Well would ya look at Picard puffing on that Devil's Lettuce!
Submitted by: (via UnsealedAlienFiles2099)
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Bro Cook's Bob's Burgers To See If They're Actually Any Good IRL
The whole inspiration for this episode was to determine whether or not the puntastic burgers steadily produced on Bob's Burgers are worth half a shit. Surprisingly enough, at least according to Binging With Babish, these burgers are actually all pretty damn delicious.
Submitted by: (via Andrew Rea)
Amazing Life Hack Allows McDonald's Customer to Order a Slice of Cheese for 99 Cents
Like the temptation of touching a hot iron, diners at McDonald's have long been tempted to stretch the limits of customization at the golden arches. Sure, there's the old ordering nine McNuggets with only seven nuggets, but that's kids stuff.
Twitter user @coLMerchant took things to the next level, ordering nothing but a single slice of cheese the hard way. He placed an order at one of those fancy computer ready kiosk McDonald's, you know the one stealing everyone's jobs, and put in an burger sure to fry the computer's circuits: "NO ONION, NO KETCHUP, NO MUSTARD, NO PICKLES, NO BUN, NO MEAT." That's one way to get a veggie burger at McDonald's.
I ordered a cheese. Not sure what I expected. http://pic.twitter.com/3MxyKHNIw4
— Merchant (@coLMerchant) March 13, 2017
He got what he wanted, and that single slice of cheese only cost him 99 cents. That's only 99 pennies. Talk about a value.
This man is a hero. Enjoy your cheese slice, sir. You've earned it.
Submitted by:
Tagged: McDonald's , fast food
Pixar Fan Theory Claims That Maybe the Cars in "Cars" Aren't... Cars
Cars!
Nobody's favorite Pixar movie is Cars, even though it is far and away the most profitable Pixar film. However, if you ever had any biological questions aout the Cars franchise, which I know you have, this video will save you a lot of time.
YouTuber The Film Theorists have once again thrown another crazy, obsessive conspiracy theory that take every aspect of the film from its magical origins to their killjoy conclusions. Connections between the Pixar movies must exist in unified universe, so he can force theories like the Cars in Cars are bugs or something.
Anyway, these are impressive and entertaining ideas, but also not that important. I'm not sure why you would spend so much time only on the surface of a film, instead of actually engaging with the meaning of it, but hey it's just a theory... a film theory.
Submitted by: (via The Film Theorists )
Report: Grindr Is Killing It In The Custom Emoji Department, So Step It Up Tinder
Tinder might be destroying it in the creepy messages to women department, but as far as custom emojis go, Grindr is king.
Sorry, but your Eggplant and Peach emojis are basic af.
The gay-friendly dating app is set to release a new batch of custom emoji to say the things we don't have the things we can't find the words to say. Things like:
But seriously, these super specific emojis are amazing. Check 'em out.
Submitted by:
Sexy Brazilian TV Host Gets Butt Massaged While Camera's Running and We Can't Look Away
Brazilian news is...interesting. @FHM http://pic.twitter.com/y8fVZx36Of
— Nick Dimengo (@itsnickdimengo) March 16, 2017
Well here we go again. Brazilian TV ever interesting and seemingly hellbent on keeping things scantily clothed and awkwardly sexualized.
Submitted by: (via @itsnickdimengo)
Comedian Finds Something Special in Her Airplane Blanket, and, Yup, It's Human Shit
Insert hackey airplane food tastes like shit joke
Comedian Nicole Byer had a horrific flight on Delta recently. When she unrolled her blanket on a recent flight, she found a used piece of gulp toilet paper.
Maybe someone just sneezed in it?
Nope it was poopy, and Nicole is not happy. This is very gross, so enjoy, weirdos!
Submitted by:
Tagged: poop
Dad Has No Idea How Facebook Works, Comments on Porn, Proceeds to Get Ripped Apart By Daughter
Ahhh, dad. Poor guy was just trying to send his praises to the kind of cinematography that got his blood rushing to funny places. Poor guy clearly didn't know how social media works. Better luck next time, dad.
Submitted by:
Everyone On Twitter Is Asking You Politely: Clean the Office Microwave
Hey, you know what's not cool? Brining fish in for lunch, cooking it in the microwave, and it exploding. That's not cool. Someone's got to clean that up, right, Tyler? It's not like that leftover Chilean sea bass is going to scrape itself off the walls of the microwave, Tyler.
God.
I'm not the only one who's pissed at Goddamn Tyler this week. Everyone on Twitter has had it up here with the state of the office microwave, and it ends today.
Submitted by:
Pornhub Is Pulling All the Strange Stops to Get Pandas Mating For National Panda Day
Just in time for National Panda Day, Pornhub is making things cringeworthily appropriate and imploring its users to film themselves having sex 'panda style' in costume or makeup, and then upload said videos. Literally. I had to double take what I just typed. But then again, I appreciate the fact that Pornhub is taking advantage of their wide-reaching influence..
Submitted by: (via Pornhub)
Cringe Warning: 38 People Who Need to Go Home and Rethink Their Lives
I can personally guarantee you that at least some of the individuals in this list will cause you to have an uncontrollable full body cringe.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
Submitted by:
Tagged: cringe , cringe warning
People Share the WTF Experiences That Made 'Em Stop Mid-Sex and Holy Sh*t
These sexual deviants pushed the boundaries of what goes in the bedroom, and then some. Did they fail to keep it expected? Yes. Is it glorious? Maybe. At the very least they're redefining norms, as they screw and thrust and otherwise freak themselves out on the hells highway to sexual enlightenment...
Submitted by:
McWhoopsiedoodles: McDonald's Employee Forgot to Sign Out of Work Twitter Account Before Sending This Savage Trump Tweet
Would you like fries with that roast?
McDonald's is going to have a super-sized problem on their hands after someone on their corporate Twitter account tweeted this to that reality-TV gameshow host is somehow also President of the United States.
Looks like someone forgot to sign out of their work Twitter account and into their personal one. After all, I don't know if it's McDonald's policy to call Donald trump "a disgusting excuse of a President" that has "tiny hands." But what do I know. Maybe in addition to hot cakes, McDonald's serves hot takes.
One employee is definitely not going to be happy about this, Grimace.
Updated: They're blaming it on hackers!:
Twitter notified us that our account was compromised. We deleted the tweet, secured our account and are now investigating this.
— McDonald's (@McDonaldsCorp) March 16, 2017
Submitted by:
The Daily FAIL: 30 Memes to Satisfy Your Thirst This Thursday
Here's a little something to wet that Thursday thirst.
Submitted by:
After Muslim Ban 2.0 Gets Shot Down By Hawaii Federal Judge, Man Makes a Pearl Harbor-sized Mistake and Asks What Hawaii Knows About Being Attack
If you're going to tweet, make sure you crack open your seventh grade history book — or at least have the history channel on — first.
Twitter user @FiveRights, self-described "Trump, Free Speech, Limited Govt," or so says his Twitter bio, really doesn't like that a federal judge in Hawaii said, "You're fired," to Trump's regurgitated travel ban. So as so many Americans do, he turned to the internet for support and tweeted this gem:
Hawaii, what do you know?
— Philip Schuyler (@FiveRights) March 16, 2017
You were 5,000 miles from 9/11.
You run your little world and let the grownups run the mainland. http://pic.twitter.com/1R4AWmmg7R
Wow. What a take. What gigantic, Pearl Harbor-sized take! What does Hawaii know about being attacked? It's not as if an attack on Hawaii didn't plunge us into a World War or something.
Anyway, people on Twitter seem to think that this might be a little off base, unlike a certain naval base that was attacked on December 7, 1941.
Submitted by:
Sad Logan Gets the Photoshop Battle Treatment
Yet another beauty from /r/photoshopbattles, this time in the form of a downtrodden Hugh Jackman.
If you haven't gotten the chance to see Logan yet, do it.
Submitted by:
Finally! Allison Williams and Samuel L. Jackson Get to the Bottom of Sex Scene Acting Boners, So I Guess We Can Close the Book on That One
There are a lot of mysteries in the world. Where did Stone Henge come from? Is the Loch Ness monster real? Will we ever get a new season of Nathan for You? Some of these things will never be solved.
But one question that has plagued humanity for nigh one century is: "How do actors and their screen partners feel about their boners during sex scenes? Are they flattered? Offended?" We have got to know.
Thankfully, Andy Cohen was wondering the same thing, and on his show Watch What Happens Live, Allison Williams and Samuel L. Jackson get to the hard truth about acting boners.
Cohen asks: "What’s worse: When a guy gets a boner during a sex scene or when he doesn’t?”
“We debate this a lot," Williams said. "Because it is flattering but upsetting when it happens, and it is also upsetting and unflattering when it doesn’t happen. So the best case scenario is kind of, like, a suggestion of excitement without the actual physical manifestation of it.”
"Oh, bullshit," replies Jackson as if he was in this scene on Girls. "Bullshit.”
“Dead serious,” said Williams. “It is so awkward, trust me.”
Jackson ended the conversation by explaining, “See, I always apologize first. I’ll say, ‘I’m sorry if I do and I’m sorry if I don’t.’”
Submitted by: (via Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen)
Seth Meyers Pulls Out His Magnifying Glass to Take "A Closer Look" at Trump's Lies
Donald Trump lies all the time. He was practically elected to lie all the time. Sean Spicer is in danger of breaking a finger from air quoting the president's words all the time. Someone help this man and his poor finger.
Thankfully, detective Seth Meyers, private eye, took the time to pour over the news, write a few jokes, and get to the bottom of this mess that will soon be our lives. Watch him take on his bullshit healthcare bill, jobs report, and wiretapping claims, finally making Trump funny again... as oppose to just terrifying.
Submitted by: (via Late Night with Seth Meyers)
Local Hero Is Leaving Bottles of Steak Sauce Around This Ohio Library
You never know when you're going to need some A1. But that's not something that the Avon Lake Public Library in Ohio needs to worry about.
Apparently, the staff there has found 30 10-ounce bottles of A1 steak stauce hidden around their library. Containers were hidden on shelves and among newspapers and magazines, i.e. within reach of someone in need of adding a little flavor to their steak. After all, library steak is the best steak.
All of the bottles, however, were totally clean, aside from a little smell. Library staff took it among themselves to investigate but have yet to find any pattern to the mysterious egg hunt.
The libraries Facebook community has some ideas, though:
Libraries are weird, man.
Submitted by: (via avonlakepubliclibrary)
Nordstrom's Will Make Shoppers Weak in the Knees With These Stupid New Jeans
Everyone wears shorts for the same reason, and it's not to stay cool in the summer months. We all just want to show off the most erotic and sexy part of the human anatomy: The knees.
We all want to show off those knees, which is why rollerblading with kneepads is such a pain the ass. How are we supposed to find a suitable mate if they can't see our knees.
Thankfully, Nordstrom's stores has heard our cries for more knees. They're selling a new pair of stupid jeans that have plastic windows that show off the joint between your shins and thighs.
People are steaming up for these things. Check it out:
Submitted by:
Girl's Parents Ground and Lock Her In Bedroom, She Ends Up Snapchatting Ridiculous Escape
Okay, so locking might've been a bit of an understatement in this particular scenario. Yes, it would seem in an especially brash attempt to teach their daughter a lesson these parents took away her bedroom's damn doorknob. Let the hilarity ensue...
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