Monday, March 13, 2017

Kellyanne Conway Has Set Off Microwave Pandemonium and Now Everyone on Twitter Is Afraid to Make Popcorn


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Kellyanne Conway, the architect behind the Bowling Green Massacre and the recent boost in Ivanka Trump profits, has done it again. 

During an interview, Kellyanne said that in addition to the possibility of being spied on by your television and phone, camera in your microwave might also be watching you. 

Talk about a Pop Secret. 

So now everyone on Twitter has been looking at their microwave a little differently because their microwave might be looking at them. 

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13 Tweets About Side Chicks That Prove All Hope Is Lost Because Everyone Still Has One


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Insane Spring Break Stories and Ridiculous Videos That Perfectly Capture the Craziness of This Week


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It's just about that time of the year again, dudes; yes, Spring Break. A time entrenched in sweet booze-soaked madness, and often given over to the questionably spontaneous, hedonistic whims of college students with nothing better to do with their time than let loose battle cries while chugging out the nearest handle in sight, amidst an endless procession of shotgunning beers; and maybe, just maybe even lighting up a few heaters. It would seem these awesomely wild times have a tendency to take place south of the border as well. 

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Watch This British Politician Deny Posting a Controversial Tweet with the Tweet on a Screen Behind Him


fail video british politician liam fox denies tweet

I really hope no one ever teaches politicians how to delete tweets because then I might be out of the job.

International Trade Secretary Liam Fox appeared on Sky News on Sunday to discuss a controversial tweet he made about Europe.

Of course, he denies making the tweet despite the fact that Sky News posted it on a large screen right behind him and that the tweet still lives online. See:

The tweet has been live since March 4 of last year and is also home to this list of 20th century embarrassments the British government is responsible for.

But I guess it's just easier to make a bold-faced lie than to just own up to your actual opinion.

 

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Tagged: brexit , politics
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16 Ponderous Shower Thoughts About Dating That Could Actually Make True Love a Reality


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The shower yet again proves itself as an incubator of solid, wizened sentiments that make for kickass advice; cause let's face it: Figuring out how to navigate the modern day dating realm is an endless struggle. Seriously, we could use an instruction manual. In the meanwhile though, I guess compiling as many of these dating-themed shower thoughts will have to suffice. 

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36 Selfies of the Soul That Reflect on Our Inner Most Being


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I have no shame. Each and every one of these is ripped off of the most fantastically mediocre subreddit around, meirl. These memes utter depth and mystique will give you a look at yourself and the world like you've never seen it before. 

Step into the chamber of wonders as we explore life's greatest mysteries. 

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Twitter Has a Super-Sized Problem With McDonald’s Serving Half-Filled Fries Containers


fail twitter mcdonalds large fries problem

Yes, I would like fries with that — more fries that that, though.

Lots of people on Twitter are complaining about the amount of french fries they get in a large fries from McDonald’s. Apparently, they’re only getting half-filled containers like this:

But also, did this dude check the bottom of the bag? Probably not.

He’s not the only, though. Lots of people are blaming McDonald’s for near-empty containers (as if they didn’t eat them shits on the drive home).

McDonald’s, presumably tired of getting hit up on Twitter finally responded by telling customers to direct their complaints at the point of sale — at least they can then verify that those fries aren’t at the bottom of the bag or in the person’s stomach. They said:

“There is no policy in place which suggests French Fries should be served in a carton that is anything less than full.

“Customer service and experience is one of our top priorities and we are always disappointed to hear when our food falls short of customer’s expectations and our high standards.”

I mean you could also do like a certain reality-TV gameshow host and take your complaints directly to the Grimace:

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Watch Sean Spicer Get Questioned Hard at the Apple Store and It's Not About Whether He Dropped His Phone in the Toilet or Not


fail tweet woman accosts sean spicer

The worst thing you can hear at an Apple Store is "out of warranty." That is unless you're White House Press Secretary and American joke Sean Spicer.

At a Washington, D.C. Apple Store over the weekend, a woman put Spicer through the ringer, hammering with questions about Russia and whether or not knows that he works for a fascist. Then, as is her civic duty, she posted it Twitter. 

The woman then went on to share some thoughts about running into Mr. Spicey at the store over on Medium. This was the best press conference since that time Sean Spicer pointed to two stacks of papers to prove why the GOP healthcare plan was better than Obamacare. 

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People Who Got Rejected and Proceeded to Go Absolutely Crazy


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These particularly crazed individuals need to work on how they handle things not working out in their favor. Because in all honesty, these emotional explosions are seven kinds of alarming. 

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The Daily FAIL: 50 Memes and Images to Start the Week


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Happy Monday FAILers, here are 50 memes and funny things to get your week started off right. 

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Grandma Slamming Shots With Sexy Coeds On Spring Break In Cabo Becomes Instant Legend


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Like a fine wine, some people just get better with age. Consider the grandma at hand, as a prime example; she's down south of the sun-drenched border aggressively knocking back shots (or just like, half the bottle) with a bunch of sorority girls that are just beginning to set sail on the epic, booze-soaked journey that the Spring Break of 2017 will surely prove to be. You've given the younger, less experienced alcoholics a lot to strive for Grams. 

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Guy Leaves Amazingly Illustrative Amazon Review for Stun Gun


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When the product itself looks like it fell out the bag of a Fallout character, you can rest assured the reviews are about to be ridiculous. 

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Turns Out That Electrocuting a Watermelon with 20,000 Volts Is Awesome, So Case Closed On That One

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A Boat Named Boaty McBoatface is Leaving For Antarctica


Joke for sail. 

Last year, an online competition to name a ship for the UK Natural Environment Research Council (NERC) resulted in the stupid and embarrassing name "Boaty McBoatface." It was so stupid and embarrassing that they refused to name their $244,520,000 ship that and named it after David Attenborough instead. 

But that wasn't the last you've heard of Boaty McBoatface. 

NERC has finally smashed a bottle of champaign and christened a submarine "Boaty McBoatface" and is sending it straight to Antarctica. Thankfully, it's an unmanned sub, so no self-respecting captain will have to pilot something so humiliating.

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Tagged: submarine , boat
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Nascar Got Really Interesting When Kyle Busch and Joey Logano Got in a Fight at the Kobalt 400


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Nascar, for the most part, is just driving in circles. Sorry, dudes, but it's true. It's not that fun to watch, unless of course there's a fight, which there was yesterday. 


Apparently, Joey Logano bumped into Kyle Busch on turn four, causing Busch to spin out and costing him the race. Obviously, Busch was none to happy about this and decided to thank to Logano personally after the race with a little punch in the face. 

Logano described the incident saying: 

I don't know. I was racing him right there at the end with our Pennzoil Ford. … Kyle and I usually race really well together and don't have any issues. He tried to pin me down into the corner underneath Brad. We about crashed and I was still trying to gather it up in the center. I was going to spin out, so I'm trying to chase it up (the track) and he was there.​

Here's the incident itself:


But people on Twitter described it as the best thing ever. 

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John Oliver Destroyed the GOP Obamacare Replacement Last Night and, I'm Sorry, But Getting Roasted to Shit Isn't Covered Under Your Policy


Let's put "Don't Get Sick" on the dollar bill because it's about to become the national motto.

Now, no one really thinks Obamacare's perfect, even the people benefitting from it the most. So when Trump and the GOP campaigned on making this thing better, promising better coverage and lower prices, people took them at their word. 

Why? Who knows. Anyone could've predicted what would happen: Higher prices for the sick, elderly, and poor; tax cuts for the rich. So you'll never believe it, but that's exactly what happened. 

Paul Ryan's wet dream is out, and, surprise, it's great for the rich and awful for everyone else. But don't take my word for it. John Oliver tore this thing a new one on Last Week Tonight, breaking down just how bad this will be for just about everyone except a couple millionaires. 

So enjoy a laugh at the health coverage we're all about to lose.

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Everyone is Talking About How Much They Hate Daylight Savings on Twitter and Why Are We Still Doing This?


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Daylight Savings is a complete waste of time, literally and figuratively. 

Everyone hates it, except, presumably, farmers, who kind of take the blame for  this thing, despite the fact that that isn't true. But there's nothing we can do about it. We're stuck with Daylight Savings, and now on Monday morning, we're all feeling the same pain. 

At least there's a support group for Daylight Savings: Twitter.

Check out some of the best responses to springing forward. 

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