FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 11/01/20

Sunday, November 1, 2020

Tumblr Thread: Humans Doing Cool Space Things

Tumblr did some research on the fastest manmade object. By the sound of it this manhole cover was launched into space with such monstrous force that it could've punched a hole through a planet. Maybe the aliens will touch base some day in the future, and ask us why we went and did something like that.

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Text - REI i tilthat TIL, the unconfirmed record for fastest moving manmade object is a manhole cover propelled by a nuclear detonation. A high-speed camera trained on the lid caught only one frame of it moving upward before it vanished-which means it was moving about 125,000 miles per hour via reddit.com

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Text - kaleighbytheway I'm reblogging myself because I read the source. The lead scientist involved theorized that it was going fast enough that A) it would not have burnt up in our atmosphere, and B) it would not have been caught in Earth's or- bit. Essentially meaning, the first man made object launched into space was a manhole cover that's still traveling the cosmic abyss.

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Text - theboringprincess YEET kinkstertime Earth escape velocity is just under 7,000 miles per hour. This was traveling almost 18 times that speed. That thing is definitely out in space. And not just in orbit about earth either, it's fuckin *gone* gone!

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Text - kinkstertime Wait I did more research!!! From the earth's surface the escape velocity from the entire fuckin solar system is under 30,000 miles per hour. Bout one quater of the speed that thing was going. I can't believe the first, and fastest, interstellar message we sent was the equivalent of queezing the lid off a pringles tube at your friend.

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Text - ripleyandweeds SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY ...

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Text - teaboot The level of absurdity equal to that of a Douglas Adams novel I theonetruegemini Aliens declare war on earth after a manhole cover punches a fucking hole in their planet

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Tagged: tumblr , Astronomy , ridiculous , space , funny tumblr

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Pettiest Things Adults Did To Kids

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about the pettiest things that adults did to kids. You better not get any dang ideas. And if you do just remember that there will be a spiteful little cretin full of devilish persuasion ready to act on your antics.

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Text - bgzkinsella • 3h 3 1 Award In cub scouts, we were doing the pinewood derby. I worked really hard on my car, (my dad helped, of course). I had already won the first 3 rounds, and before the final round, one of the dads of the of the other kids picked up my car to hand it to me. It "slipped" out of his hand, and broke the wheels when it hit the floor. I'm convinced it was not an accident, and he was sabotaging my car so his kid would win. This was over 30 years ago, and l'm still salty abou

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Text - DingDongDutchie • 3h My swimming teacher removed my inflatable armbands while swimming in a deep part of the pool because I was not paying enough attention out of excitement. Reply 581 ...

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Text - MikeErk67 • 3h We were almost out of ice cream, I made myself the last bowl. I came into the living room to eat it and my dad took it and ate it all because I didn't offer him any. I was about 8. I'm 41 and I still hide while eating bowls of ice cream. Reply 375 ...

4.

Text - Greenfireflygirl • 2h My grade 2 science teacher taught us that there is no food we eat that doesn't come from plants. He gave the example of a cow, it eats grass, so it comes from plants. He offered 5 dollars to any one who could find anything that people eat that didn't come from plants and said no one had ever claimed it. We all went home and thought about it. Kids were saying things like marshmallows, ice cream, candy... I put my hand up and answered "salt." He was quiet for a moment

5.

Text - EmilyAndCat • 3h Grounded me for leaving a hanger on the dryer Then extended it for reading while grounded Then further for sleeping when told I can't read. Shit still pisses me off years later.. Reply 969

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Text - ex-girlscout • 3h I was in middle school at a friend's sleepover. Her parents were very strict, her and her siblings got pulled out of public school to go to a Catholic school (were homeschooled in high school), and they scared the hell out of me. Anyway, it was probably like 11pm at this sleepover, and her mom hesitantly let us watch the Disney movie Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century. I laughed at a part, and even though her parents were awake, they came into the living room to scold me fo

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Text - ashlie_ren 3h 3 1 Award When I was in like 5th grade I didn't put a book cover on my math book. It required cutting up a paper bag something similar (we couldn't really afford the fancy ones) and I just never did it. So my math teacher took away my math book, so I couldn't do homework or follow along in class. Like WTF, who does that to a kid. When my mom found out she went down to the school and RAISED HELL about interfering with my right to an education or something. The school district

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Text - themzy34 • 3h My family had all our belongings stolen while at the beach when I was young. Inside that stuff was my favorite cap, my only cap. I remember I loved that hat and wore it everyday everywhere. At that age I was at that held big time sentimental value. | This woman who was with us at th time started to antagonize me and make fun of me about how upset I was. I was like 6 or 7, because my parents lost more valuable things like a digital camera. Which as an adult I can understand,

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Text - smt503 • 3h When I was like nine or ten, I was rollerblading home from my mom's work, right? And I'm heading down 4th Street, and I find something like 16 dollars on the ground--a ten, a five, and single--just laying there on the sidewalk next to some outdoor seating at a cafe. Being the obnoxiously nice kid that I was, I pick it up and kind up look around, wondering if anybody lost their money. That's when the lady in the weird sweater vest comes around the corner. We make eye contact an

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Text - ManySweaty • 3h 30+ year old man made it a point to walk up to me and call me by a racial slur when I was about 5-8 years old in front of the crosswalk lady. Nobody said shit in response. Reply 418 ...

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Text - x3Nekox3 3h Back when i was 17, i moved to NYC with a friend for three month, to work as an intern. That was my first time living in a dorm full of strangers in a foreign country where i knew the language haphazardly(just started really using what i learned at school) . The day I got there, i was sitting in the kitchen with my friend, just joking and our usual gimmicks. Some tennants show up and were introduced to me. A couple from detroit where also there. I noticed the boyfriend being d

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Text - phonz1851 • 3h This was when I was a teenager but for my eagle scout project, you had to have a proposal and get it through several levels of clearance. My proposal was very good. I was the only person in years to get through the initial level of clearance without having to revise it. Unfortunately at the district level, there was a stick in the mud who believed that he wasn't doing his job unless he rejected every proposal at least once. He rejected mine after an hour and a half of argui

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Text - myops_rock • 3h I had a teacher who despised me and belittled me at every turn. He was a petty tyrant. Years later he was arrested for molesting students. T enjoyed reading about it. Reply 115 ...

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Text - AliCracker • 3h About 8 years old over at a friends house (family was pretty trashy) and friend and I were eating the candy we'd bought and the mom flat out said to me 'you might be skinny now but someday it's going to catch up to you and you'll be super fat just like me' That stuck with me forever Reply 35 ...

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Text - mangoisdope • 3h My father would remover my bedroom door whenever I forgot to turn of the lights in the morning. I needed to earn it back every time. Reply 1 81 ...

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Text - DylonNotNylon • 3h 3 1 Award A teacher in my Catholic grade school was also the mother of one of my classmates. He was kind of a bully, so when I had a birthday party I didn't invite him. She confronted me about it and would go out of her way to make school miserable for me. When my parents brought it up to the administration she denied it. Now, I wasn't actually catholic, just went there because it was a nice school.. so as an actual member of the parish she was believed over me. I ended

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Text - bestbelievelife • 3h My father in-law waited until both of my parents passed away to become a dick. Now he talks bad about me to people and smiles in my face. Only reason I know about it, is because my niece and nephew pulled me to the side and let me know. I hope & pray for my sake that he never needs to move in with us when he gets older, cause that shit ain't happening. But, is that petty of me ? Reply 152 ...

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Text - Bonanza86 • 2h I used to get haircuts at the military barber shop when I was younger every two weeks. I was attended by a barber I had never had before, and I told him how I wanted my cut: low, with fades on each side, and a part on the left side of my head. This barber put the part near the middle of my head, and when I told him that wasn't how I wanted it, he told me verbatim, "That's too bad." I still had to pay him for my haircut, too. I never got a part in my head again, 23 years and

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Text - Orion465 • 3h My swimming teacher promised me a candy bar if I jumped off the board when I couldn't swim and when I did they said they forgot ,but I saw them eating one in the lounge. I was 5 and I was betrayed. Reply 186

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Text - Crunchymemes_v1 • 3h Not being allowed to have any other food during cookouts other than a lukewarm grilled hotdog, or an overdone hamburger. Because apparently everything else is "grownup food". Geez, l'm glad l'm an adult now for small reasons like that Reply 138 ...

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Tagged: kids , askreddit , parenting , ridiculous , adults , Reddit , children

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Teacher Given Pink Slip, Chooses Least Qualified Students for School Project

School drama can be strange. While it's probably not advisable to use the mediocre work of students to get back at faculty, this teacher played it cool in an unfair situation. That said, teachers often totally misjudge their students, like these students in this social experiment. In a twist on teacher/student expectations, here's a student who won an art contest to spite their rude teacher.

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Text - r/MaliciousCompliance · Posted by u/itsthebman12 19 hours ago O 5 4 3 3 4 Have the students build it... oc M I am a Technology Education teacher who always went above and beyond for my school, students, and administrators. I spent countless hours designing and building things for the school; I.e. signs, murals, wall art, games, etc. I really didn't mind because I enjoy the design challenges that go along with these builds. That was until I received a pink slip. For those of you who are no

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Text - I had a meeting with my assistant superintendent who basically told me that she appreciated all of my hard work but didn't see much value in my program and with budget cuts coming down the pike I would most likely be losing my job. Now it needs to be mentioned that Tech Ed is not like the traditional shop classes of the 70s where students would build bird houses and ash trays. My curriculum focused primarily on STEM with heavily involved hands-on applications. I related otherwise dry mate

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Text - The week following the meeting my principal asked me if I was interested in building some new games for the cafeteria that students could play when they finished eating. Easy table games like mini knock hockey, checker boards, etc. to alleviate student from getting out of control. I explained that I could not complete the project and that was that. Until...the assistant superintendent caught me in the hallway and told me, “just have the students build it". So that is exactly what I did. I

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Text - I thanked the students and asked the assistant superintendent to come on down to my lab because the student projects were done and they were excited to show them off. In she walks and upon seeing the projects looks me dead in the eye. She now has a decision to make, what the hell happened or 2-tell the students to their faces what a great job they did. She opted for choice 2, going on and on about how great everything looks and how proud she was of the students while I had the biggest smi

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Text - I resigned from that school and took a job that paid $12,000 more at a place where I was valued. They ended up keeping the position and begged me to stay on board. I realized resigning was my best option because I could get an early jump on all of the new openings as opposed to being let go at the end of summer which would leave me with the worst schools that could not find a teacher.

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Tagged: school , fired , students , teacher , lol , project , story , quitting

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Plumber Accidentally Spawns Lovecraftian Nightmare

Man, just picturing the look of pure terror on whoever saw this Lovecraftian nightmare of a snake in action is enough to get the laughs rolling. They must've been thoroughly convinced that the roadside motel was one of those roadside motels right out of a spooky horror show. Just imagine if some poor soul had been sitting on that toilet. Yikes.

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Text - Malgayne 19h When my grandfather was young he owned a roadside motel, and my mother used to do work around the motel for the family. The building was old and they had bad pipes, so visits from the plumber were a fairly regular occurrence over there. At one point they had a clogged toilet after a guest checked out, so they called the plumber to come and clean it out. The plumber came in with his bag of gear and set to work, but the clog was stubborn. After a few tries, he decided he needed

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Text - By now a couple of members of the staff have gathered in the room to try and figure out what the hell got flushed down the toilet that this giant machine couldn't remove. The motor is really straining - you know that sound an electric motor makes when it's working really hard? The whole machine is struggling to pull whatever this is back up through the pipes and into the room. Finally, after an extended wait, the object is slowly dragged, sopping wet, out of the toilet bowl and it's a sho

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Text - While they're discussing this, the room phone rings. The person on the other end is screaming, hysterical, so it takes a few minutes for them to figure out that it's the housekeeper who was cleaning the rooms. After a few moments, they manage to get the story out of her: The snake had missed the clog entirely. Rather than spiraling down into the plumbing where it was intended to go, it had wound its way into the central line, and then back up the pipes in the room next door. It spiraled i

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Tagged: crazy , scary , surprising , FAIL , plumbing , ridiculous , funny

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Entitled Parent Demands Public Artist Make Art for Them

The world has its unfair share of entitled people with demanding boldness. In this case it's a parent who hit up an artist who makes art for the public, just so they could demand special treatment for their kid. It's unclear what kind of reasoning leads someone down the path of thinking this is a normal request, but wow.

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Text - Hey can you put a picture out in front of the Disney resort somewhere on August 7? I'll text you and let you now what time will work. THX Aw l'm glad you like them but I prefer folks find them organically. When I paint them is completely dependent on my work schedule. If you'd like to get two mailed to you, one to keep and one to hide for someone else to find, you can donate to one of the preferred charities listed in my featured story "Get Your Own!" Thank you so much for reaching out an

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Text - I'm not gonna pay for it, I just want my kid to find it, it will be organic l just need to make sure you put it out sometime when we will be there and can run down and grab it. Unfortunately, that defeats the purpose of the project, which is providing random art for unsuspecting individuals to find. I do place clues as soon as the pictures are claimed. You can also donate to one of the preferred charities and send me a receipt, and I'll mail you two and cover the cost of shipping and all.

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Text - You suck. And why would I donate to a black charity? All lives matter. Aaaaaand that's the end of that. Have a nice day. Seen

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Tagged: public , work , artist , demanding , parenting , ridiculous , entitled , stupid , choosing beggar

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Tumblr User Calls Out People's Social Skills, Gets Point Proven Instantly

This quick and entertaining and temporarily extremely confusing Tumblr post showcases the potential implications of younger generations not being able to communicate clearly, because they spend all their time online. We can't tell if they were intentionally spewing nonsense with that one paragraph, or genuinely being the very thing they were condemning. Hard to tell.