Thursday, October 8, 2020

Man Drops Phone, Whale Takes Care Of Business


The whale is clearly some kind of paid actor. Also, whale was clearly trying to keep their ocean clean. Understandable. 

Submitted by: (via tuuuben)

Tagged: awesome , whale , ridiculous , Video , win

7th Grade Guitarist Plays Metal At School Talent Show, Shreds It


Whoever had to follow up this young legend's performance was doomed before they even started. The kid absolutely crushed it!

Submitted by: (via Tanner Benedict)

Tagged: metal , Music , school , awesome , talented , Video , win

Old Dude Paints Crisp, Straight Parking Lines


There's nothing like getting all the proper equipment out and doing some crisp, perfectly aligned lines of paint. Look at that. Perfectly straight, and right on the money. Do they sell ride-on line painters online? Why is this video only 40 seconds long. There's a movie here.

Submitted by: (via Vision Guy)

Literal Moments and Memes that are Technically Correct


If there's one thing that makes us feel less stupid than we actually are, it's our ability to be technically accurate. Sure, being technically correct about something doesn't make us any smarter, but it helps us further avoid the fact that we know way less than we think. Man is that comforting, just kicking your own stupid-can down the road.

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Text - tilthat TIL there is no physical description of Jesus in the Bible. via ift.tt volcel-official False Luke 2:52 He's larger than a baby amateuropinions By the description of him driving the moneylenders from the temple, we can also tell that he fit inside the temple, which gives us an upper bound as well as a lower bound on his size. veraxplus It's been said that Jesus Christ was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple Source: tilthat 3,075 notes

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Font - Chemistry books are just a bunch of atoms explaining atoms to a bunch of atoms. Chemistry PRENTICE HALL Wilbraham Staley Matta Waterman Chemistry

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Text - 100T Classy @Classify Wtf I can't believe after all that shit, they back together 4:41 PM 8/4/19 Twitter for iPhone 18 Retweets 381 Likes sidney @Viperous 17m Replying to @Classify Who? 02 103 100T Classy @Classify 16m MY ASS CHEEKS LMFAO0000 O 27 t7 24 467

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Album cover - Warning: this image contains sax and violins. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Text - Abbie @AbbieEvansXO yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist

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Fictional character - You either die a hero, or live long enough to become a Sherlock Holmes FAN COMIC MAM SHERLOCK HOLMES SHERLOCK ENOLA HOLMES

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Tank - Mengo It works Spookamel Anybody Remember that stealth tank Poland unveiled back in 2013 What the fuck ever happened to it Show this thread

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House - Shoplifters when they see a shop

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Computer keyboard - Q W E Tab A S A Shift Ctrl Alt N ATTIDS

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Text - I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I said, "the muppet from Sesame Street." They told me, “he doesn't count!" | replied, "I assure you, he does."

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Library - Yes, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare. Which one? William. u/danceswithshrews

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Photography - PHOTO TAKEN WITHOUT FLASH PHOTO TAKEN WITH FLASH

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Motor vehicle - A very rare photo of the first ever mobile phone

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Text - Her:(whispers) I want you to make me scream with your fingers Me:"pokes her in the eyes super hard*

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Design - 36 155.8° Who are you, who are so wise Lin the ways of science?

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Text - Hey hon. Can a blond and a redhead have a kid with black hair? Today 10:37 AM Nope Someone cheated Sou Laimen Aboubacker What u mean by someone , obviously it's the mother 18 4 h Like Reply

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Sky - Legal, illegal, legal, illegal

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Canidae - Purebread dogs vs. inbread dogs

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Text - Talk To The Hatter @Talk_To_T... 22h 1) Butt and booty are synonyms. 2) Dial and call are synonyms. 3) YET Butt dialing is really different than a booty call. O 60 27857 3,889 1 Gabor Javorszky this is fine . @javorszky Replying to @Talk_To_The_Hat and @DrJenGunter "Forgive me father for I have sinned" And "I'm sorry daddy, I've been a bad girl" Have the same problem :D

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Room - Jacob TM @yourloyalpal Breakfast in bed

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Crab - If you hold a crab up to your ear YOU CAN HEAR WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ATTACKED BY A CRAB

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Hair - Obi-Wan Kenobi @the negotiator Who is this? Wrong answers only Mace Windu etakeaseat Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Master

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Cartoon - In an atom, the number of electrons 1 point is equal to: the number of neutrons. the number of electrons. the number of protons. That sounds sciency enough to be true

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Text - PUSH If That Doesn't Work PULL If That Doesn't Work We Must Be Closed.

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Face - Bullets only do their jobs after they're fired.

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Things People Said Under Anesthesia


People have a lot on their minds, and surgery drugs have a special way of letting all those things fall out. With that precious little filter stripped away, things get said that might be regrettable or completely nonsensical. Maybe the only thing that makes it all okay is that it's extremely common for people to say wild stuff while waking from anesthesia.

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Text - PoppingKittens 17.3k points · 7 hours ago O 2 2 e10 3 & 7 More My dad (italian) was waking up from anesthesia and kept looking at his asian nurse and saying he was so glad his daughter was with him. And that he loved his daughter. The nurses were confused, so they went out into the waiting to check for his daughter. I was the only one in the waiting area, and when they saw me and started hysteically laughing. I am korean by birth, but what adopted by my lovely Italian family :)

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Text - ThrowawayB2255 16.8k points · 7 hours ago This woman undergoing C-section under spinal anaesthesia + ketamine said 'Show my baby first to my brother-in- law, he deserves to see her first'. I sometimes wonder what happened to her marriage after that.

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Text - shitty_owl_lamp 9.3k points · 7 hours ago · edited 7 hour 2 I had double jaw surgery to correct my underbite. I took sign language in college. They typically don't wire your jaw shut anymore, they just use strong rubber bands, but you can still talk. I knew I'd be able to talk. Yet when I woke up from the surgery, apparently I kept trying to sign. The nurses were like: "Uhh, we don't know sign language, honey." Based on how little I remember from college, I'm certain it wasn't even good s

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Text - BjornBeetleBorg 7.5k points · 8 hours ago "I'm preparing to salsa dance"

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Text - neeeeerrrrrddddd 6.9k points · 7 hours ago The most memorable funny one was a guy who sat bolt upright, mime rolling a cigarette and tuck it behind his ear "saving it for 'ron" when I asked what he was doing. Anaesthesia can be a wild trip. The kids will always scream when they wake up

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Text - Audginator 6.2k points · 9 hours ago Not a medical professional, but my mom was 2 coming out from under anesthesia after a procedure a few years ago and I was trying to help her. She puckered her lips so I picked up her water cup and asked if she wanted some. She turned her face toward me and said, "Do I LOOK like an AIRPLANE?!" The nurses and I completely lost it. I still tease her about it sometimes.

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Text - rainbowsandlolipops 84 points · 3 hours ago Vet tech here. Dogs and cats come out of anesthesia in an assortment of different ways. But this one husky I swear lifted his head and said. “thank you" in that strange way that some dogs can actually sound human in their bark/voice. The other tech and I just looked at each other and said, “holy shit, did he literally just say that?!?!

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Text - Dachbodenluke 5.5k points · 8 hours ago I always start to compliment everyone I see after waking up from anesthesia. It's super important to me to 25 & 8 More compliment them it seems. "You nurses are doing such a good job! I hope you know that! Such a great job!" "Wow, you're all so beautiful! Why is everyone so beautiful?!" "Thank you for taking care of me. That's really nice of you!" "I love your eyes, they look kind and pretty!" I am not fully there yet, but I still always react the s

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Text - bc_poop_is_funny 13.3k points · 8 hours ago 2 Not anesthesia but delirium. Introduced the oncoming nurse to the patient. The patient gestured grandly around the room and said “(nurse's name), meet all my friends!!" ..to an empty room

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Text - kristenshortley 5.1k points · 6 hours ago Not medic but patient: I had appendix surgery after a preventive 2 day fasting (water was ok) and anesthesia hit me pretty hard. When I was told I had to use one of those plastic urinals or whatever because they said the abdominal effort could make me faint I just said: "I ain't gonna poop on a plastic tupper, If I pass out in the toilet like a hero, then let it be"

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Text - Songspiritutah 5.0k points · 7 hours ago e2 I was the patient, but right before Christmas a couple of years ago I had my gallbladder removed. In the recovery room as I was waking up I became obsessed with singing the 12 Days of Christmas song. I kept asking the nurses what order the verses were in. As they were wheeling me out of the room I heard a nurse belt out "Five golden rings!" Which was followed by everyone's laughter.

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Text - askmemyopinion 4.9k points · 8 hours ago That I look like a guy who worked for Bon Jovi

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Text - PLANETshaker22 4.7k points ·6 hours ago 2 Obligatory not a doctor, but I was the patient. I had to get my wisdom teeth removed at the hospital because they were, for lack of a better term, fucked. When I woke up, the nurse was going through the routine to make sure I was not brain dead. She asks me my name by saying "who are you?" I respond with, "I'm a lesbian." My parents were in the room. They didn't know at the time. That was how I came out.

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Text - original_4degrees 4.3k points · 7 hours ago 2 3 2 dislocated my shoulder in a way that my arm ended up stuck up over my head. Apparently, while all hopped up on demarol I was laughing hysterically while the doctor was standing on the table/gurney wrestling with my arm to get it back into the socket. I don't remember a thing.

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Text - JamesLilian 2.5k points · 6 hours ago 2 Oh god I woke up sobbing. I was convinced that I was married to Cedric Diggory and he had just been killed by Voldemort. I'm cringing so hard just thinking about it. I was inconsolable.

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Text - EllaCassi 2.3k points · 6 hours ago I gave a kid methoxyflurane after he broke his arm. When we got to the hospital he went into the paediatric section of the ED and there were stickers on the wall of sesame Street characters. He started talking about this unicorn on the wall (there wasn't one) and how it was trying to be friends with elmo but elmo didn't want to be friends with him. His mum and I had a chuckle and I had to pry the whistle out of his hands.

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Text - fatiguedaardvark 1.7k points · 6 hours ago edited 53 minutes ago The very first time I was under I was in third grade and was relatively scared. What kept me brave was the promise of burger king breakfast afterwards. It was an early morning procedure that required fasting and I rarely got fast food. They ended up running behind that day so it was up in the air if I would wake up and get out in time to get my breakfast (which ended at 10). The first words out of my mouth were "What time is

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Text - Feisty_Monkey 1.4k points · 7 hours ago When my brother was waking up after a surgery, my mother was there taking care of him but he couldn't stop laughing. When he was finally able to squeeze out a few words he said: "mom, hahaha, mom your so ugly!"

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Text - thedreamlan6 1.3k points · 7 hours ago IANAD but when my sister got her wisdom teeth out she screamed in the car until we stopped and let her out (near our house) and she sprinted back to the house because she wanted to race the car... I need to go find that video

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Text - theseattlegirl 957 points · 7 hours ago I sat straight up in the bed (they tell me) and shouted "I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!" Then I turned to a nurse and pleaded, "Okay, ma'am?"

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Text - FunnyQueer 921 points · 6 hours ago Woman woke up from surgery and said to her husband, “David! That alarm clock has a nose and it's running! Wipe it!"

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Text - sparecoochmaam 510 points · 5 hours ago I had gotten 4 wisdom teeth out in July, and I was under anesthesia for an hour. When I was done, I woke up in a chair and asked the nurse where I was. She said I was at the dentist and I said "STILL?????? JESUS CHRIST." And she thought that was funny. On the drive home, there was a turtle in the road! My mom stopped to let him pass and I got out and tried to catch him. I have a video of me laughing at the turtle.

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Text - ForgeDwarf 282 points · 8 hours ago I didn't hear this directly but I was told about a guy that made a Futurama reference and told the doctor to tell his wife he said hello. Guy was single.

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Text - laurencelara22 3.6k points · 5 hours ago S Had a patient come into recovery after surgery. She farted so long and loud the entire 20 bed unit heard her. Then she said "I was trying to clear my throat, excuse me. And I want a vanilla latte, I got a headache". As medical professionals, we had to hold in the laughter but that didn't stop patients from turning into hyenas.

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