Thursday, February 23, 2017

Singer Mac DeMarco Tries to Maintain Chill While Eating Hot Wings, Ends Up Evolving Into Enraged Canadian


Was really trying to sum up the rollercoaster ride that is Mac Demarco partaking in the ever sadistic, albeit highly entertaining Hot Ones challenge, in that headline.

If you're not familiar with our Canadian-based guest of the hour, DeMarco picked up something of a cult following for the very fact he so blatantly lives against the grain as a chainsmoking, shitty-beer-guzzling countercultural, anti-indie (even though he'd fall on the vein of 'indie rock) singer-songwriter with a talent for penning angsty though relatable, psychedelic lyrics.

Lyrics that have a knack for inviting you to breathe in a bit deeper and out even easier, as you float through a day's menial tasks with calm complacency. Check out his most acclaimed album to date over here, if you're at all intrigued.

But anyways that's just his musical background. You could hate the young dude's music, and still enjoy his pridefully weird, bizarre antics, during this 'interview.'

Submitted by: (via First We Feast)

Watch The World's Best Uber Driver/DJ DJ While Driving An Uber


dj,uber


Uber is great if you need a side gig, but how do you marry the two worlds?

One Uber driver figured it out, when he brought his work to work with him. 

Wow! What a hero. It's amazing that this ride-sharing company gives people the opportunity to follow their dreams and make a little money on the side. 


Not everyone was digging it though: 

But Uber drivers will not be stopped by the confines of their car. They must follow their dreams. For instance: 

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Tagged: dj , uber

Fan Asks Kate Upton During Live Interview Whether Justin Verlander Prefers Sex Before or After Game, And She Actually Answers


Yeah, she actually answers, and real talk: it's a buzzkill for us all. Turns out Verlander's too focused before the game, and too exhausted after the game.

Bro, have you not read the historical war tales of pre-battle glory that involved many a shield and sword-brandishing soldier sticking their 'other swords' into whatever woman would have them, as a ritualistic mind-clearing pick-me-up? And you're with Kate Upton! Madness. 

Guy Handles Unsolicited Dick Pick In Top-Notch Trollworthy Fashion


trolling,Awkward,texting,dick pic

I'll be the first to admit that I'd be highly caught off guard, likely rendered immobile for a little bit, and unsure of how to proceed, any time an unsolicited pic involving a stranger's most intimate parts hit my cellular. Well, leave it to our king troll of the hour to carpe that profoundly awkward solicitation with some solid grade A mind gaming that no doubt, left the dude on the other end of exchange deservedly unsettled. 

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14 People Reveal the Most Ridiculous Adult Temper Tantrums They've Ever Endured


tantrum,Awkward,parenting,adults

The arresting spectacle that is an adult reverting before your eyes, back to red-faced-angry-baby-shit-packed-diaper-mode is unsettling as it is strangely entertaining --- a train-wreck of a mental meltdown, and you can't seem to look away for the life of you. Kind of like impressively immature reality TV that's populated by pompous, psychotically self-concerned, silicone-altered wannabe celebrities that are always jacked up on Svedka and elementary level gossip. Or, or maybe you've experienced one of these shitshows firsthand. Maybe it was a permanent marker-sniffing, cigarette-munching, vaguely homeless woman who was working on a six pack of high life on the bus yesterday, while you and the unfortunate sea of weary spectators were just trying to get home. Yes, that happened on one of the evening commutes to me. Never thought I'd mention it, till now. Well, sit back, buckle up, and be thankful you weren't around for one of these eruptions.

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Say No More... 29 of the Worst Haircuts We've Ever Meme'd


FAIL Blog,FAIL,Memes,say no more

Not all ideas are good ideas and just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. 

I mean, hell, we've all been here before. Someone 'inceptions' some wack idea into your head and you decide to run with it but all it does is lead you down a road of utter insanity.

These people certainly fail pretty hard at recognizing when and idea is a bad one. When they sat down in that barbers chair and gave him their instructions they really should have thought about it twice. 

But the barber's response of "Say no more..." doomed them to be on this list. 

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Twitter's Got Some Goddamn Food Tips That'll Blow Your Goddamn Mind


food

I literally can't believe how wrong you've been eating. It's, like, kind of amazing you've even lasted this long. Think about it, while you've been wasting ketchup and using the wrong amount of pasta, there are people on this planet who have been cuttin' checks and snappin' necks. 

Do you want to start wheelin' and dealin' with the big boys? Of course, you do. 

Check out these food tips from Twitter that'll make you a happier and more successful human being. 

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Tagged: food

Guy Delivers Sweet Justice When a Rude Woman Lets Her Dog Relieve Itself in the Middle of an Airport


FAIL Blog,justice,FAIL,trolling,win

It really doesn't matter how bad of a day you're having. Taking out your seething inner rage on the rest of the world by being a complete and utter ass to everyone around you is never ok and a great way to fail at being a human being. It goes back to that old saying "If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."

Well, comedian Steve Hofstetter ran into one of these people after his latest trip to the airport and decided to do something about it.

After watching her rampage selfishly through the airport and observing her allowing her dog to relieve itself in the middle of the floor he decided to play a small harmless prank on the woman. A prank that resulted in some sweet justice with more severe consequences than he intended and that's what Fail Blog is all about.

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38 Memes to Take You Down a Deep Dark Depraved Hole of Dank


FAIL,dank memes,meme list,daily dose

These aren't your mothers memes. These memes take things to a whole new depraved level of comedy and debauchery, where other memes fail to go. 

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Curb Your Enthusiasm With These 59 Times Expectation Met Reality


image macro,list,expectations vs reality

Now I'm no visually artistic person, but for some reason every damn time I come across some arts and crafts thingamajig-dodad I think to myself "Oh shit, that's easy. I bet i can make that." 

Hours later, covered in glue, glitter and random cuts and bruises and filled with deep-seated anger and shame I lay my eyes upon my creation and I can just hear it whispering... 

"Kill... me...."

These poor souls had a similar experience when they tried to get down and dirty with some crafts. The results are never what you expect. 

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People Lose It On Twitter Over Sexist and Racist Cartoon That Ends Up Being About Fetish Porn


feminism,racism,porn,cartoons

In light of the unsettling realization about what the cartoon actually is, I can (try and) appreciate the "artist's" intentions here were coming from an allegedly good enough place. But I mean, damn, they should've seen the blowback coming on this one at some point. It's almost impressive. In a single cartoon they didn't fail to hit many of the widely-known trigger points. You know...sexism, feminism, etc. 

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Moron Who Sends Text About Getting "BALLS DEEP" to the Wrong Person Ends Up Getting BLUE BALLS


text

If there's something this guy loves, it's a good moron. But if there's something I love even more, it's a moron being humiliated. Couple that with a woman getting a heads up that a dude's trash and...

via GIPHY

That's what we have here, a perfect storm of a guy sending a text meant for his bros and accidentally sending it to his girl. What a maroon. 

Then he followed up with this pathetic text:

Ew, boy. 

Bros, avoid situations like these by not sending your bros texts that say "bout to get BALLS DEEP" unless you're getting BALLS DEEP in the following:

1) A pizza.

2) A game of pool.

3) The ocean. 

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Tagged: text

Oblivious Grandma Fails Miserably, Accidentally Skewers Her Grandson With Brutal Birthday Card


birthday,grandma,cards,insult

Personally, I'm not so sure how I'd feel about this one, were I put in our fresh-roasted birthday dude of the hour's shoes: on the one hand, the card isn't exactly sweet talk material, but on the other, grandma could be kind of a comedic badass. Perhaps with age and wrinkles comes a greater appetite for insult-worthy humor.

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49 People That Left Crazy Receipts That Speak Volumes to Customer Service Struggles


customer service,tips,restaurant,funny,receipt

Mathing when it's time to 'settle up' is hard, and especially if you're out drinking yourself stupid like many of these poor-tipping, brain-incapacitated boozehounds evidently were. I'm all for the humor, but by the grace of all that is good and reasonable in this crazy world, don't fail to leave a decent tip. Working on bended, tired knee, and used 'n abused non-slip shoe, through the hospitality industry is no easy business. I'm the first to complain about my old days of slugging it through double shifts as a busboy/dishwasher (team bitch) turned waiter, who consistently counted on tips to put a little extra meat on an otherwise skeletal budget. If you can't afford to tip well don't drink/eat out, but if you can, take inspiration from the people that provided decent gratuity with a solid side of humor on some of these receipts. 

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edge2cats Uses Machine Learning to Turn Your Cat-Related Nightmares Into a Reality


twitter,Cats,google

There are some things man wasn't meant to toy with. Google's open-source machine-learning software Tensorflow is one of them. 

Cristopher Hesse used Tensorflow to create edge2cats, a program that turns line drawings into whatever you want, including horrible, horrible cats. It's a total nightmare, but also really funny.

Try it yourself here, check out some of these little freaks from Twitter.

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Tagged: twitter , Cats , google

13 People Divulge Strange and Crazy Chance Encounters That Ended Up Leading to Sex


sex,strangers,sexy times,stories

Sex has a profound ability to cloud our judgment in a haze of something vaguely similar to terribly horny, blue-balled, sexually-frustrated teenage hormones, embrace our baser instincts, and enact with getting out there to do some ill-conceived 'things': things like blowing through budgets at bars like we're working through a bottomless bag of gold coins (and not subjecting ourselves to living off Top Ramen till next paycheck), surrounded by strangers, and just hoping we bump into that one chick that could be the one--that'll engage in conversation, at least. Or, enlisting ourselves for notoriously ridiculous dating apps like Tinder or Bumble that often times gives way to unforgettable crazy-coated conversations. And then, well, the opportunity for sex between consenting adults can just pop up in brilliant, unplanned fashion because you were there at the right time. These 13 people were lucky enough to fit the bill, get laid, not fail to round home base, etc, in one way or another.

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Someone Made a Horrific Trump Troll Doll With a Weird Little Troll Dick and Everything


donald trump,troll,kickstarter


Hope you're ready to never sleep again because someone made a little Troll doll out of that reality-TV gameshow host who won the presidency last year, so that he could make the lives of marginalized children unsafe

Chuck Williams has opened up a Kickstarter to fund the manufacturing of this mini Donald Trump. It stands about five-inches tall, has really stupid hair, and holds a little iPhone, which is technically incorrect because everyone knows that Trump refuses to give up his insecure AndroidCalled "The Official World's Greatest Troll," Chuck's abominable creation has already brought in over five times more than needed to produce that little baby dick. And, ugh, would you look at this thing?


Horrible. 

Want to own one for yourself? You can preorder this little gross grabber over on Kickstarter. Bring this butt home.

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I Didn't Know They Made Mushroom Milk


fail image mario milk

Submitted by: (via @incremus)

My Dude Has a Fool-Proof Plan to Meet Jason Segel: Eat a Picture of the Actor Everyday Until Segel Eats a Photo of My Dude


how i met your mother,jason segel

How badly do you want to meet one of your favorite celebrities? 

Would you wait outside their hotel room? Mail them a letter? Or just go to one of those meet and greet things, like an honest, hard-working American? 

Noah Maloney has started a new campaign in which he eats a picture of Jason Segel everyday until Jason Segel eats a picture of Noah. This guy sounds like a real freak and a real geek. No one what I'm saying? Just kidding, he seems cool.

Starting last week, the #EatMyFaceSegel has begun, and the videos

on his YouTube page

— the accurately titled "Dog Shit" — makes good on that promise. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdPzSx59sqw

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NASA Discovered Seven New Planets, So You Know People Are Freaking the F Out


nasa,twitter,space

Welcome to... TRAPPIST-1f?

via GIPHY

That doesn't have the same ring to it. 

Yesterday, NASA announced the discovery of seven new planets that are in habitable zones and might even have water. You know what that means! ESCAPE.

Lots of people are using the discovery of a new, livable world as a second chance, a failsafe for this whole Earth experiment, which can we just agree has been a total failure? 

Check out how people are reacting:

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Tagged: nasa , twitter , space

Idiot Asks "Social Justice Warrior" To Explain Climate Change, Looks Like an Idiot


climate change,global warming

Only in America would the idea of someone fighting for social justice be considered an insult. You know who else is a SJW? Batman. Do we not like Batman anymore? Come on, nerds. You guys are nerds. You should love Batman, nerds.

Anyway, some regular ol' dum-dum who has probably said "Wow, I can't believe it's this warm in January" or "Crazy that it's snowing in April" at least 17 times in his life decided to let the world know how dumb he was by tweeting this: 

Let's do this!

via GIPHY

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David Lynch's La La Land Makes This Movie Look Tolerable


I have a confession to make: I haven't seen La La Land

via Mashable

I know, I know, but it just doesn't seem like the most pressing movie right now. In fact, it seems like the type of movie that would seem much more appealing if the world weren't hurtling toward catastrophe. I'm sorry, I just can't deal with another actor/musician follows their dream movie. 

However, I will see anything directed by David Lynch, so if he had directed La La Land I would've been all over that. Then again, he already directed La La Land twice — Mulholland Drive and Inland Empire

via Walk Through the Fire

Submitted by: (via CineFix)

Brighten Your Day By Watching a Whole Bunch of Politicians Get Yelled At By Constituents


fail washington post yell o matic tool

If you're like me, there's nothing you like in the world more than someone shouting "shame" at a politician. Man, it's great. When you watch these guys who continuously lie and take adavantage of the peopl their supposed to be representing, just getting destroyed by their bosses. 

Well, thankfully, the Washington Post, who recently changed their Masthead to read "Democracy Dies in Darkness," has released a new way of watching my favorite thing. 

The Yell-O-Matic let's you pick a politican, and then you can watch a bunch of constituents yelling at them. It's great. Here are some good ones:

Mitch McConnell

McConnell (Bonus)


Rep. Dave Brat






Sen. Ted Cruz 





Rep. Nancy Pelosi





Submitted by: (via Abraham)

R2-D2 with a Voice is the Star Wars Special Edition We've Always Wanted


So we're all in agreement, the Star Wars special editions were a huge waste of time that offered nothing new to three perfectly fine movies. So sue me, I don't think Greedo shooting first adds anything to the story. 

This, however, is good stuff. The YouTuber Auralnauts replaced all of R2-D2's beeps with an actual voice that kind of sounds like Elijah Wood. It does sound like Elijah Wood, right?

Anyway, this is a fun video that reminds me of those videos of BB-8 with Jean Ralphio's voice dubbed in. 




Submitted by: (via Auralnauts)

Tagged: r2d2 , star wars