Monday, August 10, 2020

Useless Machine is Very Useless


It warms our hearts to see so much time, technical skill and effort put into something whose only function is to shut itself off.

Submitted by: (via fxhm)

Chimpanzee Doing Ninja Warrior Course In Japan


Watching this legend at work is potentially more entertaining than watching a human take on the course. 

Submitted by: (via HornedDemoN)

Amazing Footage Of Flying Train Taken In Germany In 1902


"The Flying Train" shows a suspended train ride on a suspended railway, in Germany in 1902. Definite Bioshock vibes in this video. 

Submitted by: (via The Museum of Modern Art)

Tagged: train , Video

Naive Owners Fire Man With The Patents, Man Sells Design To Competitors


Those young business owners often think that they know everything. Well, this guy certainly humbled a couple naive business owners in the long run. On top of that, this guy's decision to introduce a design that would effectively ward off locker thieves was brilliant. There certainly was a period of time when so many of those lockers were way too easy for people to break into. 

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Text - r/ProRevenge + Join u/kibufox • 9h Don't fire the guy who holds the patents. This is not my story. I was present for it, sure, but I did not see all of it personally. Rather, this is my father's story. So, some context. My father had a degree in mechanical engineering. Either a masters, or doctorate. It had taken him years to get, and he was very proud of that. Thanks to his training, he had found his way working for many well known companies; working primarily with the procedures used to

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Text - Over time, he'd privately began working on an idea that would revolutionize how school and gym worked. See, my father realized that there was a problem with those type of metal lockers. Namely, it was very easy for a person to break into them. What's more, as the lockers were designed, there were multiple moving exposed moving parts, which meant that if a student put too many books in one, or really anything got against the door, the locker could be jammed shut, making it near on impossib

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Text - Now, at this point, my father was the Vice President of manufacturing, and apparently there wasn't a clause in his contract that said that if he designed anything while working for the company; then he had to turn that over to them for profit. Dad still approached the company, offering them the design, but they weren't interested. Dad sat on the design for a while before eventually just taking out several patents on them, and then forgetting about them. About six months after his first at

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Text - young guys who seemed to think they knew everything (as young business owners always seem to think), and they set about changing 99% of the way things were being done. At some point, they stumbled across the plans my father had designed. Now that's where things turned curious. They really wanted to start producing this new design, but as they didn't have all the plans and processes laid out for them, they had to turn to my father for answers. Rather than asking him how to do it, or licens

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Text - So, after cleaning out his office, and packing things in the trunk of his car; my father headed home and made a few phone calls. He must have gone through eight or nine different calls before he got in touch with someone who was interested in what he had to say. See, my dad was under no illusions that the company that had fired him wasn't going to just make those patented lockers on their own. He also knew that though the company itself was relatively small, the owners had money and there

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Text - everything worked and noted that with this system the company could revolutionize the way lockers were both designed, and improve both safety and security. What's more, as he was the only patent holder, for the next seven years or so, that company could be the only company to produce them. The competitor jumped at the chance and bought all patents both for the design, and the process. They even paid my dad a substantial consultancy fee to go out to their manufacturing site and teach their

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Text - In the seven years from when the second company bought the locker design and process patents, they pretty handily moved into markets that previously they'd been unable to. The first company soldiered on, but by the time the patent had finally expired, they were a shadow of their former selves. The "new" owners had sold the company at a loss, with the competitor buying it, only to shut that production facility down due to redundancy. Put maybe 200 people out of work, though given how they'

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Proof That Kids are Weird and Dumb


We all had some weird and backwards beliefs as kids. Some of us got tricked into "playing" video games on unplugged controllers. Some of us tried to hide behind see-though drapes. It's good that we learn from there, but it never undoes the stupid things kids do. Life gives us many moments of kids being stupid and weird

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Text - 9 years old cousin: do you smoke? me: yes 9 years old cousin: do you know that smoking shortens your life me: yeah i know 9 years old cousin: how old are you me: 18 9 years old cousin: you would have been 28 by now

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Wood - When your daughter wakes you up at 5am to tell you she has made a caterpillar at preschool yesterday and continues to talk about it for 2 hours and tells you we absolute HAVE to pick it up today! So when we arrived at preschool we were handed THIS . I mean, where on earth do I put this??? Everywhere I put it, it just looks like a big .

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Duck - Duck

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Text - Goats? @Gooooats Being a parent sometimes means a frantic effort to get your kid breakfasted, dressed, and in the car, only to pull up to the school's drop off zone two minutes before school starts and have them say, "But l'm not wearing any shoes."

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Text - ld (4yo daughter is crying her eyes out) Me: "What's wrong, tutu?" 4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): "If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!" Me: "But your fingers...are not...markers?" 4yo (peak distress): "I said IF!" 8 27 50 831 >

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Soap - Hemp Seed Exfoliate. USA 5.5 Factory Ceied OUNCE 76 550Z HEMP BAR SOAP НЕМР BAR SOAP HEMP SEED OL BAR SOAP Organic Shea Butter with Hemp Seed Oil & 2.97 UNIT PRICE RETAIL PRICE 540¢

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Text - one of my clearest memories of my grandfather is when he beat me in chess andi cried because i was a sore loser and he said ok i'll play you left-handed and then i won and it took me until like last week to realize he was a clown bastard

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Hair - CHUCK "I wouldn't buy her the "dolly" moviefor Christmas."

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Text - Once when I was little, I was making my grandpa a card for Father's Day. I had no pictures of us together, so l put a picture of me with my other grandpa. I thought it made sense because "it's still a grandpa"

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Face - Kindergartner makes 911 call after dad drives through red light 2wsb.tv/285tek8 GRACO 6/2/16, 06:57

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Text - My 5 year old cousin asked me what i was wearing. I said "these are sunglasses, they help protect my eyes from the sun". I asked him if he wanted to try them and he said yeah. He then put on the sunglasses, stared directly at the sun, and quickly gave them back to me, claiming they didn't work.

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Automotive tire - Walk around your vehicle before you leave! Take Note I thínk that this one should be shared as much as possible ALWAYS be aware of where the kids are

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Text - I'm writing a condolence card. Gregory (5) asks what I'm doing. "I'm writing a note to say how sorry I am that my friend's mom died," I say. He pauses for a VERY fraught moment and then asks, oh so tentatively "...that's just to be kind, right? You're not the one who did it?" O 65.3K 3:37 PM - May 16, 2020

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Text - the story took place? town where What was the top ne the incident with The bridg name of The Top the town in thest ory story is callel tree Sunnysde. bd wh HIN Author and Me - In My Head - What did Chris learn about his dad the day of the incident? How would that one o a Chi's learnt fis Dad was d Super hoe

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Dish - Jimeka Brown 13h · ... Nya talking to her friend Amaya: Yeah, my momma made some crusty ass pancakes. Me: What did you just say? Nya: That you made some crusty ass pancakes. She gets the box...a DE TERAZ Butte nith NEW& IMPROVED KRUSTEAZ Buttermilk LIGHT & FLUFFY COMPLETE PANCAKE MIx JUST ADD WATER NET WT 32 02 (2 LB) (907g

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Shelf - when i was a child this corner hutch in our bathroom amazed me ni was so baffled at how they knew exactly what measurements to make it fit in OUR corner. I think about this everytime i pee in here now Send a chat

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Leg - When I wanna play video games and the kids complain about it Ilet them "play" too.I wonder when they-l catch on.

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Text - Elizabeth Bruenig @ebruenig earlier my daughter asked me if grownups ever cry. i sat down with her, hugged her, and explained that grownups do cry and that we feel scared, sad, angry and everything she feels, and it's fine to feel those things. she then asked me if grownups pee 4:29 pm · 29/7/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Display device - Wednesday 12 June

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Text - 4 months ago I love weed and im only ten REPLY Hide replies 4 months ago You are so young thats against the law why do you do that REPLY 4 months ago i am a savage REPLY

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Cartoon - The boy brosh yoar tits.

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Text - Growing up, after watching Up, I thought painting the baby's room would make the baby go away 7:36 PM · 08 Aug 20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - Sophie Mackintosh @fairfairisles Yesterday in the park I saw a toddler screaming "BAD DOG" at a goose & I can't stop thinking about it

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Water

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Pattern - Name Colour and Name Trace Draw 00 LIAM. You think you explain a lesson really well... and then this happens... (yes it's real)

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Rude K-Pop Fan Doesn't Know Fellow Fan Speaks Korean


Every so often, someone makes the assumption that they can talk mad shit about someone else to their face just because they look like they they're not fluent in their language. It happened in this case where a rude customer didn't realize their cashier was fluent in Mandarin. The look on someone's face when they realize they've been insanely rude must be priceless.

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Text - r/pettyrevenge Posted by u/thisisdrivingmebatty 1 day ago Bad mouth me and assume I don't speak the language? I'll kill you with kindness Obligatory "I'm on mobile sorry for the formatting." I am a light skinned Latina American and I lived in Korea for a couple of years during university and grad school, as my major was Korean Interpretation and Translation. During my time in Korea I was lucky enough to attend music shows from time to time. For the kpop uninitiated, music shows are free t

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Text - Priority entry was always given to official fan club members who had all 3, then fan club members who had 2 of the 3, and then fan club members who had one. After that came non-members in the same priority tier. The group I had come to see hadn't opened official fan club registration in almost a decade, so the group's management decided to do away with the fan club priority and did it on a first come, first serve basis, but kept the whole 3 items go first, then 2 then 1 thing. I had all t

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Text - The thing about these music show venues is, they're very small. They have limited capacity and allow 2-3 groups' fans in to watch them film at a time, so not all people who queue for a group get in. In this particular instance, there was trouble with foreign fans causing trouble by taking pictures, not listening to instructions, so venue staff literally went through and QUIZZED each foreigner in line on their korean. If you couldn't understand, you were booted. I passed with flying colors

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Text - I was minding my own business playing games on my phone after passing my Korean quiz with the staff, when I heard the girl behind me talking shit. She was chatting with a friend I suspect because she was dropping a lot of curse words, and specifically mentioned "these foreign roaches ruining things for us. I want to kill them." She mentioned me in particular and said that she bet I'd bribed the staff to keep my spot in line even though I couldn't understand Korean. Okay so. It's harmless

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Text - I get back to my spot in line, thank the girls in front of me for holding my spot, then gave them each a water. I gave a water to the group in front of them, too. Then I kept one for myself and turned around and handed one to the girl on the phone with a smile. Immediately she lit up and thanked me in English, smiling bright and taking her phone away from her ear. As I hand her her water, I say in perfect Korean and still smiling, “The next time you loudly shit talk the foreigners, make s

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Text - When I tell you it went silent in the immediate area, you could hear a pin drop. Her smile melted off her face faster than an ice cream cone on Florida pavement. She turned beet red and muttered to her friend on the phone that she had to go and sheepishly apologized. I accepted, she had water, and I felt better about myself. Bonus: the girls in front of me heard the whole thing and adopted me into their group for the day. Fun was had all around.

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Tagged: FAIL , korean , stranger , language , lol , story , funny , rude , win

Things People Accidentally Trained Their Pets to Do


Pavlovian conditioning can be a powerful thing. Just by sheer association, pets can learn very specific things, like how this smart dog learned the dinner criteria. Some pets take it a step further, like this dog who figured out how to herd a lawn roomba. Pets can learn a lot of very specific things. Usually it has to do with treats.

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Text - KittenLaserFists 1.7k points · 14 hours ago The microwave means thorough petting until the timer goes off.

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Text - Kayleiighm 31.3k points · 13 hours ago 3 When I was little I would constantly carry around one of my cats, Feist. Since my hands were full with her I would use one of her outstretched paws to turn on lights whenever we entered a room. Now the little bastard switches them on and off for fun.

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Text - dipdipbeantot 29.1k points · 14 hours ago 32 Our cat had impacted anal glands for awhile. We had to bribe him with treats for him to let us look to make sure he was doing alright. Now when he wants a treat he comes up and sticks his butt in our face.

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Text - bb_or_not_bb 26.1k points · 14 hours ago My niece loves to FaceTime my mom to talk to her dog. When the dog was a puppy, my mom used to pull her onto her lap when she would get FaceTimed. Now the dog is 80 lbs and will jump in your lap if your phone or tablet starts making the default FaceTime ring.

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Text - C8H10N402Addiction 24.2k points · 11 hours ago I picked my kitten up a few times to kill some spiders up high for me. So now whenever I pick her up she looks up at the ceiling and looks for spiders.

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Text - Pile_Of_Cats 23.7k points · 11 hours ago Somewhere along the way, my dog learned 'get your toy' means to pick up his nearest toy. I didn't purposely train him to do it, but it's good for when he's about to leave one of them outside and I want him to bring it in. If there's no toy around and I say this he'll grab the nearest soft thing, usually some piece of clothing laying around. One time he tried to pick up the cat.

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Text - tstock415 22.9k points · 12 hours ago My dog knew he would always get some ice to chew when I went to the fridge so any time he heard the ice machine on the fridge start he would come running in. Once he became deaf he would feel the vibrations in the floor from it and knew it was ice time!

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Text - FiendishLobster 22.4k points · 12 hours ago I would playfully grab (not hard, really light) my dog's snout whenever we're playing. He somehow figured out it's my favorite thing to do when ever he comes over to me. So now, everytime he senses that I'm upset or sees that I'm crying, he would come up to me and gently put his snout in my hand.

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Text - aquickcupofcoffee 21.3k points · 12 hours ago I take baths with my cat by letting her float in a plastic box. I keep the box in my closet. I only started doing this about a month ago, but now when I turn the bathwater on she runs to the closet and jumps in her box.

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Text - Nocoolnamesleft10 20.6k points · 12 hours ago I conditioned my cats to use the scratching post with treats and pets and lots of "good boy, good boy." For the last 7 years, whenever I have to tell my one cat to stop chewing on something or anything like that, he goes to that post and scratches furiously looking at me like "but I'm a good boy!!"

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Text - not-whoyouthink 19.6k points · 13 hours ago · edited 1 hour ago Every morning when I wake up I rub my dog's belly. Now whenever I say good morning she will lay on her back for belly scratches.

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Text - gallanttalent 13.1k points · 13 hours ago If he hears me on the phone with my sister it's automatically time for a walk. We usually chat when I take him out and he is now very aware of that. Also outside clothes and putting on makeup means I'm going out probably without him. If I take my backpack- I won't be back until after work (he's happy that hasn't happened in awhile)

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Text - theothersoul 13.0k points · 13 hours ago After my roomate got a cat, my dog answers to "Kitty Kitty Kitty" cause he wants love and/or treats

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Text - RandomlyPMsCutePics 12.7k points · 13 hours ago · edited 13 hours ago 1. My one dog sleeps under a blanket. I know he pretty much only gets a decent sleep that way, so every time he's laying down I cover him with one. So whenever he wants to have a nap, or it's time to go to sleep at night, he jumps up onto the couch, or bed, or really wherever I am, and just sits there starring at me, until I grab a blanket and drape it over top of him - to which he then lays down and falls asleep. The f

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Text - notlisapizza 12.1k points · 12 hours ago · edited 3 hours ago my cat drinks out of a glass on my nightstand rather than a bowl. a couple of years ago, she was having some pretty serious dental issues (all fixed now), and was being reluctant to eat and drink. she had always wanted to drink out of the water cup i had for myself, and at that point i just wanted her to drink anything, so i let her. that was my mistake and now she refuses to drink out of a bowl on the ground, and will only dri

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Text - HoopOnPoop 12.0k points · 14 hours ago "Stop eating your face." He has floppy jowls that sometimes get stuck in his teeth. I used to just casually say "dude stop eating your face" when it happened. On the occasions that he just happened to lick his teeth and spring it loose, I would give him a pat on the head and call him a good boy. Never any intentional training but now that he's an old man he's 100% responsive when I tell him. He'll clear his teeth out and present himself for his congr

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Text - spaceship4parakeet 11.6k points · 13 hours ago The budgie had a broken leg in a little splint. He would climb to the roof of his cage with just his beak and good leg, then let go of his beak and hang by one leg then just stare at me. He knew I would stick my hand in and he could just fall off into my hand. He only did this when I was around because I was the only one who would stick my hand in.

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Text - VeryAgitatedEngineer 10.1k points · 13 hours ago My cat meows twice (like "bless you") when I sneeze and I say “thank you" back. She stared doing that on her own. I stopped saying thank you a few times and now she won't stop yelling at me until she knows I'm okay.

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Text - LizardPossum 8.4k points · 13 hours ago My tortoise stands on my foot when he is hungry.

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Text - mother_of_dragons011 8.1k points · 13 hours ago My cat will open the tray to my Xbox when he thinks I've been playing too long. Even if I just started

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Text - kellieowns 7.8k points · 12 hours ago My kitten will aggressively headbutt my face every night before bed, for top of head kisses before she goes to sleep.

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Text - Meggs8bacon 2.8k points · 13 hours ago My dogs know the sound of the drawer the cheese is kept in the fridge. They could be asleep in a completely different area, but if you open the cheese drawer they come running and sit like good boys for their cheese. They are herding dogs and will also herd the cat away if she won't stop meowing at me when I'm busy or if she tries to scratch anything.

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Tagged: dogs , wtf , pets , learning , smart , lol , Cats , funny , animals