don't tend to support breeding cats or any animals for profit and instead advocate res

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Text - Imightbemarzipan Partassipant [3] 2.4k points· 16 hours ago NTA. You do care about animal welfare. That's why you're taking care of your animal with food that she will actually eat that otherwise would've just been thrown away.

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Text - MarsNirgal Professor Emeritass [78] 1.7k points · 16 hours ago NTA. You're vegan because you can, your cat is not because she can't. Seems stupidly simply for me.

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Tagged: diet , wtf , pets , jerk , argument , ridiculous , vegan , Cats , meat

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Random Tumblr Rabbit Holes To Fill The Time

Tumblr and it's endless series of rabbit holes never disappoints. There's always a new Tumblr thread waiting to be explored, waiting to leave us mystified. The fandoms and the conspiracies and the strange observations from various Tumblr users, really keep us going. We're still getting a kick out of the recent quick Tumblr thread that highlighted the hidden significance of a Ratatouille scene.

And if that didn't fill your cup, check out this fun Tumblr thread about how dwarves have intelligent super beards.