FunnyWeb - Get Your Funniest Pix From The InterWebz!: 06/12/20

Friday, June 12, 2020

Tony Hawk Learns A New Street Trick

There's so much to love about Tony Hawk. Plus, he's got mad skills. He also has to deal with a whole lot of people not knowing they're talking to him, and telling him that he looks just like Tony Hawk. Check out those hilarious interactions here.

Submitted by: (via The Berrics)

Tagged: skateboarding , tony hawk , awesome , Video , skating

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Dog Retrieves Tiniest Wood Chip

Assuming this dog doesn't have a big strategic stash of identical wood chips back there, those are some pretty damn impressive fetching skills.

Submitted by: (via Jessica Hembree)

Tagged: fetch , WoW , dogs , skills , lol , funny , Video

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Twitter Thread: Girl Converts Roommate's Bedroom Into Museum

This was definitely silly, and definitely a little bit of an invasion of privacy. That being said, they did a good enough job at the mission.

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Text - Ellen Huet Follow @ellenhuet opportunity: two of your housemates take a trip battle plan: rest of house bands together to convert their bedroom into an error-filled anthropological exhibit from the future

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Fictional character - United States Currency Metal, paper, glass The collection of metal and paper in this container is believed to be a shrine. Some humans followed the religion known as Capitalism, and believed they would go to "Bankruptcy" if they did not leave daily offerings for their economic deity, who would collect the offerings with an Invisible Hand. ete

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Material property - HOT PROF Sex Toy Polypropylene and steel A rare and highly well-maintained example of the type of device used by 20th century humans for optimizing eugonadal elevation. Notice the clamp designed for the somewhat titillating practice known as "crimping'.

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Blue - Condom Yam Humans of this era would sew condoms to use before mating.

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Text - Andrew Bader 27 19 587 @Andrew_B_Bader · 21h Replying to @ellenhuet @lai I'm impressed someone owned a laminator.

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Text - Ellen Huet O 27 30 987 @ellenhuet · 21h Replying to @Andrew_B_Bader @lai it was my first time using one and honestly now i might laminate everything

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Text - Andrew Bader t7 10 362 @Andrew_B_Bader · 21h Replying to @ellenhuet @lai That's how they get you. Next thing you know you're going to find yourself wondering which label maker to get.

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Text - Ellen Huet Follow @ellenhuet Replying to @Andrew_B_Bader @lai too late. we already use so many labels that we labeled them

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Text - IT'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACK... Identifier Paper, ink Early humans had no long-term memory, and would use "labels" in order to re-identify objects when seeing them after 15 minutes. Here, we see a label used to identify the "back" of a door.

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Tagged: humor , twitter , social media , ridiculous , roommates , funny

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Thirsty Crow Comes To Humans For Help

Just in case there was any doubt around the impressive intelligence of crows, this video should clear that up. Crows know what's up, man.

Submitted by: (via Milos Pesic)

Tagged: crows , birds , ridiculous , Video

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Contractor Avoids Totally Delusional Choosing Beggar

These choosing beggars just keep coming out of the woodwork with their endless procession of irrational demands. The entitlement is beyond comprehension. In this case, the contractor handles the abrasive choosing beggar with swift effectiveness. Check out another time a seller shattered a choosing beggar's common sense completely.

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Tagged: FAIL , cringe , ridiculous , texting , cheap , funny , choosing beggar

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Tumblr Thread Explains "Dangers" of Black Pools and Gullibility

It starts out really making sense, then you're like all right this is getting extreme? Then upon closer inspection, possibly by employing your crackerjack critical thinking skills you read the username and you're like "oh." The creative minds of Tumblr never stop, leading to some totally random, funny and bizarre Tumblr nuggets.

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Swimming pool - These swimming pools with black tiles are my aesthetic. gabriel-patches-titanfeather Make the black tiles out of that black material that absorbs all light and swim over the void.

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Text - facs facts-i-just-made-up Fun fact about Vantablack- Because it absorbs all light, it heats up very fast. If exposed to direct sunlight, it takes in all the UV and heat and contains them, and can reach heats well over 212°F, the boiling point of water. So if you did coat the pool in that material, the water would boil as soon as the sun touched it, killing everyone swimming in it.

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Text - But that's not all. The flash boiling of an entire pool of chlorinated water would release the chlorine as gas, which would kill everyone within a 200ft radius of the pool. And it doesn't end there. The release of chlorine gas combined with the heat of the black tiles would be more than sufficient to fuse the boiled hydrogen ions with the chlorine, creating an explosive reaction with the nitrogen in the air. So shortly after everyone in the pool boils and everyone around the pool dies of

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Text - poisoning, the region would explode with the force of a small atomic bomb (8kt for a pool like those pictured above), leveling about 50 city blocks. You'd think that would be bad enough, but get this- Such chemical explosions expel gamma rays. Gamma rays ionize hematite, which is the mineral from which the black material mentioned is made. This creates Scopohyoscpnol, a compound known as "The Zombie Drug" because it

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Text - essentially erases the brain and induces cannibalistic tendencies in its victim. It can be transmitted through saliva, infecting all who are bitten within hours. So basically, if you did have Vantablack tiles in your pool, you would boil your friends, poison your neighbors, nuke your city, and condemn the globe to a zombie plague. But to be fair, it would look pretty cool.

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Tagged: thread , tumblr , lies , creative , fake , pool , explanation , funny , funny tumblr

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Clueless People That Unknowingly Met Tony Hawk

As it turns out, Tony Hawk has to deal with a whole lot of people not realizing that they are in fact talking to him. And this pertains to situations where he needs identification, like the TSA checkpoint. It's not like he's walking around asking for everyone to know who he is, but you'd think that more people would have a handle on

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Tagged: humor , skateboarding , twitter , tony hawk , clueless , social media , ridiculous , funny

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Guy Explains Stock Market In Simple Terms

The devil is in the details here. Just accurate enough to be absolutely terrifying.

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Text - •.. 5 Someone explain to me the Stock Market, Wall Street, the Dow, and Nasdaq. But do it like l'm a 5 year old. They don't teach me this in teacher school. O Like Comment I will attempt this 5h Like Reply Okay, so imagine that you have a lemonade stand. You've managed to generate a bunch of interest in your lemonade, but you want more $$$ to open one on Birch street 4h Like Reply

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Text - So you talk to the Lemonade Council, which is not a government thing, and they evaluate how much your lemonade stand is worth. So now you want to get $$$ for your expansion, but you have to pay loans back and banks suck. So, you offer stocks. You say "The lemonade council has valued my lemonade at $5,000. You give me $500, and I will give you 1/10th of my company." Then you hold the rest of the stocks yourself (I think?) You give out these stocks like trading cards. Once they leave your h

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Text - So Wall St is where people go to yell and scream about the value of trading cards, and make bets on whether or not a card's value will go up. If you've seen Trading Places, you'll

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Text - remember that something had to do with something called "orange juice futures". Trading futures is basically like if you agreed to sell someone a pitcher of lemonade for $4 next year no matter what, and gave out a trading card that was a voucher for that. 4h Like Reply If the value of lemonade goes up, it's super cool to buy a cheap pitcher for $4. If it goes down, you lost money on your futures trade.

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Text - So there's a bunch of different flavors of lemonade and trading cards, and everyone is doing a lot of kinds of different trades, and betting on other people's bets, and there's a lot of weird recursion and honestly it started out as a good idea but we lost track of shit and now there's probably like a trillion dollars in imaginary money that no one knows where it came from. 4h Like Reply

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Text - The NASDAQ is a place you can go to trade cards and make bets, and is the second biggest behind the New York Stock Exchange. 4h Like Reply The DOW Jones is an index, which if you remember Pokemon card price guides is sort of the same function. It's an average of a lot of big businesses that is used as a sort of a market indicator. The DOW goes down when the relative value of the trading cards of each of the lemonade stands it tracks loses value. The reverse is true when the value of the t

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Text - I think that's basically it? Wall St is a street that these trading places is on. 4h Like Reply Also watch The Big Short 4h Like Reply

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Tagged: finance , Stock Market , knowledge , money

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3 Insane Film Genres You Need To Watch

Our friends at Cracked are back at it again with a fresh installment in their weekly video series, "Your Brain On Cracked." This time we're looking at three crazy film genres people need to watch. Expand those horizons.

Submitted by: (via Cracked)

Tagged: awesome , movies , commentary , cinema , Video

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People's Weirdest Family Tics

Someone on AskReddit got a thread going about their family's weirdest tics. It can be easy to forget or not realize altogether just how strange our behavior is, outside the accepting confines of home. Whether it's yawning so loud that people think you're a literal coyote, or swearing after sneezing, it's funny to realize just how strange our behavior is to the rest of the outside world, when family isn't around.

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Text - Veritas3333 • 10h My mom is a yawn-yeller. When she yawns, you can hear it from anywhere in the house. One time my sister had a friend over, and we were in the basement. My mom yawned upstairs, and my sister's friend asked "was that a coyote?"

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Text - Billie_needs_a_Mop • 11h .That my mother would scream and yell every single night in her sleep. I legit thought it was a normal thing "My Mom has nightmares!" Doesn't yours?

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Text - AntebellumEm • 11h Use assorted German words in casual conversation... which as a child I assumed were English until I got confused stares from friends. My family has been in the US since 1902.

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Text - Tsionich • 9h Saying "Goddammit" after sneezing. That was an interesting day in first grade.

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Text - Morolan • 11h 1 Award Sleep after the meal during holiday get-togethers. Just the men, the women exchanged gifts.We would all go into the living room and watch football and kinda doze. No big deal. Did this once at my girlfriend's family Christmas and evidently I embarrassed her or maybe offended someone. Either way I was the only one asleep while everyone else was energetic and conversing lively with family. I was woken up by girlfriend with an angry tone asking why I was asleep during t

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Text - PumpkinPatch404 • 9h Flush the toilet after peeing. We tried to save water, so we basically peed until someone took a dump. Then one day I went to a family friends' house and freaked everyone out because I didn't flush.

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Text - Lauren12269 • 9h My mom made up words. I didn't know this until I was an adult, out in the world saying fake words and having no idea. Wankyjawed- means when you been laying or sitting down and your pants need to be adjusted. Goo goo baby- small baby that still makes cooing sounds and probably still wears a diaper. Just the memorable one, there are so many.

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Text - frog_without_a_cause • 12h Smoking indoors. I didn't do it, but my gf at the time had a veritable panic attack when we had my mother over for dinner. It was the first and only time my mother came to visit.

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Text - coffeecupsmuggler • 11h My dad forces us to say I love you. I say I love you quite forcefully now and I don't mean to. When people say they love me, and they aren't my family, I stutter and kinda go blank. I think, "SHIT WHAT DO I SAY? HOW DO I SAY IT WITHOUT IT BEING FORCED?

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Text - SlytherinAhri • 10h My mom and I have had this inside joke where we go "don't talk to me" or "don't even look at me" in response to stupid shit. I don't remember how or when it started, but l've been doing it since I was a wee kid. I didn't realize how odd it was until I said "fine, don't talk to me then" in response to my mom telling meI couldn't get a video game I asked for and a woman in the aisle with us got offended. She pulled my mom aside and told her I don't need to be talking to

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Text - BloodSpades • 8h Respond to sneezes with a sarcastic, "You are NOT blessed!" I got a LOT of weird looks in school from my teachers. I about killed a distant family member from a surprised laughing fit my response sent him into though. Lol? He was actually kind of impressed we had that sense of humor at our young age...

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Text - IgTheDinosaur • 10h It seems far more common for parents to be very overtly cautious/controlling of their kids activities. Not that my parents let us have free reign but they trusted my brothers and I to walk around the neighborhood (usually in big groups). Bedtimes weren't really enforced after like age 10, and never on weekends. Ironically later I was pretty often the "safe" friend to the more cautious parents, because I turned out REAL boring. I was probably a bit of a special case bec

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Text - medicff • 10h To me it was normal to have parents run out in the middle of anything for fire dept calls. It didn't worry me too much until I saw a big ass farm propane tank explode as my dad went driving up towards the fire. Some of my friends asked if I was concerned about them getting hurt/killed while out on a fire call but it never occurred to me to worry about that because they've usually always came home. My dad ended up in hospital a couple times but l've never worried about that.

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Text - TheDrawingSparrow • 10h Use applesauce as a condiment for hotdogs.

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Text - i-keep-it-100 • 11h Eat at our computer desks rather than the dining room table.

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Text - MagicCoffeeBeanSpaz • 10h My family eats ice cream out of glass cups. It drives my husband insane. Edit: glass drinking cups, sometimes plastic

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Text - Clifton3rds • 11h Stealing food from each others plate at dinner time. Once we had finished our meal, you would pick at the slowest ones (usually Mums). Wasn't until I did it at my now-wifes house that I learnt no one else did this.

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Tagged: wtf , cringe , Awkward , askreddit , family , Reddit , funny , weird

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