Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Cringeworthy Times People Made Up Ridiculous Lies


There are a few reasons to pretend that you said a perfectly timed one-liner and then roundhouse kicked a fellow Starbucks customer in the face. One reason is that you're looking to lie to the world in exchange for some totally undeserved attention. Another might be that you want to imagine that you're the type of person who knows martial arts. Social media lets people express themselves, and sometimes the selves people try to express aren't that great. People also use the internet to make up crap about their intelligence, like these cringe-worthy brain-lords who think they're total geniuses.

1.

Text - So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day. About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal- Mart." “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling l

2.

Text - A thepilotsarentalright I was going for a walk today and this happened: Me: *sees group of older teenagers but continues walking* Guy: Hey sweetie why don't you come over here Me: *continues walking* Guy *sees the the allergic reaction rash above my lip and tries to corner me* what's that you got on your mouth Me: woman equality *silence* Rest of teenagers: *start clapping and throwing insults at the guy* Guy: *breaks a stick and walks grumpily away* termanal-velocity And then the whole t

3.

Text - llamas-and-pancakes 2 chicken-kiev Follow mygayshoes: Today I saw a dude try to physically remove a teenage girl from the disabled seating on the train, complaining about his weak ankles and hypertension and how pathetic and discourteous youth were. She literally threw her prosthetic leg at him. Source: areodesy 340,642 notes

4.

Text - (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.) Angry Customer: "Damn f**s." Gay Man: "Excuse me?" Angry Customer: "You heard me, you little s***. Let's not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you're going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I've got freedom of speech." Gay Man: *quietly* "Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?" Angry Cus

5.

Text - buttertitsaretasty Oh god i sat on the bus with my earphones on my way home but the bus stopped idk why and this girl outside, in front of the window i sat at had also her earphones in and she looked at me and mouthed 'what are you listening to' and i was kind of confused and showed her the screen of my phone to show her what song it was and suddenly her eyes widened and she showed me her screen AND WE WERE LISTENING TO THE SAME FUCKING SONG and she ran on the bus and sat down next to me

6.

Text - Yesterday at 12:06pm · Edited · An impatient lady behind me at Chick-Fil-A very rudely and assertively insulted the staff and cashiers on how slow it was taking her order to be brought out. I believe her words were "Seriously, l've been waiting five minutes for my order, and all I ordered was a chicken sandwich!" .. So me and my very large mouth decided to respond to this lady. With quite clarity and purpose, I turned around and said "16 Children Die Every 30 seconds from starvation aroun

7.

Text - Confronted a drunk dudebro that was harassing a woman on the train last night. Told him to knock his shit off and called him a fuckboy. He got up in my face and acted all hurt that I wasn't "on his side" and started yelling at me. I told him (in the best Boston accent I could provide) to "take your misogynistic, fragile masculinity and shove it up your ass." He immediately backed down and got off at the next stop. The entire train started clapping.

8.

Text - 2 years ayu I remember there was a girl on her phone at a movie theater, so I dumped my drink on her and her phone! The entire audience cheered for me, and I got a thumbs up from the owner of the theater!

9.

Text - lol i was at work today practicing Japanese when this really hot Japanese girl came up and was all "wow ur really good! i almost mistook you for native speaker!!" i'm like "thanx, i watch a lot of anime." her: "oh? so ur practically japanese then!" lol she asked me for my number right there and were going on a date to mt. fuji stakehouse!!! tell ur friends and parents THIS is what can ahppen when u watch anime!! Like · Comment 52 minutes ago e O 26 people like this.

10.

Text - Source OH MY GOD my friend had jury duty today and when they told her to put her hand on the bible she started to scream AAAAA IT BUUURNS US IT BUUURNS US and exeryone was staring and she just laughs and one religlous lady in the jury even fainted. If you think women can't troll, you're wrong. #queue #omg 83,054 notes

11.

Text - iglcc Ok I'm losing my shit right now because I just witnessed the sickest burn a 7 year old could ever deliver. I'm just sitting here at the park and there's a group of little girls near me. They decided to play 'Disney Princesses' and this one girl who probably thinks she's the 'leader was assigning each one a character. Clearly she was choosing them based on looks, as a brunette she was Snow White, the 2 blonde ones got to be Cinderella and Elsa. So when she got to this little Asian gi

12.

Green - Some guy tried to recruit me into isis.... I said excuse me.... you see my profile pic that's me not some random picture from the Internet... he then deleted his account! 2 hours ago · Like · 6 9· Reply

13.

Text - o00o AT&T Wi-Fi ? 8:37 AM 89% Like Share Sunday at 11:29 AM • I swear God always sends you messages when you're on the right path!!!! I walked in the gym low on energy with the mentality " I'm going to take it easy today". Then a group of the "go hard or go home" guys saw me walk in and started chanting " the beast is here * clap clap* the beast is here clap* " .. Now I kinda have to show up because now EVERYONE in the gym is wondering how a chick gets the " beast" title. All the girls ar

14.

Text - thunder-blitz: SOMEBODY IS PLAYING A PIANO AND IT'S MIDNIGHT HERE WHY UPDATE: I FIGURED OUT THEY'RE PLAYING “MY HEART WILL GO ON" UPDATE: I JUST OPENED MY DOOR AND YELLED "JACK" THE MUSIC STOPPED AND I CAN HEAR SOMEBODY RUNNING DOWN THE HALL ABOVE ME SHOUTING "ROSE" OMG CAN I SHIP IT No, itll sink you

15.

Font - A quy whistled at me at the gym. 30 minutes later Isaw him going to the treadmill, used my phone to hack it, and set it to 50 mph. He fell on his ass and the owner gave me a free 12- month subscripton

16.

Text - my 10 year old sister got a bad burn on her hands and in the midst of her crying in pain she places them over my heart and goes "ahh so nice and cold" She saw the chance and she took it

17.

Chin - 5 hrs · Doing some grocery shopping on my way home. Encounter small boy standing in front of the Covergirl Star Wars make up stand. Child: Dad! This is stupid. Star Wars isn't for girls! Me: Hey! Star Wars is so for girls. *points to the Star Wars tee shirt I'm wearing* Child: *looks me up and down* You're a tomboy. Doesn't count. Dad: *applies a less than subtle boot to small child's bum* The lady is a geek which makes her awesome. You sound like a jerk, which makes you a jerk. Until you

18.

Text - punned: i get bloody noses a lot and i can usually feel it about 30 seconds before it starts dripping. today in class my nose started to bleed. but right before, I turned to this very religious boy who sits next to me and whispered "hail satan" as my nose started to drip. he freaked and fell back and hit his head. he had to go home for the rest of the day.

19.

Text - panicmoon15: panicmoon 15: the 7 y/o boy who lives next door doesn't want to go in the house to bed and i just heard his dad use the old "you live under my roof, you live by my rules" and the kid just shouted back "im not under your roof im under the sky and thats god's roof and he wants me to play out for longer!" i can't stop laughing. update: now he's scootering down the street singing 'we didn't start the fire' while his dad chases him Source: panicmoon15

20.

Text - 1 hr.0 deadass had a gun pulled on me last night and the only reason I'm writing this is cause they thought I was "cute as fuck" 18 likes 52 comments Like Comment Share

21.

Text - My three year old just said to me 'I know David Bowie died and it is a shame but why do we not make a big deal when our troops die too' 11/01/2016, 09:37 29 RETWEETS 49 LIKES

22.

Text - My friends 11 year old daughter was getting harassed at school. The boy touched her butt and she round house kicked him and broke his leg. School suspended her. Dad took her to Disney.

23.

Text - unsounded 2 squidyword Today I got a detention for standing up for what I believe in. Teacher: Write down 3 things you dislike about yourself Me: *sits there* Teacher: Ciara, why aren 't you writing? Me: I can't do this. I will take a zero, sorry. Teacher: Why? Me: Because I refuse to promote self- hate. Because some people in the world can fill out 20 of these front and back with no blank spaces and this can trigger someone. Teacher: Ciara, you have to do it or I am sending you to the of

24.

Lip - A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you, so I popped his balloon with my cigarette, and told him so was talking to strangers.

25.

Text - atypicalblonde: one time I overslept and my mom came into my room to wake me up and said "you had better get up or else you'll be rushing". I wanted to say "if I'm rushing then so be it" but since I was still half asleep my mind changed "rushing" to "Russian", I rolled over and said "if I'm Russian, soviet" and to this day it's the best joke l've ever made

26.

Text - Today in Starbucks when I placed my order, I gave the name "Spartacus" as a joke. When they called my name to pick up my order I stood up and yelled, "I am Spartacus!" Everyone turned to look at me. Then an old man sitting in the corner stood up and yelled, "No. I am Spartacus!" Then one by one, everyone in the Starbucks stood up and yelled, "I am Spartacus!" Today's gonna be a good day.

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