Monday, October 12, 2020

Bellyflops, Wins, And Plain Awkward Tinder Moments


You never know what lurks behind that next right swipe. You might run right into an extra cheesy pickup line, or maybe someone who has forfeited all their social decency while using the app. Yes, intentional immaturity and crude one liners would seem to be a common pattern amongst Tinder users. Every now and again people take it seriously and actually get somewhere. Or, even better their cheesy pickup lines actually end up working. 

1.

Text - duck Today 1:17 AM quack quack Quack Quack quack .... Quacki quack quack quack Quack quack quack quack quack quack Honk that's a goose quack quack My cover is blown honk. S.W.A.N. Compromised honk Sent

2.

Eyewear - Jason 28 O TV Legal Coordinator O 2 miles away 6'3 Thats it. Thats my entire personality. Im just 6'3. Am I into sports? 6'3. Whats my favorite movie? 6'3. Do I prefer staying in or going out? 6'3. Favorite Bette Middler movie? First Wives Club, AND 6'3.Am I looking for love or a hookup? Who knows, but what we do know is, 6'3

3.

Text - Hey, so do you think crabs look at humans and think we walk sideways? Today 12:23 Defo not Did you know that their visual field is so complex that it's an inspiration for future robot design? That's pretty fuckin cool, what makes it so complex? Today 12:54 https://www.sciencealert.com Iscientists-map-crabs-vision Today 13:17 Ngl I didn't expect to get actual facts from that opener, so thanks for that . How come you have this crab knowledge? I fucking love crabs, man Type a message.. GIF

4.

Text - ll Vodafone.de G 23 * Ô Game Design Lilemeties dway The great white shark has a mating call that can be heard 40 km away. I have a Tinder profile with a range of 100km. Suck on that you stupid shark and your million years of evolution. Мe: 1 Great White Shark: 0 kinky, Ir em ca'

5.

Text - Today 6:23 PM Lmao. It would have to be an adventure to the beach and boardwalk Today 9:32 PM Sounds lovely. What qualifies as an adventure to u? Honestly if its over half an hour outside doing something in my free time, thats an adventure Today 10:47 PM Valid Valid What qualifies as an adventure to you? At least 2 casualties Sent

6.

Text - Where were you born tho England 0o which part wdym which part??? whole body was born in England

7.

Text - Why did sin and tan not go to the party? Because Cos said no Yep You figured it out in a secant Lmaooooo Wait That was the answer ? Basically, I was gonna say "just cos" but you were close enough Lmaooo That wasn't even close to what I said I wanted to keep the jokes going, not go off on a tangent

8.

Text - What are you looking for on here? Today 11:31 PM Someone to Venmo me For what? School haha Why don't you get a job? Sent

9.

Text - 4:53 1 Dakota Today Hey O what's up? P Report Honestly l'm trying to figure out which state you were named after Do you think it was north dakota Or do you think it was south dakota Or do you think your parents are strong advocates for Dakota reunification Delivered

10.

Text - Sarah Elizabeth Today 5:09 PM Hi Sarah! How are you? Hey! I'm good how are you? I gotta say, i like your name a lot Thanks! You've got a pretty great name too! What's your middle name? Elizabeth If it's Elizabeth, I think we're destined for each other! Well then I think we are! I agree. Let's go to Vegas and make it official!

11.

Text - YOU MATCHED WITH SARAH ON 7/16/20 Dry sense of humor huh? I'll get you some water, you sound a little horse. A Oh man that was bad... I'm sorry haha Wow How could you do something so amazing I knew I needed to give you something you haven't herd before so you'd foal in love. I think these are going to keep getting worse so saddle up. I think you're my soulmate Is that too soon Nah l'll start contacting wedding planners. We can always rein it in if we're having doubts.

12.

Text - Justin YOU MATCHED WITH JUSTIN ON 12/15/17 Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea So tell me, what's it like being colorblind? Sent

13.

Text - 6:45 1 ul LTE Blair Today Not gonna lie, I mostly swiped for your dog P Report I totally understand. I swiped for your hot friends. Deliverec ...

14.

Text - Tuesday 19:34 Roses are red, your name is Ainslie.. My lack of creative pickup lines fkn pains me Today 09:08 Hahaha this actually made me laugh! 95 points for trying when Ainslie rhymes with nothing ahaha. How are you? Your waterfall picture is super cool! Where is that?

15.

Text - Wanna get matching tattoos? Yeah What you wanna get? Wait hear me out. An avocado but cut in half, one of us has the pit the other doesn't. Who gets the pit We can flip a coin or let the artist decide. Sent that's very fair l'm in

16.

Text - YOU MATCHED WITH MIMI ON 9/16/17 if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cutecumber e If I was a vegetable l'd ask you to pull the plug and end my misery Sent Today 8:11 PM omg

17.

Text - Today 17:12 Do you want to hear the best joke ever? Today 17:27 I've already seen your profile Jamie GIF Type a message.

18.

Text - Wednesday 10:24 PM I know this is rly cheesy but l'm just Diana meet you! Wednesday 10:56 PM Haha I actually havent heard that one before Wednesday 11:32 PM So do you not have a bio cause you know we're gonna have chemistry Exactlyyyy. No but I liked your math themed bio Love math Rlyy!? So 10sin^2x+10cos^2x=u U are a 10 Never been hit on with trig identities You've set the standard too high now

19.

Product - Julie Today That's my best opener anyways P Report ((沒溫 =

20.

Product - Hey Hi How are you sexy I'm sure it has to do with my parents. They're pretty good looking. Sent

Submitted by:

Student Wins Art Contest to Spite Rude Art Teacher


Sometimes teachers misjudge their students, like this teacher who underestimated their students during a social experiment. Other times, the powers that be can be mistaken and disrespectful, like this staff who made a student wait to report a fire. In this case, it was an art teacher who was soundly put in their place after handing down some harsh criticism. Art is subjective, anyway.

1.

Text - O r/MaliciousCompliance · Posted by u/ADrunkenScott 2 days ago My teacher called my work bad and my attitude even worse, it then got featured in the biggest art gallery in the country. oC L I might not be in the right sub, my art teacher said i wasn't good enough so i worked my damn hardest to prove him wrong is the summary. Context: The school i go to is well respected in my country, so it was not uncommon for venues to request to display a students work or to ask for students to sing li

2.

Text - Text - Back to the story: I hated art growing up but it was a mandatory subject until you got to choose your subjects in year 10. Needless to say, I dropped the subject ASAP. Despite hating the subject, i still put effort into my work and some of it wasn't that bad. However at the same time i would not hide away from expressing my views when we were given a task that i didn't see a point too, even if the teacher was in earshot. Needless to say my relationship with the art department facul

3.

Text - We had just finished a project where we had to mix different pigments to create our own unique colour. Being colour blind i struggled a lot as i literally could not differentiate between half of the pigments. I gave it my all but ended up giving up half way through the project. My teacher hated me for giving up. in his defense he had tried to make it as easy as possible for me, but i hated the subject and saw a way out so i took it. My teacher was beyond mad. When we went to hand the proj

4.

Text - Once that project was finished, my teacher told us that gallery X has asked that we create some 'inspired art'. We were basically shown 5 different paintings that we were supposed to recreate in our own way. There was a big fuss about this. People were saying that art schools would be giving out scholarships, that there was a $10,000 reward and other nonsense that 14 year olds make up. But never the less everyone wanted to be the one have their painting in gallery X. So for the next month

5.

Text - I drag myself to each lesson, quietly working my self to the bone, counting down the days until the deadline of the project. After what seemed like a year to 14yo me, the second last lesson arrives. This lesson was not for final touches or anything like that. My teacher had decided that he should review what each student has done well and where they could have improved. He walks round the classroom, complementing everyone's work, until he gets to mine. I don't remember exactly what he sai

6.

Text - The last lesson finally comes and i cant wait to be over with this stupid project. This lesson was the big one too, the judges from gallery X were coming to school to judge all of the work. They come into our class, do all the formalities, 'These all look so good! i have no idea how we can decide on only one!' ect... Then they start walking around the room muttering to each other. The whole class is stood silently at the back trying to hear what they are saying. They do a full lap of the

7.

Text - I look on at them in shock, then yet again smile politely and say thank you. i cannot begin to describe the look on my teachers face. I don't think i have ever seen someone more confused, angry and disappointed all at the same time. My teacher then begrudgingly thanks the judges and walks them to the door. He thanks them again as they leave then stumbles back to the class. He doesn't even congratulate me on my work he just defeatedly says, 'Good work everyone. as a reward ill put on a doc

Submitted by:

Tagged: school , art , spite , teacher , lol , story , funny , win

Couple Gets Fed Up With Roommates, Move Out With Everything


Many of us have experienced bad roommates at some point in our lives. It sounds like these particular roommates were all kinds of toxic and passive aggressive. So, when the couple could put up with their antics no longer, they decided to up and move out with all of their belongings. Thing about taking all of their belongings, was that meant that the old roommates were left with pretty much nothing. 

1.

Text - r/pettyrevenge u/ElectroBonuzz • 1d + Join I'm not gonna pay for your comfort This happened last month. By some universe coincidences, me and my girlfriend ended up living with another couple in a rented house to split costs. It was a big house so each couple would have their own bathroom, bedroom and we shared the common places like the kitchen and the living room. The house was originally rented by a co-worker who by the time of this story was no longer in the house anymore, but all the

2.

Text - This other couple was really annoying, they would leave their dirty dishes in the sink with rotten food and only washed them until the weekend. or leaving their dog to poop all over the house. One time the guy was cooking in a torn out shorts and his underwear was very visible, this was really uncomfortable to my girl. Any time I talked to them about all the issues that bothered us, they used to change their habits for a few days and then it was all the same. But the house was rented and

3.

Text - Ok, I did my best to wear a hoodie and sleep with my winter clothes in the middle of the fucking summer inside the house, just so they would be comfortable and for the sake of saving a few bucks in rent money. And of course the innevitable happenned. The electric bill came and it was 4 times higher than the usual, and it was a lot. So I talked to them about how their use of the electircity was out of control and why we should split the bill 25/75 since me and my girl are almost never home

4.

Text - After this bastard and his girlfriend made me pay for their comfort, they started doing a lot of passive agressive stuff like throwing out my unspoiled food while they would leave their rotten food on my fridge, or using their TV at the highest volume while I tried to sleep (I get up really early to excercise before work, so I go to sleep really early). And a lot of things like that in a very childish manner. In addition of still leaving on every kind of electrical device in the house whi

5.

Text - We talked to the owner of the previous house about us leaving and he had no problem at all, so it was all set. We waited until the other couple were out of town for the weekend and took every last thing we owned out of that house and moved out. I left them without any furniture, I mean no stove, no microwave, not even a table to eat. I left my keys at the entrance of their bedroom door and a note that said "We couldn't bare your attitudes anymore so we left with our belongings, have a nic

Submitted by:

Arnold Schwarzenegger Pranks Jesse Ventura While Filming Predator


Never underestimate Arnold. 

Submitted by: (via omygodddddd)

Choosing Beggar Offers Exposure For $30K Sapphire, Gets Rejected, Makes Threats


Man, in terms of all the kinds of choosing beggar cases that we encounter, some of the worst must be the ones involving choosing beggars offering exposure instead of actual payment. In this case, that was only made worse by the fact that the choosing beggar proceeded to dish out the threats when they were rightfully rejected. Check out another wild choosing beggar scenario, with this choosing beggar who wanted a free VCR, but only if it was new.

1.

Text - Text - Mon 6:24 PM https://www.gemrockauctions .com/auctions/vws-561 -ct-unheated-yellow-blue -particolor-sapphire-1257252 VVS! 5.61 CT UNHEATED YELLOW-BLUE PARTICOLOR SAP... Sapphire Gemstones 11.59 x 9.52x5.66mm 5.61 carats Auction #1257252 Gem Rock Auctions Hi is this you're item ? Hello, yes it is!

2.

Text - Text - Would you be willing to do a trade? I have over 30O followers and I could market you you would get tons of exposure and many of my followers are top elite people with lots of money for gemstones O Message...

3.

Text - Text - I can give you a post AND a story Please consider it as I am very poor and a COVID-19 SURVIVOR Hello Hi please answer me Hello Hello Hello, unfortunately, I cannot trade a $30,000 sapphire for a post and story. In fact, I can't trade it for anything except cash. Ican't help you out, unfortunately. I have many lower priced options.

4.

Text - Text - I can send you a small spinel free of charge since you had to go through having Covid. NO YOU IDIIT I DONT WANTA FREE CHEAP STONE! Guess l'll just have to leave some negative reviews Offer rescinded. I'll be blocking you now and contacting my sales channels' feedback departments. Seen O Message... +

Submitted by:

Dumb Ways People Got Scars


There's no reward without a little risk, but sometimes we take huge risks for to prospect of no actual reward. Understandably, there are a lot of stupid ways people injure themselves. Sometimes people get caught up doing a dumb thing, and other times it's total chance, like biting into a particularly sharp waffle. Come to think of it, there aren't a whole lot of smart ways people injure themselves.

1.

Text - Noip26 24.2k points · 4 days ago O 2 & 8 More Don't touch the iron it's hot! Can't be that hot! Narrator: It was.

2.

Text - Redditpbl2009 19.5k points · 4 days ago 12 I was 7, mum said "don't use that knife to cut that orange" I used that knife to cut that orange. Things I learned: orange juice in a wound stings but not as much as the knowledge you can't go crying to your mum.

3.

Text - Domoradzka 19.5k points · 4 days ago a 2 @2 Boys from my class were throwing CDs like you throw frisbee. One of those hit me right between the eyes. Still got a small scar there.

4.

Text - polish-polisher 19.2k points · 4 days ago 6 2 2@2 & 3 More I used a pressure washer on my foot

5.

Text - Vnv_23 32.3k points · 4 days ago · edited 3 days ago 17 11 (F 2 6 & 21 More I have a scar on my forearm from a weaponized paper airplane I taped razor blades to and launched with a rubber band.

6.

Text - lilsaddam 17.9k points · 4 days ago Q 2 3 2 2 I have one on the back of my hand from rubbing the skin off with a pencil eraser longer than the other kid did when I was 13 just to prove I was "tough"

7.

Text - ac1dre1gn77 17.6k points · 4 days ago edited 3 days ago & 25 & 2 More My brother, sister and I all have the same kind of scar in our left eyebrow and got them at the same age. My brother opened an empty dresser drawer and smacked himself in the face, my sister ran into a brick wall and I fell off the couch onto a coffee table.

8.

Text - FluffyCowNYI 243 points 4 days ago Was a kid, only around 10 or 11. Thought my iguanas were fighting so I went to take the boy off the girl. Spoiler alert: they weren't fighting, and I don't blame him one bit for biting me when I tried to break up him getting laid.

9.

Text - theebookthief 396 points · 4 days ago · edited 3 days ago I climbed up the drain pipe of a school, put my thigh in the spike that's supposed to stop me from climbing. Didn't stop me from getting to the roof.

10.

Text - Carsto_2 15.6k points · 4 days ago 2 I was trying to squeeze between 2 cars. One of the cars must have had a jagged bumper because it sliced a 2 inch gash in my leg.

11.

Text - Dahhhkness 14.6k points · 4 days ago For my 8th birthday, a classmate got me something like a "grow your own stalagmite" kit you could buy at educational stores. Apparently, the purpose was to add water to some powder material, and use a funnel in the kit to drip it down to make your own cave features. Exciting, I know. Anyway, I kept it and the other birthday presents I got in a cardboard box in my room. Evidently, at some point, moisture got into the box and the plastic the powder was i

12.

Text - NoNamedPieceOfCrap 13.8k points · 4 days ago 2 I got cut by a vacuum. A fucking VACUUM. Deepak_javvaji 5.4k points · 4 days ago · edited 3 days ago ( Elaborate my friend. NoNamedPieceOfCrap 9.9k points · 4 days ago 2 Spider on my arm. Violently jerked arm as an attempt to get the spider off. Vacuum was there. Scar.

13.

Text - lovesbreadtakesdumpz 13.6k points · 4 days ago 22 3 5 E 6 I was in middle school and we were going to see coach carter in theaters with the boys b-ball team. Middle school me was PUMPED. While in the shower I thought "Coach Carter eh, I bet they do push ups in that movie. Imma do push ups right now" Tried to do a wall push up. Slipped, smacked my face on the edge of the tub, and split my upper lip open from mouth to nose. Needless to say, did not make it to the movie.

14.

Text - watsik27 13.1k points · 4 days ago · edited 3 days ago O 3 2 & 2 More 7 year old me was "helping" my mum iron clothes, I pulled on the cord, the iron fell and smacked me right in the face. I still have a scar above my right| eye.

15.

Text - Oddball_bfi 12.2k points · 4 days ago I got hit on the bridge of my nose by a ceramic toilet seat when I was learning to pee like a big 22 boy. Now I think about it - that's probably the best outcome there.

16.

Text - calamityjane515 9.6k points · 4 days ago 3 5 2 & 3 More i was headbanging my hair dry in the bathroom, I hit the counter. I was 8.

17.

Text - Santiago_Supremo 7.4k points · 4 days ago 22 So I broke my right arm when I was a kid then decided to put a cast on me. My skin under my cast is so itchy, its like my skin is alive. When 2 months have passed, I decided to scratch my skin under the cast using a pen since my fingers couldn't reach further areas. While doing so, I accidentally put the pen further away inside that I can't remove it under my cast since I can't reach it then I just ignored it after that thinking that it will be

18.

Text - jwolfe728 6.5k points · 4 days ago 2 2 Playing man hunt. Some idiot made the camp fire area base. I was running for my life to get there, jumped this huge pile of fire wood, tripped over something and rolled right into the fire. It could've been SO much worse, but I only burned my elbow and some of my hair. It's been probably 15 years and the scar is only about 3inches long and 1 wide.

19.

Text - bennybollocks85 6.3k points · 4 days ago 2 3 I have 2 from when I was a kid. Running around in the dark on a school roof, tripped over and ripped my hand to shreds. Jumping and sliding on a door that had been kicked in, jumped straight onto a nail that went in my knee. I was a stupid kid

20.

Text - anazambrano 5.6k points · 4 days ago · edited 3 days ago I tried cutting open a lemon with a fork Edit: the fork slipped and entered my hand, but I guess the sharp lemon theory will do! thanks for the award kind stranger!

21.

Text - Sofiasofia10 5.6k points · 4 days ago & & 2 3 Lazy me liked to iron clothes while wearing them when I was twenty years old. My left arm can testify

22.

Text - OwlsMirror 5.5k points · 4 days ago · edited 3 days ago I've got bitten by a guinea pig. Worse than that, a friend of mine was bitten by a snail. EDIT: As u/Flumpiebum pointed out, snails don't bite, as they don't have teeth, but a wee rasp like tongue. I am aware of that. But writing "getting licked by a snail until it hurt" could've let to confusion.

23.

Text - shaggiie 2.6k points · 4 days ago · edited 3 days ago Punching concrete don't ask why I did it I have no fucking clue.

24.

Text - jinxed4u 2.1k points · 4 days ago Was about 4 broke a glass jar and sat on it

25.

Text - wunderbraten 1.9k points - 4 days ago Fir needle cut me across the wrist while playing hide and seek out in the woods. A fir needle!

26.

Text - CarlDJB 1.7k points · 4 days ago My mother and brother were arguing about ice cream cone sizes, so my brother stormed off, I followed him back to a villa thing we were staying at. He didn't have a key and we didn't want to wait so I just punched through the glass in the sliding door to make an entrance. There were probably a thousand other safer ways to do it but it just seemed the quickest. Fucking ice cream cone sizes, man.

27.

Text - postmoderngeisha 1.4k points · 4 days ago Drunk, and leaned down to kiss a strange dog on the nose, of all things. 27 stitches down my nose later...

28.

Text - DenormalHuman 1.0k points · 4 days ago Ok sis, whatever you do don't put your finger in the boiling sugar because it's real damn hot, and it sticks to you. puts finger in boiling sugar.

29.

Text - Bubbblelicious 638 points · 4 days ago I have many burns from the oven from my first year at uni. I didnt have oven mittens so I just grabbed everything with my bare hands. Second year I was prepared, got mittens. First attempt as I was taking a baking tray out of the oven, it slipped from the mittens and burned my inner elbow. Still got that one...

30.

Text - xSamxiSKİLLz 593 points · 4 days ago Was in the scouts whittling a stick for funsies. Except I was pushing the blade in the wrong direction and whittled my index finger instead

31.

Text - madisoncb29 516 points · 4 days ago Kicked a refrigerator as hard as I could while wearing slippers after my sister told me she was getting a divorce. Fridge won but I did get a dent in the bastard.

Submitted by:

Tagged: hurt , wtf , pain , injury , lol , dumb , stories , stupid , injuries , scars