Monday, January 23, 2017

Matthew McConaughey Tells the Amazing Story About the One Time His Dad Won a Motorbike in a Literal Pissing Contest


I said hot damn can McConaughey weave one hell of a tale. It's gotta be something with the delivery -- the cadence, the illustrative word choice...the authenticity.

Regardless of what it is that makes this southern gent so particularly gifted when it comes to the craft of storytelling, sit back and enjoy as he talks about that one time his old man pissed himself a shiny new bicycle.

Submitted by: (via Graham Norton Show)

Watch that Girl from The Ring Crawl Out of a Real TV and Scare that Shit Out People in a Prank That IS NOT FUNNY, OK?


Viral marketing knows no bounds, and neither does that creep girl from The Ring. What with her climbing out of TVs after you watch her video, she’s been scaring people for over ten years and in at least two languages.

Put together as a promo for Rings, the latest installment in a movie series that really hoping for a VHS revival, this promotional prank sees Samara crawling out of a TV in a real-life TV showroom, not unlike your local Best Buy. Real funny, guys. Jokes on you. I’m never leaving the house again.

Submitted by: (via Paramount Pictures)

Tagged: scary , prank , the ring

These People Are Determined to Get Half An Onion More Followers on Twitter Than The Real Donald Trump


twitter,onion,donald trump,election 2016,ridiculous,politics

Leave it to 2017 to take it a step further from the days of 2016 when flocks of folks turned up at voting stalls to send their nominations in for Harambe. Yes, that happened, but apparently that wasn't enough. We need to dive deeper down the shit-coated rabbit's hole, and find a way make sure we give an onion the proper podium to express its multi-layered beliefs from. The kind of mass media movement that can bring hot tears to your eyes, huh?

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Sorry Soul Finds Out Wife's Been Cheating On Him For Two Years In Worst, Most Brutal Way Imaginable


Sad,FAIL,wife,true story,cheating,brutal,heartbreaking,dating

I didn't even write that with the intention of it being clickbaitish whatsoever, dude. Honestly, this saddening saga is violently brutal. Unreal. For sure got a literal clench in my gut as the story worked up to the devastating ending when yes, he discovers his wife was impregnated by Darrel, some engaged dude. Oh, a quick by the way, but she couldn't even spell that guy's name right. Read at your own peril, cause this shit might color you seven kinds of enraged.

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20 People Describe Those Times When They Knew It Was Time to Move


Hopefully you haven't been there yourself: a victim to the environmentally destructive bullshit pervaded by a supremely sub-par roomie, and ultimately face-to-face with the brutal reality that it's time for someone to move up 'n outta there. To accept that it's been a slice, but your time spent together would be best if no more. Jimmy Fallon asked Twitter to share their best/worst 'time to move' moments, and these are some of the highlights:

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Here's a Gif of the World's Best Tee-ball Player Striking Out and Hitting a Homerun at the Same Time


fail gif girl hits sister with bat

Submitted by: (via jabbathechav)

Tagged: ouch , sports , kids , baseball

Current and Past Employees of Walmart Share Glory Stories From Their Craziest Shifts


customer service,FAIL,retail,storytime,true story,Walmart

Walmart serves as something of a beacon to the chaotic, unexpected and purely strange instances that are bound to pop up when you have a massive store that caters to all walks of life. I'm not even trying to perpetuate a stereotype, negative or otherwise about Walmart right here; but instead, simply float the glaring reality that some weird, messed up shit transpires within those colosseums of consumerism.

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Hours After Everyone Saw Him Cry on TV, White Supremacist Richard Spencer Tried to Troll Aziz Ansari, So Everyone Reminded Spencer That They Saw Him Cry on TV


It’s been a big week for the side of Richard Spencer’s pride, and we're not just talking about his white pride. Hey, oh! No, we're talking about the schadenfreude of everyone seeing you cry on TV. 

First, he was punched in the face when he was trying to talk about his little frog pin. Then, he said, he was “afraid it would be the meme to end all memes,” which it’s becoming.

To cap things off, he tried to troll Aziz embarrassment on Saturday, while Aziz was delivering his SNL monologue. 

via Saturday Night Live

Spencer responded to Aziz's jokes on Twitter with "It seems we really triggered you?"

To which everyone on Twitter responded with, "Everyone saw you cry on TV."

via QuoteTheGuy

Check it out. This is schadenfreude at its best.

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The Horrific Sims Logic Twitter Account Highlights the Weird Glitches of the Game, Will Make Sure You Never Sleep Again


The Sims,weird

While most of us spent our adolescence torturing Sims by, say, putting them in a swimming pool and taking the ladder away, others simply enjoy the creepy world of these gibberish-talking people simulations.

But The Sims can be a real trip, and @SimsLogic documents that trip.

Give yourself over to the world of the Sims and explore its logic with the best of Sims Logic.

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Tagged: The Sims , weird

Johny Manziel Clashed With Hungry Pack of Twitter Trolls After They Called Him Out for Rooting for Patriots


twitter,nfl,trolling,cleveland browns,boston patriots,johnny manziel,football,funny

Last night Johnny Manziel was in attendance for the AFC Championship game to root for Tom Brady and the Patriots. The banter bros teamed up and capitalized on the potential for some solid Twitter trolling when it came to Manziel rooting for the Pats. If there's one thing we learned in the following Tweetfrontation it's that Johnny Manziel is rocking some sweet paper-thin skin when it comes to jests from the peanut gallery.

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Trump’s White House Press Secretary Has Been Low-Key Going After Dippin’ Dots for Five Years


donald trump,ice cream

via CNN


This weekend was a weird one.

After having a pretty poor turn out for his inauguration, Trump sent his new White House press secretary to give a weird statement, claiming it "was the largest audience to witness an inauguration, period. Both in person and around the globe.” PolitiFact rated that statement as “Pants on Fire,” while Kellyanne Conway simply called it an “alternative fact,” a new phrase, which means “lie.”

Anyway, when he wasn’t chastising the press for covering the inauguration for what it was, Sean Spicer was spending the last five years in an all out social media war with Dippin’ Dots, the so-called “ice cream of the future.”

From 2010 to 2015, Spicer took to Twitter to take on Big Future Ice Cream to call them what they are: Not the ice cream of the future.

So without further adieu, here are four bizarre tweets from our current White House press secretary:

via @RachelEdelman78

Dippin' Dots has yet to comment, but the Internet has no idea why any of this is happening. Check it out:

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20 WINs and FAILs So Highly Entertaining You'll Almost Forget It's Monday


FAILS,monday blues,life,wins,cheer up,monday

Ah, the groggy-coated beginning of the week is here yet again. Full of the more unpleasant things in life, like the fact that a seemingly endless supply of coffees have yet to take effect as you feel the dusty gears of your mental motors just now doing away with the stubborn state of sleepiness. Take a breather, force a smile (or not, you do you), and try to lose yourself in the following prime displays of WINs and FAILs.

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Guy Proposes to Girlfriend on Kiss Cam, Gets Interrupted at the Worst Time Possible


Sometimes life just up and drills you with an entirely unplanned curveball of a shitty situation. This is one of those times. Keep your eyes peeled for the later half of the movie, and brace yourself as you witness what's easily already the most cringeworthy kiss cam performance of 2017.

Submitted by: (via Atlanta Hawks)

Dae ye talk Scots? Here's a Bit of Scottish Twitter to Get You Through the Day


Scottish twitter,twitter,funny

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For Some Inexplicable Reason Tom Brady Wore a Giant Coat and The Internet Is Memeing the Shit Out of Him


via SB Nation

Pictured above: Tom Brady and two other fellow Patriots hidden under his jacket.

At this point people should assume that if they wear anything that’s slightly out of the normal, they are going to be meme’d out of existence. Especially if you’re Tom Brady. Tom Brady is someone that people love to take down a peg or two, mostly because he dates a supermodel, is one of the world’s most successful athletes, and always wins the dang Super Bowl.

Yesterday, during the AFC championship game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Brady attempted to keep warm by draping himself in a pool tarp giant jacket.

via Reddit

Here’s the real shocker: The Internet loved photoshopping and meme-ing this big ol’ jacket.

Check it out:

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These Jetpack Firefighters Might Make You Want to Set Something on Fire, But Please Don't


cool,firefighters,fire,jetpack

Oh, hell yeah. 

Now, I know this footage of firefighters using jetskis and jetpacks to put out fires will make you want to set one of your own, but don't. These firefighters are only in Dubai, and you have to be by the water to get one. If you're trapped in a burning high rise, I hope you like yourself extra crispy because that's an original recipe for pain. 

via Wiffle Gif

So while you shouldn't go setting fires of your own, you should check out these jetpack firefighters in action because they are so sick. 

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Watch What You Eat Because These Are the 10 Grossest Things Found in Fast Food


Everyone knows that fast food isn't good for you, but we didn't know things were this bad. 

Counting down the 10 grossest things found in fast food, YouTuber MatthewSantoro tells of things much scarier than saturated fat. Santoro tells of tongue-eating louse in tunafish, nails in mac and cheese, and unpackaged condoms in clam chowder. Excuse me...

via Valley Wag

Check out the rest of Matthew's list, and please, for the love of God, open your eyes before you take a bite. 

Submitted by: (via fb.com)

Tagged: gross , food , fast food

Check Out Steve Buscemi Hanging With the Best Big Lebowski-Themed Protest Sign of the Weekend


win-steve buscemi poses with big lebowski fan at women's march

The Women's March on Saturday was a resounding success for protesters, as more than one in 100 Americans joined in at one of the many demonstrations around the country (and around the world). 

But it was also a resounding success for Big Lebowski and Steve Buscemi fans because Steve Buscemi posed for a photo with a man who's sign reads, "Shut the fck up, Donny, you're out of your element." 

"Hey dude, I dig your sign" (Women's March in DC).
This dude gets it. Steve Buscemi definitely gets it. And now all of us get it. Great work, team. 

If you don't get it, the quote comes from the Coen brothers' 1997 cult classic film, The Big Lebowski, in which, John Goodman plays a psychologically unstable Vietnam war vet who frequently tells his good friend and bowling teammate, Donny (Steve Buscemi), to shut the f
ck up. 

Example:



via Apollonia Corleone

Other famous Donnys: that reality-TV gameshow host who took the office of president on Friday, Donny Trump. 

Submitted by: (via Imgur)

Yes, Beer Yoga is Real. Yes, It Will Get You Up at 8 on a Saturday Morning


cool,beer,yoga

Namaste, get into your downward dog positions, and crack open a cold one. Class is in session. 

Perhaps in an effort to get beer drinkers and hell raisers into the ancient art of meditative stretching, a German Yoga studio has created a form of yoga mixed with barley and hops. BierYoga, the German Beer Yoga studio, combines "The joy of drinking beer and the mindfulness of yoga compliment each other, and make for an energizing experience," according to their website.

Now with a studio opening in Australia, Beer Yoga has crossed international waters. Check it out and sign me up.

Submitted by:

Tagged: cool , beer , yoga

People Love Watching White Supremacist Richard Spencer Get Punched In The Face Over and Over


There are few things more American than punching a Nazi. So as citizens on both sides of the aisle took to the streets to engage in the American political discourse this weekend, one American took on the important job of punching a Nazi. After all, this is America, and in America, we don’t take kindly to the tenants of National Socialism.

At the Inauguration on Friday, Richard Spencer, the white supremacist known for leading a “Hail Trump” chant to a room of “sieg heil-ing" neo-Nazis and for coining the term “alt-right,” which is white supremacy with a cute haircut, was giving an interview when an American hero punched him in the side of the face. Just as Spencer began talking about Pepe the frog, too. 

Of the video, Spencer said on Periscope, "“I’m afraid this is going to become the meme to end all memes. That I’m going to hate watching this.” 

Actually, there's a whole Twitter account to making sure this is "the meme to end all memes," and it's called @PunchedToMusic. Here's a few selections from around the web. 

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Patriots Fan Arrested for Pulling Fire Alarm at 3AM at Steelers' Hotel, and Twitter's Having a Great Time With It


twitter,news,nfl,steelers,patriots,reactions,football,fans,funny

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