Big Brassy Comebacks That Filled People's Pants With Wit

To slam or to be slammed? That is the question. The internet might be a place of cruelty, misinformation, bad takes and high profile court hearings, but it's also a realm of terrifically snappy comebacks. Comebacks so slick that they could silence the hinges of a squealing graveyard gate hinge. Clapbacks so percussive that Slipknot would only need one of them on drums. And burns so hot and spicy that they are only offered off-menu at Thai places. They're good comebacks.

It's a good reminder that to win an argument, you don't even really need to make a good point. You can get surprisingly far in life simply by thinking of novel ways to say that someone's mom makes her living on the docks, getting to know sailors the way a seagull eats an éclair.

For more great examples of the fringes of human creativity, here are some rare insults that left people uniquely destroyed.

Mechanic Underestimates Tiny Blonde Woman, Receives Public Humiliation When He Tries to Scam Her

Don't judge a book by its cover. Or, how about, don't judge anyone or stereotype at all. We're all unique individuals with unique experiences to bring to the table, someone's appearance doesn't tell you much about what those experiences are. 

In this story this scammer mechanic completely underestimated his customer because he deemed her to be an easy target, expecting a small blonde woman not to know all that much about cars. The thing is, both her brother and father are mechanics and she knows a "thing or two" herself, to the extent where she had checked the basics before taking it into the shop -just to be sure.

When the mechanic came back with his "inspection results" he told her that her car was going to be "completely broken down and not safe to drive if [she] didn't get several repairs ASAP." 

She was immediately suspicious and decided to stall it out and play the game while she plotted her next move…

 

Employee Gets Better Job, Incompetent Nepotism Colleague Can't Pick Up The Slack

People like to think that they are undervalued at work and that if they left their job, the whole operation would fall apart. People who know they are good at their job know that the whole operation would fall apart as soon as they left, and that's exactly what happened to Redditor u/boo-how in this tale posted to r/MaliciousCompliance. This Redditor worked with the owner of her company's mean-spirited daughter for years, and it seems obvious that the daughter in question had no business being in her position: she used her status as the daughter of the owner to take a light workload and then leave. OP even wrote that they would spend their time after the colleague left for the day fixing their earlier mistakes. So, when OP finally got a new and better-paying gig, their colleague didn't respond well at all.

Rather than step up to the plate during OP's last two weeks, the colleague started insulting OP behind their back and staying longer to bookkeep, suddenly insisting that OP was the reason their department was not as strong as it could be. According to the story, by the time this Redditor finally left the company, they had fully given up on helping out a rude colleague, allowing nepotism to spread its nasty wings and likely lose the business money and clients along the way. For another tale of malicious compliance, check out this incompetent boss who was shocked when their top employee quit.

Karen Demands Fellow Customer Be "Fired", Suited Legend Steps In, Makes Karen Laughing Stock

The thing about the indignant rage of Karens is that it doesn't necessarily stop at employees. Something about their eyesight often makes them target fellow customers that they simply wish were employees. Maybe it's because they're wishful thinkers. Maybe all they really want is to have a punching bag to yell at. Or, a yelling bag, if you will.

On OP's first visit to a Wal of Marts, they were treated to just such an occasion, wherein a mistaken Karen had set herself upon a fellow customer. But just then, like a knight in shining armor, another customer took advantage of the whole situation. Having seen this absurd display take place, they went and upped the ante by making the whole situation even more ridiculous. Karen didn't even know what to do with herself.

For more tales of the Karen, here's an infuriated dock Karen who got covered in a stranger's burrito.

Positive Examples Of "Boys Will Be Boys" That Articulate The Dude Experience

These days, the phrase "boys will be boys" has developed a few nefarious connotations, usually in defense of some kind of sexist, destructive behavior. Many people find that colloquialism derides the point of things men mostly do, which is get into World War 2 history, talk about woodworking concepts we barely understand, and climbing trees that we don't have to.

There are a great many things that dudes just inherently do, like finding a stick or throwing rocks into lakes when we're bored. Seriously, we could spend literally hours throwing rocks into lakes and call the day complete. Stuff like this, combined with meaningless yet elaborate projects, doing things "to see what will happen," and having hours-long hypothetical arguments over how to properly engineer a fart-powered flying machine are all things that somehow fit the bill of "things dudes would probably do."

For a tumblr tale on the impressive problem-solving power of wholesome boys-will-be-boys moments, here are the wholesome frat boys who found some lost keys.